wasgrotesque in the bright light of the gas.
"Oh dear!" he cried. "I wanted it."
"All the shops'll be shut now," declared Sally.
Gaga thought for a moment, his face drawn. He was forced to sit downupon the edge of the bed.
"I.... I used ... used to have cocoa in my ... my study," he said.
"I'll look." Sally went down to the half-landing and into the small roomwhich Gaga had always used for evening work before his marriage. It wasquite tiny, and there was a gas fire there, and an armchair, and abovethe fireplace were some small shelves with a few books upon them. Uponother shelves were many tins and packets and bottles, most of themcontaining preparations handled by the firm in which Gaga had aninterest. Strange: she had not had to trouble at all about that! Theroom was very cold, and Sally shivered as she stood examining thecontents of the shelves. The tins and packets were all in confusion,large and small jostling one another; and many had their descriptivelabels turned to the wall. Sally read upon some of them words themeaning of which she could not understand. Nearly all of them werechemicals relating to the enrichment of soil or to the generalimprovement of farm produce. Some were quite tiny, with little crystalsin them. Others were large, and still within wrappings. She hurriedlyread the lettering, darted away to the cupboard, back again to theshelves, and once more to the cupboard. Here there was a litter ofpapers also, for Gaga was temperamentally fussy and untidy, andeverything he owned was in disorder. She put her hand upon a cocoa-tin.It contained white pellets which looked like rice. There was anothertin, and this was half-full of cocoa. She gave a cry of satisfaction.And then, as she replaced the lid of this tin she saw another; straightbefore her eyes; and something made her stop as if she had beenparalysed. Fascinated, she read: "POISON: This preparation of Sheep Dipcontains Arsenic." There followed some particulars, of which she caughtonly the word "grains." Poison! Sally cautiously took the tin in herhand, reading again more carefully the words printed upon the label.Funny thing to have in the house, she thought.... Poison. She replacedthe tin upon the cupboard shelf, and carried the cocoa to Gaga.
"That cocoa?" she demanded. "It's all mixed up with poison and stuff.Don't want to _kill_ you."
Gaga, by this time in bed, looked at the cocoa, and proclaimed itsreality.
"Yes ... that's ... co ... cocoa," he stammered.
There was a pause of some minutes while the cocoa was mixed; and theyboth drank it slowly, Sally conscious, as its warmth stole through herbody, that she was less extremely unhappy than she had been. She felt alittle better. She even kissed Gaga in wishing him goodnight, andreceived his eager kisses in return without flinching. At last she toowent to her bed in the adjoining room, and undressed and lay down in thedarkness. From where she lay Sally could hear Gaga moving, and could seethe glimmer of the light in his room which would burn until the morning.And as she lay there all her tragic thoughts came flooding back with theintensity of a nightmare. The horrors, for a short time repelled, werestronger than ever. She was tensely awake. Every word exchanged betweenToby and herself came ringing into her head. She was aghast at thestupidity, the cruel and brutal stupidity, of her lover. He her lover!Love! why he didn't know what love meant! He would take everything shehad to give; and when he was asked to stand by her Toby would repudiateher claim upon him. She was filled with vicious hatred at his betrayal.That was what men were! That was what they did! Shirkers! They were alllike that, except when they were ridiculous half-men like Gaga. What wasshe to do? What _could_ she do? Her brain became very clear and active.It was working with painful alertness, so rapidly that she often did notreach the end of one channel before she was embarked upon another. Tobywas hopeless. She must act by herself. And what could she do?
Supposing she could do nothing? Disgrace, failure.... She wasfrightened. Better anything than disclosure so ignominious. She thoughtof Gaga: very well, there was still time. He would be better soon, andonce he was better she could easily persuade him that he was the fatherof her baby. That was the simplest plan, and one which had been so muchtaken for granted that she had not taken it sufficiently into account asthe only safe course. Gaga could be deceived because he had no suspicionof all that went on in her mind, or of anything that had happened in herlife. He would soon be better, and when once they were united he wouldbe wholly in Sally's hands. Not yet, though. He must get well. A quickrush of relief came to her as a reassurance. She could have laughed ather own panic. Of course Gaga was the solution. He could be made tobelieve almost anything. But supposing ... supposing that he wouldalways be ill? Then indeed she would be better dead. Dead? But how couldshe die? She might long for death; but death was not an oblivion thatcould be called up at will. Sally pondered upon the possibilities.
The word "POISON" returned to her memory. Quickly there followed theword "arsenic." Arsenic: what did she recall? Suddenly Sally rememberedthat evening long ago when she had found her mother reading an accountof the Seddon trial. What had Seddon done? All the details came crowdingto her attention. He had given poison in food ... in food. And Miss ...what was her name? Same as old Perce's-- Barrow. Seddon had given MissBarrow arsenic. It had made her sick. Sally shuddered. She did not wantto be sick. She had had enough of sickness in these past few weeks. Toher sickness was the abomination of disease.
A terrible shock ran through Sally's body. She lay panting, her heartseeming to throb from her temples to her feet. Miss Barrow had beenconstantly sick through taking arsenic, and they had only found itout.... Gaga.... Sally's face grew violently hot. She could not breathe.She sat feverishly up in bed, staring wildly. An idea had occurred toher so monstrous that she was stricken with a sense of guilt andself-horror such as she had never known.
xviii
All that night Sally dwelt with her terrible temptation. The more sheshrank from it the more stealthily it returned to her, like the slowfingers of an incoming tide. So many circumstances gave colour to herbelief that the poison could be given without discovery that Sally foundevery detail too easy to conceive. Gaga would be sick again and again,would weaken, would.... Always her imagination refused to complete thestory. She covered her face with her hands and sought frantically tohide from this loathsome whisper that pressed temptation upon her. Illand frightened, she lay turning into every posture of defiance andweakness and irresolution, until the daylight was fully come; and thenGaga's voice called feebly from the next room, and she must rise to tendhim with something of the guilt of a murderess oppressing her andcausing her during the whole talk to keep her face turned away.
But she found in the interview strength enough for the moment to baffletemptation. To know that Gaga lay helpless there before her--hardlymoulded into recognisable form by the clinging bedclothes--was areinforcement to Sally's good will. His position appealed to the pityshe felt--the pity and the contempt. He was so thin and weak, soexceedingly fragile, that Sally could not deliberately have hurt him.Instead, she was bent upon his salvation.
"Bertram," she said. "We _must_ get away to-day. This morning. D'yousee? We _must_."
"O-o-oh!" groaned Gaga, in unformulated opposition.
"We _must_. We'll go to Penterby this morning."
"But my dear!" it was a long wailing cry, like that of an old woman.
"We've got to go. _Got_ to go. _I'll_ get _everything_ ready. You shan'thave to worry about anything at all."
"Sal-ly!" Again Gaga wailed. He tried to pull her down to him, gentlyand coaxingly. In a sort of hysteria, Sally jerked herself free, lookingsteadily away. Her mouth was open, and brooding resolve was in her eyes.She was not tragic; she was in confusion, set only upon a singlepurpose, and otherwise passively in distress. Obstinately she repulsedhim.
"It's no good talking. We _must_ go. I'm ill, as well as you. The doctorsays we must both go away. At once." She was so resolute that Gaga couldnot resist her. He lay quite still, and for that reason she was forcedto look down at him. To Sally's surprise there was upon Gaga's face anexpression of such sweetness that she was almost touche
d. He loved her."There!" she murmured, as if to a baby; and bent and kissed him. Gagakissed her several times in return and continued to watch her, stillwith that strange expression of kindness that was almost worship. Hestirred at last.
"I'll get up," he said. "I'll get up now. It's a ... it's a fine idea.We'll catch the morning train, if we hurry. We'll be ... be there intime for lunch."
Sally was in such a whirl of thankfulness that she flew to her dressingand packing. She and Gaga were both downstairs and at breakfast withinhalf-an-hour, seated at the big dining-table, and looking very small inthat great room. As they sat, Gaga was so happy that he repented of hispromise to go away, and wanted to remain at ease in such