This could be enough. For now it could be enough.
* * *
He watched as she pulled her hair back into a sleek ponytail and laughed with the guy behind the counter. He’d never actually been to a shooting range before so it was an entirely new experience when she’d told him that morning they were off to American Shooter Supply just a few miles off the Strip.
All the men behind the counter were as enamored of her as Shane was. She moved easily in her skin, her hands graceful and yet very sure as she signed the forms and took her driver’s license back.
“You sure you don’t want to shoot with me?” She turned to him, holding a plastic container with a black matte handgun inside. She’d surprised him when she’d pulled that out of her suitcase.
“Um, not this time. I’ll just watch.” He indicated the tables set up in front of the clear glass separating the shooting area from the counter space.
She shrugged and went through the first set of doors, put on sound-deadening headphones and then through the second set. Confidently she moved to the space directly in front of where he sat and placed her things down.
Was he wrong to find the eye protection she wore hot? They weren’t just utilitarian but had a streamlined, sexy style to them. No one else looked so good. Her ass looked really tasty, high and tight in the jeans she wore. Her legs just went on and on as she moved to stand with her feet braced, slightly apart. And then the muscles in her upper arms bunched when she aimed and began to fire.
She was beautiful in her strength. In her agility and the way she wore her violence so casually. Not as a threat. He didn’t see that she scared anyone, or that she used her ability and feral nature to bully. But it was clearly part of her in a way she considered just as normal as the color of her hair or the set of her eyes.
Every moment he spent with her, every new thing they did other than sex—although the sex was amazing—drew him into her more. Two days after they’d arrived in Las Vegas and had bonded, he found himself really liking Megan. Not just as a woman he was chemically bonded to, but as the person he could begin to see spending his life with.
She had this way of scrunching up her face when she was describing something to him that made him want to kiss her. He found himself waking up early to watch her work out. He wasn’t even annoyed with the way she tossed her stuff around the house, filling everything with her presence.
Which scared him. Even as he was mesmerized by the way she calmly shot the target in the heart and in between the eyes over and over with deadly accuracy, he felt as though he was drowning in her.
He didn’t know if it was her, the bond, how he really felt or what. He felt it, that was true, but the human part of him approached the bond warily. Yes, he’d claimed her without a second thought. Believed in the bond as he sat there and watched this woman who’d weaved herself into his world in so short a time. At the same time, resentment lingered. Was it real? This other person was suddenly everything to him in a way he’d never experienced, not even with Layla.
It was as if his wolf had surfaced and wouldn’t cede any space to the human part of him when it came to this woman, when it came to this part of his life. Never had any woman, anyone for that matter, been so all important to him.
* * *
The sharp scent of cordite had kept Megan centered on the task. Squeeze. Bam. Squeeze. Bam. Over and over. Each physical action on her part created a bigger hole in the target. She liked it. The result before her eyes. She could control it, knowing the outcome each time because she’d practiced over and over until she mastered it.
It wasn’t the same with him. She didn’t try to control her world with hyperorganized living space like he did. But they were both control freaks just the same. Shane was someone who set her totally off balance and she did not like to be unsure and uneasy. She had a life where things mattered. Where what she did made a difference. That was her control. Here she felt as if she were spinning her wheels, just waiting for him to make a decision. Tension hung in the air between them. Expectancy, hesitation. It was ridiculous. She knew something had to move, be dealt with. Something. How long she’d wait wasn’t a decision she’d come to yet.
* * *
The next day, as they ate lunch on the terrace of a fashionable restaurant in an area of the city away from the Strip, she felt his hesitation like a physical thing between them.
He didn’t hold back in bed. He loved every inch of her body with no reservation at all. But away from bed it was a different story. Despite his telling her she should feel at home in the house, it was his house still. He didn’t want to speak of the future, only asking that they take it day by day.
At first, it was something she did albeit with reservations but now it felt different. She felt uncomfortable with him at times in a way she hadn’t felt with anyone in her life. This was her mate! Another wolf who was meant to make her feel whole and cherished and instead, a sense of anxiety set in and hadn’t left.
As they sat, pretending nothing was wrong, a group of people approached the table. “Shane! How are you?”
A tall bottle-blonde leaned down and kissed him square on the mouth.
Calmly, Megan took the woman’s arm and yanked her back. “He’s fine but his mouth is off-limits to you for anything but speaking.”
Shane laughed but discomfort threaded the sound. It was all so fake, his world and Megan hated it.
“This is Cynthia, an old friend. Cynthia, this is Megan, the woman I told you about.”
The blonde looked Megan over. Megan knew what friend meant in that context but it didn’t matter then. What she found interesting was his comment about him telling Cynthia about her. When had that happened?
“Oh, well then. Shane you know everyone.” She indicated the people with her with a lazy wave. Cynthia didn’t bother introducing them to Megan and apparently it wasn’t important to Shane either.
There was some talking about things Megan wasn’t clued in on. She didn’t get the feeling he was ashamed or being rude but that he didn’t know how to bring her into his world.
Her phone rang. “I’m sorry, I need to take this.” She stood up and moved into a far corner, not wanting to disturb anyone’s meal to take Lex’s call. They might not have manners but she did.
“I’m just checking in on you. How are things?”
She smiled at the sound of her brother’s voice. “It’s warm. Sunny. I’m eating some pretty something on a pretty plate with pretty utensils. Did everyone get back on the road safely?”
“They’ll be home tomorrow. The wedding went well apparently. And you’re not telling me anything. I didn’t ask about the weather.”
Lex got her in a way the others didn’t. She took a deep breath as she searched for the words and realized even if she had them, she couldn’t say them without wanting to cry. “I can’t right now. I’m coming home day after tomorrow. We’ll talk then.”
“Okay. Do you need me to do anything to get your house ready for him? Will he move up with a truck or something? A service? Will all his stuff fit into that house?” Lex knew even as he asked, damn him.
“I said I can’t right now. I’ll see you Wednesday. My love to everyone.” She hung up and swallowed back tears.
The others had left by the time she came back. Shane eyed her but said nothing as she sat back down across from him. “I’m sorry. It was Lex.”
“Ah.” He must have felt she was upset but said nothing about it.
“Are you coming back with me on Wednesday?” She knew she blurted it out but for heaven’s sake, how long was she supposed to not ask about the future?
“I have to work this week. I’ll come visit soon. Or you can come back here.”
She chewed her food, concentrating on the needed calories and not hitting him with her shoe. “So, you envision this like what? Going steady?
”
He looked around. “Not here.”
Yeah she was done. Not here and not now, apparently. Standing up, she tossed her napkin down and grabbed her bag. “I’m done. I’ll get a cab back to your house.”
He moved to stand and she held a hand out.
“You’re being ridiculous and making a scene.”
“I’m making a scene? I am? You might have a lot more letters after your name than I do but a scene is having a group of people talk around one person no one bothers to even address.” She narrowed her eyes at him when he started to interrupt. “It doesn’t even matter. I got the point at last. I’m waking up to just what this is and what it isn’t.” She took a step back and growled in a low voice when he tried to grab her arm, “If you stand up and get near me they’ll need to call the paramedics. Leave me alone.”
She was proud of the way she stalked out, head held high.
Once she’d gotten back to his house she began to pack. There was no use in pretending. He wasn’t going to move to Seattle. He wasn’t going to accept who he was, or even who she was. He wanted the glory of fucking a mate but none of the responsibility of belonging to someone. To something.
She was a werewolf. Period. Yes, she was his mate and that tied her to him for the rest of her life. But it didn’t mean she would tie her life to someone and make them both miserable in the offing. She wanted him to be happy. In the days since she’d laid eyes on him, it’d become inescapable that she loved Shane very much. She knew he thought it too soon and she accepted that he didn’t love her the way she did him. She could deal with him needing time to get to know her. But that wasn’t what he was asking for.
Perhaps it made her selfish and unfair but she wasn’t going to give up her life, her Pack, her family and who she was to move to Las Vegas and pretend to be everything she wasn’t so he could continue to pretend he was human. And then what? She didn’t fit into his life. He wasn’t shallow. They’d had deep conversations, she knew he volunteered several times a year to man the community health care clinics that tended to lower-income populations. He had a heart, he made her laugh and she liked him when he was being himself.
But he wasn’t himself as often as he could have been. As he should be. The people at the restaurant she’d met, or rather who patently ignored her, were not what she wanted to be like. Megan loved her life. Loved her connection to who she was and what she did. Trading it for an empty existence far away from her family to be with a man who was afraid of his own identity wasn’t what she wanted and she’d certainly not bring children into a family with a dad who would make them hate themselves.
The front door opened and closed. Steps sounded and got closer until he entered the room and halted. She steeled herself, knowing she’d want to fall into him once she saw his face.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” she asked, tossing her toiletries into the bag.
“You’re not supposed to go back until Wednesday.”
“No I wasn’t.”
He grabbed her arm. “Megan, this is stupid. Why? I thought you wanted to get to know me. To take this time together.”
“Don’t!” She yanked her arm away from him. “I have been taking this time. I have been trying to get to know you. I’ve asked to meet your parents but you want to delay it. I’ve asked to meet your friends and see where you work but you delay it. And when we do, well, you don’t even bother to introduce me to your ex’s friends. I’ve asked to talk about the future but you put me off. I’m trying and you are not. You like to fuck me. That’s it. You never should have claimed me if you meant to do this to me.” Tears threatened and she hated that weakness but damn it, she didn’t want things to be this way. Still, she had no other choice. If she didn’t stand tall now, she’d be something she hated and eventually, she’d resent him.
“My mother won’t understand! My friends won’t understand. You can meet them in a few months when it would make sense for me to be serious about someone. Those people today aren’t my friends. They’re Cynthia’s crowd, young, shallow and stupid. I just wanted them to go away. It was about them, not you. None of this changes who we are to each other. And am I supposed to not like fucking you? I don’t hear any complaints when you come four times.”
“Your mother won’t understand? She’s mated to a werewolf. How can she not understand? It’s not like werewolves are a secret. How can you not just tell your friends I’m your mate? My whole family knows about you. You haven’t told anyone about me.”
“My friends won’t understand. My mother, well, it’s complicated. Come on, Megan, cut me a break. I’m a doctor living in the suburbs, not a...”
“Not a wolf?” She wrestled with her outrage, her hurt and humiliation and her need to make things work with him. She sighed, her heart breaking. “I’ve waited my whole life to find my mate. When we met, I accepted it. I accepted what you were to me and since you claimed me, I thought you did the same. I know this won’t be easy. I know you have issues with being a werewolf, but the bond is in place. You were there when it happened if you recall. But you... I don’t know, you’re acting like we’re going steady or something. Things have changed. Forever.”
“I don’t know what to say to make you happy. I want you to be happy.”
He did, she felt that. That was the thing that made this all so hard. He looked so forlorn she reached out to touch his face, warm and already familiar to her.
“Yes you do.” She breathed him in, her system totally attuned to him. Leaving would be terribly difficult. Still, it had to be done unless he was willing to talk. To work it out with her. “Are you ever going to move to Seattle? Are you ever even going to think about it? Will you do the joining ceremony with my Pack, with our Pack and run with me? You know it can’t work if you stay here and I stay there.”
He grabbed her hand, holding it to his cheek. “Then move here. There are werewolves on the police force if you want to work. But you don’t have to. Have a life of leisure if you want it. Be here with me. Let me take care of you. Why do you expect me to give up my whole life for you? That’s not fair.”
She sighed. “It might not be fair. Certainly not from a human perspective. I’m sure you make more money than I do. This house is much bigger than mine. This life—” she indicated the room with a sweep of her hand “—is much more glamorous than mine. I mow my own lawn, I weed my own garden, there’s food in my fridge and I let myself get furry and run free and wild as often as I can. But from a wolf’s perspective, it’s more than fair. Because you don’t live as a wolf and I do. I can’t, no I won’t give up what I am, not even for you, Shane. I can’t live a lie. I don’t want to be a human. I need to be touched by other wolves. We thrive with that. I wish you’d give it a chance! But you see it as wrong. You see what I am as wrong and I can’t live a life where I embrace that. I am not wrong. I am not a monster. I was born the way I was supposed to be and so were you. Your mother is wrong to have done this to you and your father lives a shadow of a life and has let you do the same and for what? Do you think I’d ever allow my children to be ashamed of who they are?”
Sadly, she pulled her hand free and stepped away from him. She grabbed her suitcase and moved to the door but he stepped in the way. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have no right to judge her.”
“This is about your mother? At this time you’re going to... Fine, let’s go there then. I have every right. You gave me that right when you fucked me and claimed me without intending to live up to your end of the bargain. I’m going home because I’d rather live half a life with a mate who refuses to love me being who I am than half a life here, pretending to be what I’m not to claim your crumbs of love.”
A horn honked out front.
“My cab is here. You know my number.” Kissing him on the cheek she held her tears back only just barely. “I
love you. I know you don’t love me and I accept that. But I can only be who I am.”
He stood there, his back to her, as she walked away. His sadness flowed between them. His anger and frustration too. But her own welled up and swallowed her as she got into that cab and drove away.
She dialed a number.
“I need you. Can you... I need a plane. I need to come home.”
Lex simply made it happen and told her he’d see her in a few hours.
Chapter Seven
Lex paced back and forth, Megan knew, annoyed that Nina had agreed with her and had made him stay at home instead of picking her up from the airport. She watched him through the glass briefly before she headed inside.
She’d needed the time to compose herself after she’d pretty much cried and cried the whole flight back.
He met her at the top of the stairs, simply putting his arms around her tight and kissing the top of her head. All her composure fell away and the tears came back.
“I’m going to have to kill him, aren’t I?” His voice rumbled through his chest and into her body and she let it comfort her.
“You can kill him again after I do.” Nina hugged her from the other side and Gabby’s laugh sounded over the three of them as she darted into the room and launched herself toward them.
Megan extricated herself from Lex and Nina to fill her arms with her niece, who snuggled into her hold and covered her face with slightly sticky kisses.
“You’re home.” Gabby looked up at Megan through wise brown eyes and nodded once, as if that solved the problem.
“I am. I missed you, Gab.”