“It’s never been like that with E.”
“I trust you, Sarah. It’s him that I don’t trust.” Derek ran his hand over his shoulder-length, black hair as he relaxed in his seat.
“Then you have nothing to worry about because I’m not going anywhere.”
“You promised me.”
I could only nod. I knew it would be impossible to maintain a friendship with E when he and my boyfriend hated each other. The door in the back of the room opened again and Dorris walked out, limping slightly. Tucker’s face lit up and he ran to meet her at the end of the aisle. My eyes found Eric’s and he was staring at me, his face hard. The intensity of his gaze made it impossible to look away. I was surprised to feel a fluttering in my stomach. Was he making me nervous?
He wasn’t the angry asshole most thought he was. He had a deeper side to him that few got to see. Donna came out of the little room and made her way to E, saying something quietly to him. She wrapped her arms around his and led him back to the back of the church.
“I always thought he was tapping that.” Derek laughed.
I rolled my eyes. The thought of E and Donna was laughable. He had told me a hundred times that he wouldn’t risk their friendship—or her sometimes precarious position as the band’s manager—for a one-night stand. If Derek only knew him the way I did, he’d know E just didn’t chase hot women for the sake of getting laid. And he wouldn’t ever hit on me, either.
Dorris, Damaged’s former manager, took a seat on the other side of the church pews, and Tucker made his way back to the front to stand by the preacher. Soon after, Donna was sitting by Dorris’s side, and the wedding was ready to begin. Music began to swell, signaling the bride’s entrance. For a rocker couple’s wedding, I was surprised that they’d gone with the traditional “Wedding March.”
Cass looked stunning in her simple silk dress, with crisscross backing. As usual, she didn’t need to cover herself in jewelry and makeup. She was naturally beautiful. She kept it simple with a small necklace and a little bit of makeup to play up her features. The rest of the band walked by her side as she slowly made her way to Tucker, like magnets drawn to each other. The “Wedding March” continued to play quietly in the background, and Tucker’s eyes grew wide and his lips quirked in a loving smile.
The love they had for each other radiated off them. I wondered if anyone ever looked at Derek and me and felt that way.
The ceremony was simple but perfect. Tucker and Cass didn’t write their own vows beforehand, but spoke honestly from their hearts about their love for each other. I cried as they spoke, and Derek gave my hand a little squeeze. I smiled over at him. His face softened and his eyes filled with warmth. The hardness that usually defined his expression seemed to slip away, just for a moment, revealing that the old Derek who had stolen my heart all that time ago was still in there, even after all we had been through. Trying to maintain a committed relationship while living the rock-and-roll lifestyle is nearly impossible, but we had survived thus far.
“I can’t wait until we are up there,” I whispered, trying to gauge whether seeing Tucker and Cass making such a moving commitment to each other was having an impact on Derek’s rocker bravado.
But Derek just looked over at me and rolled his eyes as he shook his head. “Sarah . . .”
“What? You can’t blame me for trying,” I grumbled. Derek had told me from day one he never planned to get married, but I still hoped he would change his mind, especially now that things had gotten so serious with us.
“We don’t need a stupid piece of paper to show that we love each other. It’s not important.”
“It’s not important to you, and if it is so stupid, why not just humor me?”
“You’re killing me, woman.”
After the ceremony everyone stood and made their way to the center of the room to congratulate the newlyweds. I hugged Cass and we both cried. Derek’s arm went over my shoulders and he pulled me against his side, my hand falling to his chest.
“When are we hitting the strip club?” Derek asked, and my heart sank.
I looked up at E, whose gaze was locked on mine, causing me to squirm. I didn’t remember his being so . . . intense.
“Come on, man. I want to spend tonight with my bride.” Tucker laughed as he pulled Cass into his arms and kissed her on the forehead. “How long you in LA for?”
“We’ll be here for two weeks.”
My eyes danced around the plain church as memories of my past began to wash over me.
“Why do you have to marry him?” I asked my mother as she finished braiding my hair and securing a tie around the end.
“He’s not a bad guy, Sarah Bear. He’s good to me and to you kids.”
“He’s creepy.” I folded my arms over my chest and my mother just laughed. I had no real reason to hate Phil. But sometimes his eyes lingered on me for just a second too long and his hugs seemed to be just a little too tight. I could feel it in my gut—something just wasn’t right.
“I don’t expect you to understand what love is. You’re only eleven, but one day you will know what he means to me and maybe then you can be happy for me,” she snapped, and I felt like the world’s biggest jerk. Now I had upset Mom on her big day.
“You’ve only been with him for four months. Why can’t you just date him like a normal person?” I huffed.
She laughed as her hands smoothed over her cream-colored silk gown that stopped just below her knees. “Normal people get married.”
“Yeah, well, he is a jerk, and he is always yelling at me like he’s my dad or something.” I wanted to tell her how uncomfortable he made me, but I knew she would just think I was trying to get them to break up. I wasn’t exactly accepting of him from the first moment he walked into our lives. He moved in only three weeks after Mom introduced us to him. What if Dad came back? Our family would never be back together if Mom was with this guy.
“You’re right, Sarah. He’s not your dad. Your dad couldn’t handle being a father and ran off with the neighbor.”
“Maybe lightning will strike twice.”
“You stop that right now!” Her voice was a low whisper and she was practically growling. “Your sister is only seven and she isn’t acting like a brat. Why are you? You should be thankful someone even wants to join this family. It’s not often a guy will take on someone else’s kids.”
I glanced over at my little sister; her hair was a shade lighter than mine and curled at the bottom. She was holding a bouquet of cream-colored flowers and pulling off the petals.
“Stop it, you idiot. You’re ruining her flowers!” I snapped, and my sister frowned as tears formed in her eyes.
“Stop fighting with your sister, Sarah. Don’t you take out your childish anger on her.”
“You okay?” Cass asked.
It took a moment for her words to sink in and for the memories to be pushed aside. I nodded and forced a smile.
“You don’t look happy.” She frowned.
“I’m great. Weddings . . .” I rolled my eyes as I glanced around the group.
“Yeah, I get it.” She was now beaming from ear to ear as her eyes fell on her new husband. She didn’t get it and I was glad. I carefully placed my mask back in place. I wasn’t going to let my memories ruin her big day.
“You look amazing,” I whispered to her and she pulled me into her arms for a hug. I needed that hug more than she realized. She’d become like a sister to me on the road, and I had missed having her in my life so much these past few weeks. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d seen or heard from my own sister, and sometimes I felt that Derek and the guys were the only family I had left in the world.
ERIC
I PULLED MY TIE loose and fell against the inside of my hotel-room door. I felt as if I were suffocating. I had been trying to push what day it was out of my head for Cass and Tucker’s sake, but I was missing my brother more than ever and it killed me to force a smile,
I hadn’t realized how m
uch I had missed Sarah until I looked into her eyes. She always seemed to see past the bullshit, as if she was looking at the real me. It scared the fuck out of me but it was also freeing. So why couldn’t she see what kind of asshole Derek was? Why would she subject herself to his constant mind games and cheating?
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I struggled to fight off the headache that was slowly beginning to throb in my head. I just didn’t want to see her get hurt. That is what I told myself. Denying my feelings was a hell of a lot less scary than accepting how much I liked her . . . and yet would never have her. It was always hard to never have a place I could call home. I felt that I was never where I was supposed to be. I was always just on the outside, watching everyone else being happy. It was like chasing a shadow. I could never get close enough without surrounding myself in darkness.
A tiny knock came from behind me and I shook my head as I pulled open the door to Donna, still wearing her low-cut dress with no shoes and a bottle of sparkling wine in her hand.
The small smile that played on her lips faded as she saw my face. “What’s wrong?”
I stepped to the side so she could enter my room. “One of my headaches,” I half lied as I made my way toward the bed, sitting down on the edge and cradling my head in my hands.
After a moment, I slowly looked up to see Donna still standing by the door. “What?” I stretched my neck from side to side, trying to relieve some of the pain.
“She’s pretty. I get it, but you need to focus on the band.”
It took a moment to understand what she was talking about. “Yeah, well, she is someone else’s. If the guys sent you over here to talk me off a fucking ledge, I don’t want to hear it. We’re just friends.”
Donna nodded, chewing on her lower lip as she looked down at her bare toes. Being off-duty during this hiatus from our tour seemed to be bringing out that softer, more relaxed side of her tonight. “No one sent me over here, E.” She held up the bottle of wine as her eyes met mine and she smiled. She was really letting her guard down. “I was just trying to help and I figured you’d be up for a drink. I know I could use one and I don’t feel like drinking alone.”
“Why is that?” I relaxed back onto my elbows as she made her way across the room and sat down next to me. I knew that someone had broken her heart. She had slipped up once when she had too much to drink, started to tell me about her ex . . . but when she’d sobered up the next day, she pretended not to remember having opened up. I’d been trying to get it out of her ever since, but she always changed the subject. Which I got—so I never really pushed it.
But suddenly I wanted to know more.
She shrugged as she struggled to uncork the top to the bottle. I took it from her hands and popped it open, holding it out for her.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged again as she tipped the bottle to her lips and took a sip. A trail of bubbly liquid trickled down her chin and she struggled not to laugh and spill it everywhere. I took the bottle from her hands, pulling it slowly away from her wet lips, and took a drink. Her eyes watched my mouth as I titled the bottle up. Whatever her ex did, it had left her scared to get close to anyone, but I knew she craved it—closeness, intimacy—more than anything else.
“She is stupid if she doesn’t see you are better than him.”
I laughed sardonically as I shook my head. “I’m not exactly a prize.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” She bumped her shoulder against mine and laughed nervously.
“I guess that makes two of us.”
“I’ll drink to that.” She took the bottle back, her delicate fingers sliding over mine as our eyes locked. There was no denying the attraction between Donna and me. We were cut from the same cloth. She just masked her pain with the illusion of perfection. I hid behind my anger. Same problem, different Band-Aid.
I watched her tilt the bottle to her lips, wrapping them around the rim, and I had to move away from her. I pushed to my feet and paced the floor as I scratched the back of my head. My hair had grown out in the last few weeks and now was a shaggy dirty-blond mess.
“I need to get out of here.” I was beginning to feel like a caged animal in my own thoughts, and being alone with Donna was a regret waiting to happen. She needed this band as much as we needed her, and for that reason alone I was going to keep my hands to myself.
“All right. I’ll head back to my room. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.” She stood and took a step forward as I turned to continue my path across the room. Our bodies nearly collided and I put my hands up, grabbing her arms to keep us from crashing together.
“You’re coming with me.” I wasn’t about to abandon a friend when he or she needed me because I was busy sulking over my own bullshit. Getting out would do us both some good, and I wasn’t about to go hang out with the twins while that fucking asshole was around.
“Oh . . . all right, but I’m not bailing you out if you get in another fight. Just let me go change.” My eyes scanned down her body; her dress revealed the top of her breasts and her breathing had grown heavy, pushing them toward me with every inhale.
“You look good. Just grab your shoes.”
Her cheeks tinged pink as she smiled. I let my hands slide off her silky skin. I grabbed the bottle from her hand and sat it on the counter behind us. “We can finish that later. Let’s go get something a little stronger.”
As I opened the door to the hotel room, I placed my hand on the small of Donna’s back to guide her out of the room. When I stepped into the brightly lit hall, my eyes locked with Sarah’s as she swiped her key card in a room just three doors down.
Her mouth opened as if she was going to say something, but her door pulled open and she practically fell inside as I heard the sound of Derek’s muffled voice. I swallowed hard as Donna and I walked in Sarah’s direction.
As we passed the door, which still hung open, Derek glanced out at us and smiled. “You two are like a thing now, huh?”
I glanced over his shoulder to Sarah and back to him. “We’re just hanging out.”
“Whatever, man.” He glanced back at Sarah behind him. “We’re just getting ready to hit the bar scene with the twins. You guys should come. Would suck to be the only couple there.”
I glanced to Donna, who shrugged but didn’t want to commit to anything. I knew she was worried it would upset me more to be around Sarah, but Derek was holding out an olive branch and I would be stupid not to take it.
“Yeah, just let her grab some shoes. We’ll meet you in the lobby.” I pushed my fingertips against Donna’s lower back and she began walking toward her room two doors down on the left. When we got inside, I slammed her door a little harder than necessary.
“Sorry about that,” I sighed as she grabbed her shoes and slipped them on her feet.
“It’s fine.” Her tone had a bite as she ran her fingers through the loose curls that hung around her face.
“If you don’t want to go, we can just hang out.”
“I don’t want you to be embarrassed when people think we are a couple.”
“What?” I said. She tried to walk by me, but I grabbed her arm, stopping her beside me. “Why do you think I would be embarrassed?”
She sighed, her shoulders sagging as she looked at my chest, avoiding eye contact. “What does it matter if Derek and Sarah think we are a couple? Am I that much of an outcast? I know what you all think about me, but am I really that repulsive?”
I took my free hand and titled her chin up with my fingers. “It matters because we aren’t, Donna. And none of us think you are repulsive. You’re just a bitch.” I laughed as I saw the familiar frustration roll over her face.
She knocked my hand away as her eyebrows pulled together. “I know we aren’t. But why does it matter? If Derek thinks you aren’t looking at Sarah, he won’t care if you’re around. And maybe Sarah seeing you with someone else will make her realize what she is missing.”
I hadn’t thought of that. I le
t go of Donna’s arm as a smile spread across my face. “You’re kind of evil,” I joked. She grinned wickedly and winked at me. I wrapped my arm over her shoulder and pulled her head closer, kissing her on the forehead.
“I have my moments.” She giggled as I pulled open the door to her room, and we made our way down to the lobby.
The twins were already waiting for us and they turned around, eyebrows rising as they saw me with my arm around Donna. The elevator next to us opened and Derek and Sarah stepped out.
“This is going to be fun,” Chris said, laughing, and Terry shook his head. I just glanced at Donna, who smiled and slipped her arm behind my back.
“Where we hitting first?” Derek asked as we walked across the lobby toward the front door.
“I figured we’d hit a few bars and get a good buzz on before we find a club,” Terry called over his shoulder as we stepped out into the cool night.
I walked behind Sarah and Derek, getting a view of his hand grabbing her ass. I clenched my jaw and swallowed back the jealousy just as her hand swept behind her and knocked his away. I couldn’t help but grin a little bit at her clear annoyance.
Then he reached over and flicked her ribs and she glared at him. I could tell it really bothered her, but Derek was a clueless fucking idiot. Clearly he thought he was being playful or something. He just didn’t get her at all.
I laughed and Donna looked up at me through her thick, dark lashes. I just shook my head as we walked down the sidewalk toward a large neon sign ahead.
SARAH
I WASN’T SURPRISED THAT E was with someone, but I didn’t expect it to be his manager. She didn’t seem like his type. Even though she was around our age and seemed cool enough, she was definitely more uptight and professional than E, and E was just . . . E.
Derek seemed to relax a little when he discovered they were together, and that made me feel a little more at ease. I didn’t want this trip to be ruined by his perpetual bad mood over my past with E. Derek just didn’t believe that we’d only ever been friends. Unfortunately, that was a side effect of his own cheating, even if it was way in the past—he just never trusted anyone anymore. But I knew that dealing with his insecurities was part of dating Derek—it just came with the territory.