“I’m a big girl, you know. I could have told you to stop. I wanted you, just the way you were.” She paused, then whispered, “With nothing between us.”
The woman was about to shatter his control, and he’d been trying so very hard to stay in control. For her.
“This is why you fainted,” he said. Sydney’s pregnant with my baby. The joy was there, building in his chest, but he didn’t know how she felt. And—
Slade.
Slade wasn’t going to handle this well.
“This is why I fainted,” she agreed.
He wanted to drop his hands, to caress her stomach. Slade was going to be furious. He’d betrayed his brother, taking a risk that he should have never taken but...
My baby.
He couldn’t stop the spread of joy.
“I thought you deserved to know.”
The fire tonight hadn’t just put her life at risk. It had put their baby’s life at risk, too.
“Looks like you’re going to be a father,” she whispered, and she stepped back from him.
He didn’t know what to say. In that heavy silence, her lips trembled and she gave a little nod. Then she was walking away, heading into the guest room. Of course, Sydney knew where his guest room was. She’d been in his condo many times over the past two years, and the place always felt better, brighter, when she was there.
“Looks like you’re going to be a father.” Her words rang in his ears.
In that instant, he thought of his own father—the way the guy hadn’t been able to get away from him fast enough. His father had ditched him and hadn’t looked back.
He’d ditched Slade, too. Gunner’s grandfather had taken him in. Had raised them both, in that house with the threadbare carpet and the sagging roof. His grandfather had taught them to fish, hunt and hike.
They hadn’t had much money. No fancy clothes or cars.
But...
Grandfather took care of me. Loved me.
Gunner sucked in a deep breath and wondered about his own child. The child that was so small now, barely more than a dream, growing inside Sydney.
Girl? Boy? Would she have Sydney’s smile? His eyes?
“Looks like you’re going to be a father.”
His hands were clenched into fists. He would be a father, but he would not be like his old man. He would not abandon his child.
Never.
* * *
SYDNEY’S EYES FLEW open as the last of the nightmare ripped through her mind. “Gunner!” His name tore from her, even though she was more asleep than awake. But she could still see the nightmare. The flames coming for her, trapping her.
And the baby.
Gunner burst into the room, flipping on the lights. He had a gun in his hand and his body was tight with tension. “Sydney?” He searched the room, looking for a threat.
But there was no threat here.
Only a fading nightmare.
She sucked in a deep breath. What was happening to her? “Sorry. Bad dream.” He’d been in the dream. He’d died trying to get her out of that fire. She’d watched him burn.
Then she’d been alone with the flames.
Her hands fisted around the covers.
Gunner took a steadying breath of his own, then carefully put the gun down on the nightstand. “Want to talk about it?”
She shook her head. “I’m fine now.”
He stared at her, then gave a slow nod. “Aren’t you always?”
Sydney wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean.
“I’m...sorry, for earlier,” he said gruffly.
Her head tilted back. “You mean when you got all quiet and looked like you might run from the room?”
His eyes widened. “I didn’t.”
Okay, he hadn’t fled. His face had just gotten even harder, even darker.
“You know...my father abandoned me and Slade.”
Yes, she knew.
“My mother died when I was two, so it was just me and my grandfather for a long time. I used to...used to see the other kids with their dads, and I was so damn jealous.”
She held her body perfectly still. Gunner didn’t talk about his past much. Neither did Slade. Slade had just told her once that his childhood had been a waste, that he’d never go back to a life like that.
She hadn’t pushed him for more. If his past was painful—if Gunner’s past was painful—then she didn’t want to be the one stirring up old wounds.
“Gunner, you don’t have to tell me—”
“Yes, I do. You’re having my baby. You deserve to know everything about me.” He came toward the bed, hesitated, then sat down beside her, immediately taking up so much space and making her feel hyperaware of him.
What else was new, though? She always seemed to be hyperaware of him.
“Until I was ten, I kept hoping that one day he’d come back. That he’d realize he wanted me and Slade. That he would try to make us into a family.”
Her heart ached because she could only imagine the pain he’d felt then.
“But at ten, on my birthday, when another year passed and there was no letter, no phone call, I knew it wasn’t happening. He didn’t care about me. He never would.”
She reached for his hand and twined her fingers through his. “That’s his loss.”
“That’s what my grandfather said.” The ghost of a smile lifted his lips. “But when you’re ten and your father can’t be bothered to find out if you’re alive or dead, it can still make you feel worthless.”
“You’re not—”
His fingers pulled from hers and then pressed over the covers that shielded her stomach. “I don’t ever want this baby to feel the way I did.”
She had to blink away tears. “She won’t.” She? He?
“I don’t want to be like him.”
“You aren’t.” He had to see that.
“I want to be there, in this baby’s life.”
Why hadn’t she told him sooner? This man before her, the man whose fingers were trembling as he stroked her stomach, he wasn’t a man who’d run from fatherhood. He was a man who seemed to want it almost desperately.
“I don’t want the baby to feel... I don’t want the baby to be like me.”
He was breaking her heart. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled Gunner down onto the bed with her. She just...held him. “This baby is wanted. Loved already.”
He held her tighter.
She hadn’t expected this from Gunner. He’d—
He kissed her. She shouldn’t kiss him back, not with everything that was going on between them, but she did.
Because she still wanted him.
The nightmare memory of his death was too strong in her mind.
So her lips parted beneath his. She tasted him as he tasted her. The kiss wasn’t rough or wild, but sensual and heavy with need.
As if he were savoring her.
Her body shifted restlessly against his. She’d thought about him so many nights in the past few weeks. Every night. Wanted, and been afraid that she’d never have him close like this again.
It had just taken the little matter of fire and near death to get them together again.
He kept kissing her. He held her carefully, as if he were worried that she’d break.
She was the one to push down the boxers that he wore. She was the one to stroke his body.
He kept kissing her.
Then, still so carefully, his hands began to trail down her body. His mouth went to her neck. Licked, sucked and then he found the sensitive spot just behind her ear....
She squeezed her eyes shut and moaned.
He tossed aside her T-shirt. Licked and kissed her breasts. The touch of his mouth on her nipples, with their increased sensitivity, had her trembling.
Sydney lifted her hips. Helped him to ditch her shorts and underwear, and then she parted her thighs.
Gunner started to thrust, but then he hesitated. “I don’t—”
No, he’d better not sa
y—
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he finished, voice rumbling.
She tried to smile for him. “You won’t.” Physically, she trusted Gunner more than she trusted any man.
With her emotions? With her heart? She wasn’t sure; the pain might come again.
At that moment, she was willing to risk it.
He thrust into her. She met his rhythm eagerly, lifting up with her hips, arching against him. He filled her, stretched her perfectly, and she gasped at the heavy feel of him inside her.
Her hands curled around his shoulders. Her legs wrapped around his hips. He thrust into her, again, deeper. The rhythm swept her away, made her forget fire and fear and nightmares.
So that she knew only him and the pleasure that washed over her and made her cry out.
He held her tighter. Gave in to his own release with a growl of her name.
Then he just...held her, cradled her against his heart and kept his hand on her stomach.
Held her, and the nightmares didn’t come back.
* * *
THE RINGING OF the phone woke Gunner. He could hear the peal, calling out from down the hall. Swearing, he opened his eyes. He saw Sydney, still sleeping next to him.
Beautiful Sydney.
He eased from the bed, trying not to wake her. The dawn’s light spilled through the blinds. She hadn’t gotten enough sleep, and in her condition, he wanted her to get all the rest that she could.
He slipped down the hallway. Found his phone. “Gunner.”
Silence, then, “Are you whispering?”
Crap, he had been. He just hadn’t wanted to wake Sydney. Gunner closed the door of his bedroom and cleared his throat. “What do you want, Logan?”
“I want to alert you to a security breach.” His friend’s voice held a tight edge now. “I just got the call from Mercer. Someone’s been trying to hack in to the computer system at the EOD.”
Hell. The EOD agents were being targeted again. The attack on Sydney’s house must be the first launch.
“The thing is...our tech guys are saying that it looks like the breach came from inside.”
Now, that wasn’t what he’d expected. “Another agent?”
“Not sure.” Static crackled over the phone. “But the person used the computer system at the main EOD office. Support staff, techs—they’re all being investigated now. The office is under lockdown until we can figure out what’s happening.”
Gunner huffed out a hard breath. “What do you want me to do?”
“Stick like glue to Sydney’s side. If she’s the first target in this mess, there could be another attempt on her.” Logan’s voice hardened. “The files that were accessed? They were linked to Guerrero.”
“What?” Guerrero—now a dead man—had been a Mexican arms dealer. He’d kidnapped Juliana James, the woman who had recently married Logan. When she’d been attacked, Logan had damn near gone crazy.
So how did Logan have to be feeling now?
“Someone was trying to dig into the classified documents that we have on him. That same someone...he or she was looking at Sydney’s file. And yours.”
Son of a—
“I’m getting a guard put on Juliana, too.” Because Juliana had been instrumental in bringing down Guerrero—and because Gunner knew that Logan would never risk the woman he loved. “If someone is looking for some payback, they aren’t getting it,” Logan vowed.
No, they weren’t. Gunner would make sure that no one hurt Sydney.
Not on his watch.
She was too important. The baby was too important. The life that he might just have with them—if he hadn’t already screwed things up too much—it was too important.
* * *
SLADE ORTEZ STARED across the city. He’d chosen this apartment deliberately, though no one seemed to have realized that fact. The EOD. They thought they were so smart.
Clueless jerks.
Once upon a time, he’d wanted to be one of them. But he hadn’t made the cut into the precious program. Good enough to risk his life on freelance missions, but not good enough to be brought into the fold.
Sydney had made the cut. Gunner had. Of course Gunner had.
But not Slade.
Never as good as big brother.
The EOD was paying for his apartment. Actually, Uncle Sam was paying for anything he wanted right now. After what he’d been through, they were giving him...what had they called it? Compensation.
There’d never be enough compensation.
He stared through the window, looking out at the city, and looking right over at the building that housed his brother.
Yes, he’d chosen this location for a reason.
To keep a watch on Gunner.
The fools at the EOD didn’t realize what a threat Gunner was. They thought he was a hero. Their mistake. He’d make sure they fully realized the error of their ways.
Sydney had made a mistake, too.
She’d turned from him. Refused to go back to the way that things had been.
She should have been grateful to be with him. Of all the women—and he’d been with plenty—he’d agreed to marry her.
Sure, he’d kept a few girls on the side, the better to stop the boredom of being with just one woman, but he’d offered to marry her.
As payback, she’d slept with his brother.
At first, the rage had been so strong that he’d been sure it would consume him. Last night, it had come close. He’d given in to his darker urges.
But now, with the rising of the sun, he realized that there could still be hope for Sydney, if she could be made to see Gunner’s true colors. Gunner would slip up, Sydney would turn from him, and Slade would be there.
It was all a matter of time.
He kept staring across at Gunner’s place.
He tried not to think about the light that had flashed on in the middle of the night. He’d been watching then, too. Through his binoculars, he’d seen that light come on. The blinds had been open. He’d seen Sydney...
Gunner...
His jaw locked.
A matter of time.
Gunner would get the payback that he had coming.
Chapter Seven
“I need clothes.” Sydney curled her toes into the thick carpet in Gunner’s living room. “As fun as it is to keep wearing your T-shirt...” Her hands lifted the hem of his navy T-shirt. “I need to go out in public with more than just this on.”
But she looked so sexy in his shirt. With her long legs stretching forever. Gunner cleared his throat. “That’s, um, being covered—”
His doorbell rang. Right. That should be her clothing. Logan had told him that he’d be sending over some articles for Sydney. Gunner hurried to the door. Glanced through the peephole. Swore. Then he looked over his shoulder. “Why don’t you...uh...wait in the bedroom? I’ll bring the clothes to you.” Because he didn’t want the man on the other side of that door seeing Sydney when she looked so...
Tempting.
Sydney shook her head, threw her hands into the air and stomped off toward the bedroom.
Schooling his features, Gunner opened the door. Cale stood there, shopping bags in his hands and a pained expression on his face. “Send me out to rescue a hostage in the jungles of the Amazon,” he drawled, the Texas slipping into his voice as he stepped over the threshold, “but please don’t send me shopping for women’s clothes ever again.”
Gunner almost smiled. He almost smiled, would have, if he hadn’t heard the returning tread of footsteps.
“Gunner,” Sydney called out, “I’m going to need some shoes, too—Cale?”
Cale gave a low whistle. Then he choked because Gunner stepped into his path. “I, um, brought you some clothes, Sydney.”
Gunner snatched the clothes from him. “Keep those eyes up,” he ordered.
Cale’s lips twitched. Gunner’s own eyes narrowed. Cale was about to get on his—
“Relax, Gunner. I’m sure that Cale has seen a woman’s
legs before, plenty of times,” Sydney said, a thread of humor in her voice.
But she wasn’t just any woman. She was—
Mine.
Wasn’t that the way he’d always thought about her?
Gunner forced himself to take a deep breath. “Eyes. Up.” He gave the order once more; then he turned briskly and marched toward Sydney.
Her eyes were...twinkling. “If I didn’t know better,” she whispered, “I’d say you were almost jealous.”
Almost? Not even close. Cale was one of those annoying pretty boys you saw in magazines. The guys who could easily wear tuxes and blend in anyplace.
Gunner knew what he looked like. A walking bad dream most days. With all the scars on him and a face that was too rough and hard, he was hardly the man women wanted to take home to meet the family.
He never had been.
“There’s no need to be jealous.” She took the bags from him. “Maybe you should learn to trust me.” Her steps were quiet as she headed back into the bedroom to change.
He stilled. He did trust Sydney. In the field, he always knew that she had his back. If you couldn’t trust your team members on a mission, you couldn’t trust anyone.
Logan, Sydney and Jasper Adams—the man whom Cale had only recently replaced in the Shadow Agents—they were like his family.
They were his family.
“I don’t blame you for watching her walk away. That woman is a looker.”
Gunner spun around.
Cale had his hands up. “Easy there, big guy. You don’t have to worry about any threat from me.” His lips twisted. “Not that the woman would be interested. Hell, I knew from day one that she was hung up on you.” Then, softer, “Though hell if I can figure out why.”
Gunner frowned at that.
“Maybe there’s a charmer hidden under the grizzly bear exterior.” Cale’s hands dropped. “Some women go for the guys who growl.”
Once more, the jerk almost made Gunner want to smile. Mostly because he’d said, “I knew from day one that she was hung up on you.”
“How are you going to handle things with Slade?” Cale asked him, still keeping his voice low. “Because I’m going to assume that the ridiculous plan of giving her up—”