"Of course not," she said, but not with a great deal of firmness. "Anyway," she said, gesturing toward the house, "this will be fine for a while. You'll be staying with family."
"I don't want to stay here, Mommy. I don't want to be away from you," I moaned.
"Oh, you won't be, not for long anyway. I promise." She stroked my hair and smiled and then kissed my forehead. "I just need this chance, honey, and I can't go off and get it worrying about you, too. It wouldn't be fair to you. I'd neglect you even worse than I have in the past. And you're so very smart. You understand, don't you? I have no fear that you'll do well here, too. Everyone likes you, Melody."
I lowered iffy head slowly like a flag of defeat and stared at my feet. A southern breeze blew, caressing my cheek, making strands of my hair dance around my face. I heard the cry of nearby terns and the roar of the ocean.
Daddy was the glue that had held our little family together. Now that he was gone, we were corning apart.
"I'd rather have stayed home with Papa George and Mama Arlene, Mommy."
"I know. I thought of that, but Papa George is a very sick man. Mama Arlene can't be responsible for a young girl, too. It wouldn't be fair to dump you on her, honey."
I looked up sharply.
"So instead you want to dump me here?"
"No, Melody. Living with your own family for a while isn't the same thing as dumping you some place, is it?"
"These people. . . I don't know them, Mommy, and they don't know me."
"An even better reason to stay with them, Melody. You should get to know them, right? Aren't I right about that?" She waited for the answer she wanted.
"I don't know, maybe. But why didn't we ever speak to them before? Why was Daddy so upset with them?"
"Because they didn't want him to marry me, Melody. I told you. They looked down on me because I was an orphan, adopted. I wasn't one of their bluebloods and your grandparents--your father's parents--wanted him to marry someone else, someone they had chosen. He refused. Chester Logan fell in love with me and we got married. Then they wouldn't talk to him and he wouldn't talk to them. Now everyone realizes how foolish they were, I'm sure. They want to make it up to your father, but it's too late for that. The only way they could make up for their bitterness and unpleasantness is to care for you. That's why they were so anxious to do it and why I agreed. I only wish you'd see the logic in it and let me leave with a happy heart.
"Because if I feel happy about you, I will be able to concentrate on my new career and I'll be able to do things for us faster, Melody," she added.
"What are you going to do, Mommy? You don't even have a specific plan."
"Sure I do. I'm going to be a model and an actress," she said firmly. Then she laughed and spun on her heels. "Did you ever see anyone who is more qualified, anyone prettier?"
"No, Mommy."
"Won't it be wonderful seeing me in magazines or in the movies? Can you imagine telling your friends that's your mother?" She laughed and twirled her hair. She was beautiful. Maybe she would become a model and be in magazines. If I went into a tantrum and stopped her from going without me, she would blame me for failing, I thought. I didn't want Mommy to hate me.
I looked back at the house. Archie paced behind the car impatiently. At least I wouldn't have to be with him any longer. I was the eternal cockeyed optimist, always looking for a rainbow after any sorrowful storm.
"Well?" Mommy said. "Will you stay with the family a while? Will you, Melody?"
"If that's what you want me to do, Mommy," I said in a tired, defeated voice. She clapped her hands together.
"Oh, thank you, honey. Thank you. Thank you for giving me my chance. I won't let you down. I promise, honey."
I nodded and took a deep breath. When I looked at the house again, I saw May come out and look our way. She had a ball and paddle and began to play with them, her eyes trained on me and Mommy.
"What happened to Laura, Mommy?"
"She went sailing one day with a boy and they got caught in a storm."
"She drowned in the ocean?"
Mommy nodded.
"We didn't find out about it until months afterward. Daddy decided to call your uncle then, but he still wouldn't speak to Chester. This house has seen a lot of sadness, just like ours. But they'll be lucky for a while," Mommy added. I looked up at her.
"Why?"
"They'll have you," she said. She put her arm around me and we started back toward the driveway. Archie looked up expectantly and Mommy nodded. Then he hurried to the trunk to unload my bags.
"What about the rest of my things, Mommy? I don't have much."
"I'll get in touch with Arlene and see about having them shipped up here. Don't worry," she said May was still watching us with great curiosity.
Mommy noticed the girl. "Hello, honey."
May smiled at her but turned quickly to me. Then she thrust her hand at mine and seized my fingers tightly, tugging me to go someplace with her.
"Go on, honey," Mommy said. "Richard and I will see to your things."
"But., ." May pulled again. I let her lead me away. She quickened her pace when we reached the sand and soon I was running alongside her.
"Where are we going?" I cried, for a moment forgetting her deafness. We were heading toward the dock and the ocean. First, we had to climb to the top of a dune covered with scrub pine. The sand gave way beneath my feet. It was hard to run on the dunes, and before long, I felt my calf muscles ache. Little May didn't seem to have the least bit of difficulty. She was as light as air, remaining ahead of me all the way to the crest of the small sandy hill.
When we reached it, I paused to look at the vast ocean. In the distance two fishing boats trolled toward shore and farther out, a sailboat gracefully glided over the waves, its white sail fluttering. Off to my right there were shacks along the dunes. Above us, a flock of Canadian geese flew north in formation against a deep blue sky dappled with smoke-blue puffs of clouds. The sight was invigorating and the fresh sea air seemed to wash the sadness from my heart. This, I thought, was once my father's playground. And now, for a while at least, it would be mine.
May tugged on my hand and pointed toward the dock. "Car . . ry," she said. "Come on."
I laughed and followed her down the dune. We continued to run, my chest heaving. Finally we slowed to a walk as we reached the dock.
My uncle's lobster boat bobbed gently in the water. It was a white and gray boat, and although it looked old, it looked very clean and well kept. The boat was named Laura and the name had been recently repainted on its side. At first we saw no one, but then Cary came out of the cabin with a pail and a brush in his hands. He had his shirt off and didn't see us immediately. May called up to him.
"Car-ry."
When he saw us standing on the dock, he immediately put down his pail and brush so he could sign to May. Whatever he was telling her, he was telling her emphatically. He looked angry, too.
"Is anything wrong?" I asked. The falling sun gleamed off his shiny brown skin. He looked muscular and hard and wore a silver necklace I hadn't noticed before.
"She knows she can't come down here by herself," he said.
"She's not by herself. She's with me," I replied.
"You're a landlubber," he snapped. "It's the same as if she were by herself." He signed again and May turned and started back toward the house. I stared up at Cary.
"She only wanted to show me," I said.
"She knows better. Take her home," he ordered and picked up his pail and brush. Turning his back on me, he returned to what he had been doing. I fumed for a moment and then hurried to catch up to May, who was walking much more slowly with her head down. I grabbed her hand when I caught up with her and she smiled.
"It's all right," I said. She tilted her head. She had beautiful hazel eyes, bejeweled with flecks of blue, green, and gold on the soft brown. "Your brother shouldn't have gotten so nasty," I added, but she looked confused and I felt frustrated. I was speaking loud,
as if that mattered. It made me feel stupid. I glanced back once and saw Cary looking after us. Behind him, the sky was turning a dusky lavender.
"If it's so dangerous around here," I muttered, "why live here?"
I pounded my feet into the sand and clung to May's hand as we returned to the house. When we arrived, I found Mommy and Archie waiting by the car. May released my hand and ran into the house.
"Where did you go, honey?" Mommy asked.
"Just for a walk to the dock to see the lobster boat, but that was apparently off limits for May," I said. "Cary isn't very nice."
"Oh, I'm sure it's just because you two don't know each other yet," Mommy said.
"HaiIle," Archie said raising his eyebrows.
"Honey," Mommy said stepping closer so she could take my hand. "Archie and I think we should start out now so we can get back down to Boston. He has someone for me to meet there tonight."
"You're leaving now? But what about dinner?"
"We're just going to grab something on the highway," she said.
"Didn't you want to look at the town and--"
"Oh I know this town," she said laughing. "Don't forget how long I lived here."
"But. . ." I looked at the house and then back toward the ocean. "Don't you want to talk with Uncle Jacob?"
"I think he'll be happy to avoid it right now," she said. "We put your things in your room. It's a very nice room, honey, nicer than what you had in the trailer. The window looks out on the ocean. Aunt Sara is going to see to it you get enrolled in the school and the school will get all your records from West Virginia easily enough. I've already signed the papers I needed to sign to give Aunt Sara the authority," Mommy added.
"When?" I asked, astounded at how much had really been done already.
"Um, just now. Aunt Sara found out what had to be done. She's very excited about having you."
Archie got into the car and started the engine. My heart began to beat wildly like a jungle drum. "Mommy?"
"Now don't make this any harder than it has to be, honey. I'll be calling you in a few days to tell you where I am and what I've been doing, and before you know it, I'll be coming back for you."
"Time ticks," Archie called.
"Can't you stay a little longer?" I pleaded. My heart was doing flip-flops.
"A little longer isn't going to make any difference to you, but it will make a lot of difference to us because we have to drive so far, honey. Please."
She hugged me, but I kept my arms at my sides. Then she kissed me quickly on the forehead.
"I don't have to tell you to be a good girl. I know you will be. See you soon," she added and turned toward the car.
"Mommy!"
I ran to her and hugged her tightly, clinging to her, clinging to the only life I had known, clinging to the memories of our laughter and tears. Maybe she wasn't the best of all mothers, but she was the only mother I had, and there were nice times, too. There were the picnics and the dinners, the Christmases and birthdays. All I could remember now was being a little girl and clinging to her hand as we walked through the streets of Sewell. Everyone looked at us; Mommy was so beautiful and I was so proud.
"Melody," she whispered. "Please, honey."
I let her go and backed away.
She smiled. "I'll call you soon." She walked quickly around the car to get in.
Archie smiled at me. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do, kid," he said and winked.
"There's not much you wouldn't do," I replied. He laughed.
"Going to miss you, princess. I got no one to be my gopher." He laughed and backed the car out of the driveway. I took a step forward.
Mommy turned as they pulled away, waving.
Another picture to press down into my memory. I watched as the car disappeared down the street. I stood there, still in disbelief.
Then I heard the door open behind me and I turned to see Aunt Sara nervously wiping her hands on her apron. "Laura always liked to help set the table. Would you like to help?"
I nodded and she smiled.
"I thought so."
She went back inside. I lowered my head and followed. I felt like someone who'd been cast off a boat. I was searching desperately for a lifesaving raft.
6
Laura's Things
.
Aunt Sara had the dinner dishes on the kitchen
counter and the silverware piled next to them. She folded linen napkins. The kitchen was as long as it was wide, with pots and pang hanging on the wall, two metal sinks side by side, a large cast-iron stove, and a refrigerator. There was a pantry off to the left. The late-afternoon sunlight poured through the large window on the west end, providing the only light.
"I'm putting out my better china tonight," she said smiling as she meticulously folded the napkins. "Your arrival is a special occasion. Set out five places," she told me. "You'll sit directly across from May and next to me. That's where Laura used to sit."
"Where is May?" I asked.
"May went up to her room, probably to start on her homework. She's a diligent student. Laura taught her that."
"She took me to the dock and Cary yelled at her," I said.
Aunt Sara nodded. "He won't permit anyone else to take her near the water. He's afraid." She took a deep breath and held her right palm against her heart. "We're all just a little more afraid," she muttered.
I gathered the dishes and brought them to the dining room. I felt I was sleepwalking. Was this really happening? Had Mommy truly gone and left me here?
When I returned to the kitchen to get the silverware and folded napkins, Aunt Sara was checking the chicken. Something simmered on the stove. Potatoes baked while pies cooled on the windowsill. The hustle and bustle in Aunt Sara's kitchen gave me a warm feeling. Everything smelled wonderful. I had been too nervous this morning to eat much of a breakfast, and except for the few clams I had nibbled when we first arrived, I had eaten very little all day.
"Laura loved to cook with me," Aunt Sara said as she worked. "While other girls her age were off giggling over boys, she was home, helping. She was always like that, even as a little girl. You never saw a more selfless person, worrying about everyone else before she worried about herself.
"You know what Jacob says?" She turned to me. "He says the angels must have been so jealous of her, God granted them their wish and took her to heaven sooner than planned."
She smiled, her face softened, her chin quivering. Tears glittered in her eyes.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry I never got to meet her."
"Oh, yes. Wouldn't that have been wonderful?" She thought a moment and then sternly added, "You should have met."
I wanted to ask her why we hadn't, why this family had been so bitter and mean to each other, but I thought it might be the wrong time to bring up such questions.
She took a deep breath. "You better put out the silverware, dear."
After the table was set, Aunt Sara said she'd take me to my room. "Your things are already there. I want to show you where to put them away and all that you can use, too."
"Use?" I wondered what she meant as I followed her up the short stairway leading to the second floor. The steps creaked and the railing shook as we ascended. At the top was a small landing.
"May's room and Cary's room are down that way," she said pointing right. Without windows, the hallway was dark. "Jacob's and my room is the last room on the left and your room, which was Laura's room, is right there." She pointed to the first door on the left. "That's the bathroom, of course," she added, curtly nodding at the doorway across from what was to be my room.
"Here you are." She stood back after opening the door. I gazed in slowly, shocked at what I found. The room was cluttered with things that had once belonged to my dead cousin. It looked as if she had just died yesterday. The walls were covered with her posters of rock and movie stars, the shelves crowded with stuffed animals and ceramic dolls. There was a collection of ceramic and pewter cats on one shelf. Below the shelve
s was a small table with a miniature tea set and a big doll in a chair.
It was a very pretty, cozy room, with pink wallpaper spotted white. There was a canopy bed, just like the bed Alice Morgan had, only the headboard didn't have a heart design. The bedding, comforter, and pillows all matched the mauve shade of the canopy, and at the center of the two fluffy pillows was a large, stuffed cat that looked almost real and very much like the one I had brought.
There was a vanity table with a large mirror and a matching dresser. In one corner was a desk and chair. An open notebook lay on the desk and beside it was a pile of school textbooks and what looked like library books.
Why weren't they ever returned? I wondered.
The sliding doors on the closet were open, so I could see the garments hanging inside. On a hook next to the closet doorjamb was a pink terrycloth robe. The slippers were at the foot of the bed.
Two open windows, one on each side of the bed, faced the ocean. The breeze made the curtains flutter and wave. The scent of the sea air overpowered the vague, sweet perfume I smelled when first looking into the room.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Aunt Sara said.
"Yes."
"I want you to be comfortable here," she said. "Use anything you want and need. It would be a great joy to me to see you wearing one of those pretty dresses. Try one on," she said anxiously. "They look just your size."
I shook my head gently.
"I don't know if I should, Aunt Sara." Despite its recently lived-in appearance, the room felt more like a shrine to a dead girl.
"Of course you should," she said, her eyes full of panic because I had suggested otherwise. "That's why I wanted you to stay here. There's so much going to waste and now it won't. If Laura were standing right here beside us, she would say, 'Cousin Melody, use anything you want. Go on.' I can almost hear her saying that." She tilted her head as if to catch someone's voice in the breeze. "Can't you?" She wore a strange, soft smile.
I walked into the room and looked more closely at everything. On the desk was a pile of letters wrapped in a rubber band. The brushes and combs on the vanity table still had strands of dark brown hair twirled through them. On the top of the dresser was a framed picture of my cousin Laura standing at the front of the house holding a bouquet of yellow roses.