I should have never gone with Colby to fly his planes. I should have told him I had plans. I should have insisted on staying with Rory and Stryder, but my heart guided my feet out of that house and into his car. My heart wanted more, craved more. Just some more time with him before he gets married, before it all comes to an end.
Because then he’ll be gone.
And it was one of the best moments I’ve ever had. Colby behind me, arms circled around me, helping me fly his airplane, laughter, the ease and simplicity of our relationship showcased as we shared a special moment, flying his plane. It almost felt like we fit together like peanut butter and jelly, I was the sweet to his salty. His heart was open and exposed and . . . beautiful. And for that tiny moment in time, it felt like it was mine. That he was mine.
I can still see the smile on his face, the rumble of his chest behind me as he spoke into my ear, telling me how to maneuver the plane.
The feel of his hands on mine.
The smell of his cologne seeping into me . . . branding me.
And then when he was dropping me off, the way he gripped my chin, the look in his eyes. For a brief second, I thought this was it: he was going to finally kiss me.
Our first kiss.
I could see it, deep in his stare, he wanted to. He thought about it, but then we were thrust back into reality when Sage called.
Love you.
His goodbye to Sage just about split me in half, reminding me why I need to stay as far away from him as possible. He loves another woman, not me. He’s found his person . . . and it’s not me.
It’s unhealthy for me to be here, to see them holding hands, for me to wistfully think that maybe, just maybe, he’ll turn his gaze on me and look at me the way he looks at Sage.
I sink deeper into my mattress letting the darkness of the night take over my little apartment, not even bothering to turn on a light.
Silence. Only the sounds of the apartments around me filling the empty air.
A slam of a door.
Footsteps above.
The muffled sound of someone’s voice.
The light knock on a door.
I sit up. Did that come from my apartment? I shift on my air mattress, the plastic fabric squeaking against the floor.
Knock. Knock.
That is coming from my door. Last time someone came to visit me, it was a neighbor asking if I had sugar. I barely keep food in my apartment let alone sugar. I debate answering when there is another knock. Okay, so they must know I’m home.
Surrendering to my neighbor, I make my way to the door while putting my hair into a messy bun. At this point, I’m sure my makeup is smeared across my face and I look like someone who’s been dragged across the rough side of the train tracks for five miles. Maybe it will scare them away.
I open the door and my breath catches in my chest when my eyes fixate on the man standing in front of me.
Flight suit with sleeves rolled exposing his arms, aviators shielding the expression in those molten-chocolate eyes, a light dusting of scruff covering the strong set in his jaw, and determination hardening his muscular shoulders. He’s magnificent. Fierce.
“Colby.” I hug myself. “Wh-what are you doing here?”
He takes a step forward, causing me to move backward until he’s in my apartment and shutting the door. He takes off his sunglasses, folds them, and sets them on the foldout table near my door.
Eyes set on me, he takes another step forward as I take a step backward. A few more steps and I’m against he wall, Colby a foot away. His eyes roam my body and then back to my face where he gently cups my cheek and moves in even closer.
My heart stutters in my chest.
My stomach flips upside down.
My skin prickles with brief excitement.
Leaning forward, he takes his other hand and presses it into my hip, keeping me in place.
We breathe.
Mine shaky.
His determined.
We search each other’s eyes.
Mine weary.
His strong-willed.
We grip each other.
Mine tentative.
His forceful.
And when he lowers his forehead to mine, all air escapes my lungs as I hold my breath, unsure of what’s going to happen. When he brings his mouth centimeters from mine, the need to cry becomes overwhelming.
Why is he here? Why is he doing this to me? This hurts.
I can’t do this.
I can’t have him pull away. I can’t have him change his mind, not this close, not when—
His lips move closer until they’re pressing against mine. Slow at first, he explores my mouth, and once I allow myself to breathe, he moves in even closer, his grip becoming tighter, his mouth more demanding.
I slip my hand to the back of his neck, anchoring myself to him as my knees wobble beneath me.
Strong and powerful, he rocks me to my very core with the little nips of his mouth, the light suck on my bottom lip, the swipe of his tongue.
He pushes me closer against the wall, his hand tilting my head back, getting the perfect angle. He keeps me like that, back arched, hips grounded against the wall, neck in a curve, lips parted as he claims me.
Every last piece of me.
Tears start to slip from my eyes, the unimaginable finally happening. I’ve wanted this man for so long. I’ve wanted him to see me as more than a friend. I’ve wanted to know what it feels like for him to take me as not only a one-night stand, but as someone he can’t live without.
I want him to love me.
And then that’s when it hits me.
Sage.
On a gasp, I push against his chest, stepping away and gripping my head. I can’t believe I kissed him, or that he kissed me. I promised myself I wouldn’t be that girl, the one who broke up a couple, but here I am, kissing Colby when he’s engaged to Sage.
“You need to leave.” I wipe away my tears and turn my back to him.
“Ryan.” He comes up behind me, trying to take me in his arms again, but I push him away.
“You’re engaged, Colby. This is not okay. This should never have happened.”
“We broke off the engagement.” His voice is neutral, even, calm. How can he be so calm when he just dropped that bomb?
I whip around, hope blossoming in the pit of my stomach. “You . . . you broke off the engagement?”
He nods and takes another step forward. “A couple weeks ago. If you actually answered my texts and calls, you would have found out a lot sooner, but since you’re stubborn and refused to talk to me, I had to wait to tell you in person.”
No wonder Sage hadn’t asked me to do anything lately. Oh God, Sage.
“Wh-who broke it off?” I wipe another stray tear, my emotions flying everywhere.
“We both did. It was mutual. What it came down to is we were comfortable within our relationship, but we both knew we needed to be challenged, not complacent. We loved each other but we weren’t in love with each other, Ryan.”
I pull on the sleeves of my sweatshirt, unsure what to say next. “So, what does that mean?”
“That means I’m here, trying to figure out where you and I stand.” He takes my hand in his and pulls me closer. “Are we just friends, Ryan, or do you want more?”
Is this really happening right now? Am I dreaming? Has my mind completely lost it and I’m hallucinating, creating lifelike fantasies? Was that kiss real?
I’m tempted to touch my lips. It felt real, so real that when his lips touched mine, I experienced a jolt of energy spring through me, almost as if he was recharging me, jump-starting my heart again with his soft mouth.
“Do you want more?” I ask, the heaviness of my question weighing on my chest. If he says no, I don’t know what I’ll do with myself, although, he did kiss me. There could be hope.
Pulling me in the last few inches, he brings his hand to my lower back and holds me tightly against him. I’ve seen him hold Sage like this, even Rory,
and I’ve wondered what it felt like, to have his strong and protective arms encase me.
It’s so much more than I ever imagined.
It’s as if he’s sheltering me from the rest of the world and creating our own little atmosphere where only the two of us exist, and everyone else is a mere shadow in the distance.
“I want more, Ryan,” he whispers, sending a chill up my spine and another wave of tears to come flooding down my cheeks. The belief that he’s actually here, saying he wants more too is overwhelming for my heart. He gently brushes my face, taking the wetness with him. “Why are you crying?”
Lifting my arms, I grip his wrists, turning my head into his touch, soaking in this moment and the feel of his hand against my skin. “I can’t believe you’re here, that you . . . that you want more.” A small little hiccup of a sob hits me. “I’ve wanted you for so long, Colby. And then when you decided to propose to Sage”—another sob—“I didn’t think it was possible to ever have you look at me the way you’re looking at me right now.”
“Fuck, Ryan,” he sighs and leans forward, taking my mouth with his again.
His hand slowly glides up my back to my hair where he holds my head in place as he works his mouth across mine.
Slow nips.
Quick swipes.
Gentle press.
I melt into his arms, into his hold, grabbing on to his flight suit so I don’t fall to the ground. We’ve never kissed before today, and I can’t believe what I’ve been missing, the kind of passion he possesses using only his mouth.
His tongue darts out of his mouth, begging for entrance. A light moan pops out of me as I grant him access, letting our tongues dance across each other. It’s erotic, sensual.
It’s lighting up everything inside me, from the tips of my toes, to the edge of my fingers. I’m regaining the feeling I lost over the last few weeks, my heart bursting at the seams, pounding like a jackhammer in my chest.
There’s barely an inch between us as he hungrily kisses me, taking what he wants and not letting up.
Slowly he backs me up until we reach my blowup mattress. For a brief second, he pulls away and eyes it, the corner of his lips tilting up. “Is that thing safe?”
“Not sure. I’m the only one who’s been on it.”
His eyes darken, his expression intense as he reaches between us and grabs the hem of my sweatshirt, dragging it over my head, revealing a small white bralette that barely contains my breasts.
“Christ.” He drags his hand over his mouth, eyes trained on me. “You’re so goddamn beautiful, Ryan.”
I shy away from him. “I’m a mess right now. I’m sure my makeup looks—”
Before I can finish, he takes me by the hand and takes me to my bathroom where he makes me sit on the toilet. He reaches for my makeup wipes and squats in front of me. Not saying a word, he starts to take off my makeup, one swipe at a time.
I flinch at first, hating that he’s removing my “shield,” the protective layer I put on every day to face the world. “Colby.”
He shakes his head. “No, you don’t need all this makeup, Ryan. I want to see your blue eyes without black framing them. I want to count the freckles on your nose and move my lips along your skin unobstructed. Show me your left side, Ryan.”
My heart squeezes in my chest, my breath becoming ragged as the meaning of his words hit me hard. He’s always wanted to see my left side of perfect, and right now, he’s forcing it, taking me apart layer by layer.
Show me your left side.
Instead of fighting, I allow him to continue, letting the raw and exposed feeling consume me. He won’t do anything to hurt me or say anything to send me into a tailspin. At least, it’s what I keep telling myself.
Concentrating on what he’s doing, I take the time to observe him. The slight five o’clock shadow caressing his face, the stiff set in his strong jaw, the pout of his swollen lips, the deep brown of his eyes so mysterious, yet kind.
He’s beyond handsome, the type of man I never thought would ever call me beautiful, let alone look at me the way he is right now, with such affection and intensity.
Once he’s done, he sits on his heels and stares me down, a smile pulling at his lips. He stands and takes me with him to my bed and lowers me gently. Thankfully the air mattress I have is a double queen, so it’s a few feet off the ground.
Colby squats in front of me and says, “You don’t need makeup to be beautiful, Ryan. You’re beautiful without it, stunning actually. Your eyes are so vivid, your face so soft.”
I want to tell him he’s just saying that, he wouldn’t say the same thing in the daylight, but I hold back, wanting to soak up this moment instead, wanting to stay present and out of my fucked-up head.
“Thank you.”
Standing tall again, Colby unzips his flight suit to his waist and shrugs out of the arms, letting the top half fall to his sides. His muscles flex under his sand-colored T-shirt, pecs strong and bold, biceps stretching the sleeves, a flash of his abs from the clinginess of his shirt.
He’s so much bigger than when he was in college, more masculine, more male, as if he’s dripping with testosterone. The night we shared together holds a small part of my memory, one I’ve worn out over the past few weeks, trying to relive the moment I had with Colby. But right here, right now, I have a feeling I’m going to have so many more memories to tap into after this night is over.
From behind, he takes his shirt into his hand and pulls it over his head—as only a male knows how to do—abs flexing, a sexy-as-hell look on his face when he drops the shirt to the side. Standing in front of me, his boxer briefs skimming above the V in his hips, he’s fulfilling all my fantasies. I watch his dog tags sway back and forth as he leans toward me, pushing me against my comforter.
He brings his hand to the top of my yoga pants and glides them down my legs revealing a small pair of white lace booty shorts. He scans my body, eyes narrowed and dark. “Is this what you always wear?”
I nod. “Every day.”
“Fuck, Ryan.” His hands skim up my body, drawing a path of heat with him until he’s straddling me, both hands on either side of my shoulders, his lower half pressing against me. “Do you remember the first time we had sex?” he asks, lowering his head to my neck where he draws kisses up and down the column.
“Vividly.”
“Do you remember how it feels to have me inside of you? Pulsing, my cock swelling with each contraction of your pussy around it?”
I let out a low moan, remembering exactly how sexy Colby is in bed. “I remember it feeling amazing.”
“That’s it?”
“It’s been a while, Colby. Remind me.”
His lips travel up my jaw to my mouth where he dives his tongue inside, making small thrusting movements, my entire body on fire from a little foreplay from his tongue. I’m ready for him, slick and turned on.
“I need you, Colby.”
“I need you too, baby,” he says it so naturally, that it shoots a wave of butterflies through my stomach as he spreads kisses down my chest to my torso, to above the waistband of my underwear. Leaning back on his heels, he pulls down my underwear and tosses them on the floor. Unabashedly he spreads my legs with his palms to my inner thighs, pushing my legs high to the side so I’m fully exposed to him.
His eyes darken as he takes me in. I know I’m aroused and wet. I can feel it. Just from him taking his shirt off I was ready, but now the anticipation of having him so close to pleasuring me has every bone in my body quivering.
With a quick lick of his lips, he dips his head and spreads me with his thumbs. I clutch the sheets and wait for contact, his head hovering. When he doesn’t move right away, I open my eyes and look at him to see what the problem is. When we make eye contact, the corner of his lip tilts up.
“There you are. Keep your eyes on me, baby. I want you to watch me make you come.”
Another wave of arousal hits me before he closes the last few inches and presses his mouth agains
t my pussy.
“Oh God,” I moan, letting my head tilt back for a second before I return it and keep my eyes focused on him.
Leisurely, he begins to lick me up and down, taking his time, almost as if he’s savoring the moment, his tongue making slow strokes, driving me crazy.
I move my hips for a little more friction, but I’m quickly pressed against the mattress by his strong arms, his forearms and biceps popping and flexing from holding me down. “Don’t rush me, Ryan. I will eat you out on my own damn time.” Before he goes back, he winks, and I just about die.
My head falls back on the pillow and for the life of me, I can’t bring myself to look at him again, but when he doesn’t go back to pleasuring me, I lift back up, propping myself up on my elbows.
“That’s better.” He kisses from my inner thigh to my pussy and to my other thigh, lightly nipping and licking occasionally but never going back to my clit, which is throbbing uncontrollably between my legs.
“Colby, please.”
“You want me to fuck this pretty little clit of yours?”
“Yes,” I say breathlessly. “Please.”
“Mmm, I like it when you beg, makes me hard as fuck. I like seeing you desperate for my touch, the pink in your cheeks from how aroused you are, and the slickness of this pussy every time I’m near it. Fucking gorgeous.”
In one swift movement, he dives back down and starts flicking his tongue over my clit, hitting it in just the right spot that my entire body breaks out in a sweat and my stomach bottoms out. I try to move, I try to match his flicks with a thrust of my hips, but he holds me captive, taking me prisoner with his tongue. I’m at his mercy as he relentlessly moves his mouth over me, eyes fixed on mine, until I feel my vision start to tunnel and my orgasm rip through me.
I moan loudly, mouth falling open, legs dropping to the mattress as I ride my orgasm out on his tongue, letting my body feel in the moment.
A burst of pleasure rips through my core.
My arms and legs lose all sense of feeling.
A pounding erupts between my legs as he continues to flick my clit.
“Oh fuck, Colby.” I grip his hair and pull on it until the last spasm runs through me.