I froze, unable to move, to breathe, even to think. "But I lied to you."
He shook his head and reached for me again, and this time, I allowed his caress. "Not about anything that matters."
"I don't know how to be a woman," I told him miserably.
"You don't have to. Just be who you are."
"It's not that easy."
He took my hands and pulled me step by hesitant step closer, until I met his look. "Some things aren't."
"I'm afraid, Lir."
"Of me?" He frowned.
My mind filled with the memory of Rosten's foul kiss, and the gropings of his soldiers. I shivered. Lir gathered me into his arms and held me for a long time without speaking.
"You are the most headstrong and valiant person I have ever met," he said at last. "You challenge me. You make me a better person for that. I've long wished to be your friend. Your brother of the heart. I would be honored to have that with you, and if there can be nothing more...."
"More?" I rasped.
His warm breath fluttered the remains of my hair. "If you can't have me as your lover, I'll be honored to have your friendship."
"They did...things to me."
"I know they did."
Anger filled me again, this time not at Lir, but at the Book Monster and his squadron of brutes. I pulled away and looked at Lir full in the face. My face felt taut with fury, and he pulled away probably thinking my anger was directed at him.
"What they did to me had nothing to do with love. Nothing to do with pleasure. What they did to me was all about power. Hurting me because they could, because Rosten allowed them to. They judged and punished me, and they had no right to do that!"
"No, they didn't."
"And I won't let them take this from me!" I put his hand on my waist, then up to the curve of my breast. "I won't let them ruin me, Lir. Not for anybody. But especially not for you."
I kissed him. He'd treated me with far more tenderness than I gave him. I captured his mouth with mine, opened it, forced his hands to hold me closer. His touch stung on my healing back, but the memories hurt worse. I wanted the heat of our passion to burn away the memories of what had happened in Rosten's workroom.
"Make me clean," I told him.
I'd always felt small beside him, but never more so than when he carried me to the bed. He laid down with his hand behind my head, so gently it was as though I floated on currents of air. Then he my body on top of his and wrapped me in his warmth until I could only think of him.
We made love in a dozen different ways, until I lost track of how many times he had made my body sing. Each time, he brought me to life with his mouth and his hands, and I did the same for him, until at last he fell upon me, exhausted, and pleaded for mercy.
"I need to rest, love. And so do you. You'll make yourself sick."
"Can that happen?" I straddled his naked body and kissed him. Without the fall of my hair to cover us, I felt exposed, but I no longer cared. Lir's love had returned to me what Rosten had tried to steal. I stroked a lazy finger along the line of his jaw and touched his lips. "Can someone get sick from too much love?"
He laughed and rolled onto his back, his arm across his eyes. "I'd think it more likely someone would fall ill from not enough, rather than too much. But you've been through a lot. You need to rest and heal."
I returned to his side and curved my body to his. "Lir, what happened in Alyria isn't finished."
"I know."
I lay back, careful of my soreness but content to know he stayed beside me. "What does Daelyn say of it?"
He sighed deeply. "Dae says nothing at all."
I sat up. "What do you mean?"
Lir rubbed at his eyes, and I noticed again how tired he looked. "Dae hasn't spoken a word since the arrest."
"Nothing? Nothing at all?" I thought of Dae's quick tongue and sharp wit. "I find that hard to believe."
Lir rolled to look seriously at me. "Screams don't count."
Nausea twisted my stomach. "He hasn't spoken in how long? How long has it been?"
"Three weeks over the mountains. Another four days here."
I sat up, stunned by the passage of time. I shouldn't have been surprised. The healing of my body's wounds should have told me how long it had been since I'd been in Rosten's workshop. Still, the knowledge I'd lost near to a month of my life, and could recall but pieces of it, made me shiver.
"I have to go to him."
Lir held me back when I made to leave our bed. "Galya has been with her."
"Her."
He nodded.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why did you let me spend so long on my own pleasure when I could have gone to...her?"
"I was selfish."
I struck at him and rolled from the bed. "You were! How could you, Lir?"
"Aeris, Daelyn must heal in her own way as you had to heal in yours. If you'd fought me further this morn, I'd have sent you to her without qualms. Tell me you didn't need from me what I was able to give, and I'll take the blame." He looked deeply into my eyes. "Tell me you didn't need my love."
I couldn't tell him that, of course, because what we had shared had given me strength. It had given me back myself. I sat on the edge of the bed, subdued.
"Is he...is she..." I sighed. "It's difficult to change a way of speaking and thinking after so long."
He laughed. "It's a bit easier for me. I've known Dae since we were children. I've known for a long time that she's a she."
"And me?" I tilted my head to stare at him. "How do you think of me?"
"The way I've always thought of you," he replied gently. "I told you, that hasn't changed. Whether I call you she or he doesn't matter to me. If you had chosen never to tell me your truth, or if I'd never had occasion to learn it, I don't think it would have mattered."
"Did you know? Before?"
Lir pulled me closer and kissed my lips. "I suspected, but didn't believe even Daelyn would be so foolhardy as to bring another woman so close to her. I underestimated how much Daelyn needed you."
It seemed a dual-edged compliment to me, and I drew away. "A lot of good I did her. If I hadn't gone after Galya, Rosten would never have discovered the truth about me. He'd never have been able to arrest Dae--"
"Hush." Lir put a finger to my lips. "Rosten would have found a way to arrest Daelyn. It was only a matter of time."
Tears sparked my eyes and I bit my lip. "Is she ill? Is she hurt?"
"Rosten beat her, though not as badly as they did you. As for the other...yes, Aeris. She's hurt. Her body has healed, but the rest of her –"
I got out of bed. "You should have told me this sooner."
"I wanted to spare you as long as I could. I hoped that every day passing would mean Dae would come back to herself. I thought if there were enough time..."
I left him and went to the privy chamber, where I washed quickly from the basin of water. I dressed in the clothes I'd tried earlier and bumped into Lir as I left the chamber and he entered.
"Wait, Aeris. I'll take you to her."
I fairly danced in impatience while I waited for him to perform his ablutions and dress. When he had clothed himself, I had to take a minute to look him over.
"The fashion of Elitan is not so...fashionable," he said as he pointed at his plain attire. He looked at me. "It must be a shock, I know."
I shook my head. He wore dark, long pants and a matching dark vest over a snowy white shirt. The garments were well-made, but without the ornamentation even the simplest merchant wore in Alyria. He went bareheaded, his black hair braided at the temples. His boots were worn.
Without the frills and cosmetic, he was still the most handsome man I'd ever seen, and I told him so.
"I think we can do better for you, though." He pointed at my own plain outfit. "I think you'll find the style for women in Elitan a sight more pleasing to the eye than you're used to."
My heart thudded and I clutched at my vest. "I like what I'm wearing. I don't want to
change."
Lir came close and held me, his voice as soothing as his hand stroking my shorn head. "Then you won't have to, love. But if you want to, I'm just telling you there's a whole new world waiting for you."
I'd thought he meant only the clothes women wore in Elitan, but when we left the privacy of his chambers and went out into the palace, I saw the full force of what he'd meant.
There were women everywhere here, the same as in Alyria, but while Alyrian women glided on silent feet, always in the background, like ghosts, the women of Elitan laughed and chattered and swept through the halls as though they had every right to be there. Which of course, they did. I had to force myself not to stare gape-mouthed at the young girls with rouged cheeks and upswept hair, complete with feathers and lace trimming. Or the older women, clad in more serviceable gowns that showed their legs, their arms, even their shoulders and bosoms.
Most of all, I stared at the faces. Young women with smooth, shining cheeks. Older ones with wrinkles and age spots. Brown eyes, blue eyes, red and brown and gray and blonde hair. Long noses, short, smiles and frowns. Every woman had a face, a lovely, unique face.
Many of them turned to stare at me as surprisedly as I looked at them, and I realized I was weeping. I swiped at my face. Lir reached for my hand and I took it, glad for the comfort.
"I'm overwhelmed."
"I know, love." He tightened his fingers on mine for a moment. "Even for someone who's seen it before, it can be overwhelming."
"Good eve." A young woman with a riot of curls tumbling about her shoulders paused as she passed. She smiled, her teeth like white pearls against the ruby of her lips. She wore a low-cut gown of linen or cotton, skillfully embroidered along the neckline and on the full skirt. She tilted her head. "I'm pleased to see you again."
"Hello, Mara." Lir gave a half-bow, and turned to me. "May I present Aeris Delaya."
I gave a half-bow as well, by instinct. The moment I did so, I realized I had misstepped. Her twinkling eyes and the way she hid a smile behind her fingers told me that. She dipped low without bending at the waist, her skirts held out to either side with her hands.
"Welcome, Mistress Delaya." Mara cut her eyes to Lir again, and I noted the way her gaze took in his entire body before focusing on his face. "Lord Akean, will you be present at Her Majesty's parlor social tonight?"
Lir's hand found the small of my back, and I stepped subtly away. I was not used to his open affection. I was definitely not used to being treated as a female, and he was doing both.
Mara watched our silent exchange with a flicker in her blue eyes. "Mistress Delaya, I'm certain Her Majesty would welcome your presence at the parlor social, too. If you like I can help you find something more suitable to wear."
I hadn't missed the look of frank appraisal she'd given Lir, and I didn't miss her not-so-subtle implication now. "Thank you, but I don't think I'll have time for a social tonight. And I like what I'm wearing right now."
I pushed away from her, though I had no idea where to go to find Daelyn. I heard Mara's titter from behind me, though not Lir's reply. After a moment, I sensed his presence. I turned to face him just inside the open foyer I'd entered.
"Take me to Daelyn, if you're done flirting."
Lir raised a brow. "Mara was simply being sociable. It's something you're going to have to get used to here."
I crossed my arms and lowered my voice, well-aware we were not alone. The circular foyer stretched upward, ringed with balconies bustling with occupants, and the six corridors exiting and entering the foyer had the same amount of activity. I moved closer so he could hear me.
"She was not being sociable. She was flirting with you. I'm not blind."
He gave a low chuckle that had my teeth gritting. "I believe you're jealous."
I frowned. "Should I be? Have you bedded her, too? I know you like women better than men. How many women have you fucked in Elitan, anyway? I know you made your way through quite a few in Alyria. I suppose it's easier here, where they can accost you in the hallway without fear of reprisal."
"You're jealous!"
"That's neither here nor there," I said. "What matters now is that I get to Daelyn."
He nodded, slowly, then reached for my elbow. I moved away. "I can walk myself. I don't need you to guide me as though I'm some sort of wilting flower who can't find her own way."
"You can't find your own way."
It seemed as though he were deliberately trying to make me angry. "Just take me. Please."
"It's always a battle with you, isn't it?" He sounded tired. "Would that you were a wilting flower. That would make it much easier for me."
I set my jaw. "I am who I am."
"I know that. Come on. We're almost there."
He took me to a long, curved staircase to a higher floor and down a wide corridor lined with paintings and statues. The difference between the floor where our chambers were and this one was obvious. Daelyn had been given rooms suitable to the monarch he...she was.
Lir paused in front of a pair of gold-leafed doors. He knocked, which startled me, as he'd never knocked on Daelyn's door at home unless it was locked. After a moment, one of the doors opened and a familiar face peered out.
"Galya!"
Then she was in my arms, her kisses raining on my entire face. She nearly knocked me over from the force of her greeting. She squeezed me so tightly my injuries cried out in protest, and my discomfort must have shown because she let me go as swiftly as she had grabbed me.
"Oh, Aeris, 'tis so good to see you." She took my hand and led me inside the room. "And Lir, of course."
The opulent decadence of Daelyn's home chambers was missing here, though the furniture looked comfortable and the room itself was of a good size. A cozy fire crackled with two armchairs in front of it. Shelves full of books rose to the ceiling on either side of the fireplace. Rugs, plentiful if rather threadbare and faded, covered floors of sanded wood. Through a curved doorway I caught a glimpse of a bed and armoire.
"How is she?" Lir asked before I could.
"The same." Galya looked worried. "She just sits and sits."
I pushed past them and into the bedchamber. I had expected to find Daelyn in bed. Instead I found her seated in a large, overstuffed chair. I'd expected a nightgown, or perhaps clothes similar to those Lir and I had donned.
Daelyn had been dressed as a woman of Elitan. Her gown was resplendent, cloth of gold and crimson, lace and embroidery as fine as any she'd ever worn as Prince Regent of Alyria. The bodice of the gown had been cut in a square along the top of her chest, and a collar of starched lace sewn with diamonds and pearls rose to the tops of her ears. Her ringed fingers rested half-curled on her lap of bunched gold and red fabric. Red and gold slippers peeped from beneath the multi-layered skirts. Her shorn hair had been trimmed and neatly washed with a jeweled comb tucked into it. Her face wore no cosmetic but needed none, for her cheeks were pale as milk and her lips red as blood. I could see no sign of the bruises and welts that still adorned my own face.
The transformation was so complete I could only stare for a long moment. Then I came to myself and went to my prince, and I knelt at her feet, my head bowed, my hands shaking and my teeth fair to chattering with emotion.
"My prince."
She said nothing. I raised my eyes. She hadn't moved. Her gaze looked far away, the same as it had the day we watched the woman burn, the same as it had the day Lir and the others rescued us.
"Daelyn?"
Still no answer.
I'd already gone to my knees before her. Now I reached for her hands. They hung limp and cold in mine. I moved closer, careless of the way my knees rumpled her fine gown.
"Daelyn. Please, my prince. Look at me."
She didn't move. A faint smile played about the mouth for which I'd once yearned so fiercely upon mine own. She sat still, like a breathing statue.
"Please, Dae." My voice broke and tears ran down my cheeks. I squeezed her hands. "Don't go away. We need
you. I need you!"
"She's been like this for weeks," Galya said gently. "Believe me, we've tried everything. We've had the medicus to bleed her, the magicreator to say spells over her, even the priest to pray for her. She's gone."
I got to my feet and whirled to face them. "Look at how you've dressed her! It's no wonder she's not herself! You've put her in a costume, made her into a poppet! This is not Daelyn!"
I kicked at the hem of the gown, careful not to strike Daelyn's legs beneath it. "This is not our prince!"
Lir grabbed my arms and forced me to look at him. "This is what Daelyn chooses to wear. Nobody's forced her to dress this way."