“I won’t,” I said soothingly. “I won’t do anything.”
She drew and released a shaky breath. Then, “Just . . . he likes to talk. Just be a good listener. That’s all he really needs. Be as nice as you can. But nothing more. Nothing more. All right?”
“All right.”
After signing off, I stared at myself in the reflective surface of the console. Still with the raven hair Donia preferred, still with my same nose. She’d reacted so negatively to the very suggestion of intercourse with Gladdic. That was the moment it occurred to me: Donia was jealous. Terribly jealous. She cared far more for Gladdic than she’d let on.
It still perplexed me that she hadn’t told me about him, but I was capable of reading between the lines. If she wanted to marry him, then I’d do my best to evaluate Gladdic to see whether he was suitable for Donia. If he was good enough for her, truly so good as she believed, then I’d do everything in my power to improve relations between the Impyrean and Aton families. If it helped remove suspicion of heretical leanings from Sidonia, even better. I could do that much for Donia.
15
ENMITY BEGAN following me. Evidently the Emperor required only two of his Diabolics at his side at any one time, which gave her plenty of opportunity to tail me through the Chrysanthemum, monitoring me for any further suspicious actions.
She was clever about it, lingering far enough away from me that an ordinary person would never notice her presence. She conducted herself as a Diabolic on a standard patrol of the Chrysanthemum, not as a hunter in pursuit of prey. Only the most paranoid mind could have connected the two of us. That she was always near me would seem a mere coincidence.
But never to me.
I became acutely aware of my every movement, my every breath, wondering how much of my true self I’d betrayed to her already. The only thing I could think to do was play the best possible Grandeé: engage myself in frivolity and hope she lost interest in me.
However much training I’d received from Sutera nu Impyrean and the Matriarch, I didn’t have a true social instinct. I had no impulse to seek entertainment or make new friends, but I needed to behave in a certain way to blend in seamlessly—I needed to behave as though I wanted to participate in court activities. The more I did this, the sooner Enmity would have to accept that her suspicions were imagined.
This was where Neveni proved most useful.
She hungered for experiences. So far we’d wandered every garden in the Valor Novus and spent a long day hiking five kilometers and back down Berneval Stretch. It was the longest pylon jutting out from the Chrysanthemum, with few people and a great number of automated machines going about their tasks. It wasn’t a glamorous stretch, but Neveni insisted we had to do it, since it ended abruptly at a wall where those who ventured that far scrawled their names.
I saw the names and sigils of most of the young Grandiloquy there and knew this was some rite of passage for court. There was the quasar of the Aton family, the supernova of the Pasus, the solar eclipse of the Fordyces, the six stars of the royal branch of the Domitrians, and even the black hole sigil of the nonroyal branch of the Domitrians—the Grandeé Cygna’s side of the family. We added our names to the wall, and I carved in the Impyrean sun rising from behind a planet.
Neveni, somewhat defiantly, plucked off her necklace and used the blade to etch in the twin moons of Lumina. “If the Grandiloquy don’t like it,” she said, “they shouldn’t have brought me here.”
Another evening, we joined Gladdic gambling over the creature fights. Various Grandes and Grandeés exhausted their currency commissioning genetically engineered beasts for an arena in the pits of the Tigris, and most of the time, their creatures were killed at the first engagement. The others lost money wagering on the losers, and heartily enjoyed the bloodshed in the meantime.
This was one of those harmless public occasions Gladdic had mentioned when we could pass time together without censure. He spent much of the evening—even during his own creature’s fight—catching my eye and sending me discreet smiles. I forced my lips to curve and return them, not sure that I could ever capture Sidonia’s softness and warmth.
Gladdic’s creature won the match, so he excused himself to run down and check on his animal’s health. Neveni took the opportunity to tell me, “I really want to participate in this sometime.” Her voice was hoarse from cheering on the hybrid bear-tiger she’d bet on two matches ago. “We should order a creature of our own.”
I looked at her skeptically. “And you’re hoping I’ll pay for this.”
“Come on, Sidonia. Don’t you want to try it just once?”
For some reason, the idea made my stomach roil unpleasantly, though I couldn’t say why. It wasn’t as though I was fazed by the sight of such savage brutality. Buying a creature seemed a very typical Grandiloquy thing to do, and my goal was to appear as normal as possible. I gave her the money and left commissioning the beast in her hands.
Neveni’s creature was ready within a week, tailored to the genetic code she ordered and raised with an accelerant to full size. As soon as it was ready for its first match in the arena, she invited me down to the corrals to view the creature with her. I invited Gladdic.
Neveni led us into an area in the bowels of the arena where an overpowering stench mounted in the air.
Gladdic murmured and pulled a scented jar of oil from within his sleeve. He dabbed a droplet beneath each nostril and offered the jar to us. Neveni took some as well.
I shook my head. Cloying perfume bothered me far more than the stench of animals.
As we neared the corrals, Neveni chattered about her new creature, and Gladdic questioned her from his own experience with tailoring creatures for the fights. I tuned them out, listening carefully until I discerned the familiar, smooth tread of Enmity following behind me. I wondered if she was growing bored yet.
My thoughts were still on her as we stepped into the corrals, but then my eyes took in the whole scene before me and I found myself jerking to a stop, something giving a horrified lurch within me.
I couldn’t move for a long moment. My gaze trailed about me, tracing the rings of harsh fluorescent light denoting invisible walls. The roars and sounds of the creatures floated to my ears, melding with the sudden buzzing in my head. An uncanny sense overcame me that I’d stumbled backward to another time.
My hand reached out for the nearest fluorescent ring, skimming the prickling force field separating me from a tiger hybrid. I could see the creature, but it could only see me if I chose to make the field transparent. I knew this without asking.
Once I’d been the creature on the other side of those force fields.
The hand of memory gripped me in place. These had the same build as the corrals where I’d spent my early years. I remembered people drifting past, gawking in at me like this. And here I was on the other side.
I didn’t realize I’d stopped by one of the pens, staring inward at it, until I felt the touch on my arm.
My hand flew up to Gladdic’s throat on instinct, but I didn’t squeeze. I recovered my wits just in time. My eyes met his, my breath coming quickly, and I pressed my hand back to my side. “You startled me.”
Confusion washed over his face. I knew I’d done something distinctly inhuman.
“Where is the creature?” I said to distract him, forcing a smile.
“Mistress Sagnau said it’s right down here.”
I followed Gladdic, feeling like I was moving through a swamp, feeling like Nemesis dan Impyrean standing here completely visible in a skin that didn’t fit, where surely any moment now someone would see I was an imposter.
We reached the pen where Neveni’s animal awaited. All the other animals about us were pacing restlessly in their confined space, growling or agitated. Neveni’s creature sat on its haunches with its leg raised, its head bent down to lick away at itself.
“Oh, come on,” Neveni said, looking around despairingly.
Gladdic muffled a snigger. “I think it’s enjoying that.”
“Hey, stop that!” Neveni called, and whacked her palm at the force field. She let out a yowl of pain when her hand rebounded off with a shock. “Oh no, what if it does this in the arena? This is going to be a disaster.”
“At least it will enjoy the last few minutes of its life,” Gladdic joked.
I found myself staring over my shoulder, back at the muscular woman who’d just stepped into the corrals—the Diabolic following me. Enmity, too, was looking around with recognition on her face.
I felt a curious wrench in my chest.
For the first time, I looked at Enmity and saw not a complication, a foe, someone who might kill me or someone I might soon have to kill.
I saw a person . . . no, a creature who was just like me. The same past, the same experiences, someone who in different circumstances could have understood that side of me that was unfathomable even to Sidonia. I knew exactly what she had to be feeling and thinking, because I was feeling and thinking the same thing.
And then her gaze met mine and I averted my eyes quickly.
Enmity and I were twin sprouts from the same soil, and she could never know. Never. Because she would kill me for it.
Neveni was tense as we waited by the ring for her creature’s turn to fight. She’d named it Deadly before seeing it, a name that was sure to become a joke if the beast went out there and resumed cleaning itself rather than fighting.
“This is awful,” Neveni lamented as we sat there. “I added lion and bear. Did you two see any signs of lion or bear or did I get all dog?”
“It was larger than most dogs,” Gladdic said. “It had some fur around its neck.”
We watched Neveni’s beast placed into the pen just beside the arena, ready to fight in the next list.
“We’re going to be a laughingstock,” she told me.
“I funded you,” I told her. “I didn’t order it. I won’t be the laughingstock.”
The dismay on her face told me I’d said the wrong thing.
Softer now, I spoke, “If you truly fear it will lose most terribly, then let’s pull the creature out now.”
“Why, Sidonia, that would be a terrible overreaction.”
Elantra Pasus glided down and settled herself on Gladdic’s other side. Her retinue of employees and Servitors trailed behind her—among them Unity, the Exalted despoiled by Tyrus Domitrian.
Neveni and I both tensed. Gladdic’s dark skin paled a shade. “Elantra.”
“Gladdic,” she greeted him, looking him over in a questioning way—and I recalled suddenly that Gladdic wanted to avoid displeasing the Pasus family. There seemed to be a silent warning in her eyes, I swore it, but then she addressed Neveni. “Most everyone is embarrassed by their first beast’s showing in the arena.”
“Oh?” Neveni’s arms were tightly crossed over her chest. She had as much reason to be on edge around a Pasus as I did. She was only here because her mother had incurred Senator von Pasus’s wrath.
“Of course,” said Elantra. “You simply need to do more research next time and make sure you’re using a quality breeder. The cheaper ones water down their animal strains with too much dog. Let me guess: you weren’t even provided with a warm-up animal, were you?”
“A warm-up animal?” Neveni said warily.
“Chum,” I said quietly. Chum helped an animal learn to kill.
Or a Diabolic.
Elantra laughed. “Silly girl, you can’t just dump it in the ring and expect it to know what to do. A quality breeder would have told you that. They’re supposed to supply another, weaker animal. Your animal kills it, gets the taste of blood in its mouth, and then it’s ready for a real match. Your little dog is going to be torn apart if you don’t warm it up first.” She tilted her curly-haired head to the side, her smile coy. “I can easily supply some. I happen to have extra today.”
Neveni was still rigid, but she forced a tight smile. “I suppose that would be better than sending him out there to lose.”
“I’ll be meeting the Successor Primus in his box, so why don’t you head over there with my people? I’ll join you very shortly,” Elantra said. Then, to Gladdic, “And you’re planning to sit with me, aren’t you?”
Gladdic shifted awkwardly. “Yes, yes, of course.”
I looked at him, surprised by how easily cowed he was. He claimed to care for Sidonia yet dared not displease Elantra by refusing her. My opinion of him dropped.
Elantra’s smile just widened at his ready agreement. “Go with her, then,” she said, her voice honey sweet. It wasn’t a suggestion but an implicit order.
Gladdic didn’t look at me. He turned to accompany Neveni.
Gladdic and Neveni departed along with Elantra’s Servitors and her despoiled Exalted. This, I realized, was a power play. Neveni looked to be part of Elantra’s retinue now. Gladdic, ostensibly my companion for this match, had simply deserted me at her command. A Pasus was sweeping in and claiming her territory from an Impyrean.
I was still tempted to lash out at her, but that wouldn’t be appropriate, so I decided the best reaction was to play oblivious.
“How very gracious of you, Elantra,” I said, and smiled. “Neveni’s creature will surely profit from this.”
“Oh, I feel immense responsibility for those Excess from our territory.” Elantra gave a pleasant trill of laughter. “Though of course, Sidonia, I have no grudges if you truly value that Excess as a . . . friend.” She said that last word with a note of distaste. “I’ll send her right back here.”
“You are all kindness,” I said simply, waiting for her to reveal why she lingered with me.
“You two are so very close,” Elantra noted, looking between me and the box of the Successor Primus, where Neveni, Gladdic, and the others knelt to greet the arrival of Tyrus Domitrian. “It’s unusual at the Chrysanthemum to see two strangers so rapidly in each other’s confidence the way you two have been since . . . Oh, ever since that unfortunate incident with Salivar and Devineé, I believe?”
“She was very kind to help me,” I said tonelessly. “That night is still such a mystery to me.”
“Oh yes.” Her eyes glittered malevolently. “But hopefully it’s one that can be solved soon . . . for your own peace of mind. After all, Devineé and Salivar have awakened.”
My heart gave an unpleasant jerk. “Have they?”
“Yes. It will be ever so interesting to hear what they have to say, won’t it?” And without giving me another moment to contemplate the threat in that, Elantra rose and glided away from my section. She reappeared in the box of the Successor Primus, where Neveni and Gladdic both awaited. I watched Elantra draw Tyrus’s knuckles to her cheeks. Apparently, she was intent on showing herself gracious to Tyrus even after he’d ruined her family’s gift to the Emperor.
So Salivar and Devineé were awake. That didn’t mean I needed to worry. Neveni recalled very little of their assault on her from a far lower dose of Scorpion’s Breath. I’d force-fed them enough to hopefully obliterate months of their memory.
My heartbeat calmed at the thought.
A great roaring swelled around me. Below, in the arena, Deadly had been unleashed. He trotted out into the center of the arena, his tail wagging, his ears back, his nostrils quivering as he sniffed the air. I rose to see better, a nameless tension gripping me; then I caught sight of Elantra giving a wave to someone near her side.
Her employees scooped up the Exalted and tossed the startled young man into the arena with Neveni’s creature. The crowd gave a collective gasp, and even Tyrus Domitrian—despoiler of the innocent creature—lurched forward as though to catch the boy, but missed. The Exalted crumpled down on the rocky ground, his bald head gleaming in the light. For a few moments, Unity crouched there, dazed. Th
en he stood and looked about with eyes of infinite innocence.
So the Exalted was the chum Elantra intended to feed to Deadly.
I found myself clenching my sweaty fists, understanding washing through me. The Exalted had been bred to be defenseless, to think no evil, to understand no evil. He wouldn’t have any instinct to run or defend himself before he was ripped to shreds. Yet unlike a Servitor, he had the cognitive capacity to understand death when it came. He had to—because the Exalted was supposed to appreciate his fate when he was sacrificed.
My gaze returned to Elantra, to her smile as she disposed of the Exalted who had caused her so much inconvenience. Neveni’s hands were clapped over her mouth, and Gladdic’s head was bowed to avoid seeing the slaughter. At Elantra’s side, I saw the Successor Primus who’d been the one to despoil that Exalted.
Tyrus was staring down at the boy, aghast.
I found myself studying him for a long moment, a strange thought coming to me: he didn’t want the Exalted killed. Curious that it would matter to him.
My eyes were drawn back to the arena, where Deadly stalked about the helpless Exalted, but did not attack. The beast sniffed at the air, then turned away disinterestedly.
I saw Elantra point to an attendant down in the ring. She whispered something to Neveni.
And the attendant lifted a firearm and shot it at the beast. Forks of electricity enveloped Deadly for a moment, sending him yowling and yelping, running in frantic circles.
And suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t.
They shocked the beast again. And again.
I couldn’t see the arena, I could just see that helpless girl they’d thrown in my pen in the corrals. That little girl who’d shivered in the corner and then grown desperate enough to reach for my food. I drove her back, I screamed in her face, and she shook with tears of terror. But I didn’t strike her. I didn’t touch her. I looked at her for a long time, trying to figure out what this tiny, helpless thing was, and now I couldn’t breathe thinking of her as I watched them torment the beast below me.