By the time the end of the week was drawing to a close, I was glad to be heading home. I told my mum and dad that we needed to get back to move Seth’s stuff into his new apartment. Of course, my mum wanted to know if I was moving in with him. I told her that this was all new and that baby-steps were required. I didn’t want to upset what we had. I think she was just so happy that I had someone like Seth in my life—and for the first time ever—I had to agree with her.
Once we were back in London, we made arrangements to meet Jonathan at the penthouse with the keys. Seth’s Solicitor had Power of Attorney, so signed the completion contract on Seth’s behalf two days beforehand. This was his official moving in day. All his belongings were moved in yesterday, thanks to Paul, who was more than willing to help. Everything was going according to plan.
Jonathan was pleased to see us and told me that my bruises were healing well. Everything was healing well thanks to my family, friends, and Seth. I couldn’t help but feel a little nervous once he left us though. Thanks to Paul, there was hardly anything that needed unpacking since he’d practically done it all himself.
“This was so nice of Paul to do all this for you. The apartment looks great. I could live in that kitchen alone.” I was so busy looking around the apartment in awe of the place, that I didn’t even realise Seth was there in front of me. He took my hand in his and kissed it tenderly.
“Then why don’t you?” His cheeky smile was back, but I could tell he was deadly serious.
“Seth, I didn’t mean… I mean, I didn’t say that bec—”
“I know you didn’t. It was only what I have been thinking anyway. I want you with me—all the time. I want to know that you’ll be here when I get home, or to know that you’ll be coming back to me once you finish work. I want to be able to cook us dinner in that kitchen and be happy in the knowledge that you’ll be in my arms soon. I want that every day—and I want it with you.”
His face was so sincere. It was sexy, sincere. It almost made me smile. “I don’t know,” I said, finally answering him. This is all just a little too—”
“Soon? I know. I just know that I want you in my life and I don’t see how waiting is going to stop that. I don’t expect an answer now. Just at least tell me you’ll think about it?”
He looked at me with those pleading, sexy, come-to-bed eyes and I melted. I still couldn’t help hating him that little bit for making me feel this way. “Okay,” I said, smiling. “I’ll think about it. You don’t need to bribe me with those come-to-bed eyes of yours.”
His face beamed like an excited child. “You think I have come-to-bed eyes, Cookie?”
“I don’t have to answer that.” I give him a big cheeky grin and he rewarded me with a full-on smacker of a kiss. No matter how many times he kissed me, it still felt like the very first time all over again. I would never tire of feeling his lips on mine.
“Let’s say we unpack the rest of these things and I will reward you with a bottle of champagne, and a slap-up take away meal—courtesy of our local pizzeria?”
I smiled at him, happy in the knowledge that despite all his worth, he could still be a down-to-earth regular guy. “You know, that sounds just about perfect.”
Chapter 13
We busied ourselves for a little while, unpacking some boxes full of his clothes and photographs. His family all looked beautiful, with their beaming smiles and love for one another. It was only now, when I saw the photos of Seth, that he was the only one with a haunted look in his eyes. Even his sister looked completely contented. It must kill her in a way to know that he still carried the guilt of what happened that night, twenty-one years ago. It was only when he told me the story that I realised just how close in age we both were. In fact, there was only two months difference between us, and I was the eldest. Seth called me his cougar and we both laughed about that for a while after.
By the time the evening came and the pizza had arrived, I was more than willing to just sit by the fire and soak up everything Seth. Every now and then I would look up towards Seth’s bedroom, knowing that we were going to sleep in there for the very first time. Together. I knew what was coming—there was no way of stopping that. I didn’t want to stop it.
We ate the pizza, sometimes feeding each other slices. It was romantic and more than a little erotic. The champagne was going down a treat and was relaxing me a little.
Once all the pizza had gone, Seth leaned in to give me a kiss. “Mmmm, Champagne and roses. My favourite.”
I giggled a little into his mouth and kissed him again—this time more hungrily. I wanted him—needed him—but I had to tell him my story first. I had to show him my true self.
I stood up from where we were sat on the floor, and Seth was about to get up when I told him to stay. “I have to show you something.” I unhooked the buttons of my jeans and pulled my jumper off. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do considering no one had ever seen me naked before now.
I stood in front of Seth with only my bra and panties on, revealing to him the scars that will be forever be etched into my skin. This was me, Angelina Bradshaw—bearing my soul to the one I loved. I stood as he stared over my body—my body that bared the scars of that fateful night.
He came over to where I stood, kneeling in front of me. He looked up, devotion set in his eyes. How could he feel that way about me now?
His pools of blue glistened with the fire, telling me how much he loved me still. No matter what—I was his.
He faced my biggest scar of them all—the one on the right side of my stomach—the one that the monster marked me with. I thought Seth was going to touch it—trail his finger across it—but instead he gently kissed the tip.
I almost choked on the lump that was forming in my throat. I swallowed it down, just like I always did and ran my fingers over his extremely short hair. It felt so soft to the touch; I could have played with it all day.
Feeling it was now or never, I held his head to my stomach, leisurely trailing my fingers down his face. “You trusted me enough to tell me your story. Now it’s time I trust you with mine. I want to tell you. I need to tell you. This is the first time I have said this out loud in eleven years.”
I knelt beside him and began my story.
“I was fifteen years old when I met Jaden Covelli. He was nineteen and I thought he was the nicest, coolest guy ever to live on the planet. I was infatuated by him.
“He was nice to me and made me feel special. He knew I was a virgin, and I always felt he was waiting for me—because he liked me that much that he would. We would go for walks and he would buy me ice cream and tell me he loved me. He had a car he used to drive me around and I thought that was a big thing when I was fifteen. Not all girls in my school had a boyfriend who owned a car. I was almost like a lovesick puppy.” I took a deep breath, feeling the guilt rise again.
“The only problem I had is that my two best friends didn’t like him, and Jaden didn’t like them back. He would say that they both wanted to fuck me and were just jealous that I chose him over them. I didn’t like what he said, but I thought he was right. I even told them that myself—the stupid child that I was. They just said that they were worried about me and that someone his age shouldn’t be hanging around someone my age. It caused a lot of tension between us for a while.” The memory of that, along with the memory of that night, was almost too much. I had to tell him though. It was a part of my life, and now Seth is a part of mine.
“One summer’s night, Jaden wanted to lead me to a barn in the middle of this field. I thought he just wanted to spend some time with me alone. I even thought it was romantic. It was only as we got to the door and I heard laughter that I realised it wasn’t just him and me. There were five others in there. They had all been drinking and already seemed a little out of it by the time we walked in. I was hesitant to go, but Jaden soothed me and said that we were only going to stay with them for a little while and have some drinks. I trusted him. I took what he said and trusted t
hat I was going to be safe—that he would keep me safe.” The pain of it was all too fresh in my mind. I had kept it hidden, buried deep down inside for so long that I thought I was coping. I was wrong. I wasn’t coping. I was hiding. Hiding from myself and the potential of what life could bring me.
With a deep breath, I knew I had to carry on. I had come this far so couldn’t back out now.
Gazing up into his beautiful blue eyes, I took his hand. “We were there for about an hour when things started going horribly wrong. Jaden started touching me in places he never touched before. I felt exposed—I felt vulnerable. I told him to stop, but he just kept going, getting rougher and rougher as he went. He then asked his friends if they wanted a go.”
Seth clenched his eyes shut in anger. I could tell this was hard for him to hear. It was hard for me to tell it—but I had to do this. I had to strip myself bare and reveal everything to him. It was the only way I felt we could move forward in our relationship.
Grabbing his hand, I held on as tight as I could for fear he would be ripped from me. He squeezed my hand back and took a deep breath. He nodded for me to carry on.
“They held me down and each took turns to violate me. My clothes would get torn and they would cheer each time a piece of my clothing got ripped. It was like there was a party and I was the bright new shiny toy to play with.
“I had so many hands upon me I didn’t know which ones were which. They weren’t gentle, they made sure of that. Every touch, every pinch was agonising, and the pain etched in my face seemed to heighten their excitement.
“In the end, Jaden knelt beside me as I lay there almost completely naked and exposed. He brandished a knife and told me that each one was going to cut me—brandish me, so that whenever I found a new boyfriend, it would reveal my first conquests to them. He said he was going to go first as he had taken so much energy with me to get me to this point. That he was owed that much, at least.”
I showed Seth the inside of my thigh. There were six distinct markings each in line, going down my leg.
“These are the lines that represent them. The one for each boy that was about to rape me.”
Seth closed his eyes again in anguish. When he opened them back up, a single tear dropped down his face. I tried to wipe away his tear, but he grabbed my hand.
“This isn’t about me, Angel. You have no reason to comfort me. It’s you that’s been through this, not me. I wish I could have known you back then. You would have never of had to go through all that—because you would have been with me.”
He kissed my thigh so tenderly that it was hard to keep focused on the story. I felt I was going to explode with tears. There was no doubt in my mind how much he cared for me.
Instead I took a deep breath, pulled my leg back into position and carried on.
“I was very fortunate that night. I had Jack and David out looking for me. I’m so glad they were both so suspicious that night as I don’t know what would have happened if they hadn’t of turned up.”
Seth’s rigid body had now relaxed. I knew I was hurting him by telling him this story. It was all too close to the mark for him after what had happened with his sister. I did wonder for a while if he would handle the story or not. I knew I had to tell him—I just didn’t know whether he would stay after he knew.
“They came in the barn, and when they saw me pinned down to the ground—all cut and half naked with my clothes all torn—they went ballistic. I felt ashamed that my two best friends had seen me in this state. I was crying and screaming from the pain, but the worst part about the whole ordeal was seeing their faces. I will never forget the look they gave me when they saw me on the ground. It was heartbreaking.
“They started screaming at them to get the fuck away from me. Of course a fight broke out, but there were six of them against three of us. We were all beaten to the ground, and that’s when Jaden decided to reward me this scar on my stomach—one he knows I’ll never get away from. It stares back at me every day—a testimony of what he did to me.
“They eventually picked up their stuff and went. I think they may have thought so much noise was made that they had better get going. We were left for dead. In fact, I would have died if it wasn’t for the fact the farmer was out and about in the field and noticed his barn door wide open. I should imagine he got the shock of his life when he saw us. I had lost so much blood by then that the hospital told me that if I had been left just another half an hour or so that would have been it for me. What didn’t help is the fact I have such a rare blood group that it was hard for them to find the right blood.
“To cut a long story short, they saved my life, and now I’m here to tell the tale. I had to go to court and reveal my whole story to them again. Jack and David also had to take the stand. In the end, the attackers were sentenced to life for one count of Attempted Rape, one count of Attempted Murder, two counts of Grievous Bodily Harm, and three counts of Possession of an Illegal Substance.” I sighed closing my eyes as the memory of Jack and David being in hospital came washing over me.
“I have never been able to forgive myself for putting Jack and David in that position. If I had listened to them, I wouldn’t have gotten them in that fight that put them both in hospital. David had a collapsed lung and several cracked ribs, and Jack also had cracked ribs, a broken arm and a head fracture. It was devastating beyond belief.”
Seth grabbed both my hands and kissed them tenderly. “In the words of a very beautiful, wise lady I know: you can’t blame yourself for what happened. Jack and David love and care for you a great deal. They obviously don’t feel there is anything to forgive, so why put yourself through all that pain?”
I had to giggle a little when he said this. “I know. Practice what you preach and all.”
He pulled my hands up to his lips again, as I watched in awe at this beautiful man. He was my everything now. No going back.
“You see the thing is,” I began, not wanting to finish quite yet. “After what happened to me, I never trusted anyone ever again. I grew up thinking that the only way forward was to use men. Just like I felt I had been used. I was never going to let myself fall for anyone’s charms again. I wasn’t going to let anyone in—I was in control. I had the power and it felt great to be in that position. I wanted nothing more in life then to get what I wanted and be damned of the consequences. I became reckless and used men just for sex. That was all I needed. Just sex. I didn’t need love to get in the way, as it would only complicate matters—and I was doing fine—until I met you.” I smiled as cheekily as I could, and watched as his infectious grin appeared.
“I managed to build a wall, put up a door, and bolt it shut. I knew what was ahead of me and could control everything and everyone around me. I felt safe. I felt secure. My walls and that bolted door were my protection. My life was predictable with a future I knew I could handle.
“Then the day I met you everything changed. I didn’t feel safe anymore. I didn’t feel secure.”
Seth’s smile disappeared as my words sank in. “Why not?”
“You knocked on my door.
I knew my life would never be the same again. One look was all it took—one glint in your eye and I knew I was yours. I have never been anyone’s before. I hated you for it. I still hate you for it.” I chuckled and swotted him gently for good measure.
“And now?” he asked, smiling.
“Now the door is wide open. You’ve not only opened my door, you’ve bulldozed your way through it. How am I ever going to get it shut again?”
He spun me around and I squealed as he held me to the floor. “You’re never going to close that door again, my angel. That door’s mine now. I own it,” he said flicking my nose with his finger.
“Yes, you do. It is yours to take. I’m giving it to you freely and I don’t want you to ever give it back.”
He kissed me gently, caressing my face. He always had this special knack of making me feel like the most precious woman in the world. I didn’t flinch from the tho
ught this time—I embraced it wholeheartedly.
He kissed each eyelid, and then my nose, before going back to my lips. He pulled away for a little while, sighing contently.
“You know, you’re the most amazing woman I have ever met. You’ve been through so much and yet you seem so strong, so together. I admire the hell out of you, Miss Bradshaw, and I’m head over heels in love with you.”
The giggling surfaced as he kissed my neck. “Keep talking like that, Mr Jacobs, and you just might get lucky tonight.” He pulled his head up to face me as he smiled. The smile soon faded as he looked me in the eyes.
“I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, Angelina. I mean it. If you want to wait a little while longer, I’ll give you as long as it takes. You’re worth every single second, every single hour, every single day until we reach months, if it takes that long. I love you and that’s never going to change.”
My eyes bulged as I looked at him. “You’ve got to be kidding me right? I’ve waited too damn long for this moment. I’m not wasting another second longer. Make love to me, Seth.”
His smile widened. “Oh baby, when you say my name like that, how could I resist?”
His mouth was on mine within an instant, no hesitation, no holding back. His hands caressed my face tenderly as his mouth explored my lips, and then my neck. “Oh Seth,” I gasped, the feeling exquisite.
“Oh God, Angel. You keep saying my name like that I’m going to come undone.” His mouth was on my skin again and it felt so good. I had never had this before. Never had such intimacy before sex. All I knew was straight in and straight out. No questions asked, no hanging around for more—just in and out.
With Seth it was different. He was taking his time, savouring my body—devouring it. I was his, and he now owned every part of me.
His kisses moved from across my neck toward my chest. He cupped my breast and squeezed my nipple. “Oh God,” I gasped, arching my back. I had never felt so turned on—never wanted someone so much in my life.