After his outburst, the doctor had the amount of morphine in his IV drip doubled. Not long after that, everything turned into a haze. As much as he was concerned about the restaurant, his employees and his family, he couldn’t focus on any one subject long enough to be worried about it. He heard voices, but they seemed so far away that he didn’t know who they were. The only thing he was sure about was the pounding in his head and the ringing in his ears.
Two days later, he awoke to a darkened room. He gathered enough sense to know he wanted off the morphine drip. He was so sick of feeling like a zombie. He pulled the plastic tube taped to his wrist and it came out. He sighed, knowing that pretty soon he would feel normal again.
About an hour later, he severely regretted doing that. He would have put the IV back in if he had any idea how it was done. The pain he felt in his office was back and it was twice as bad. The machine he was hooked up to beeped in alarm. He thought that someone would come, but no one did. He tried to yell for help but nothing came out of his throat. A chilling realization occurred to him. Maybe this time it was for real.
The lights went out again. He heard people run into the room, their voices raised in panic, but they soon faded away. He felt as if he were being pulled away by a riptide, never to be seen again.
When he opened his eyes, he was sure he was in heaven, but to his disappointment, he was in the same hospital bed, except with more tubes and wires than before. He tried to sit up, but he didn’t have enough strength. He felt stiff and sore. He was also extremely tired. He wondered if it would ever end. Would he be stuck in this place forever, always sick and helpless? It seemed like an eternity already. He wished he either had his normal life back or was dead. He just had it with this half-assed purgatory where he was drugged up and treated like he was three years old.
He heard someone walk toward his bed and assumed it was the nurse, but when the curtain opened, it was Gennie. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying.
“Is it all right if I visit you?” she said softly.
“Yeah, sure,” he replied. His hoarse voice shocked him. He sounded like some eighty-year-old guy.
She approached his bed. “How are you doing?”
“Uh…not too good…I guess. How about you?”
She burst into tears.
“Well…I…” she sobbed.
His heart ached for her. “I hope they didn’t scare you too much.”
“They told me you were dead,” she said. “After I got a hold of myself enough to call Annie and tell her, they managed to revive you, but they didn’t think you’d live for very long. The last couple of hours they said you were doing a lot better and they just told me that I could check on you.”
He took her hand and squeezed it. “You’d know I’d never leave you. Not after all the crap we’ve been through.”
She nodded. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself. But I was so afraid. I don’t want to be all alone!”
She put her head on his chest and sobbed. He patted her gently on the back.
“You won’t be alone. You’ve got your kids and your husband…and don’t forget your annoying friend Page.”
Gennie chuckled. “No one can replace you though. You’ve been with me since day one. What would I do without you?”
He didn’t know what to say to that. He just pulled her closer and held her tight.
“Well,” he said after several minutes, “I’m glad someone likes me.”
“What do you mean by that?” Gennie asked.
“I’ve been a royal asshole lately,” Ben replied. “I yelled at Annie and Kristopher because she kept him out of school and he rolled his eyes at me. I’m sure they both hate me now.”
“What? No way! They both love you, honest to god. Annie told me how stressed out you’ve been lately and she felt really bad about getting you upset. Poor Kristopher…Annie’s trying to get him to go outside and go skateboarding just to get his mind off everything, but all he can do is lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. He thinks it’s all his fault that you had the heart attack, because he misbehaved a couple of times and that got you really angry. He said to me that put you over the edge. He thinks that you hate him, not the other way around.”
“How could I hate him? He’s my child! Oh god, Gen. I’m such a lousy father. I’ve totally screwed up.”
“No, you didn’t. We all know how hard you work to give him everything he could want. Most lousy fathers just desert their kids. You didn’t do that.”
“I might as well have. He doesn’t even know me. And my first kid…well, that’s exactly what I did.”
“That was totally out of your control. Don’t blame yourself for that one.”
“Everything’s my fault!” He rubbed his face. “How did I turn out to be such a jerk?”
“I’ll tell you who the jerk is. He’s sitting on his duff a couple thousand miles north of us drinking a beer. He doesn’t give a damn about anything. You’re just the opposite. You take care of everybody except yourself.”
“I don’t know…”
“Yes, you do know. Annie told me the last day you left for work you were dizzy and you were holding your stomach as you went out the door. Now, if that was Annie, would you let her go to work?”
“No, but…”
“Of course you wouldn’t, but you forced yourself to work a fourteen hour day anyway, just so Annie could get a nice dress and Kristopher can get another pair of one hundred dollar sneakers. Why did you do that?”
Ben sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t want them to think I was weak. And the restaurant…I worked so hard to get it, you know. If I’m not there, I’m afraid it will go under and then how am I supposed to take care of Annie and Kristopher? I have to provide for them, that’s what I’m here for. And I won’t have any purpose if I’m not working. The restaurant is my life. I’m too stupid to do anything else.”
“You’re not stupid,” Gennie replied. “And I know you love the restaurant, but…you got to have time for yourself and your family. Do you think Annie and Kristopher love you just because you buy them nice stuff?”
“I don’t know…”
“Of course not! I’m sure they like having money and expensive things, but they love you more.”
“I’m not sure about that,” he replied. “You never know people. You can give them everything but they can still throw you away like yesterday’s news.”
Gennie put her hands around his.
“They love you,” she said. “Annie’s been around for fifteen years. I think she would have left a long time ago if she was just using you. And Kristopher…well, of course he loves you, you’re his daddy!”
“I want to believe it, I really do, but…”
“You love them, right?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, do you think the best thing for them is to work clock around until you die of a heart attack?”
Ben chuckled. “For a minute there I thought you were talking about our father! No, I guess it isn’t the best thing for them.”
“And you’re afraid about what will happen to the restaurant if you take some time off? Ben, you almost took some time off permanently! You’re not going to help your crew any if you’re dead.”
“Yeah, I know,” he said sheepishly.
“I think someone’s trying to give you a big hint here.”
“Who?”
Gennie smiled wryly. “Oh, don’t be a smartass. You know who it is.”
“I guess I have to change the way I do some things, huh?”
Gennie nodded.
He squeezed her hand. “I wish I knew where to start.”
“How about stop obsessing about the restaurant. Annie told me you’ve got a crack staff. How about letting them run the show for a while?”
It was killing him just thinking about doing that, but he really didn’t have a choice at the moment.
?
??Okay.”
“You’ve got to focus on getting better.”
“I’ll try,” he said.
“Well, I have to get going.” She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.
“Thanks for coming,” he said.
Chapter 84: October 13