I have a friend who hates to swim in dark water. We never seem him step foot in any body of water that is not a pool. In the fall of 2010 we once spent an entire day at a lake and while he sat on the shore, fully clothed and watched us. His phobia-like aversion to water crippled him so much that he sacrificed a youthful day of fun to literally seek the comfort of his blanket. Being good friends, we decided one day that we were going to force him to confront his fear of dark water. As a registered psychology student, I took initiative in creating the perfect plan. After considerable coercion, my buddy and I convinced him to ride a raft with us on the lake. The three of us were to get on the raft and spend an hour or so floating along on a (not so quiet) adventure. Little did he know my friend and I planned to take the paddles, jump out of the raft, and swim to shore after we got a considerable distance along our route. To this day I have never seen a facial expression anywhere close to capturing the reaction my friend had. A fizzy triad made up of blinding anger, paralyzing fear and honest hopelessness capable of making a bitter old man give him sympathy. I’d love to say this story ended with him triumphing his fear of murky water by swimming to shore, and we could all celebrate by finally playing a game of Marco Polo afterwards, but to be completely honest that’s not what happened. After taunting him for about thirty minutes we realized his stubbornness out soars our patience so we swam back and got him on perhaps the shortest and most awkward rafting trip ever.
Friendships don’t last forever, but the friends we have right now do influence the person we are tomorrow. To experience life, you need friends who are willing and able to push you to grow and experience new things. My buddy and I may have taken this idea to an extreme at the lake, but behind our (very) cruel joke, we had good intentions. In much the same way that anger breeds anger, ambition also breeds ambition. Successful members on athletic teams often come in pairs. A good player needs a partner capable of matching his skill to make him grow. In all honesty, I know I would hate it, but sometimes I wish I had hung out with the students who wanted to grow up to be rocket scientists. Being the least intelligent member of a group of that caliber would propel me to work harder until I was a frontrunner on all things NASA. Suffice to say I don’t have a bad GPA now, as my hopes for grad school certainly wont allow me to mess around, but I could always be doing better.
The reason I know that your friends make who you are doesn’t come from the conspicuous amount of time I spend around the barbershop. (1. If you’re gonna hang around the barber shop you’re gonna get your hair cut) It comes from the absurd amount of friends who all have some stigmatizing fear of something super irrational.
Besides maybe getting e. coli, what are the dangers of a competent swimmer swimming in a lake?
Nothing.
Many members of our culture are obsessed with histrionics. When the spotlight isn’t on them in whatever environment they are in, they will turn it on to them. Our unconscious need for attention can often become so great, that phobias and fears can be our means to exploit the time of others for our own gain. It isn’t as if money is the object in these situations, rather the reward comes from social acknowledgement from other human beings. Just like a baby who cries for no other function than the eyes of her mother, individuals who have developed a social need for stroking leech into any social situation with a dance that demands the eyes of every member of his or her audience. If you do not yet know the type of individual I am describing, let me clarify a little more: this person is a drama queen
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Although the term is childish (3 and, being 2012, a bit antiquated), it puts in layman’s terms the correct sentiments towards the individuals. In a psychological context, a phobia is by definition an irrational fear. But when people develop fears of things so far out of left field like orange juice, or purple gift-wrap; I have a problem with that person. If I were calmly eating my lunch and a good friend of mine told me she gets really scared because of the sound that is made when people eat bananas, that would be the last time I ever spent time with her. Ever. Moreover, people who engineer these wild fears are intelligent, they know no rational person could resist asking “why don’t you like the sound I make when I eat a banana,” then she would get to go through her drama queen spiel about how she played Mario kart one day and drove Yoshi into a sand trap after slipping into a banana and now she has a terrifying fear of bananas.
But I really do believe that friends make the man. And my friends have apparently rubbed off on me. I think I’m (ironically) starting to fear the gimmicked group of individuals who have a fear. Paradoxically, I have yet to consider if I should be afraid of myself. However, now when I am out with friends and a drama obsessed individual tries to take the conversation by explaining to me how she doesn’t like it when balloons are below eye level, I ignore her and talk about how much I hate people who fear ridiculous things.(2. Still deciding if this makes me an asshole or not)
After doing this for a month or so, I wholly recommend it as an ego stroking strategy. What is the point in tearing people down through bullying and insults when you can humbly brag your way to the top of the social ladder by explaining to people that when they start sentences with the letter T you feel a sleight anxiety attack? Seriously guys, some people don’t want to get over their phobias, because it entitles them to a sense of uniqueness. Not only am I advocating individuality, but also, to watch the company you keep. The friends who strive to make you grow by getting over your fears, are just the ones who don’t get it. **As noble as it is to strive to be original, I still hate you, and the fact that you think you’re the cats pajamas. Because I’m terrified of feline sleepwear.