A sinking emptiness filled her belly. No, not people like her. This time it was very different. Not just because she’d been so involved, but because Jake had tried to warn her about Gray numerous times and she’d ignored him. She’d been so upset over what was happening between her and Jake personally that she hadn’t wanted to listen to reason when it came to Gray and what he was after. Hadn’t wanted to see. And then she’d gone and agreed to marry the guy just to prove that she could. That didn’t make her a great operative. It didn’t even make her a good one. It made her stubborn and bullheaded, and in the field, that kind of behavior wouldn’t just get her killed, it could get someone else killed too. Someone she cared about.
Olivia wandered her way wearing a long, black wool coat and carrying a steaming mug in her hand. She stopped near Marley and handed her the mug. “Tea. Thought you could use it.”
“Thanks.” Marley lifted the mug to her lips and took a tentative sip, hoping the liquid would sweep away the heartache and stupidity she felt, knowing it never could.
“Are you okay?” Olivia asked. “They’re not taking you to the hospital, are they?”
Marley shook her head and swallowed around the growing lump in her throat. “No. I’m fine. Just needed a few bandages, that’s all.”
Relief swept over Olivia’s face. “That’s good. I was so worried. Everyone was. I still can’t believe that Gray . . .”
Yeah, neither could Marley. She took another large sip as Olivia fumbled for the right words. The level of rage inside Gray hadn’t just shocked her, it had horrified her, and even now when she thought of it, a shudder ran down her spine.
Olivia’s gaze dropped to Marley’s muddy, ripped, and bloody dress, and she sighed. “It’s really too bad about the dress, though. I mean, a Lexi Lacroix gown. It’s like a piece of art. You may as well have torched a Monet.”
For some insane reason, in the middle of this entire nightmare, that comment hit Marley as hilarious. She chuckled. Snorted. Lifted the back of her hand to her mouth to keep from exploding in laugher, then giggled until tears streamed down her face and the sound turned to uncontrolled hysteria.
“I guess it was a little funny,” Olivia said, “but geez, don’t choke. I’m no comedian here, and I’m rusty on my Heimlich.”
Marley swiped the tears from her face, swallowed several times so she didn’t do just that, and tried to settle her emotions. But she couldn’t. Because suddenly it was as if all the stress and fear and misery were suddenly coming out as crazy laughter. And her body just couldn’t stop. “My boss kills my fiancé in my father’s barn minutes before my wedding, and the only thing you’re worried about is a stupid dress.”
Olivia shot her a look, clearly not seeing the humor in the situation. “First of all, it’s not just a stupid dress. It’s a Lexi Lacroix gown, so get it straight. And secondly, as awful as all of that was, the dead fiancé isn’t the guy you’re in love with, now is he? And he sure as hell isn’t the one you should have been marrying. No, the one you should be marrying is right in that house. And he was frantic to get to you, even before he knew you were with McKnight. I’ve never seen Jake so scared or desperate when he charged into that room looking for you.”
Marley’s laughter died, and the humor quickly fled. She swallowed hard, glanced toward the double front doors of her father’s house, and watched as Jake stepped onto the porch with an officer. His once white shirt was covered in blood. Straws of hay were still stuck in his hair, and his black slacks looked gray from the dust in that barn. A small bandage covered a gash on his right cheek, and even though she knew he was safe and that it wasn’t him who’d been hurt, her heart squeezed just as tight as it had when that gun had gone off.
“Frantic and love are not the same thing,” she said softly.
“No, but frantic in love is definitely an affliction stubborn alpha males tend to experience,” Olivia tossed back, “especially when the person they love is in danger.”
Marley drew in a deep breath as Jake shook the officer’s hand, knowing Olivia was referring to her own struggles with Landon and everything they’d gone through to be together. But Jake wasn’t Landon Miller. “I don’t think he knows what to do with love, Olivia. To him it’s all business.”
“He’s scared, Marley. Just be patient with him. He’ll come around.”
Marley wasn’t so sure. She couldn’t go back to just being friends or colleagues or whatever they’d been to each other before. And as much as she loved the man, she couldn’t settle for anything less than everything. Not anymore.
Jake moved up next to Olivia, slid his hands into the pockets of his ruined slacks, and nodded toward Marley’s arm. “How’s the cut?”
“Fine,” Marley answered. “No stitches.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah.” Marley lifted the tea to her lips.
Olivia exhaled a long breath. “I’m gonna go find Landon. Marley, I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay. Thanks for everything, Liv.”
Jake turned and watched her go. “I didn’t mean to run her off.”
“It’s fine.” God, now that everything was done and finished, this just felt sad. “How’s your cheek?”
He brushed his fingers over the bandage. “Fine.” Then dragged his thumb down the left side of his jaw. “It’s this I’m more worried about.”
His jaw was a little swollen, but he’d been punched in the face before, so she figured he’d be okay. “It doesn’t look too bad.”
He sat next to her on the end of the ambulance and braced his hands on the edge of the vehicle. After several quiet seconds, he said, “I’m sorry about what happened to McKnight. I didn’t mean to kill him.”
She tugged the blanket up higher with one hand, hoping to ease the chill growing inside her. “It’s okay, Jake.”
“No, it’s not. When I got the call from Bentley and discovered he’d killed those Omega operatives in Colombia, I knew I couldn’t prove it. I knew we couldn’t arrest him. I just knew I had to get him away from you. I didn’t come here to kill him, Marley. I came to tell him to get the hell out of your life. I thought if he knew I was onto him, he’d just leave.”
Her heart sank even lower. He’d told her in the jungle that killing someone stayed with a person, and even though Gray had turned out to be one of the bad guys, she knew this one was going to stay with Jake. Because it was connected to her.
“But you never got the chance because I messed up his plans by turning him down.” She stared into her mug. “He snapped, Jake. I saw it when I was standing on the bridge with him. It was like a light just went on, coloring everything red around him. You were right. I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have been so stubborn.”
“And I shouldn’t have been such an ass about it. I’m sorry about that.”
They sat in silence for several seconds, neither seeming to know what to say to the other. Finally, Jake said, “You know, the night of your dad’s party, when I showed up? I went to tell you something.” He bit his lip, then said, “I went to tell you that I need you.”
She turned to look at him, afraid she’d heard him wrong.
“I was miserable without you, then,” he said softly, his eyes as tender as she’d ever seen them, “and I’m miserable without you now. We both know what’s happening between us is more than just friendship. It’s bigger. And even if you don’t come back to Aegis, I want a chance to see where it goes. I want you back. I miss you, Marley.”
They were the words she’d wanted him to say for way too long. But her heart didn’t skip like she expected because he wasn’t saying the one thing she needed to hear most.
Carefully, she set the mug on the floor of the ambulance, then pushed the blanket off her shoulders and stood. Her muscles were tight, her legs sore, and she knew when she took this mess of a dress off she’d have bruises everywhere, but right now,
the physical pain in her body didn’t even compare to the emotional pain ripping through her heart.
“You’re saying all the right things, and there was a time when that would have been enough, but things are different now. The night of my father’s party changed things for me. It changed everything. You changed it. Because you made me realize that what I want, you just can’t give me.”
“Marley.” He stood, regret rippling over his face. Regret that tugged on her emotions and made her want to throw herself into his arms, but she held back. “I know what you’re talking about, but if you just give me some time to—”
“Time for what?” Sadness filled her heart. Not because she was mad or upset or disappointed, but because she wanted him to be happy. Wanted to be the one to make him happy. And she never would be. “To realize how you feel about me? It’s been three and a half years, Jake. If you don’t know yet, you’re never going to know. But I’m okay with that. I really am.”
She stepped close, laid a hand over his warm, solid chest, lifted to her toes, and kissed his cheek. Before he could touch her or react, she lowered to her heels and stepped back. “Thank you for saving my life tonight. I may act tough on the outside, but every girl wants a knight in shining armor now and then. Tonight you were mine. I’ll never forget that.”
She turned and headed for her car, parked at the end of the circular drive, needing to get away from him, from her father, from everyone, and just be for a while. Behind her, he didn’t call her name, didn’t try to stop her, and she forced herself not to look back.
Inside, though, she knew she was always going to remember this moment. And the way it felt to walk away from the love of her life.
“Sounds good. Call me if you have any problems.” Jake hung the phone up on his desk and flipped the folder in front of him closed. Raleigh Stone was heading to Honolulu to run a security test on a client’s new property in the islands. For a fleeting moment, Jake had considered taking the assignment himself and getting away from everyone and everything, then changed his mind.
He had too many responsibilities, too many people depending on him. And with his new assistant so green on the job—she’d only been working for him for three damn days—he didn’t feel comfortable leaving the office just yet. Not when she could fuck everything up and make matters worse for him.
Almost as if she’d heard his thoughts, Allison Witlock wandered into his office, wearing crisp black slacks, a white blouse, and a slim jacket, her hair twisted into some kind of knot, and small silver balls twinkling at her ears. She set a stack of neatly organized papers in front of him. “These are the day’s reports on each of the operatives stationed in the field. I’ve created preliminary overviews on the two potential clients you have scheduled next week, and I organized the State Department’s contract on Richard Burton, which you mentioned you were considering bidding on. Oh, and don’t forget you have a meeting with the contractor at two p.m. to discuss the remodel.”
Jake glanced at his watch, then up at her in utter disbelief. It was nine freakin’ a.m. on a Wednesday and she’d done more in one hour than he did all day. Who was this chick? Wonder Woman?
“I’m heading to the break room to get some coffee,” she said. “Can I get you any?”
And she was getting him coffee. Jake’s irritation with the wonder assistant ticked up. No, he didn’t want any coffee. If he wanted coffee, he could get it himself. He wasn’t an invalid, for crying out loud.
“No, thanks.” He clenched his jaw so he didn’t say something he’d regret, then waved his hand so she’d just leave. “That’s all for now, Marley.”
“Allison.”
His irritation got the best of him, and he dropped his hand. “What?”
“My name is Allison, not Marley.” She turned for the door. “Buzz me if you need anything. I’m going back to reorganizing the personnel files. I can’t believe where some of those records were filed.”
She disappeared into the hall, and as Jake watched her go, all he could think about was the fact she was right. She wasn’t Marley. She was never going to be Marley. She was efficient and logical and professional and she didn’t challenge him with cute blue eyes or call him out when he was being a jerk. And even though she was everything he’d ever wished for in an assistant, all he wanted to do was scream at her to stop being so precise.
He let go of the papers, sat back, and rubbed his fingers over his eyes. He had to stop comparing her to Marley. Had to stop thinking about what he’d lost. It was for the best anyway, right? If Marley had wanted him, she would have given him a chance.
He slumped back in his chair, swiveled to the side, and kicked his legs up onto his desk, trying to make himself relax, trying to think about something other than her. But he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering, and his memories kept skipping over that night in the jungle. When the fire had been roaring in the middle of the camp and he’d watched Marley dance and laugh and smile his way as if she were dancing just for him. As if they were the only two people in the world. As if he was all that mattered to her.
She’d been so beautiful that night. Beautiful and alive in a way he’d never seen her before. And she’d been happy. So happy when she’d dragged him in, when she’d kissed him, when she’d stopped worrying about everything else and let herself go.
He’d been happy, too. Happier than he could ever remember being. Yeah, they’d both been a little high, but that jungle juice hadn’t done anything but lower his inhibitions. It hadn’t changed what he felt. That night he hadn’t been worrying about the future, hadn’t been worrying about the past, hadn’t been focused on anything but her. And for a moment, for one precious night, everything had been perfect.
His gaze dropped to his dress shoes on the surface of his desk, then his socks where his slacks had ridden up, and finally the bulge beneath the houndstooth pattern. Leaning forward, he pushed his sock down and stared at the braided leather band around his ankle.
His throat grew thick, his palms damp. Emotions raced through his chest. So many he couldn’t name them all. But the strongest, the one he knew had been there for a long time but which he’d been too afraid to face, was love.
He already did love her. He loved her smile and her laugh, loved the way she put him in his place and never backed down from a fight. Loved that she organized things in bizarre ways and challenged him even when she knew he wasn’t going to give in. He even loved that she was stubborn and bullheaded because it made her passionate. But most of all, he loved the way she cared about him—loved the way she cared for him—because no one else really ever had.
He wasn’t his father. Not yet, anyway. But if he sat back and let her go without telling her how he really felt, he would be.
Hand shaking, he dropped his feet to the floor and reached for his phone. His fingers hovered over the keypad as indecision warred inside him. If he called her, she’d just let it go to voicemail. He had to do this right. Had to prove to her that this time things were different.
He dialed her father’s cell, but Mason didn’t answer. Biting his lip, he thought through who at Omega might be willing to help, then remembered Olivia.
He found her number in his phone and hit Dial. Olivia answered on the third ring. “Hey, Jake. I was just about to head into a training class. What’s up?”
“Hey.” Play it cool. “Is Marley at the office? I’m trying to find her. My new assistant has a question about . . . stuff.” Stuff? Shit. That was so not playing it cool.
“I’m sorry. She’s not here. She decided not to work for her father.”
“She what?” Panic pulsed in Jake’s chest. “Who is she working for?” He hoped like hell she hadn’t already packed up and moved to DC. There were a number of firms there he knew would jump at the chance to hire her. And thanks to the fact it had taken him so freakin’ long to figure out that he was already crazy in love with her, he knew if she’d alr
eady taken one, getting her back was going to be nearly impossible.
“I don’t know. I don’t think anyone yet. I’m pretty sure she’s taking some time to herself.”
Jake released a breath. Okay, time to herself could work. “Thanks. I’ll try her at home.”
“She’s not at home. She’s in Carmel. At your house.”
“I have a house in Carmel?”
Olivia laughed. “Yes, you do. A pretty nice one, too. It’s one of the properties you told Marley to list.”
“What’s she doing there?”
“Finalizing details with the realtor, I think. I’m not a hundred percent sure. I think it was also a good excuse to get away.”
Carmel. She was in Carmel. At his house. She hadn’t let go of him, not completely, not yet. Not if she was working on something that wouldn’t benefit her in the least, but him. He still had time to make her believe he loved her.
Plans, details, a future—all of it swirled in his mind, lifting him out of his chair with hope. “Do me a favor, Olivia?”
“Sure. Anything.”
“Don’t tell her we had this conversation.”
“Okay. Why not?”
“Because I want to surprise her.”
“Well,” she said with a smile in her voice. “It’s about damn time.”
It was way past time. He tugged the phone from his ear, then drew in a deep breath. And prayed he could get to Marley before she made up her mind for good.
Marley closed the front door of the beach house and dropped her purse on a chair in the entryway. She’s spent three hours wandering the shops on Ocean Avenue in downtown Carmel, hoping a little shopping therapy would bolster her mood, but it hadn’t. Blowing out a long breath, she kicked off her flip-flops and carried her shopping bag down the hall toward the massive kitchen at the back of the house.