silence. Consideringly, Sallylooked down, faintly excited, but unemotional. He vainly sought toachieve a mutual kiss; but she kept her head turned away. Strange! Herbrain was perfectly clear! She was aware of every contact with him, knewhis every wish; and was unmoved. How different it was from when she waswith Toby! Gaga's voice resumed: "I think you ... love me a little,Sally, my dear, my angel."
"Angel! Good lord!" ejaculated Sally. She put her hands to his breast,forcing him a little away. "D'you think I'm an angel?"
"Yes!" came defiantly from Gaga.
"You're mad!" cried Sally, with contempt. "You don't know what you'retalking about. And even if you _are_ in love with me, as you say, whatdoes it mean? You'd soon get tired of me. You'd begin to think I_wasn't_ an angel. What's the good of it all?"
Gaga looked astounded.
"But if _you_ love _me_," he stammered.
Sally's face was darkened. She had tears in her eyes, and her mouth wasthin and hard. There was altogether a hardness in her expression thatterrified Gaga.
"Even if I did," she said in a grim voice.
"But we could be married," he urged.
Married! Sally's heart gave a jump. Her cheeks were suffused. Married!She could hardly conceal her amazement. He had flown right past herexpectation by that single word. Sally was aghast, forced to exerciseall her self-control to prevent him from seeing how staggered she was.
"Married!" she said, deprecatingly. "What would you want to marry a girllike me for?" But as she spoke she no longer meant the words which hadbeen conceived in honesty. A storm of temptation was upon her. Marriedto Gaga! Why, _nothing_ could stop her! Married to him, she would beunassailable. It was not to be believed.
"Because I love you. Sally, do say 'yes.'" He was beseeching. His greyface was flushed, his lips eagerly parted, his eyes radiant. Gaga seemedtransfigured. And his embrace was strengthened each instant by hisvehement desire for her.
"You love me?" Sally's voice had become thick and stupid as shestruggled to maintain her clearness of judgment in face of thisoverwhelming proposal.
"Say 'yes,'" urged Gaga. "Say 'yes.' It would be so wonderful. Sally,I've never ... never been in love before. I've ... never wanted a girllike this. You're so...."
"What am I?" Sally's voice was tender, lingering. The tears came againto her eyes, so touched was she by his earnestness and his gentleness,so puzzled by the unforeseen situation.
"So lovely," Gaga breathed. His lips came nearer, and she did notwithdraw. He kissed her mouth at last, and again; and at her responsethe kiss became long and possessive. "You lovely girl," he went on."We'll be married ... and ... and so happy."
"I don't know," cried Sally. "I don't know."
"Dear!" he begged.
"I'm not sure. Perhaps you'll be sorry to-morrow that you asked me. Willyou? Sorry? Such things _have_ been known to happen." Her voice wasquite hard, because her temptation was so great.
"I'll never change. I love you."
"I wonder." Sally shook her head. "I'll tell you to-morrow." She wasstill dubious, suspicious.
"Let me get a license."
Sally's heart jumped again. He had once more surprised her, and she hadsupposed herself altogether beyond surprise. A license! Her quick glancecould fathom no deceit, no inconceivable sportiveness in Gaga.
"Oh! You _are_ in a hurry!" she exclaimed, delayingly. "Frightened you_will_ change."
"I'm frightened of losing you."
Sally laughed a little, held up her face, and kissed him. Still she waspuzzled.
"To-morrow. But you'll be sorry by then. I won't promise."
She found it not unpleasant to be loved in this fervid, nervous fashion.It amused her. But she was curiously unmoved, and when he had put herinto her omnibus Sally breathed almost with relief. Strange to feel thatrelief after parting from the man you might be going to marry! Sallyjerked her head. She remembered suddenly that Miss Summers had saidearlier in the day. "_You'll_ think twice before you marry for justlove, and nothing else," Miss Summers had said. "You're right, my dear,"thought Sally. And then there came galloping into her memory arecollection that made Sally blanch. "It's not the first man who makesthe best husband," Miss Summers had said. Not the first man! The reasonfor Sally's fear was explained. She had known all along why she wasafraid and had pressed back the knowledge from her attention, so that itshould not interfere with her actions. The first man was Toby; and itwas of Toby that she was afraid--of Toby and his love for her; and, morethan all, of her strangely smouldering love for Toby.
xix
What had she been doing to forget Toby? Had she forgotten him at all?Somehow Toby had a little faded from her mind in these days, because hewas on a voyage longer than usual, and she had not heard from him. Toby,her lover! Only when she had been a little frightened or distressed hadshe longed for his protective arms. Otherwise he had slipped into a sureplace in her self-knowledge. He was the man she loved, strong and rough,the first to capture her heart, and until now the only man to hold herimagination. At the thought of deserting him Sally shrank. She belongedto Toby. Toby belonged to her. She had been going to marry him. If shehad not loved Toby she would ruthlessly have shouldered him aside; butshe could not do that, because he was her lover. And she was afraid. Ifonce she betrayed him, Toby might kill her. She became terrified at theidea. Men killed their girls for jealousy's sake. She had often read inthe papers of what were called "love tragedies."
Sally did not want to die. She wanted to rise to power, to riches. AndGaga offered her the way to attain her ambition. Married to him shecould have all, or almost all, she wanted. If she refused him she mightlose everything. She might lose her place with Madame Gala, shemight.... How harassed she was! It was such a temptation! Gaga, withmoney, and everything that he could offer; and Toby, with love that shecraved, and years of waiting, and a poky house, and his opposition toall she might want to do upon her own account. She had a vision of hislowering face, his savage mouth. She remembered all her joys in hisarms. A shudder shook Sally at thought of his vengefulness, his fiercestrength. And then, when she was married to Gaga, she would be mistressof so much that she desired. It was a desperate problem. The more shethought of it, the more tormented Sally became.
She was still in active distress when she reached home; and her headacheof the morning had returned. Bright colour showed in her pale cheeks,and her eyes were brilliant with excitement. She was at high tension.The first sight of their room, and her mother's squalid figure, produceda violent effect upon Sally's thoughts. Anything to escape from this!Anything! But what of Toby? His strong hands could crush the life out ofher. His jealousy would be so unmeasured.... He would kill Gaga. Hewould kill her. Sally was carried to an extreme pitch of fear. Life wasso precious to her. And she loved Toby.
Did she still love him? Did he still love her? They were both older;separation had made each of them less dependent upon the other than theyhad been at first, and even although her love was jubilant when Tobyreturned on leave she was no longer the rapturous girl of even a yearbefore. Long and long Sally remained torn between her two desires. Shedid not sleep at all, but lay turning from side to side and longing foroblivion or the daylight. She had never been so confronted with greattemptation and great fear. Her head ached more and more. She could notcry, or sleep, or forget. She lay with open eyes, watching the windowfor the dawn. And when the morning broke she was still undetermined.The choice was too difficult.
Breakfast was uneatable; her journey to work was a dream. She shrankfrom going into the workroom, from seeing Gaga. All her confidence haddisappeared. She was a bewildered little girl--not eighteen, but a childstill without sense of direction. At one minute Toby seemed the onlychoice to make, but principally because she was afraid of what he mightdo if she married Gaga; and when she forgot her fear she no longerhesitated between love and ambition. She argued that she no longer lovedToby. She never once considered her feeling for Gaga. She hardly thoughtof him, or of what marriage to him might mean. Her eye was all to thec
onsequences. It was so throughout, whether she thought of Toby or hisnew rival. All her thoughts were anticipations.
As she sat at work she began to lose fear of Toby. She felt she couldalways manage him, explain to him. She pretended that they would befriends; though the thought of Toby married to another girl gave her asharp horror. If she married, it was different. She did not imagine whatToby might feel--only what he might do. She was thus the completeegoist. Not Toby's happiness or unhappiness was implicated; but only herown dominant desire. If she had still been unsatisfied in her love forToby, she might have