I loved him.
The realization of this didn’t hurtle into me and shatter, breaking me apart. It seeped inside me, filling all the places I’d never bothered to notice were empty.
How could I tell another woman’s husband I loved him? How could I tell just one of the pair? The answer was I couldn’t. I kissed him again, instead, and then let myself out of the shower, snagging his towel to dry off with, and handing him a clean one from the shelf. I wrapped the damp one around my hair and wished him another good-night, ready to pad naked through their bedroom and down the hall into my own, where I’d comb out my hair and put on my pajamas.
“Tesla,” Charlie said, halting me in the doorway. “Just so you know. I’m not ashamed of you. Of us, or this. It’s not about that.”
I’d almost forgotten the conversation that had started all this. “I know you’re not, Charlie.”
In their bedroom, I paused to say good-night to Meredith, but she’d already turned out the light and pulled up the covers. In my own room I stretched out with a luxurious sigh across my bed. For the first time in a long while, though, I thought of Vic as I tried to drift off to sleep. We hadn’t spoken since our fight. Right now he might be moving on silent feet through his dark house, checking windows and doors to make sure they were locked. Making sure his family was protected. I missed being part of that.
It took me half an hour of staring at the ceiling and counting endless bleating sheep to realize I wasn’t going to fall asleep unless I got out of bed and made the rounds of the house. So I did, because that’s what you do for the people you love—you do what you can to settle your mind that they’re safe. And then, after I’d made sure the burners were all off, the windows and doors secured, I finally crawled back into my bed and fell asleep.
Chapter 27
“How hot do you want it?” The menu in Charlie’s fingers bobbed up and down as he looked it over.
“Hot as you can stand it, son.” I winked at him. “How hot is that?”
“Hot.” Charlie said it like a challenge. “I’m not sure you can stand it, that’s how hot.”
I humphed. “You’re on. You want to go nuclear? I’m down with that. How about volcanic—can you handle that?”
“Which one’s hotter? That’s what I want.” Charlie sounded dead serious, but he had a twinkle in his blue eyes.
“Let’s just tell them to go to ten. And bring lots of yogurt dip.”
“I always end up ordering too much food here. I like everything and I want it.” He studied the menu some more.
“Didn’t your mama ever teach you that having everything you want isn’t always the best thing for you?” I couldn’t help teasing him. I was tired after a long day on my feet. I was starving and a little giddy from being out and about with him. Just him.
It seemed a little wrong that this felt so different from the times the three of us went out, or even the few times Charlie and I had been alone at the house. It shouldn’t have. I’d spent tons of time alone with Meredith both before and after we’d begun this.
It still felt different.
Maybe it was because I had no doubts about how Charlie felt about me, or if it was okay for me to touch his hand across the table. I didn’t have to keep myself from touching him at all. Somehow this meant our fingers twisted together and my toes rubbed along the back of his calf.
“And it’s such a waste,” Charlie added. “You’re right, my mama would be ashamed. I never eat it all and can’t take it home.”
“Why can’t you take it home?” I was in the habit of ordering stuff at a restaurant for the specific purpose of taking half home to eat the next day.
“Meredith doesn’t like it.”
I could tell my expression had twisted, but I didn’t try to smooth it. “Huh? Why should that matter? She doesn’t have to eat it.”
“She says the smell makes everything else in the fridge reek, and she hates it.” Charlie shrugged, his expression not exactly twisting. More like scrunching. The face of a man who knows his wife is being sort of unreasonable, but who isn’t willing to bring on a fight.
“Huh. Well. That’s just silly. If you wrap it really tight in foil or something, it won’t smell at all. So order whatever you want, son, we gon’ get our chow on!”
He squeezed my hand. “Great. Your treat, right?”
“Guess again,” I told him. “You asked me out, remember?”
“Ah. Yeah. Right. Well, it’s a good thing I have a credit card and there’s a Home Depot next door.”
I laughed. “The credit card I get, but why do you need a Home Depot?”
“For the wheelbarrow,” Charlie said serenely.
“Okay, I give. What do you need a wheelbarrow for?”
He didn’t even crack a smile, though those eyes once more betrayed him. “To wheel you home after you eat everything we order.”
God, how I loved him.
With perfect timing, the waiter came over. True to his word, Charlie ordered too much food. Papadums and curry, lamb rogan josh and tandoori chicken. My stomach groaned just at the thought of it all.
“I’m starving,” I told him.
“Good.”
“And what we don’t eat, we will take home,” I added. It was sort of a challenge of my own.
Charlie looked reluctant, but then shrugged. “I do love leftover Indian food.”
“God, yeah. Cold lamb rogan josh is…” I kissed my fingertips. “Fucking awesome. And besides, I can help you work it all off later.”
He took my other hand, to stroke it with his thumb. “Oh, yeah?”
“Sure. I hear cunnilingus works off two thousand calories an hour.” I’d totally just made that up, but was working on Charlie’s deadpan delivery.
“What about blow jobs? Maybe I can help you out, too.”
“Charlie?”
We both looked up at the same time. The woman standing at our table looked to be in her mid-forties, dark hair, nice dress, nice shoes—I checked, of course. When the man you’re with is called out in a restaurant, it’s important to assess the threat.
“Ellen. Hi.” Charlie’s voice sounded normal, but the way he withdrew his hand from mine told me a lot.
I sat up straighter and folded my hands at my place, which somehow made me feel guiltier. Like I’d been caught at something shameful. I sipped water to cover up that feeling.
“Haven’t seen you in forever. How’s Meredith?” Ellen made no secret of her examination of me before she gave Charlie the stare of death.
Charlie didn’t waver in front of it. “She’s great.”
“Is she still selling Jangle Bangles?” Ellen shifted her weight to one foot, one hip jutting, and crossed her arms. “I never see her at the gym anymore.”
“Ah…I think…well, we got a treadmill and some other stuff at home, and I think she exercises there. But yeah, she still sells that stuff.”
“She hasn’t sent out any newsletters in a while.” Ellen sounded accusing, as if it could possibly be Charlie’s fault Meredith was ignoring her online. “I guess she’s been busy.”
“Everyone’s busy,” I interjected, with a smile as pleasant as I could make it.
“Oh, hi,” she said, as if she’d just seen me there. She held out her hand, which I shook. “Ellen Leveau. I’m a good friend of Meredith’s. And Charlie’s, of course.”
I took my hand back, still smiling. “Of course.”
“We should really have you over for drinks and game night. You and Meredith,” she added. “I know Jim would love to see you.”
“That sounds great. Give Meredith a shout.” Charlie didn’t have to continue, because the waiter showed up with our appetizers.
Ellen stepped out of the way. “I guess I should let you eat your dinner. It was nice meeting you....”
“Tesla,” Charlie said, before I could.
I get a lot of different reactions to my name, so Ellen’s raised brows weren’t a surprise. Her next question was, though. I mean, some
people have no social skills.
“Does Meredith know you’re out with…Tesla?”
I wasn’t ashamed of what I had with Charlie and Meredith; I’d established that with both of them. But it wasn’t my place to out them, either. Besides, while I drew the line at forcing our relationship down the throats of family and friends who might not understand, I kind of liked fucking with random strangers who lacked the manners to know when something wasn’t any of their damned business.
“Actually, she doesn’t. She had a meeting tonight, so Charlie and I decided we’d come here for dinner because she hates Indian food.” I gave Ellen a completely plastic smile. “She’ll probably figure it out when she finds the leftovers in the fridge, though. Unless we decide to be super sneaky and not take them home. We haven’t decided yet, right, Charlie?”
His lips tipped into a half smile, but he held it back. “Yeah. I think we’ll take them home. You’re right, they’re just as good the next day. We can eat them for breakfast.”
Ellen’s eyes were flitting back and forth between us, and she looked as if she was trying to smile, but having a hard time of it. It was the look of a woman who knows there’s a joke being played but doesn’t get it. “So…you’re…?”
“We live together,” I said. “We’re roommates, I guess you could say.”
“You could say,” Charlie added.
Ellen blinked. Her smile got a little more natural. “Oh. Well.”
She glanced at the spot where we’d had our hands linked, and appeared a little confused before again looking at Charlie. “I guess that makes sense, then. Tell Meredith I said hi. Tell her to give me a call.”
Nodding, she backed away, heading over to her table, where she spoke excitedly to the group of women she was with. They all looked at us. Charlie sighed.
“Ah, shit.”
I laughed. “Do you think she’ll call Meredith and tell on us?”
“Probably. Meredith used to be pretty close with that group.” He laughed then. “They’ll pick the whole story apart first. See if they can catch us doing something really naughty. I’m sure Ellen will have Meredith’s best interests at heart when she calls to tell her I’m cheating.”
I reached across the table for his hand again. I didn’t hold on to it for longer than it took to squeeze it, though. “Some people need to mind their own business. That’s all.”
“We’ll have to tell her so she’s not blindsided.” Charlie dug into the food with a fork. “Meredith would be pissed if Ellen called her, trying to be her friend, and she didn’t know in advance what to say.”
“So…we tell her. It’s no crime we came out to dinner without her.” I caught sight of his face and hesitated, suddenly a little more anxious than I wanted to be.
Charlie shook his head. “It shouldn’t be.”
“But it might be.” I broke a papadum into pieces. “That’s what you’re thinking.”
He bit into his lamb, chewed. Swallowed. Drank some water.
“Charlie,” I said. “Don’t shut up on me. Talk to me.”
“She can be moody,” was all he said.
“I do lots of stuff with her all the time, without you.” Part of my vehemence was that I’d been feeling guilty earlier, and wanted to convince myself there was nothing wrong with what we were doing. I shot an angry glance across the room, blaming Meredith.
“That’s different.”
I shook my head. “It’s not different. Just because I met her first?”
“Because you’re both women.” Charlie wiped his mouth with his napkin.
I didn’t say anything for a few seconds. I concentrated on the food, savoring the flavors and wishing my stomach hadn’t started jumping up and down during this conversation. “So?”
“So…it’s different, that’s all.”
“I fuck you both,” I told him in a low voice. “To me, that makes you the same. If I can go to dinner with her, go dancing with her, hang out and watch movies alone with her, I can do the same with you. I’m not your side piece, Charlie. You’re not cheating on Meredith with me. I’m…I thought I was a part of you both.”
“You are,” he assured me. He took my hand this time, trapping it between both of us. “Tesla. You are.”
“Okay, then. Good.” But something still felt off.
Fortunately, the waiter brought the rest of our food, so we could concentrate on eating it instead of talking about anything more serious than work. I didn’t have much new to say about that. There was always gossip going on in the Mocha, but since Charlie never came in, he didn’t know any of the people and wouldn’t understand the stories.
He told me about his class, though. “Something’s up with them lately, I don’t know what. They won’t stop talking. Even the boys. In fact, I think the boys are worse.”
“Maybe they just have a lot to say.” I pushed away my plate with a sigh. My tongue wanted more saffron rice. My stomach refused.
“Too bad none of it’s about the work.” Charlie picked slowly at his curry.
“What are you working on with them?” I sipped some tea and sat back in my chair, to surreptitiously unbutton my jeans. “I should’ve worn elastic-waist pants.”
He laughed. “Geography. I know it’s not the most exciting subject, but we have to cover a certain amount of information before the standardized tests in the spring. But the kids just won’t settle down and pay attention.”
I heard the genuine frustration in his voice. “Can you switch things up a little? Change the order of when you’re teaching it? Maybe they need some shaking up.”
He looked up from the last bite of curry. “You mean try teaching it at a different time?”
“Sure. Can you?”
He took the forkful of food, chewed and swallowed. He wiped his mouth. “Hmm. I might be able to. Just for a few days, anyway. As long as it didn’t interfere with any of their special classes.”
I shrugged and contemplated another bite of rice, but knew I’d regret it. “When I was a kid, anytime we got bored, my parents said it was because we needed to get out of a rut.”
“Geography is a rut,” Charlie admitted. “Even for me.”
I smiled and let my toes rub the back of his calf the way I had earlier. “You can make it fun for them. I have no doubts.”
“Will there be anything else?” The waiter looked hopeful, but we’d both had enough.
He brought us takeout containers and the bill, which Charlie paid with a flourish. I carried the food to the car, and made sure to wrap it up tight in foil and shove it to the back of the fridge when we got home. I stared at it there. A secret we were keeping. It was only leftover Indian food, but I still felt a little guilty.
I didn’t have time to dwell on it, though, because Charlie was calling me into the living room and picking out a horror movie for us to watch on Interflix streaming. I toed off my shoes and got under the afghan with him on the sofa. Indian food and snuggling with my sweetie under a blanket while we watched a scary movie? Heaven, in my book.
It wasn’t a very scary movie, and I found myself drifting into sleep while we watched. Charlie was solid and warm against me as we shifted around on the couch to get comfortable. The sound of screams and hatchets chopping off limbs tickled the periphery of my consciousness, but I got startled awake only when the overhead light came on.
Blinking and yawning, I sat up to see Meredith in the doorway. “Hey.”
Charlie twisted to look back at her. “Hey, honey. How was your party?”
She stared at us for half a minute, taking in the movie and our tangled limbs. “Fine. What are you guys doing?”
I yawned again and stretched. “Apparently I’m sleeping. I should get to bed.”
I unwound myself from Charlie’s arms and legs and the blanket, and got off the couch. I bent to kiss his mouth lightly. “ ’Night.”
In the doorway, I leaned to kiss her, too, though she turned her head just the slightest bit at the last moment. I was used to that. I di
dn’t like it, but I wasn’t surprised. “ ’Night, Meredith.”
She let me get a step past her before she put an arm around me to pull me back. She kissed me this time, our cheeks pressing together first before I felt the warmth of her mouth there. She pulled back a little to look into my eyes. “Sleep tight.”
I smiled. “Are you coming in to the shop tomorrow?”
“Maybe.” Her smile took a few seconds longer to cross her mouth, but was totally worth waiting for. “Probably. I should stay here and work, but I like the view there.”
I ducked away from her tickling fingers. “Uh-huh. I’m sure Carlos will like to hear that. Oh, wait. You mean Johnny D., right?”
She grabbed at me, pushing me against the wall with her body. “You know who I mean.”
I let her push me, and used the chance to put my hands on her hips. “Do I?”
She bumped me with her crotch, then stepped back again to swat my butt. “Go to bed. You’ll be grouchy in the morning if you don’t.”
“I love that you know that about me.” The words slipped out quietly, unexpected.
Her lashes fluttered, and she looked away. “Good night, Tesla. See you in the morning.”
Another time I might’ve tugged her closer to me again for a kiss and a nuzzle, maybe tried to woo her into the bedroom with me. But it was late, I was tired, and though I wouldn’t have turned down a seduction, I was a little too sleepy to attempt one myself.
Chapter 28
Some days you wake up with a smile on your face, ready to face whatever life throws at you. I was having one of those days, started by a delicious round of oral sex courtesy of Charlie, who I’d surprised in the kitchen while he was making coffee. It had started with a little dance as we’d tried getting around each other, me to the fridge to get my leftover Indian food to take for my lunch, him trying to get the half-and-half.
It had turned into a waltz, a real one. Not a very good one, clumsy and stumbling. It had dissolved into giggles as we conspired over our foil-wrapped packages and early morning silliness. I’d kissed his mouth to keep him from waking Meredith, and the kiss had gone from simple to sizzling in seconds. He got on his knees right there on the tile floor, pushed up my skirt and pulled down my winter-weight tights. Licked me to orgasm in less than two minutes, leaving me breathless. Then he stood, kissed my lips and squeezed my ass, looked at the time and realized he was going to be late.