What he couldn’t see was her refusal to even talk to him that next night. He had to get her out of his head, that was it. Getting into his car, he headed to the club to work out some of his feelings and perhaps if he found himself a sweet human submissive, he’d be able to break his feelings for Tegan once and for all.
Except he sat in the parking lot for thirty minutes, remembering the time he’d been with her there. Gripping the steering wheel, he realized he needed Tegan Warden. Not just in his bed but in his life. Whether it was some werewolf mumbo jumbo or not, it was inescapable.
He pointed his car toward Cade’s place and swallowed his pride.
“She’s not here.” Cade looked down his nose at Ben.
“What? What do you mean?”
“She’s off shift. I made her go home. Nick and Tracy are here with some Pacific members, they’re out at Tee’s place. No, get that look off your face, she’s being watched and pretending she doesn’t know it. Pacific’s Enforcer, the one who took Nick’s place, is also there. She’s fine. Pissed at you, but fine.”
“I’m getting her back.”
Cade shrugged. “Of course you are. The question is, Ben Stoner, how much the bill will be for ignoring her for five days. At first she was hurt. Moped around. Now? Now she’s pissed off. And have you ever seen a pissed-off female werewolf? No, you’re thinking you saw her mad at you five days ago. My sisters are all quick to anger but just as quick to let it go. You saw a spat, and some hurt because you didn’t respect her with liberal amounts of guilt thrown in.”
“She should feel guilty for not seeing me! I came here to work it out and she wouldn’t even do me the courtesy.”
Cade had the audacity to chuckle as he leaned back against the railing of the deck overlooking the woods. “You’re an idiot. Guilt because she felt she’d failed her family. Her Pack. She went to her mate to share her concerns and the guy got away. She tried to talk to you about it but you gave her guff and reminded us all how much you didn’t love her. Remember that?”
“You’re a smug bastard.”
“I am. I’m the motherfucking Alpha of one of the most powerful werewolf Packs in the world and you hurt my sister. You have no idea how much that makes me want to rip your head off. And I can. You’d best remember that. You’d best remember that you’re drawing breath right now instead of bleeding out in the woods behind me because my sister loves you and you love her, you stupid fucking human. My sister has lost enough, do you hear me? Playtime is over. You lost your little personal vision quest to find yourself or whatever the hell you told Tegan you needed to do before accepting the obvious and the inevitable. If you can’t have the spine enough to admit you love her—all of her, not just the need to fuck her—you get the hell off this property and don’t you look back. Don’t so much as breathe in Tegan’s direction ever again or I. Will. Kill. You. In time I’m told the pain of your mate’s absence won’t hurt as much. Certainly not as much as my killing you will. If it makes you feel better, I told her to get her shit together too.”
Ben had always thought Lex was a badass but right then, he understood with utter clarity why Cade was Alpha and not Lex. A shiver of fear worked through him even as he was angry at the idea of being denied access to his woman.
Fuck. His woman.
“Tegan is my woman and I’m going to her. You can take your threats and shove them. You may be a werewolf but you can’t outrun bullets.”
Cade snorted. “I can.” He shifted and moved so fast Ben didn’t even see it until he stopped on the other side of the deck. “Accept that there are things in the world you can’t explain but are true nonetheless. You didn’t wish for the mate bond with Tegan but you have it. And you’re a lucky man. She’s the best and you’ve found something wolves, wolves like me, yearn for for decades. Go to her and grovel, dumbass.”
Ben sighed. “Damn it. I hate when other people are right.”
“Get used to it, Ben.” Lex strolled onto the deck. “You think I get to be right with Nina? Now, the real question you need to ask yourself is whether you’d rather be with her or be right without her. Because being right and lonely sucks. Anyway, women aren’t that hard to figure out. Listen to her, respect her. You’ll fight a lot, she’s been stubborn since birth. You’ll make up, buy her pretty things, or in Tee’s case, new weapons or somesuch and you’ll go on. You can be happy and be connected and be right half the time. But don’t you go over there if you can’t commit. Because after Cade kills you, I’ll kill you too.”
Ben threw his hands in the air and stomped off, heading back to Seattle and toward Tegan’s house.
* * *
Tegan felt Ben pull up outside and relief battled with fury. The bastard runs off for five days and now he shows up?
“Tee? Honey, you okay?” Her sister Tracy touched her arm.
Josh, the Pacific Pack’s Enforcer, put his arm around her shoulder, concern on his face. “Tegan, did we do something wrong?”
“Get your damned hands off my mate!” Ben banged on the front door as he peered through the front windows.
“Oh, now I’m his mate?” Tegan ground her teeth.
“I can’t believe that prick is here,” Tracy growled and Nick looked up from his place on the couch.
“Let it be, sweetness. Tegan, darling, do you need Josh to kill him for you?” Even while threatening death, her sister’s husband looked handsome and completely chill.
“He totally would,” Tracy added hopefully.
Josh laughed. “Gladly. Or, shall I help make him realize what he’s been blowing for the last five days?” He nuzzled her temple playfully and Ben’s yelling got louder. “It’s not like I’d have to fake finding you very attractive.”
“As much as killing him would satisfy my initial feelings of rage at his behavior, I’d miss him in the end. He’s actually a very good man. And thanks, a girl needs to feel attractive every once in a while.” Blushing, she kissed Josh’s cheek and moved to the door. Unlocking it, she stood to block Ben’s entrance.
“What the hell is going on here?” he bellowed, trying to come into the house. She put a hand out to stop him and the shock of the contact made them both gasp. Her love for him, the way she’d missed him, ached for him, crashed through her.
With a cry of surprise, Ben moved her hand out of the way and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her tight.
She allowed herself to feel the warmth of his presence for long moments until she stomped hard on his instep and shoved him back.
“You don’t get to ask questions, Ben.”
“Ouch! What? Oh yes I do, Tegan Warden. Why was that asshole touching you?”
Josh laughed along with Nick but Tracy seethed at her back.
“There’s only one asshole here and I’m looking at him. As for who was touching me when you decided to finally show up, you know Josh. He’s a guest in my home. Unlike you. He’s a friend. Why are you here?”
“Because I wanted to see you.”
“You did? Well, thank goodness it’s all about you then, isn’t it? It’s been all about you since day one. What you felt about the bond. What you felt about our connection. How you were going to deal with it. Lord, it must be nice in your world, all Ben Stoner-centric.”
Ben’s jaw shifted, clenched and unclenched, and she felt his frustration, his anger and if she wasn’t wrong, guilt too.
“I’m not sorry that I didn’t let you beat a suspect in the street.”
“We’ve established that. If that’s all you’ve come to say, hit the road.”
“I can feel what you’re feeling, Tegan. I know you’re happy to see me. You don’t want me to leave.” He had the audacity to smile at her and she growled, stomping her foot instead of slapping him silly.
“Do you now? Did you know what I felt every day this week every time the ph
one rang? How about when I answered it and it wasn’t you?” She hated how her voice broke with emotion but she’d missed him, wanted him to miss her as much as she had him.
Nick whistled low in the background.
“I didn’t know what to think after you sent me away!” Ben exhaled sharply.
“You might have if you’d called me back.” Putting a hand at her waist, she cocked her hip and kicked the door closed in his face. She’d only made it a few steps when he stormed in. He grabbed her arm, spinning her to face him, hauling her against his body.
Growls filled the room as the wolves all stood.
“You’d best let go of my sister right now.” Tracy’s eyes began to shine with that otherworldly light and the scent of wolf rose in the air.
“Your sister and I have a lot to talk about and we can’t do it with an audience.” Good Lord, Ben Stoner had a lot to learn about werewolves. Tegan sent calming energy through their link.
“You can’t do it without a throat or a beating heart either. Now take your hands off Tegan. You’re standing in a room with two pissed-off females and two male wolves who feel the need to protect family. You’ve pushed as far as this can go without blood being shed.” Nick slowed his breathing and Tegan saw the violence there in his and Josh’s faces.
“Ben, let me go. This can’t go anywhere positive. Not this way.” Tegan traced the backs of her fingers down his jaw, leaned in to kiss him.
He let go and looked into her eyes, letting her see deep into his soul. “I’m not leaving until things are right. You’re not afraid of me. You know I’d never hurt you.”
“I’m not afraid you’d physically hurt me. But you ripped my heart from my chest. Where have you been?” Emotion filled her voice and she saw his response, knew he’d felt her pain.
“Please, won’t you talk to me? Alone? Give me a chance, Tegan.”
“Why?” she whispered and he dipped his head, brushing his lips over hers and her very DNA melted into a pool of need.
“Because I need you. I need us.”
Tegan turned to the others. “I’ll see you three later on back at Cade’s.”
Tracy approached, taking Tegan’s hands in hers. “Tee, are you sure?”
Tegan nodded. “I am. One way or another we need to talk and all this testosterone in one room is distracting.”
“Welcome to my world.” Tracy winked and sobered again. “Listen, Tee, I’ve missed you so damned much. I looked up to you, came to you when, well before. I finally got you back and I can’t lose that again. I need you to be my big sister. There’s so much to share with you. Don’t go. Don’t let go. No matter what happens here tonight, you’re still Tegan and you still deserve to live your life and be happy.”
“I know. I remembered that and I’m not going to forget it again. Thank you, Tracy. I’ll see you all in the morning when I come on shift.” Tegan kissed her sister and hugged her mate and Josh, ignoring Ben’s emotional bristle when she did.
Josh stopped at the door and turned back to look Ben up and down. “If you blow it, I’m going to make it my mission to help her forget you. You get me?”
Ben narrowed his gaze at Josh who laughed before closing the door behind him. Tegan locked up and set the security system before turning back to face Ben.
“I was just getting ready to make my dinner.” She walked past him into the kitchen and began to pull things out of the fridge.
“Can I help?” He stood in the doorway and watched her greedily. “Talk to me, Tegan.”
She pulled two steaks out of a plastic container and placed them on the grill of her stove which was nice and hot, and began to tear veggies for a salad. He moved into the room and cleaned and tossed potatoes into the microwave. Tegan liked their rhythm and gathered her thoughts as they worked side by side.
“Where have you been?”
He slathered butter with garlic and shredded parmesan cheese on the bread and put it on a pan beneath the broiler before turning to her. “Trying to forget you. Licking my wounds. Not wanting to face how much I wanted you. Not wanting to face how much I needed you. I was pissed off and confused and hurt and guilty and I didn’t know what to think about any of this shit and this woman I’d only just met was already making demands that affected my entire life! I was overwhelmed.”
Stabbing the steak to turn it, she spun, furious. “Well, buster, how about me? Huh? What about what I felt about the bond? My life was turned upside down too you know. I’ve had a mate in the past, I know what it feels like when it’s right. But I lost him. Lucas, a man who celebrated his bond with me. A man who cherished me and loved me and wanted to be with me. He died and I had nothing but emptiness. For four years. But you. You came inside me and it brought that back, that feeling of completeness and warmth that your mate, the partner of your soul, can fill and it hurt as much as it felt good. Because I remembered what it was to be part of something so special it’s like a fairy tale.”
She took a deep breath and put plates and silverware on the table while he pulled the bread out of the oven and the potatoes finished up. “And you know what? The first day after the arrest I felt like I’d die. I felt empty and sad and so alone. By the third day I realized something important. I’d rather live with the emptiness of the last five days than feel second best or a burden or disrespected. I get that you and I will be at cross-purposes sometimes. I think I’m at the point where I can accept it. But I can’t bear feeling off balance and not knowing what I mean to you.”
“Talk to me then! You’re the one who refused to see me.”
“Five days ago. I needed some time to think. And I called you! But you clearly weren’t as harmed by our time apart as I’d thought.” And that hurt. She breezed past him and pulled the steaks off the grill, not caring if he liked his rare or not.
He was there then, his body pressed against hers, arms wrapped around her body, heart thundering in her ears. “I was scared, all right? Scared because it wasn’t just my need to fuck you. It wasn’t me just appreciative of having you around. I felt for you. I feel for you. Fuck, I love you. I do. I don’t know how, it’s too fast. But I do and I tried to fight it because it scares me. I’ve been with someone before, someone I thought I loved and what I felt for her, even when I’d asked her to marry me, was a shadow of what I feel for you. You’re everything I think of and part of me is freaked out because a month ago I didn’t even know you.”
Relief poured through her as she turned into his embrace. “I know. It is fast and it is scary and I’m afraid you’re going to think none of this is real because of the bond. I’m afraid you’ll resent me. I’m sorry, no, I’m not sorry I found you because for me, it is real and I love you so much but I’m sorry you had no choice. If I could give that to you, even if it would kill me, I would.”
He sighed, looking into her eyes, so pretty and green, a face he’d memorized every plane of and yet, each time he saw her, he noticed something new. He couldn’t miss the emotion there even if it wasn’t rushing through him. Cade had said it was a gift, so had Josh and for a time he’d thought it was a curse he’d been trapped by but with her in his arms, her scent, the sound of her voice in his ears, he realized they were right and he’d been wrong. No matter how he’d ended up there, he was there and he loved this woman. He knew for a certainty she loved him. The anxiety eased then as he realized he had no doubts of her love. In all the time with Sarah he’d had that worry and he’d been right to. With every woman since he’d held part of himself back. But with her there was no holding back. It was good even as it was terrifying.
“I don’t resent you. I don’t understand the bond but I accept it. Can that be a start?”
“Of what? Where do we stand, Ben?”
“You’re my woman, Tegan. I’m your man, your mate. I want to be with you every day. I don’t want to date you, I want to share my life with you.” r />
“You should know female wolves are very territorial about mates. I’m very possessive.”
He smiled, feeling positively feral. “Good. Because I’ve been entertaining thoughts of hunting Josh down and running him over with my car. Repeatedly. I don’t share and from what I’ve heard about the tri-bond, I’m relieved to know you already have one from when you mated with Lucas.”
Realizing the sound he kept hearing was her stomach growling, he pushed her in the direction of the table and she started eating. His appetite was back for the first time in five days and he joined her.
“We’re going to have struggles over the cop in you and the wolf in me.”
“Yeah. Tegan, I can’t stop being who I am. I can’t stand aside and let you beat a suspect.”
She nodded. “I get that. And I can’t not beat him if he aims to harm my family. Which means I may not tell you everything.”
He froze. “That’s not acceptable. I need to know you’re safe, Tegan.”
“How do you propose we do this then, Ben? Because I’m not going to let the next guy who stakes me out with a gun in his pocket just walk away.”
“Things would be a lot easier if you were my submissive 24/7,” he grumbled and she snorted.
“Well, that’s not going to happen. Ever.” She took a drink of her water. “I’m not interested in making it easier for you to be a human cop. I respect what you do, which is why I’m going out of my way to keep wolf business in my territory, not yours. But I can’t stop being who I am either. I’m a werewolf guard in the elite Enforcer corps of my Pack. My Pack run by my brother. People I love have been endangered and continue to be threatened by Warren Pellini. You know that. You know Sargasso sent an open threat against their neighboring Pack for protection money. Memphis called earlier today and told us Pellini is trafficking in drugs and prostitution in their territory. He’s moving and getting more dangerous and that means I can’t sit idly by and do nothing.”
He did know. Lex had called him earlier to tell him about the rising threat of inter-clan war brewing with the stronger hold Pellini held on more and more Packs nationwide. He’d scoffed at the idea of a werewolf mafia a few years ago when he’d first met Lex and Nina, but he’d seen the damage firsthand. Knew something was brewing. But he knew that made things even more dangerous for Tegan.