There is a plaque and garden on the sidewalk where she died in remembrance.
My soul died that day, and my spirit broke, but I kept on living.
I swore I’d never move on with another woman. Audrey changed my life; she was like an addiction. How do you break free from a love that strong?
I can’t help but wonder if Sienna could also be the one for me?
Can you have more than one great love?
Audrey one hundred percent would want me to be happy, I know that.
I need to talk to Sienna and tell her about Audrey and my past.
I guess seeing her reaction and what happens next will be the real test. Maybe she will run for the hills. Though I didn’t when I learned about her ex-husband. Maybe we are two lost souls who belong together.
We all have pasts, and you can never run from the past. I’ve learned it’s better to face it full on and learn from it rather than run away and avoid it.
MIKE IS OUT OF REHAB
It’s Murphy’s law that when life starts to get good, something always throws a curveball or there’s a hurdle.
This particular hurdle is Mike.
I should have known he had been silent for way too long, and he wouldn’t let sleeping dogs lie. In his words, he would never let me go.
Of course, he showed up at Sara’s that first day, and I had a few texts early on, but his lawyer must have advised him to stop. I also blocked his number. I could never escape if he kept calling or texting, and I hated the thought of changing my number.
So, I’m surprised at first when I get texts from a random number, but then I’m pissed off.
Mike: Please Sienna, you need to come home. I’m getting the help I need. I have a bad temper, and I’m sorry.
Me: It’s way too late for apologies, Mike.
Mike: I’m desperate, Sienna. I miss you and love you.
Me: Our life together has ended, Mike. I refuse to let you bring me down any lower. Goodbye.
Mike: I need you. I can’t live without you.
Me: Living with you was hell. You were a thorn that made me bleed, and I am not messaging you anymore.
Mike: If I can’t have you, then no one will.
Great, does that mean he knows about Ethan? I’m scared as I know what he is capable of.
I’m heading to Ethan’s tonight, and I told him I’d cook him pork schnitzel, sweet potato mash, and vegetables, one of the many dishes I learned at my cooking class. I just need to stop by the store and grab the ingredients.
There are no empty spots in the parking lot, so I park on a side street. Quickly grabbing the groceries, I need, I head back to find my car and duck into the alley between buildings to get to the street.
As I get to a darker and more secluded part of the alley, I get an uneasy feeling I’m not alone, but when I turn, no one is there.
Strange. I shrug it off and keep walking. I’m sure I’m just paranoid since the street is deserted.
I get the eerie feeling again, but this time, I sense a shadow, so I turn around. My instincts were right, and I see Mike approaching me dressed in a black hoodie. Scary as all hell.
“Hi, baby,” he says like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Like he isn’t the crazy ex who beat me and left irreparable scars.
I shriek loudly. “No, get the hell away from me!” I forcefully throw down my bags, turn, and start to run. He roughly grabs my arm in a tight grasp, but I push and try to kick him like I’ve learned in the self-defense classes.
“My beautiful wife. Sienna, did you really think I would let you go so easily?” he growls, making my skin crawl.
A thousand thoughts run through my head. How did he fool me for so long? How the hell does he keep finding me?
I hate this man so much that if I had a knife, I would stab the organ in his chest. I wouldn’t call it a heart as the man I married is heartless.
“All the whores I screwed never meant anything, I always saw your face, Sienna. If you weren’t such a prude, I wouldn’t have been looking elsewhere.” That revelation hurts like all the other insults, but if I’ve learned anything over the past few months, it’s that none of it was my fault.
“I have a confession, too,” I say to Mike. I know I am going to regret it, but I need to get it off my chest. “I wish I’d never met you, married you, or let you into my life,” I tell him. Looking him right in the eye, it is one hundred percent the truth.
He slaps me hard. Right across my cheek.
It was totally worth it to see his pain. My words hurt him for a change. After the insults I put up with for months, now it’s his turn.
He grabs me roughly by my hair and starts to drag me. “Let go, Mike. Stop,” I scream.
It’s like I have an angel looking out for me, I swear to god.
“Let go of her,” a girl who looks around twenty yells. She is quite tough looking and confident, and then I see that three other girls are with her. They are dressed in black leather. I wouldn’t want to mess with them; they look dangerous.
“This is between my wife and me. You girls keep walking,” Mike tells them and keeps pulling me in his direction.
“I have the cops on the phone, so how about you tell them when they get here?” The redhead with the arm tattoo holds her cell up that clearly shows 911.
“Keep out of it, bitch,” he angrily shouts.
I use the girls’ distraction to my advantage and knee him with all my strength in his balls. When he is down, I kick him twice; once in his stomach and once in his head.
“I won’t let you hurt me anymore, Mike,” I scream with furious anger that has been building.
He is moaning and holding his crotch, and minutes later, the sirens can be heard, and a police car pulls up. Thank god.
Handcuffs are put on Mike.
“Mrs. Owens, I am Sergeant Mahoney, and I will be putting Mike Owens under arrest for breaking the restraining order and attempted kidnapping,” the tall officer with glasses states.
“Thank you, Sergeant Mahoney. Please lock him away because I fear for my life.” I start to sob at the thought. Life is finally taking the shape of something positive, and his negativity keeps looming like a black cloud over my head.
“I can hold him with these charges. Even if his lawyer asks for bail, the judges are pretty strict with domestic violence especially cases this severe,” he replies.
“Thanks,” I say, and I’m grateful to see Ethan pull up on the curb and jump out of his car. He is by my side comforting me as my tears start to subside.
“Oh god, Sienna, I’ve been calling you. I knew you were at the store. Thank god I’ve found you,” he exclaims with a worried look on his face. He kisses my cheek and holds me tight.
“She might be with you now, but she is still my wife,” Mike shouts at Ethan. I shudder at his voice and the fact I’m still his wife. Now more than ever I want that paperwork signed, and I will burn my wedding ring.
“You might be her husband by law, but you are a low-life scum. A real man never lays a hand on a woman. You will rot in hell; you are worse than vermin,” Ethan snaps back at Mike. Then he pulls me to his side, and we leave together. I don’t even turn around. Thank god Ethan remembers to grab my bags of groceries.
The sooner Mike is out of my life forever, the better.
ETHAN
I felt like I couldn’t breathe knowing Sienna wasn’t safe, and when I couldn’t reach her, I thought the worst. I felt sick to my stomach. I knew something didn’t add up, so when I drove to the store and saw her car in the side street, I knew it must be him.
I wasn’t in control, and it scared me, bringing back memories of Audrey.
I now know nothing could stop me from being with Sienna. She is the one for me. Quicksand couldn’t keep me away from her. My feelings are that strong and intense.
A relationship is about unity, not a man above woman or the male being the authority. I beat the odds finding Sienna, so I’m never letting her go. We have been through so much toge
ther, so I decide it’s time to tell her about Audrey.
“I’m ready to tell you about Audrey now, Sienna. It’s the final piece of me, and I want you to know it all,” I say as we are sitting on the sofa about to watch a movie.
“Okay Ethan,” she says. I guess she is wondering what I will say.
“Audrey was my fiancée for two weeks, then she got hit by a car and didn’t survive her injuries,” I reveal to her, and it feels right being one hundred percent honest.
“Oh my god, that is so sad, Ethan. I’m so sorry for your loss.” She places her hand on mine.
“We had so many plans, and they were all taken away. It took me a long time to recover from losing her,” I tell her truthfully.
“I can imagine. I know how hard it was for you to tell me, so thank you for trusting me.”
“I’ll never try to replace her, Ethan, but hopefully, one day we will get a place where we have future plans and can make a long life together,” Sienna tells me, and I smile.
“You are an amazing woman, Sienna. I know Audrey would be happy we have each other,” I confess to her, and we embrace and kiss, all the emotion and love evident in our connection.
SCARS THAT WON’T HEAL
Even safe in Ethan’s arms the past few days, I can’t stop the uncontrollable shaking. The doctor prescribes a sedative, and it helps. Now I sleep until the nightmares wake me up.
I’m feeling helpless, and the way Ethan looks at me, like he wants to help but doesn’t know how, is tearing me apart. What am I doing to this good-looking and amazing man?
He doesn’t deserve this. He deserves better.
“Talk to me, Sienna. I am here for you. What is on your mind?”
He deserves all of me and not just the bad and jagged parts. He deserves the old me, the me I know is inside; she is just struggling to come out of the darkness right now.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I just need some time to think.” I say the words quickly before I back out. My heart hurts.
“What the hell, Sienna? You don’t mean that, baby. I love you. You have just been through something huge, and you just need time to sort your head,” he tells me, and it’s all true.
“Please Ethan, let’s just start with a few days. I need a little space. Can we do that?” I plead with him. I don’t want to say goodbye. I just have a fog in my head that won’t clear.
“Sienna, it’s me. I’m not Mike, and we have such a special thing,” he adds, and a tear runs down his cheek.
“Yes, I love you, and I know what we have is special. I just don’t want to wreck us by being messed up. I want to give myself to you one hundred percent, and I can’t do that right now.”
“Okay, if that is what you want. I won’t pressure you.” He finally gives in, and I’m grateful. My gut feeling tells me it will make us stronger in the long run.
“I’m not walking away from us, Ethan. It’s just I spent so long being Mike’s wife that I lost myself. I want you in my life. This is not goodbye, I promise,” I declare truthfully, looking him in the eyes.
“Sienna, I’ll never give up on us. Baby, you are worth it, we are worth it. Just know I’m falling deeper in love with you every day,” he admits, and we embrace. I kiss him deeply, and then he is gone.
I just need ME time.
Mike surrounded me with lies, and he was believable.
The truth is I’ve fallen deeply in love too. I’m more in love with Ethan than I ever was with Mike, and that scares the shit out of me.
The more I love, the more I can get hurt.
What if Ethan betrays me? What if he leaves? How could I move on from that?
Thank god I have another appointment with my shrink because I need her guidance and her support. It’s like I know what the right decision is, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
ETHAN
I feel like a part of my heart has been ripped out. I never thought I would fall for someone this hard again after Audrey. Sienna is like the icing on my cake, a bookmark that belongs in a book, the yin to my yang—she and I fit together like a perfect puzzle.
Damn Mike to hell for ripping apart her world. She has scars that might not ever heal because of him. Irreparable damage.
I hate so much that our relationship must suffer because of him. Being here without her is wrong. I have a photo of us at the beach, and she is smiling. If she lets me, I will spend eternity making her smile. Her scent is everywhere, and her touch lingers on my skin.
Please come back to me, Sienna. My world will crumble without you in it.
SIENNA
The next day, when I drive to Dr. Collin’s office, I’m feeling a little less on edge than I was yesterday, but still sad about asking Ethan for space. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.
“Come in, Sienna. How are you feeling today?” She’s concerned when she sees my puffy eyes. That question could be answered in a million different ways.
“I asked Ethan for space, so I’m feeling confused, sad, and hurting,” I confess, and it feels good to say it out loud.
“Okay, all of those feelings are normal,” she confirms and gives me a quick hug.
“Why did you feel you needed space?” she asks, trying to help me work through my reasoning.
“To clear my head from Mike and focus on me for a while.”
“That was very wise. You are the most important person in this equation, Sienna, so don’t feel guilty for needing time alone,” she reassures me, and I feel relieved.
“I do feel guilty, but I know it’s right. How can I give him all of me when I’m such a mess?” I explain my feelings and thoughts.
“Today and over the next few days, I want you to write down something positive that happened in your day. It could be that you enjoyed your coffee, you saw an amazing cloud in the sky, or the fragrance of your favorite perfume made you smile,” she tells me, and I like the sound of that.
“Small and simple things that make you happy,” she clarifies, and I smile. It’s all about baby steps right now.
When I’m home, I soak in a nice long hot bath. That is perfect for today’s list. It has made me relaxed and happy.
Day two: I watch reruns of Seinfeld and laugh my head off.
Day three: I smile when Ethan texts me.
Day four: I enjoy a glass of wine with my cousin.
Day five: I smile so much my cheeks hurt, and that was talking to Ethan on the phone—hearing his voice, his supportive words, and his understanding without one sarcastic remark about me being selfish or pressuring me to see him.
Honestly, just hearing his voice instantly puts a smile on my face. It’s all about your other half bringing out the best in you and not belittling or bringing you down. Boosting each other up and Ethan does that for me.
MADE MY DECISION
I wake from a very strange and intense dream. A dark-haired lady with a halo and angel wings is smiling at me, then she nods her head. “Yes,” she says very softly, and then she vanishes.
When I open my eyes, instantaneously, like a light bulb moment, a switch flicks, and I realize I can’t waste another minute without Ethan. My bed is lonely, and my sheets are cold without him. My skin aches for his touch, and my lips hunger for his kiss. I want to smile every day, and I know that will happen with him.
“You sleep well, cuz?” Sara asks me as we enjoy a coffee together.
“Honestly Sara, I have a newfound clarity today, and it’s amazing,” I admit with a smile.
“That is awesome. What changed?” she questions, obviously looking out for my best interests.
“I had space from Ethan, enjoyed me time and simple things like coffee, wine, a bubble bath, and movies. Through it all, he has been supportive, encouraging, and reassuring, and I’ve realized how much I miss him,” I confess. “I don’t just miss having someone, but I one hundred percent miss Ethan and everything about him. I can’t imagine another day without him,” I admit, and the words are healing.
“I’m so
ecstatic for you, Sienna. I just don’t want you to get hurt again. I love you, cuz.”
“He is good for me. Being with him showed me there is still good in the world. I feel alive, and he accepts my cracks and faults.”
“You are glowing from just talking about him, Sienna. Go and get your man!” she declares. I nod, then race to the shower, eager to see Ethan and open my heart to him.
ETHAN
I’m standing my ground and not backing down because I’d follow Sienna anywhere.
I’d take a bullet for her; my feelings are that strong.
She gets me, accepts my highs and lows, and my strengths and weaknesses like no one else. I even think she gets me more than Audrey ever did. I never thought I’d say I’d find someone who could take her place.
I have another vivid dream, and it is Audrey plain as day.
“It’s okay, Ethan. I love you, and I don’t want you to be alone. We have our memories, so please be happy. You can move on with Sienna,” she tells me. “I wish we’d had a lifetime together. Goodbye, my lover.”
I wake sobbing, and it’s the first time I’ve cried over Audrey in over one year.
It’s 3:33am
An angel has been close.
Audrey has given me her approval.
Sienna is a chance I need to take.
SIENNA
Driving to Ethan’s, I feel more sure than I felt on my wedding day. It’s him; it’s always been him. I deserve happiness, I need it, and I’m chasing after it with my arms wide open.
We need our happily ever after, so Ethan, I’m coming.
I hastily park outside his apartment and jump out of the car. It’s like he knew I was coming because he steps out his front door. That’s ironic.
I had almost forgotten just how gorgeous he is.
My Ethan …
He is dark and mysterious with his olive skin, blue eyes, and the scruffy hair and beard.