I closed my eyes.
“Miss Youngblood, I have seen how you are with my son. I believe you are genuine in your regard for him. But my wife and I know what you are, and that is something that can never be changed. That is why you and your brothers must leave Lost Lake. If you stay, Miss Youngblood, Jesse will die. You will kill him.”
The truth was supposed to set you free, but all it did was turn me into a robot. After I spoke to Jesse’s father, I hung up the phone and went to my room, where I sat by the window and watched the moon rise. At some point Trick came in and spoke to me, but I didn’t hear what he said.
I didn’t care anymore.
I went to bed, got up when the alarm went off, and went to school. I did everything I was supposed to, but my brain remained disconnected. Vaguely I wondered if I’d be this way for the rest of my life, and even that didn’t bother me. Maybe it would be better this way, not feeling, not caring. Maybe in a few years I’d forget what Paul Raven had told me.
Jesse will die. You will kill him.
“You look like you just lost your best friend.”
I frowned. I was standing in front of my locker with my Calculus book in my hands. Generally my books didn’t talk to me, so I turned around.
Boone stood there, not smirking or crowding me, but just waiting.
“I don’t have any friends.” I turned back to my locker. “Leave me alone.”
“The Halloween dance is tomorrow night,” he said. “Are you going with anyone?”
Why was he still talking to me? “No.”
“So go with me.”
“No.” I slammed my locker shut, locked it and went around him.
Boone caught up with me. “Is it because your brother’s going with Tiff? They don’t care about us.”
“There is no ‘us.’” What he said finally penetrated my fog. “My brother isn’t going to the dance. He’s not interested in your ex-girlfriend.”
“You really are out of it.” He took my arm. “Come with me.”
I don’t know why I went with him to the student parking lot. Idle curiosity. Complete apathy. Who knew? But when we arrived Boone stopped and pointed at my brother’s truck. Gray was standing next to his truck. So was Tiffany Beck. She was talking to him. Gray smiled at something she said, bent down and kissed her.
Tiffany wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.
“I heard they’ve been leaving campus together every day,” Boone said. He looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach, which was exactly how I felt. “Doesn’t look like they’ve been going out for lunch.”
Grayson and Tiffany. Tiffany and Grayson. No matter how I arranged their names in my head, it didn’t work. Gray was my brother, and I loved him. Tiffany Beck had tried to kill me, and I hated her. They didn’t belong together. They couldn’t be together.
But there they were, kissing. Holding hands. Walking off to class.
“How long has this been going on?” I asked Boone.
“A while now” he said. “One of my friends said your brother started dating her a couple of weeks ago.”
Seeing it all with such crystal clarity felt almost painful, but I welcomed it. My brother watching the cheerleaders at lunch. My brother talking to Tiffany, and defending her after the stunt she pulled in the media center. My brother trying out for Boone’s position on the football team. My brother, who hated everything, being happy with the world. My brother becoming so furious about moving away.
“Cat?” Boone peered down at me. “You okay?”
Gray didn’t care about making friends or being popular. He’d done everything for her. He’d wanted Tiffany, and now he had her. She loved him. Everyone loved him. He was our hero.
I took a moment to let the fury settle inside me, and then I gave Boone an empty smile. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, sure.” He looked uncertain. “Talk to you later?”
I nodded and headed back to the cafeteria.
Ego was happy to accept the lunch I no longer felt like eating, and observant enough to know I didn’t want to talk to him. As I sat there and stared at the top of the table, Barb came over and sat beside me.
“Hey.” She sounded tentative, as if she expected me to explode any second. “I haven’t seen you guys in a while. How’s it going?”
“Fine. I’m Diego, and this is Catlyn.” Ego sat back. “And you are … ?”
She made a face at him before she glanced at me. “I asked Boone if he would tell you about your brother and Tiffany. I thought you should know.”
I stared at her.
“Why didn’t you tell her?” Ego demanded. “Oh, right, you’ve been too busy not being seen with us.” He waved his hand. “You can run away and sit somewhere else now.”
“Look, I wish it could be different.” Barb sounded miserable. “I’m not like you, Cat. I want to have friends. I want people to like me.”
“Why don’t you just shut up and go?” Ego snapped.
Barb ignored him. “I came to talk to you because I know what Tiffany’s doing. She’s only been dating Gray to get back at Boone for breaking up with her. She knows you and your brother are close. I heard that she’s planning to embarrass him at the dance. She’s going to make a big scene and blame him for doing something really awful. You should warn him.” She saw some kids watching us and got to her feet. “My friends are waiting for me. See you later.”
“Her friends are waiting for her.” Ego threw down the remains of his sandwich. “I can’t believe she’s turned into such a snot.”
“She was trying to be nice. Let it go.” Already I could imagine Tiffany making a scene at the dance, and humiliating Gray in front of the whole school. “I’ve got to talk to my brother.”
“You believe her?” He sounded incredulous. “Cat, she’s just trying to start trouble between you and Tiffany again. It’s like the girl’s only hobby.”
Doubt started to set in as I tried to think of what to say to my brother, but not because I thought Barb was lying. From what Boone had told me and what I’d seen with my own eyes, Grayson was obviously crazy about Tiffany Beck. Gray also knew how much I disliked her, which was probably why he’d been keeping the relationship a secret.
My brother would listen to me, I knew, but he wouldn’t believe a word I said about his girlfriend. His heart wouldn’t let him.
I thought it over until the dismissal bell rang. I had to try to warn my brother, but I also needed a back-up plan.
I intercepted Boone on the way out of class. “Do you still want to take me to the Halloween dance?”
He grinned and pulled two tickets out of his pocket. “When can I pick you up?”
I was about to tell him that I’d meet him at the dance, but there was no way I was riding in Gray’s truck with him and Tiffany. “I’ll be ready at seven.”
Confronting my brother about his relationship with Tiffany Beck was my next unpleasant task. But when I met him at his truck, he tossed me a small drawstring black bag.
I caught it reflexively. “What’s this?”
“Candy gram. The players have been selling them to kids to send to their friends tomorrow.” He looked sheepish. “I know you’re not into candy, but … it supports the team.”
What he meant was he knew that no one else would send one to me. “That’s nice. Thanks.”
On the way home Gray brought up cornering Trick about the move. “I tried to wait up for him last night, but he didn’t get home until real late. We should talk to him after dinner.”
Jesse will die. You will kill him.
“Cat?”
“Yeah, okay.” This was the perfect chance for me to tell him that I knew he was dating Tiffany on the sly, but my heart wasn’t in it. I’d had all my dreams crushed, why ruin his? Why did I have to be the bad guy? Tiffany would do that at the dance, and then Gray would be happy to leave Lost Lake, and everything would be fine.
I just wished I believed that.
Trick left another
note at home saying he was out repairing some fencing at the back of the property. Gray went to his room, but once I was alone I couldn’t stand staying in the house another minute. I dropped my backpack on the kitchen table and headed out to the barn.
Sali, who I’d been neglecting too much over the last weeks, was happy to see me, and I spent a little time pampering her with a thorough brushing. My bottle of mane-and-tail detangler was almost empty, though, so I went out to the cabinet where Trick stored our grooming supplies. On the way I noticed some trailing marks on the floor that ran from the barn door to the hayloft ladder, as if someone had dragged something heavy into the barn.
I glanced up at the hayloft. Or out of it.
I climbed up the ladder and went over to the old horse blanket, which lay in a crumpled pile. When I lifted it, I found nothing but some loose straw and a wolf spider, which scuttled off under the edge of a bale.
The trunk had vanished.
“Cat? Where are you?”
I dropped the horse blanket, went over to the edge, and looked down at Gray. “What do you want?”
He frowned. “You shouldn’t be up there. Trick told you to stay out of the hayloft.”
Grayson appeared uncomfortable, and sounded worried, and he wouldn’t look me in the eye. That gave me my second moment of painful clarity.
Gray knew about the trunk. He knew about the Van Helsings. Trick hadn’t been hiding it from both of us; he and Gray had been working together to keep it from me.
I jumped over the railing and landed on the barn floor in front of him, as agile as if I’d never needed a ladder.
Gray’s face whitened. “Are you nuts?”
“No, I’m a Van Helsing.” I paused to appreciate the moment; he looked ready to keel over. “Getting rid of the trunk was a waste of time. I already opened it and saw all the goodies inside.”
My brother finally recovered, shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked at some straw on the floor. “Don’t be such a drama queen. It’s not ours. Trick picked up that trunk at an auction. He didn’t want to move it again.”
“Liar.” I walked over to Sali, who was getting nervous, and stroked her neck. “Our mother was a Van Helsing. They were teaching her the family business when she ran away with Dad. Now it’s on you and me. How do you feel about a career in hunting down and killing vampires? Do you think they have any job pamphlets in Guidance about who’s hiring?”
He still wouldn’t look at me. “I don’t know what that guy Jesse told you—”
“He doesn’t know anything.” Or perhaps he did, and that was why he’d stayed on the island. “His father told me. The Ravens knew our parents, Grim. They were neighbors. At least, they were until Mom tried to kill Jesse’s mother.”
“Then he lied to you,” Gray said. “There are no Van Helsings. Mom’s name was Fanelsen, and she would never hurt anyone. She was a sweet, gentle person—”
“—who had been trained by her parents to hunt down and kill blood-sucking monsters,” I finished for him. “Give it up, Gray. I know everything.”
His expression turned stubborn. “Vampires aren’t real, so whatever that man told was just bull. Stop deluding yourself.”
“Speak for yourself.” I turned to him. “You’ve been dating Tiffany Beck since you got on the team. You think she’s your girlfriend, but she doesn’t care about you. She’s never cared about you.”
He stiffened. “Tiffany loves me.”
I hooted a laugh. “Yeah, right. Do you know what she’s planning to do tomorrow night? While you’re at the dance, she’s going to make a scene. A nice, big, nasty scene that will make you look like a total idiot. Her relationship with you was only to use you to get back at Boone, and me.”
He dragged his hands through his hair and tried to say something, and then shook his head.
“I know you don’t believe me,” I continued. “Which is fine. Just remember when this blows up in your face that I told you the truth. The real, ugly, painful truth. Which is a lot more than you and Trick have ever done for me.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said slowly. “By tomorrow you’ll forget all about this.” He stalked out of the barn.
If Gray wouldn’t talk to me about the Van Helsings, it was because he’d promised our brother that he wouldn’t. If I was going to get any answers, I had to face Trick.
Sali was delighted when I went into her stall to saddle her, and nuzzled my neck as I tossed the blanket over her back.
“Don’t act so happy,” I warned her. “You’re probably going to have to listen to a lot more yelling.”
“No one has to yell.” Trick opened the stall door. “Come out here, Catlyn.”
Twenty-One
On the way back to the house from the barn I asked Trick if I was going to be grounded forever.
“That would make it pretty hard to move next week,” he said. He inspected my face. “I think you can be paroled for good behavior.”
“Does my parole include going to the Halloween school dance tomorrow night?” I batted my eyelashes at him. “I’ve already got a date.”
He stopped me. “With who?”
“Aaron Boone.” The way he was scowling made me chuckle. “Come on, Trick. I’m fifteen, and it’s just a school dance. Gray’s going, and we’ll be chaperoned to death. Please?”
“I suppose so.”
“Great. Ouch.” I winced and rubbed my throbbing temple. “I can’t seem to get rid of this headache.”
“You’re overheated.” He rubbed my back. “Go upstairs, take a couple of aspirin and get some rest. I’ll wake you for dinner.”
I leaned my head against his shoulder. “Have I ever told you that you’re a prince?”
I went into the bathroom upstairs to get my bottle of aspirin, but found it empty. “Who’s been stealing my drugs?” I grumbled as I tossed it into the trash can.
I trudged back downstairs to get some from the bottle in the kitchen, but stopped just outside as I heard Trick’s angry voice.
“We can’t keep doing this,” he was saying. “I said it had to stop when we moved here. Those headaches she had in Chicago were too severe. We could be causing permanent damage.”
“I told you what she said.” Gray sounded sulky. “You’d rather have her know?”
“You’re the finder. Why aren’t you watching her?”
“I told you to change our schedules, but you said nothing would happen,” Gray snapped. “That guy’s father talked to her. He told her about them.”
“When?” Trick asked. “You were here last night. Did Raven come to the house? Did he call?”
As Gray answered no, I remembered that I’d made a call last night. I’d called someone from the phone in the kitchen, but why would I talk to a bird?
“Trick, we can’t just take away a couple of things. We have to make her forget it all this time,” Gray said. “Moving here, school, that boy, everything. It’s the only way it’ll work.”
I almost laughed out loud. Make me forget my life? Was he kidding?
“It’s not just the trunk or the letters,” Gray said. “She thinks she’s in love with this guy. The Ravens know who we are. How long do you think those monsters will wait before they come after her?”
I took a step back. In love? I wasn’t in love. I’d never been in love. And why was he talking about birds knowing me and being monsters?
“So far they’ve done nothing,” Trick said. “They’re not like the others. They seem to be able to control themselves. If we stay here, that will change.”
“Is that right? Then why did Tiffany say Jesse was all over her at the zoo?” Gray demanded.
From the moment my brother said the name ‘Jesse’ my heart began to pound faster. I moved away from the kitchen door, groping my way along the furniture as I dragged myself to the stairs. I couldn’t let them see me like this. I couldn’t let them know I’d been listening.
I don’t know any Jesse. There is no Jesse.
I crawled up the st
airs, panting as tears of pain streamed down my face. The headache swelled until it pressed against the inside of my skull, so hard I expected to hear it crack. At the top of the stairs I nearly fell as the hammering agony became the world, and one low, beautiful voice began whispering in my mind.
Go back where you came from, girl.
It’s dangerous to ride in the dark.
I won’t let you fall.
When I’m with you, I can be just like anyone else.
“Jesse.” I staggered inside my room and fell on my bed, holding my pounding head between my hands. “Help me remember. Help me.”
His voice became my guide: Every hello and good-bye, every complaint, every compliment, every single word he’d ever said to me. They brought with them images: Jesse riding Prince, the moonlight gilding them silvery white; Jesse holding my hand and walking with me through the cool silence of the woods; Jesse standing with me next to the tiny jewel of a lake we’d found hidden on his land. Jesse frowning and smiling and laughing. With each memory I dragged from the dull gray void in my head the pain began to fade, until my headache itself was only a memory.
Catlyn, whatever happens … I’ll always be with you.
Once I remembered Jesse, the rest of what I’d forgotten unfolded around his memory like a moonflower blooming in the night. I had found out about the Van Helsings from Ego and from Paul Raven. I’d confronted Gray in the barn, and had been saddling Sali when Trick came into the stall. Then there was another void, a space of time I couldn’t recall. After that, Trick and I were walking back to the house.
Something had happened to me in the barn. Something that had made me forget the most important person in my life: Jesse, the boy I loved.
I sat up slowly, holding my head in anticipation of more pain. Nothing hurt, but I felt sluggish and a little disoriented, as if I’d woken up after sleeping too long.