“You seem to have made up your mind to jilt me, David,” Pat was between tears and something like hysterical laughter. “And I do…I really do…like you so much.”
“That isn’t enough. I’m not blaming you. I took a chance. I thought I could teach you to love me. I’ve failed. I’m the kind of man all women like…and none love. It…it was that way before. I will not have it so again…it’s too bitter. There’s an old couplet—
“‘There’s always one who kisses
And one who turns the cheek.’”
“Not always,” murmured Pat.
“No, not always. But often…and it’s not going to be that way with me a second time. We’ll always be good friends, Pat…and nothing more.”
“You need me,” said Pat desperately again. After all…though she knew in her heart he was right…knew he had never been anything but a way out…knew that sometimes at three o’clock of night she had wakened and felt that she was a prisoner…she could not bear to lose him out of her life.
“Yes, I need you…but I can never have you. I’ve known that ever since Hilary Gordon’s visit last summer.”
“David, what nonsense have you got into your head? Hilary has always been like a dear brother to me.”
“He’s twined with the roots of your life, Pat…in some way I can never be. I can’t brook such a rival.”
Pat couldn’t have told what she felt like…on the surface. The whole experience seemed unreal. Had David really told her he couldn’t marry her? But away down under everything she knew she felt free…curiously free. She was almost a little dizzy with the thought of freedom…as if she had drunk some heady, potent wine. Mechanically she began to take his ring off her finger.
“No.” David lifted his hand. “Keep it, Pat…wear it on some other finger. We’ve had a wonderful…friendship. It was only my blindness that I hoped for more. And don’t worry over me. I’ve been offered the head editorship of the Weekly Review. When Suzanne marries I’ll take it.”
So he would go, too, out of her life. Pat never remembered quite how she got home. But Judy was knitting in the kitchen and Pat sat down opposite her rather grimly.
“Judy…I’ve been jilted.”
“Jilted, is it?” Judy said no more. She was suddenly like a watchful terrier.
“Yes…in the most bare-faced manner. David Kirk told me tonight that he wouldn’t marry me”…Pat contrived to give her voice a plaintive twist…“that nothing on earth would induce him to marry me.”
“Oh, oh, ye didn’t be asking him to marry ye, I’m thinking. Did he be giving his rasons?” Judy was still watchful.
“He said I didn’t love him…enough.”
“Oh, oh, and do ye?”
“No,” said Pat in a low tone. “No. I’ve tried, Judy…I’ve tried…but I think I’ve always known. And so have you.”
“I’m not be way av being sorry it’s all off,” said Judy. She went on knitting quietly.
“What will the Binnies say?” said Pat whimsically.
“Oh, oh, I don’t think ye’ve come down to minding what the Binnies say, me jewel.”
“No, I don’t care a rap what they say. But others…oh well, they are used to me by this time. And this is the last of my broken-backed love affairs they’ll ever have to worry over. I’ll never have any more, Judy.”
“Niver do be a long day,” said Judy skeptically. Then she added,
“Ye’ll be getting the one ye are to get. A thing like that don’t be left to chance, Patsy.”
“Anyway, Judy, we won’t talk of this anymore. It…it isn’t pleasant. I’m free once more…free to love and live for Silver Bush. That’s all that matters. Free! It’s a wonderful word.”
When Pat had gone out Judy knitted inscrutably for a while. Then she remarked to Bold-and-Bad,
“So that do be the last av the widower, thank the Good Man Above.”
CHAPTER 50
The breaking of Pat’s engagement made but little flurry in the clan. They had given up expecting anything else of this fickle wayward girl. May said she had always looked for it…she knew David wasn’t really the marrying kind. Dad said nothing…what was there to say? Mother understood, as always. In her heart mother was relieved. Suzanne understood, too.
“I’m sorry…terribly sorry…and bitterly disappointed. But it was just one of the things that had to be.”
“It’s nice to be able to lay the blame of everything on predestination,” said Pat ruefully. “I feel I’ve failed you…and David…and I’m ever so fond of him…”
“That might be enough for some men, but not David,” said Suzanne quietly. “I wish it could have been different, Pat dear…but it can’t be, so we must just put it behind us and go on.”
When Suzanne was married and David had gone the Long House was closed and lightless once more. Again it was the Long Lonely House. Some houses are like that…they have a doom on them which they can never long escape.
Pat took stock of things. She was at peace. Her whole world had been temporarily wrecked…ruined…turned upside down, but nothing had really changed in Silver Bush. There was no longer anything to come between her and it…never would be again. She was through with love and all its counterfeits. Henceforth Silver Bush would have no rival in her heart. She could live for it alone. There might be some hours of loneliness. But there was something wonderful even in loneliness. At least you belonged to yourself when you were lonely.
Pat flung back her brown head and her brown eyes kindled.
“Freedom is a glad thing,” she said.
CHAPTER 51
One smoky October evening they found Judy lying unconscious in the stable beside the old white cow. She had not been allowed to do any milking for a long time but she had slipped out in the dim to do it that night, since May was away and she knew “the min” would be tired when they came home from the other place.
They carried her to her bed in the kitchen chamber and sent for Dr. Bentley. Under his ministrations she recovered consciousness but he looked very grave when he came down to the kitchen.
“Her heart is in a very bad condition. I can’t understand how she kept up so long.”
“Judy hasn’t felt well all summer,” said Pat heavily. “I’ve known it…though she wouldn’t give in that there was anything the matter with her or let me call you. ‘Can he be curing old age?’ she would say. I know I should have insisted…I knew she was old but I think I never realized it…never believed Judy could be ill….”
“It wouldn’t have mattered. I could have done nothing,” said Dr. Bentley. “It’s only a question of a week or two.”
Pat hated him for his casualness. To him Judy was nothing but an old, worn-out servant. When he had gone she went up to the kitchen chamber where Judy was lying. Pale rays slanted through the clouds above the silver bush and gleamed athwart all Judy’s little treasured possessions.
Judy turned her dim old eyes lovingly on Pat’s face.
“Don’t be faling down, Patsy darlint. I’ve been sure iver since Gintleman Tom wint away that me own time wasn’t far off. And of late I’ve been faling it drawing nigh just as ye fale snow in the air before it comes. Oh, oh, I’m glad I won’t be a bother to inny one long or make inny one much trouble dying.”
“Judy…Judy…”
“Oh, oh, I’m knowing ye wudn’t think innything ye cud do for ould Judy a trouble, darlint. But I’ve always asked the Good Man Above that I wudn’t be bed-rid long whin me time came and I’ve always been hoping I cud die at Silver Bush. It’s been me home for long, long years. I’ve had a happy life here, Patsy, and now death seems rale frindly.”
Pat wondered how many people would think that Judy had had a happy life…a life spent in what they would think the monotonous drudgery of service on a little farm. Ah well, “the kingdom of heaven is within you,” Pat knew Judy had been
happy…that she asked for nothing but that people should turn to her for help…should “want” her. Nothing so dreadful could happen to Judy as not to be wanted.
But was it…could it be…Judy who was talking so calmly of dying? Judy!
Dr. Bentley had given Judy two weeks but she lived for four. She was very happy and contented. Life, she felt, was ending beautifully for her, here where her heart had always been. There would be no going away from Silver Bush…no long lingering in uselessness until people came in time to hate her because she was so helpless and in their way. Everything was just as she would have wished it.
Pat was her constant attendant. May would have nothing to do with waiting on her…“I hate sick people,” she announced airily…but nobody wanted her to.
“Oh, oh, it’s rale nice to be looked after,” Judy told Pat with her old smile.
“You’ve looked after us all long enough, Judy. It’s your turn to be waited on now.”
“Patsy darlint, if I cud just be having you and nobody else to do for me!”
“I’m with you to the last, dearest Judy.”
“I’m knowing ye’ll come as far as ye can wid me but ye mustn’t be tiring yersilf out, Patsy.”
“It doesn’t tire me. I’m just going to do nothing for a while but look after you. May is doing the work…to give her her due, Judy, she isn’t lazy.”
“Oh, oh, but she’ll never have the luck wid the young turkeys that I’ve had,” said Judy in a tone of satisfaction.
Bold-and-Bad seldom left Judy. He curled up on the bed beside her where she could stroke him if she wanted to and always purred when she did so. “Looking at me wid his big round eyes, Patsy, as much as to say, ‘I cud spare a life or two, Judy, if ye wanted one.’ Sure and he’s far better company than inny av the Binnies,” she added with a grin. Mrs. Binnie thought it her duty to “sit by” Judy frequently and Judy endured it courteously. She wasn’t going to forget her pretty manners even on her dying bed. But she always sighed with relief when Mrs. Binnie trundled downstairs.
Yes, it was pleasant to lie easily and think over old days and jokes and triumphs…all the tears and joys of forgotten years…all the pain and beauty of life. “Oh, oh, we’ve had our frolics,” she would think with a little chuckle. Nothing worried her any more.
Pat always sat and talked with her in “the dim.” Sometimes Judy seemed so well and natural that wild hopes would spring up in Pat’s heart.
“I’ve been minding mesilf a bit av the ould days, Patsy. It’s me way av passing the time. De ye be rimimbering the night yer Aunt Edith caught ye dancing naked in Silver Bush and they sint ye to Coventry? And the time Long Alec shaved his mustache off and bruk yer liddle heart? And the night Pepper fell into the well? Do ye be rimimbering whin liddle Jingle and his dog wud be hanging round? There was something in his face I always did be liking. He had a way wid him. And how ye did be hating to hear him called yer beau! ‘That isn’t a beau,’ sez she, indignant, ‘That was just Jingle.’ And the two av ye slipping in to ask me for a handful av raisins. Oh, oh, thim was the good ould days. But I’m thinking these days be good, too. There do be always new good coming up to take the place av the old that goes, Patsy. There’s Liddle Mary now…she was here this afternoon wid her liddle buttercup head shining like a star in me ould room, and her liddle tongue going nineteen to the dozen. The questions she do be asking. ‘Isn’t there inny Mrs. God, Judy?’ And whin I sez ‘no’ she did just be looking a look at me, and sez she solemn-like, ‘Then is God an ould bachelor, Judy?’ Sure and maybe I shudn’t have laughed, Patsy, but the darlint wasn’t maning inny irriverince and ye’ll be knowing I niver cud miss a joke. I’m thinking God himsilf wud have laughed at the face av her. He must be liking a bit av fun, too, Patsy, whin he made us so fond av it. I’ve been having a long life, Patsy, and minny things to be thankful for but for nothing more than me liddle gift av seeing something to laugh at in almost iverything. And that do be minding me…whin Dr. Bentley was here today he did be taking me timperature and I did be thinking av the scare yer Aunt Hazel did be giving us once. She had a rale bad spell av flu and yer Aunt Edith was bound to take her timperature wid her funny liddle thermometer. It didn’t suit yer Aunt Hazel to be fussed over so whiniver me fine Edith’s back was turned Hazel whips the thermometer out av her mouth and sticks it in her hot cup av tay. Whin she heard Edith coming back she sticks it in her mouth agin. And poor Edith just about died av fright whin she looked at it and saw what it rigistered. She flew downstairs and sint Long Alec for the doctor at the rate av no man’s business, being sure Hazel had pewmonia wid a timperature like that. Oh, oh, but we had the laugh on her whin the truth come out. Niver cud ye be saying ‘timperature’ to Edith agin, poor soul. Her and me niver were be way av being cronies but I’ll niver deny she had the bist blood av P. E. Island in her veins.”
“Are you sure you’re not tiring yourself, Judy?”
“Talking so much, sez she. Oh, oh, Patsy darlint, it rists me…and what do a few hours one way or another be mattering whin ye’ve come to journey’s ind?”
One night Judy talked of the disposal of her few treasures.
“There’ll be a bit av money in the bank after me funeral ixpinses do be paid. I’ve lift it to be divided betwane Winnie and Cuddles and yersilf. Winnie is to hev me autygraph quilt and I promised me blue chist to Siddy years ago. There do be some mats in the garret I put away for ye, Patsy, and the crame cow is yours and me book av Useful Knowledge and all the liddle things in me glory box. And the book wid all me resates in it. Ye’ll sind Hilary the white kittens, darlint. I’ll be giving me bead pincushion to yer Aunt Barbara for a liddle rimimberance. Her and me always did be hitting it off rale well. And ye’ll see that the ould black bottle is destroyed afore inny one sees it. Folks might be misunderstanding it.”
“I’ll…I’ll see to everything, Judy.”
“And, Patsy darlint, ye’ll see that they bury me out there in the ould graveyard where I won’t be far from Silver Bush? There do be a liddle place betwane Waping Willy and the fince where ye can be squazing me in wid a slip av white lilac at me hid. And I’d like a slab on me grave, too, in place av a standing-up tombstone, so the cats can slape on it. It wud be company-like. And ye’ll dress me in me ould dress-up dress…the blue one. I always did be liking it. It won’t be as tight as it was at Winnie’s widding. Do ye be minding?”
“Judy”…Pat did not often break down but there were times when she could not help it…“however can I…however can Silver Bush get along without you?”
“There’ll be a way,” said Judy gently. “There always do be a way. There do be only one thing…I’m wondering who’ll white-wash the stones and the posts nixt spring. Me fine May won’t…she niver hild be it.”
“I’ll see to that, Judy. Everything is going to be kept at Silver Bush just as you left it.”
“It’ll be too hard on yer hands, Patsy dear.” But Judy was not really worried. She knew the Good Man Above would attend to things.
But it seemed there were one or two things on Judy’s conscience.
“Patsy darlint, do ye be minding whin that bit av news about the countess visiting at Silver Bush was put in the paper and ye niver cud find out who did be doing it? Darlint, it was be way av being mesilf. I’ve been often thinking av owning up to it but niver cud I get up me courage. I did be wanting all the folks to know av it so I ’phoned it in. The editor, he did be touching it up a bit though. Can ye be forgiving me, Patsy?”
“Forgive? Oh, Judy! Why…that was…nothing.”
“It wasn’t in kaping wid the traditions av Silver Bush and well I knew it. And, Patsy darlint, all thim stories av mine…most av thim happened but maybe I did touch thim up a bit, dramatic-like, now and agin. Me grandmother niver was a witch…but she cud see things other folks cudn’t. One day I do be minding I was walking wid her, me being a slip av tin or twilve…and we met a man there was
talk av. He was alone, saming-like, but me grandmother sez to him, sez she, ‘Good day to you and yer company.’ I’ve niver forgot his face but whin I asked her what she mint she said to thank God I didn’t be knowing and not another word wud she say. He did be hanging himself not long after on his veranda, deliberate-like. And now I’ve tould ye this I’m not worrying over innything. All will be coming right…I’m knowing it somehow, being death-wise. Love doesn’t iver be dying, Patsy. I’d like to have seen ye a bride, darlint. But it’s glad I am I’ll niver have to live at Silver Bush wid ye gone.”
One afternoon Judy wandered a little. She thought she heard Joe’s whistle and Rae’s laugh. “The Silver Bush girls always had the pretty way av laughing,” she murmured. She raked down someone who “didn’t be washing the butter properly.” Once she said, “If ye’d set a light in the windy, Patsy.” Again she was hunting through an imaginary parsley bed for something she couldn’t find. “I’m fearing I’ve lost the knack av finding thim,” she sighed.
But when Pat went up to her in the dim she was lying peacefully. Mrs. Binnie had just gone down and had passed Pat on the stairs with an ominous moan.
“Thank the Good Man Above I’ve seen the last av the Binnie gang,” said Judy. “I heard her groaning to you on the stairs. It’s bad luck to mate on the stairs as the mouse said whin the cat caught him half way down, but the luck’ll be on her. She’s been talking av funerals be way av cheering me up. ‘Whin me father died,’ sez she, ‘he had a wonderful funeral. The flowers were grand! And the crowds!’ Ye cud be seeing it was a great comfort to the fam’ly.”
“Are you feeling any worse, Judy?”
“I niver felt better in me life, darlint. I haven’t an ache or a pain. Wud ye be propping me up a bit? I’d like to have a look at the ould silver bush and the clouds having their fun wid the wind over it.”
“Can you guess who’s been here inquiring for you, Judy? Tillytuck, no less. He came all the way from the South Shore to ask after you.”