Walking past the bar I wave and smile for Mike when he pauses mixing a drink. Watching him raise an eyebrow, I know what he's asking, so I walk over and hug his side for the first time since that night to show him I'm doing better. We spoke earlier on the phone and he's aware I'm doing better, but he's still freaked out by what happened so I know a hug will ease his mind a little.
Mike has been an amazing friend this past week and a half. Well always actually, but especially after he found me in the parking lot. He's been so attentive, almost big brother like, and I really appreciate it.
I kind of need Mike right now because as insane as this is to admit, Mike's kindness keeps me from hating, or rather fearing all men in general after what happened.
Mike reminds me with his actions, and even with his kind words and funny texts that not all men are cheaters, or liars, or even rapists.
Mike reminds me to keep living. And truthfully, Selena and Griffin remind me to keep loving.
Settling in on the family side, Hailey and I trade off smoothly and I start my happy-happy for my customers. On autopilot, my day slowly passes without incident or drama though I still feel a little scared and unnerved from time to time.
Flashbacks still hit me often, and knowing the police have no leads makes me fear everywhere outside of this busy restaurant which feels safe, or Selena's locked and alarmed apartment which feels safer.
I'm not scared here, and my Diners have all been either very polite, or ridiculously helpful when they stack their own plates like I'm an invalid, which is almost too funny to me under the circumstances.
*****
"Hi Saige..." He says behind my back as my world collapses around me.
Dropping my tray of drinks I spin around jumping backward into a table chair and even a Diner before landing on my ass.
"What happened?!" He yells reaching for my arm as I scream loudly to get away.
Scrubbing my heels in the carpet I push myself back and away from him quickly until I smash into a booth stopping my movement with a hard snap of my neck.
Crying out, I raise my hands to stop him from hurting me again, screaming so loudly I feel my own face pull and tear the remaining stitches.
"Saige!" Mike yells entering the family side at a dead run while Malcolm eases down in front of me on his knees. With his hands outstretched, his face is one of shock and sympathy until he's abruptly knocked aside by Mike shoving him to get to me.
"Leave her the fuck alone!" Mike yells as I stare at Malcolm sitting back up from the floor.
Taking me in with wide eyes Malcolm moans, "Oh, Saige..." as he lifts a shaking hand toward me again.
Staring at his sad eyes, hearing his sad voice, I look at his face of horror and realize instantly, "It wasn't you..."
Bursting into tears, I hang my head as the fear constricts my lungs.
God, I didn't know it would be like this. I didn't know I would feel like this. I've been so sheltered- just Selena's apartment and work I didn't know what the outside world would feel like when I was finally faced with my fears.
I didn't know I could feel such panic, and I didn't know I would feel such madness so quickly.
Collapsing in Mike's arms pulling me close to him, I fight the panic I felt seeing Malcolm again. Sobbing, I hold onto Mike's sleeve and breathe him deep in my lungs. Mike is safe, and he doesn't sound like the man, and it wasn't him.
And it wasn't Malcolm I understand with such surety, my head clears.
Eventually pulling away from Mike when I feel Selena kneel on the floor beside me, I'm horrified to see everyone in the restaurant watching me lose my mind.
Looking for and finding a still silent, unmoving Malcolm, I let him know, "It wasn't you..." before the panic and fear hit me again when I see Dan standing behind Malcolm.
Realizing I look crazy, screaming and crying with my legs up and spread to cover my face and chest, I notice my skirt hiked up high and the hand print bruise in clear view. Glancing back at Malcolm I see him staring at the outside of my thigh and I know he sees it too by his fixed stare.
Moaning, I feel like such a piece of trash suddenly among all the watching eyes I quickly close my legs to fall at my side.
Grabbing my chest, I try to take in a breath but I can't. My lungs won't work, and my mind is panicking again from the pressure on my chest.
Oh god, I remember the knee in my back, and I remember the weight of him holding me down.
"I can't b-breathe cuz his knee is s-still in my b-back," I gasp loudly shaking my head to focus on this reality. "Let me g-go!" I scream trying to push Mike and Selena away from my face.
Pushing them away, I close my eyes to get myself together. Trying to slow down the fear, my adrenaline overload makes me gasp even harder. I can't breathe. I can't move. And I can't get this to stop.
"Saige! No one is holding you down again!" Selena yells at me as she grabs my upper arms. "Stop! Breathe slowly and stop panicking. I'm right here with Mike and no one is going to hurt you again," she yells loudly in my face.
Nodding, I know what she's saying, but my lungs still won't slow down. My chest is pulling in quick hard breaths without taking in any air. Feeling like I'm suffocating, Selena forces my head down as she starts rubbing my back.
Breathing in shallow bursts, I start to feel better slowly. My lungs aren't as tight, and my head isn't as confused. Feeling her hand on my back, my breathing starts to mimic the slow circles she's rubbing against me until I slowly feel calmer. Her hand is clearing out the panic, and her little shushes and whispered cooing sounds are bringing me back to the present.
I'm not in the parking lot, and his fingers aren't tearing inside me anymore.
After forever it seems, I finally raise my head to Selena's sad eyes waiting for me to surface. Watching my face, she doesn't move, and she doesn't speak.
"I need to get out of here," I whisper when I find my own voice.
Nodding, I stand with Selena's help as she wraps her arm around my shoulders. Exhaling deeply a full body shudder, I turn my face into her chest for a second when I try to find my footing.
Looking around at all the faces in the lounge, I'm mortified. Aileen is standing with a freaked out looking Hershal, and no one else is moving. All the restaurant patrons are unmoving, and even Mike looks like he's sitting in a trance on the floor. I'm mortified until I look back at Malcolm being helped up by an angry looking Dan.
"I'm sorry everyone," I cry as I turn on my heels with Selena holding me tightly. Stepping forward Hershal moves toward me but when he suddenly goes for my face I flinch away shocking us both I think.
Hershal always takes our faces in his hands when he's saying something kind. It's his thing. Hershal holds our cheeks in his hand when he speaks to us like a kind grandfather would. It's what he does, but I panic anyway.
Looking at him in apology, he drops his hand quickly and says softly, "You go home now, honey. But you come back whenever you're ready."
"I'm so sorry. I thought I was ready," I whisper between gasps.
"I’m sorry," he shakes his head at me. "You're a good girl, Saige," he sighs not trying to sound like a sexist pig I know, so I accept his words with a nod. "You just call me or Margie when you're ready to return, and we'll be glad to have you back." Taking just my hand in his cold old wrinkly one, Hershal smiles so kindly my tears are immediate.
"I'd like to drive her home," Selena speaks softly and I'm almost soothed into a trace by the quiet around us and the soft voices they use.
Everything has slowed right down for me, I feel almost weightless as I stand here silently.
"Let's go, Saige," Selena pulls me away from the entire restaurant still quiet and unmoving.
Leaving everyone behind us, I don't look back as Selena drags me forward. Bumping Kelsey out of the way, I see actual tears in her eyes and I want to die from the pathetic look of sympathy I receive from her.
This so sucks right now, I giggle crazily until Selena squeezes me tighter into her side.
br />
*****
Plopping back down on our employee couch, I finally exhale fully. Selena is already at our 2 lockers opening and closing them while I wait out the loud banging noises.
Sitting here, I feel completely hollow.
I think my freak out cleared out most of the tension I felt and now I'm not much more than empty inside. I find my mind clearer and my chest lighter than it’s been for days.
Maybe I was wrong about the crying thing. Maybe I did need to cry out some of the stress I've been under.
"Can you stand?" Selena asks kneeling in front of me.
"Yes," I sit forward when she opens her arms to hug me. "I'm so sorry," I choke up a little before I get her funny, dirty look.
"Shut up, Saige. Don't be sorry, and don't feel bad. You're just fine. And so what if you freaked out in the middle of the restaurant? I would've too. And I'll kill anyone who says anything about it. Let’s just go home, okay? Griffin won't be home until 7:30 so we can talk or drink or cry or just chill out until he gets home."
"Thank you."
Standing with her, Selena hands me my purse and exhales herself before walking back to the door. Taking my hand she just grabs the doorknob when we both freeze hearing the yelling outside the door.
"How badly was she hurt? Who the fuck hurt her?!"
"We don't know! But it was really bad!" Mike yells back.
"Dan, I swear to god if I find out who touched her I'll-"
"Was it you!?" Mike yells as I cringe behind the door.
Leaning against the door listening Selena breathes, "Holy shit..." as we hear Mike yell right before there's a loud bang against the wall.
Jumping, Selena and I both scramble to throw open the door to Malcolm holding Mike by the throat against the wall.
Shocked, I scream, "What are you doing!?" Which makes them both freeze before Malcolm let's go of Mike instantly and spins around to look at me.
Oh my god! Malcolm looks murderous until he quickly changes his expression to one of total calm before my eyes.
Looking at Mike rubbing his throat I'm stunned by what I've seen in the hallway. How the hell are Malcolm and Dan even in this hallway?
"Saige, go back inside," Mike demands as Malcolm looks quickly at him then back to me and Selena.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Malcolm asks in a gentle voice. Almost begging me with his eyes, he doesn't move and I can't move.
Finding myself standing behind Selena, I'm embarrassed I'm using her as a shield. I'm actually hiding myself behind her like a coward and using her body to keep me away from everything that could hurt me again.
Eventually finding my voice, I croak a pathetic why as Selena stiffens in front of me.
"Hershal's calling the police," Mike huffs.
"Good," both Selena and Malcolm say at the same time which surprises us all I think.
"I just want to talk to you for a minute. I promise I won't hurt you," Malcolm says with such emotion in his voice my eyes fill immediately.
"I know," I cry before quickly covering my mouth.
When Selena turns on me her eyes are wide, almost imploring me to either stop talking, or to explain myself. I don't know what she wants, and I don't know what to do I'm so confused.
"Malcolm didn't hurt me," I whisper for her only. I might not know who hurt me, but I do know who didn't. And Malcolm didn't hurt me any more than Mike did.
"Please? I just want to know what happened to you," Malcolm repeats calmly again. "Dan and I aren't here to hurt you, Saige," he says so sincerely I glance over his shoulder to a silently nodding Dan leaning against the wall behind them.
"Why are you here? Are you following me?" I beg desperately while we all still stand in the hall and doorway frozen.
"No. Well, yes," Malcolm says quickly. "We play basketball every Tuesday, so we came here last Tuesday for dinner. But yes, I was hoping to see you again. You weren't here last Tuesday though, so before the game tonight Dan and I decided to come back for the food and maybe to see you. But I didn't know you were..." he stops speaking suddenly like he can't finish his thoughts. "Can we please come in and talk to you for a minute? We'll leave the door open, and he can stay," Malcolm gestures toward Mike still just standing against the wall like he's as confused as the rest of us are by Malcolm's insistence.
"Um..." Feeling so awkward suddenly, I don't know what to say.
"Yes, you can come in for a minute. Mike go tell Hershal we're going to talk to them briefly, but I'll call the police so fucking fast your head'll spin if you scare her again. Got it?!" Selena barks.
"Yes," Malcolm grins briefly at Selena before his eyes turn serious again when he looks at me.
Stepping behind the door with Selena covering my body, Malcolm slowly walks inside followed by Dan.
"I have to go check the bar, but I'll be right back," Mike adds staring at both Dan and Malcolm who don't move from their positions.
Waiting for something, Selena doesn't move from the doorway, and I stay right to the side kind of behind her.
After Mike takes one more assessing look, Malcolm crosses the room near the bathroom door and Dan leans against the wall furthest away from me and Selena.
"What happened to you, Saige?" Malcolm asks just above a whisper.
"Why don't you know?" Selena asks instead. "The police were supposed to question you both."
"They didn't," he shakes his head just as Selena moans fuckers beside me. Nodding at her, Malcolm looks at my face again and asks, "Why were they supposed to contact me?"
"All of you," Selena continues. "Saige was attacked the night after you and him," she points at Dan, "And that Keith asshole stopped by the restaurant."
"Last, last Friday?"
"Yes. After work," Selena speaks for me still as I watch the interaction playing out. "She doesn't know who did it, but she thinks it was one of you," she growls which makes Malcolm flinch in front of us.
"It was NOT me or Dan, I promise you. After we left the bar I dropped Dan off and I went home."
"How do we know that?" Selena questions again what I'm thinking about Dan.
"You know it wasn't me. Don't you, Saige?" Malcolm asks with both a sincere and a somewhat desperate sounding voice.
"Yes."
When my body starts shaking uncontrollably, I hold onto Selena's arm. When my teeth start chattering, I quickly become almost light-headed or something. I don't know why I'm suffering like this when everyone is so calm around me, but I can't stop my body from freaking out suddenly.
"Sit down, Saige," Dan says making me jump at his deep voice. "You need to sit down for a minute. You're coming down from the shock and fear, but you'll be okay in a few minutes."
When Selena quickly moves me back to the couch, I see Mike watching us from the doorway again. Sitting, I see my face in the mirror across from us and I instantly cover up as I panic.
All my makeup is smeared, and the bruises are showing, and even the dark sutures are visible under my eye. Though not half as bad as I was right after it happened, I still look pretty friggin' awful right now.
Pulling over a chair, Malcolm sits 3 feet from us and inhales deeply before speaking. He seems to almost be calming himself before he looks back at my face which is both embarrassing and kind of painful for me.
"I know I look terrible," I moan self-consciously as he flinches again.
"Aye," he replies in his brogue which naturally makes me smile for a split second. "You do look terrible and I can't stand it," he speaks in a horrible emotion-filled voice leaning closer to us until I unconsciously move further away from him. Straightening back up and away, he continues, "I can't stand seeing you look like that, or imagining what you went through. So why don't you tell me and Dan what happened so we can maybe help you?"
"How?" Selena asks. "The police know everything and they said they were investigating. And you should have been at least asked where you were that night after you left here." Shaking her head, she huffs, "I don't understand why they
didn't talk to you guys. They talked to everyone else," she says almost like an accusation.
"I really don't know. But I didn't see Saige after we left the bar that night, and I did go straight home after dropping off Dan around midnight."
"And I was home for the rest of the night with my wife," Dan adds unmoving from the wall.
Listening to Dan's voice, I'm almost one hundred percent sure it wasn't him either. I think I would recognize his deep voice as the man who spoke to me that night.
"Where were you hurt?" Malcolm asks and my whole body starts shaking again.
Where? Like what part of my body? Wanting to cry I'm so humiliated, I can’t believe he's asking me where I was hurt.
"Was it at home, or somewhere else?"
"Oh! It was here after work. In the parking lot."
"She was attacked walking to her car at ten to one in the morning. After everyone had left, she snuck out before Mike could follow her to the motel, and she was attacked until Mike came outside and saved her." When Selena says everything so matter of fact, I feel almost absent from the emotions behind the conversation itself.
"Why were you going to a motel?" Malcolm questions.
"None of your business," Selena jumps in. "Why are you sitting here interrogating us? It should be us questioning you. And especially that asshole Keith," she seethes.
"Oh, I'll be questioning my friends later. And believe me if anyone I know hurt her they'll pay for it," he growls so angrily I can tell Selena feels the same fear I do hearing his voice.
"I think we're done here. Can you please leave? I'm going to call the police and rip a piece out of them for this bullshit 'investigation'," she quotes. "They're not investigating at all apparently."
"Okay, we'll leave," Malcolm agrees standing slowly and kind of away from me. "Can I please drive you home?"
"What? No!" Selena yells again even as I shake my head no.
"Then we'll follow you to make sure you're okay," he continues and I'm just stunned by his pushiness but also by how determined he seems. "Look, you can't stop us from following you to make sure you're okay, Miss...?" He stares at Selena basically asking her name but she sits still and glares back instead of answering.