CHAPTER IX
It is difficult to judge of any course of conduct entirely on its ownmerits, when it has a reflex action on ourselves. When Rendel before hismarriage used to go to Prince's Gate and to see Rachel, absolutelyoblivious of herself, hovering tenderly round her mother, watching tosee that her father's wishes were fulfilled, that unselfish devotion andabsorption in filial duty seemed to him the most entirely beautifulthing on this earth. But when, instead of being the spectator of thesituation, he became an active participator in it, when the stream ofRachel's filial devotion was diverted from that of her conjugal duties,it unconsciously assumed another aspect in his eyes. But not for worldswould he have put into words the annoyance he could not help feeling,and Rachel was entirely unconscious of his attitude. The devoted,uncritical affection for her father which had grown up with her life wasin her mind so absolutely taken for granted as one of the foundations ofexistence, that it did not even occur to her that Rendel might possiblynot look at it in the same light. She took for granted that he wouldshare her attitude towards her father as he had shared her adoration forher mother. It was all part of her entire trust in Rendel, and thesimple directness with which she approached the problems of life. Shehad, before her marriage, expressed an earnest wish, which Rendelunderstood as a condition, that even if her father did not wish to livewith them, she might share in his life and watch over him, and Rendelhad accepted the condition and promised that it should be as she wished.But it is obviously not the actual making of a promise that is thedifficulty. If it were possible when we pledge ourselves to a givencourse for our imagination to show us in a vision of the future theinnumerable occasions on which we should be called upon to redeem, eachtime by a conscious separate effort, that lightly given pledge of aninstant, the stoutest-hearted of us would quail at the prospect. Rendellooked back with a sigh to those days, that seemed already to havereceded into a luminous distance, when Rachel, alone with him inScotland, with no divided allegiance, had given herself up, heart andmind, to the new happiness, the new existence, that was opening beforeher.
The danger of pouring life while it is still fluid into the wrong mould,of letting it drift and harden into the wrong shape, is an insidiousperil which is not sufficiently guarded against. It is easy enough tosay, Begin as you mean to go on; but the difficulty is to know exactlythe moment when you begin, and when the point of going on has beenarrived at; and of drifting gradually into some irremediable course ofaction from which it is almost impossible to turn back withoutdifficulty and struggle. There had been a feeling that everything wassomehow temporary during those first days at Cosmo Place, which extendedinto the weeks. Sir William held as a principle, and was quite genuinein his intention when he said it, that young people ought to be left tothemselves. He would not, therefore, take up his abode under their roof,but still that he should do so eventually was felt by all concerned as avague possibility which prevented in the young household a sense ofhaving finally and comfortably settled down. Indeed, as it was, it wasperhaps more unsettling to Rachel, and therefore to her husband, to haveSir William coming and going than it would have been to have himactually under the same roof. If he had been living with them hispresence would have been a matter of course, and less constantcompanionship and diversion would probably have been considerednecessary for him than they were when he dropped in at odd times. Theadvancing season and the grey dark mornings made the early ridesimpossible. Rachel in her secret soul did not regret them. Sir Williamhad taken the habit of looking in at Cosmo Place on his way to Pall Malland further eastward, and it always gave Rachel a pang of remorse if shefound that by an unlucky chance she had been out of the way when hecame. He would also sometimes come in on his way back, as has beensaid, in the obvious expectation of having a game of chess, of whichRendel, if he were at home, had not the heart to disappoint him. Inthese days there was not much occupation for him in the City. Theexcitement of starting and floating the "Equator" Company and theallotting of the shares to the eager band of subscribers had beenaccomplished some time since. The "Equator's" hour, however, had notcome yet. The outlook in the City was not encouraging for those who knewhow to read the weather chart of the coming days. The heart of thecountry was still beating fast and tumultuously after the emotions ofthe past two years; it needed a period of assured quiet to regain itsnormal condition. In the meantime the storm seemed to be subsiding. Thegreat railway laying its iron grip on the heart of Africa was advancingsteadily from the north as well as from the south: it was nearing theEquator. The country, its imagination profoundly stirred by theenterprise, watched it in suspense. But until the meeting of the twogiant highways was effected, everything depended upon an equable balanceof forces, of which a touch might destroy the equilibrium. Germanpossessions and German forces lay perilously near the meeting of the twolines. At any moment a spark from some other part of the world might bewafted to Africa and set the fierce flame of war ablaze in the centre ofthe continent.
The General Election was coming within measurable distance; the LiberalPeace Crusade was strenuously canvassing the country in favour ofcoming to a definite understanding with certain foreign powers.
At the house in Cosmo Place it was no longer always possible, as on thatfirst evening, to avoid the subject of politics.
"I must say," said Rendel one night with enthusiasm--Stamfordham hadmade a big speech the day before of which the papers werefull--"Stamfordham is a great speaker, and a great man to boot."
"A great speaker, perhaps," Sir William said. "I don't know that that isentirely what you want from the man at the helm."
"Well, proverbially it isn't," said Rendel, with a smile, determined tobe good-humoured.
"As to being a great man," continued Sir William, "anybody who knocksdown everything that comes in his way and stands upon it looks ratherbig."
"Even admitting that," said Rendel, "it seems to me that thedetermination and courage necessary to knock down what is in your way,when it can't be got out by any other method, is part of what makes agreat statesman."
"You speak," said Sir William, "as if he were a savage potentate."
"In some respects," said Rendel, "the savage potentate and civilisedruler are inevitably alike. The ultimate ground, the ultimate arbiter oftheir empire, is force."
"Empire!" said Sir William. "That is the cry! In your greed for empireyou lose sight of everything but the aggrandisement of a dominionalready so immense as to be unwieldy."
"Still," said Rendel, "as we have this big thing in our hands, it isbetter to keep it there than let it drop and break to pieces."
"I don't wish to let it drop," said Gore. "I wish to be content toincrease it by friendly intercourse with the world, by the arts of peaceand civilisation, and not by destruction and bloodshed."
"I am afraid," said Rendel, "that the savage, which, as you say tootruly, still lurks in the majority of civilised beings, will not becontent to see the world governed on those amiable lines."
"There I must beg leave to differ from you," said Sir William, "Ibelieve that the majority of civilised human beings will, when it hasbeen put before them, be on the side of peace."
"We shall see," Rendel said, with a smile which was perhaps not asconciliatory as he intended it to be.
"Yes, you will see when the General Election comes," said Gore. "And ifit goes for us, and we have a Cabinet composed of men who are not themere puppets in the hands of an autocrat, the destinies of the worldwill be altered."
"Father," said Rachel, "do you really think that is how the GeneralElection will go?"
"Quite possibly," Gore said, with decision. Rendel said nothing.
"Oh, father!" said Rachel. "I wish that you were in Parliament! Supposeyou were in the Government!"
"Ah, well, my life as you know, was otherwise filled up," said SirWilliam, with a sigh; "but in that case the Imperialists perhaps mightnot have found everything such plain sailing." And so much had hepenetrated himself with the conviction of what he was saying, that hefe
lt himself, as he sat there opposite Rendel, whose wisdom and sagacityin reality so far exceeded his own, to be in the position of the older,wiser man of great influence and many opportunities condescending toexplain his own career to an obscure novice.
Rendel looked across at Rachel sitting opposite to him, listening towhat her father said with her customary air of sweet and gentledeference, and then smiling at himself; and again he inwardly vowedthat, for her sake, he would endure the daily pinpricks that are almostas difficult to bear in the end as one good sword-thrust.
"I must say it will be interesting to see who goes out as Governor ofBritish Zambesiland," he said presently, looking up from the paper."That will be a big job if you like."
"Let's hope they will find a big man to do it," said Sir William.
"I heard to-day," said Rendel, "that it would probably be Belmont."
"Well, he'll be a firebrand Governor after Stamfordham's own heart,"said Gore. "It's absurd sending all these young men out to theseimportant posts."
"That is rather Stamfordham's theory," said Rendel--"to have youngishmen, I mean."
"If he would confine himself to theories," said Sir William, "it wouldbe better for England at this moment."
"It might, however, interfere with his practical use as a ForeignSecretary," Rendel was about to say, but he checked the words on histongue.
After dinner that evening he remained downstairs under pretext ofwriting some letters, while Rachel proposed to her father to give her alesson in chess.
Rendel turned on the electric light in his study, shut the door, stoodin front of the fire and looked round him with a delightful sense ofpossession, of privacy, of well-being. His new house--indeed, one mightalmost have said his new life--was still so recent a possession as tohave lost none of its preciousness. He still felt a childish joy in allits details. The house was one of those built within the last decadewhich seem to have made a struggle to escape the uniformity of the olderstreets. The front door opened into a square hall, from the left side ofwhich opened the dining-room, from the right the study, both of theserooms having bow windows, built with that broad sweep of curve whichmakes for beauty instead of vulgarity. The house, Rendel had told hiswife with a smile when they came to it, he had furnished for her, withthe exception of one room in it; the study he had arranged for himself.And it certainly was a room in which, to judge by appearances, a workerneed never be stopped in his work by the paltry need of any necessarytool. Rendel was a man of almost exaggerated precision and order.Everything lay ready to his hand in the place where he expected to findit. A glance at his well-appointed writing-table gave evidence of it.The back wall of the study, opposite the window, was lined with books.On the wall over the fireplace hung a large map of Africa. Rendel lookedintently at it as he thought of the stirring pages of history that werein the making on that huge, misshapen continent, of the field that itwas going to be for the statesmen and administrators of the future: hethought of Lord Belmont, only two years older than himself, with whom hehad been at Eton and at Oxford, and wondered what it felt like to be inhis place and have the ball at one's feet. For Rendel in his heart wasburning with ambition of no ignoble kind. He was burning to do, to act,and not to watch only; to take his part in shaping the destinies of hisfellow-men, to help the world into what he believed to be the rightpath; and he would do it yet. In his mind that evening, as he stoodupright, intent, looking on into the future, there was not the shadow ofa doubt that he would carry out his purpose. He had come downstairssmarting under the impression of Sir William's last words when they werediscussing the new Governor. Then he recovered, and reminded himself ofthe obvious truism that the man occupied with politics must schoolhimself to have his opinions contradicted by his opponents, and mustmake up his mind that there are as many people opposed to his way ofthinking in the world as agreeing with it. But it is one thing to engagein a free fight in the open field, and another to keep parrying thepetty blows dealt by a persecuting antagonist. Day by day, hour by hour,as the time went on, Rendel had to make a conscious effort to keep tothe line he had traced out for himself; he had to tighten hisresolution, to readjust his burden. The yoke of even a belovedcompanionship may be willingly borne, but it is a yoke and a restraintfor all that. But Rendel would not have forgotten it. He accepted thelot he had chosen, unspeakably grateful to Rachel for having bestowedsuch happiness on him, ready and determined to fulfil his part of thecompact, to carry out, even at the cost of a daily and hourly sacrifice,the bargain he had made. And, after all, as long as he made up his mindthat it did not signify, he could well afford, in the great happinessthat had fallen to his lot, to disregard the minor annoyances. His life,his standards, should be arranged on a scale that would enable him todisregard them. If one is only moving along swiftly enough, one hasimpetus to glide over minor impediments without being stopped or turnedaside by them. For Rachel's sake all would be possible, it would bealmost easy. At any rate, it should be done. Rendel's will felt bracedand strengthened by his resolve, and he knew that he would be master ofhis fate. There are certain moments in our lives when we stop at aturning, it may be, to take stock of our situation, when we look backalong the road we have come--how interminable it seemed as we beganit!--and look along the one we are going to travel, prepared to startonward again with a fresh impulse of purpose and energy. That night, asRendel looked on into the future, he felt like the knight who, lance inrest but ready to his hand, rides out into the world ready to embracethe opportunity that shall come to him.