Matthew and Catherine were married at the end of October and left almost immediately afterward for a two-week honeymoon in Scotland and England.
Rand and Karen drove to the airport with them, excitedly waving them off. Rand was unusually quiet as Karen drove home.
Later, as Karen sat on top of their bed, brushing her hair before changing into her pajamas, Rand asked, “Now that all the rush has passed, how do you feel?”
She paused, her hands resting lightly on her stomach. “Tired.” As the pregnancy had progressed, Karen had lost the ability to move gracefully. The baby’s first gentle movements now resembled the activity of a soccer team.
“I don’t want you driving the car any longer,” Rand declared casually.
Her look was puzzled. “Why ever not?”
He walked away from her, hanging his clothes in the closet, as if reluctant to let her know his reasons. “Because.”
A faint smile quivered at the corner of her mouth. “All right, if you insist.” Rand was worried about her, about the baby, but was unwilling to admit as much.
“I do.” His words were abrupt. “Either Carl will take you where you need to go, or if he can’t, perhaps your sister”—he hesitated—“and, Karen, please wear your safety belt.”
“I promise,” she said gently.
Another month passed, the longest month of her life. Rand didn’t mention the baby or her pregnancy. He touched her, held her in his arms, loved her with a tenderness that was beyond description, but he never spoke of the child. A hundred times, Karen wanted to cry out that her time was drawing near, that he’d have to hurry. She couldn’t bear it if the baby was born and Rand refused to have anything to do with their baby or couldn’t love him or her. Somehow Karen felt the infant would know, would sense Rand’s reluctance, and the thought of that rejection brought a harrowing ache within her heart.
With only a couple of months remaining, Karen didn’t think she could grow much larger. Even getting up from a sitting position proved to be a difficult task. Judy reminded her that large babies ran in the family and that James and Carter both weighed more than eight pounds at birth. But even she looked upon Karen with worried eyes.
Following her regular visit to the doctor in December, Karen sat in her living room with brooding thoughtfulness. As she stared into the distance, a lump began to form in her throat.
“Do you think Rand will be angry?” Judy sat opposite Karen; her eyes sparkled in excitement.
“Of course he’s going to be angry. I suppose I shouldn’t be so shocked, but how was I to know anything was unusual? I’ve never had a baby before.”
Judy chuckled softly. “To be truthful, I suspected something. I could understand it when you looked down and couldn’t see your shoes, but when you lost sight of the floor, I knew something was up.”
Karen’s voice wobbled uncontrollably. “How can you joke? Rand will be here in a few minutes. He didn’t want one baby. How am I supposed to tell him it’s a multiple birth?”
“You’ve really done it this time, little sister.” Judy chuckled. “If I wasn’t so delighted, I’d sympathize with you. But I think twins are wonderful.”
The beginnings of a small smile formed. “I think I could be happy about it, too, if only I could be sure of Rand’s reaction.”
After Judy left, Karen entered the bedroom that had been transformed into a nursery. Running the tips of her fingers over the pink-and-blue plaid wallpaper, she glanced around the room with mixed emotions. Rand had given her a free hand to do as she wished, never asking what she had done, not listening when she told him. She had tried to discuss names for the baby with him. Rand had cut her off, telling her she could choose any name she wanted. Little by little, she could see a softening in him, but it was so infinitesimal. How would he react to the news she was having twins?
The doctor had been so reassuring, so kind. When he had first suggested the ultrasound, Karen had been surprised. The results confirmed his suspicions, and Karen didn’t know if she should laugh or burst into tears. She chose the latter. Of course, the doctor had no way of knowing Rand’s attitude regarding the pregnancy.
“Karen.” The front door opened, and Rand called for her, his voice eager.
“I’m in here.” She walked out to meet him.
“How did things go with the doctor today?”
She stiffened slightly. “Fine.”
Rand kissed her softly, his lips teasing hers, but his hold tightened as the possession of his mouth hardened.
“My childbirth classes begin next week. I can’t wait any longer if I’m going to take them at all.” Her eyes studied his face. “Will you come with me?”
His face darkened, and a scowl narrowed his eyes. “No, I’m not ready, Karen.”
A lump of painful hoarseness tightened her throat. “That’s okay. I understand.” She broke from his embrace and moved into the kitchen. “I … I better start dinner.”
Rand nodded, and Karen saw the flicker of sadness that passed over him.
Karen couldn’t sleep that night. There didn’t seem to be a comfortable position, and turning over was a difficult task. She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling in the moonlight, wondering how she could even broach the subject of a multiple birth when Rand couldn’t accept or love even one child.
“Are you awake?” Rand whispered.
“I’m sorry. Am I keeping you up?”
“No.” He rolled over, cradling her head on his shoulder. “I can’t sleep, either.” His fingers gently caressed the length of her arm. “I love you, Karen.”
“I know,” she whispered, the lump in her throat constricting.
“Honey, I’m trying as hard as I can. I know you’re upset about me not attending those birth classes with you, but I can’t force this. It’s got to come naturally.”
Rand believed the reason she had been so quiet and withdrawn that night was because of his reluctance regarding the classes. She hadn’t the courage to tell him otherwise. Perhaps when he was more comfortable with her pregnancy, was closer to accepting the baby, then she’d tell him.
“Did you tell him?” Judy asked the next day.
Abjectly, Karen shook her head. “I couldn’t.”
“Honestly, Karen, when are you planning to tell the poor guy? On the delivery table?”
“If I have to. What do you suggest?” she questioned sharply. “He’s trying to come to terms with his feelings for one child. I can’t suddenly announce there’s more.”
“He’s been so good to you.”
“I know, Rand’s been wonderful. But it’s all me, not the baby.”
“I don’t understand.”
Karen inhaled deeply. “He follows me around like a lost puppy. The other night, I found him standing outside the shower listening in case I fell. He calls two and three times a day and canceled his speaking engagements close to my due date. He’s even hired Dorothy to do the housework for me. I’m barely allowed to lift a finger around my own home.”
Judy chuckled, dimples forming in her pink cheeks. “It’s a good thing. I don’t imagine you’re able to do much.”
She laughed. “It takes me an hour to get dressed. I’ve only got a few weeks left before the baby comes. And as far as I can see, Rand’s no closer to accepting this child than he was in the beginning.”
“Chin up, kid. Things will work out,” Judy spoke reassuringly.
The first glimmer of hope came a week after the break of the new year. Rand arrived home with a large box under his arm.
“Hi, honey. I’m home.”
“I’m in the kitchen,” she called, drying her hands on a terry-cloth towel. Her back had been aching most of the day. Finally, in an effort to take her mind from the dull pain, she’d baked Rand’s favorite cookies.
“What are you doing?”
“Dishes,” she replied weakly. The ache seemed to be moving slowly from her back to her stomach.
He paused behind her, slipping his arms around her swollen
stomach, caressing her roundness. “Leave them for Dorothy. I’ve got something for you—a present.”
“For me?” She brightened, noticing the large box on the table for the first time.
“Go ahead; open it.”
Lifting the lid, Karen stifled a cry, tears shimmering in her eyes. “Oh, Rand,” she murmured tightly. “Oh, Rand.” Inside the box, wrapped in tissue, lay a giant teddy bear. He had said the present was for her, but he had gotten it for the baby.
His hug was warm and gentle. “Hey, why the tears? If I’d known you were going to cry, I wouldn’t have gotten it.”
“I’m just so surprised,” she said, sniffling, before he brought his mouth down to hers.
Sitting through dinner was an uncomfortable task. The pain in her back and abdomen seemed to grow more intense as the night progressed.
“Karen, are you feeling okay?” Rand asked as they got ready for bed.
Rubbing her hands over her stomach, she hesitated. “I don’t know … I feel funny.”
“Funny?” he straightened. “How do you mean ‘funny’?”
“I’ve had a backache all day, and now it seems to be traveling around to my stomach. I think it might be a good idea if we started timing these pains.”
The blood drained from his face. “Pain? You said you felt funny. You didn’t say anything about pain.”
Her hand traveled down his tense jaw. “Relax, Rand. I’m sure it must be false labor. It’s almost three weeks too early.”
“I’ll call the doctor.”
“Don’t do that. It’s much too soon even if this is the real thing.”
An hour later, there could be no denying the pain that constricted her abdomen.
“I’m sorry, Rand, but I think we should call the doctor. This pain is too intense to be anything but real.”
“Dear God.” For a moment, Rand remained frozen, as if in his own silent terror. “You’re sure?” he questioned one more time.
Again, Karen was seized with another contraction, taking deep heaving breaths before she could respond. “Yes,” she groaned softly, “the baby’s coming.”
“Carl.” The name was wrenched from Rand as panic seemed to fill him. “I have to phone Carl … then the doctor.”
“Honey, settle down. I’m all right; everything is fine.” For the first time, Karen saw that Rand was troubled, unsure. “Rand … if you’d prefer it, I could go to the hospital alone.”
“No.” He nearly shouted the word. “I’d go insane sitting at home worrying about you. I want to be there when … the … our baby is born.”
A minute later, Carl was knocking on the door, his face tight and anxious. “Miss Karen, are you okay?”
“It’s too early,” Rand repeated, as if hoping against hope she was teasing.
“It is too early,” she agreed with a soft smile, “but I’m afraid no one bothered to tell the baby that.”
“Oh, God.”
The drive to the hospital was a bad dream. Rand kept telling her it was weeks too soon—she must be mistaken—and then shouting at Carl to hurry.
Karen was met at the hospital door by one of the nursing staff, who took her into the obstetrics ward. It was more than an hour later before she saw Rand.
He looked pale, drawn, his hair a mess, as if he’d jerked his hands through it several times.
“Karen.” He caught her fingers, holding them tightly to his mouth.
She bit into her bottom lip to keep from groaning as she was wrenched by another pain. “Rand.” Her hand smoothed his hair away from his face. “Listen, there’s something I must tell you.”
“No, you listen. I love you … I’ve done so little to deserve your love. The thought of my life without you is unbearable.”
Tears blurred her eyes, and she drew a ragged breath. “Oh, Rand, I love you, too.” Again, her stomach hardened and contracted. Against her will, she whimpered softly as the pain ebbed.
“Nurse,” Rand cried, “my wife is in pain. Do something.”
“Rand, you must listen to me … it’s about the baby.”
The white-capped nurse rushed into the room. “Mr. Prescott, there’s nothing we can do now to ease your wife’s discomfort. The doctor’s on his way.” The woman sounded so calm and sane against the frantic cries of her husband.
Karen smiled tenderly at this man she loved. “Rand,” she placed his hand on her stomach, “please listen, because I want to be the one to tell you.” She paused as the grinding agony ripped through her once again.
“Tell me what?” he asked as she relaxed.
“Rand.” She kept her eyes shut, afraid to look into his eyes, then couldn’t help herself. “We’re having twins.”
“Twins,” he bellowed, then repeated it incredulously. “Twins?” He shook his head as if stunned. “I should have known to expect something like this.”
“Are you angry?”
“No,” he denied instantly.
Again, Karen was gripped by the tormenting pain. Rand kissed her hand several times. “My love,” he whispered as if the pain was his own, “let us work together to bring these new lives into the world. Show me what I can do to help you.”
Her eyes shining with an infinite tenderness, Karen smiled softly.
Several hours later, after the delivery, Rand joined Karen in her hospital room. She was exhausted but radiant, content and happy as her husband sat beside her and kissed her.
“How are they?” she questioned softly.
A look came over him, unreadable at first, myriad emotions. There was pride, satisfaction, and a wealth of love. “They’re perfect, Karen. The nurses let me hold Jody and then Jenny. It was incredible to touch and feel our daughters. For the first time, I realize that you and I are bound together by far more than vows. The whole while you were in labor, I was experiencing this terrible guilt because I hadn’t wanted a family. Then suddenly they were there, and I knew I would love these little girls beyond reason, as I love their mother.”
Karen held his hand against her breast. “I love you.”
“My wife, my lover, the mother of my children. You hold my life and everything important in the palm of your hand.” Tenderly, he took her hand, lifted it to his lips, and very gently kissed her palm.
Read on for an excerpt from Debbie Macomber’s
Starting Now
Chapter 1
This was it. Surely it must be.
The instant Libby Morgan heard her paralegal tell her “Hershel would like to see you in his office,” she knew. Oh, there’d been rumblings around the office about layoffs and early retirements. Such gossip simply verified what she felt in her heart Hershel was sure to tell her. She’d waited for this moment for six very long years.
Libby had always wondered how she’d feel when she finally got the news. She longed to hold on to this sense of happy expectation for as long as possible. In retrospect, she must have intuitively known something was up because she’d worn her best pin-striped suit today, choosing the pencil skirt over her normal tailored slacks. And thankfully she’d had a salon appointment just the day before. Getting her hair cut was long overdue, but seeing how good it looked now, she felt it was worth every penny of the hundred dollars Jacques had charged her. A good cut did wonders for her appearance. She wore her dark brown hair parted in the middle in an inverted bob so that it framed her face, curling around her jawline. Jacques had mentioned more than once how fortunate she was to have such thick hair. She hadn’t felt that way when he’d insisted she have her eyebrows plucked. But he’d been right; she looked good. Polished. Professional. She promised herself not to go so long between appointments again.
Libby didn’t see herself as any great beauty. She was far too realistic and sensible, was well aware of her physical shortcomings. At best she was pretty, or at least Joe, her ex-husband, had told her she was. She knew she was probably no better than average. Average height, average weight; brown hair, brown eyes, with no outstanding features, but on the inside she was
a dynamo. Dedicated, hardworking, goal-oriented. Perfect partner material.
Reaching for her yellow legal pad, Libby headed toward the managing partner’s opulent office. Outwardly she remained calm and composed, but inwardly her heart raced and her head spun.
Finally. Finally, she was about to be rewarded for the hard choices and sacrifices she’d made.
Libby was in her sixth year of an eight-year partnership track. Hopefully she was about to achieve the goal that she had set her heart on the minute she’d been accepted as an associate in the Trusts and Estates Department at Burkhart, Smith & Crandall, a high-end Seattle-based law firm. She was about to be made partner even earlier than anticipated.
While she didn’t want to appear overly confident, it went without saying that no one deserved it more than she did. Libby had worked harder, longer, and more effectively than any other attorney employed by the firm. Her legal expertise on the complex estate-planning project for Martha Reed hadn’t gone unnoticed either. Libby had provided a large number of billable hours and the older woman had taken a liking to her. Over the past month two partners had stopped by her office to compliment her work.
Libby could almost feel her mother looking down on her from heaven, smiling and proud. Molly Jo Morgan had died of breast cancer when Libby was thirteen. Before dying, Libby’s mother had taken her daughter’s hand and told her to work hard, and to never be afraid to go after her goals. She’d advised Libby to dream big and warned her there would be hard choices and sacrifices along the way.
That last summer her mother was alive had set Libby’s life course for her. Although her mother wouldn’t be around to see her achievements, Libby longed to make her mother proud. Today was sure to be one of those Hey, Mom, look at me moments.
Early on in high school Libby had set her sights on becoming an attorney. She was the president of the Debate Club and was well known for her way of taking either side of an issue and making a good argument. Reaching her goal hadn’t been easy. Academic scholarships helped, but there were still plenty of expenses along the way. Funds were always tight. In order to support herself through college she’d worked as a waitress and made some good friends. Later on in law school she’d found employment as a paralegal in the Seattle area.