I gently press my lips to hers once more and turn around to start the bike.
She holds on tight all the way to the clubhouse making me wish I didn’t ride so fast. I could have dragged it out and felt her pressed up against me for longer.
Alannah comes walking towards us with Leo in her arms as soon as I’ve got my bike parked and I’ve got a bad feeling any alone time I was hoping to have with Kyla isn’t going to happen anytime soon.
“I thought with your dad away you might like to join Cas and I for dinner tonight?” she asks Kyla.
She looks to me and back to Alannah, “Of course Ricky can join us too. He can give you a ride back later.”
“Sure, I’d love to get out of here for a while.”
“Good, Ricky knows where we live. I’ll see you soon.”
Alannah carries on to her car and I lead Kyla into the clubhouse.
“I’ll wait for you here, don’t be long,” I warn her, the sooner this night is over, the sooner I can get my lips back on hers.
I watch her jog up the stairs and take a seat at the bar to wait for her.
It isn’t long before a warm hand slides around my neck from behind and strong, heavy perfume fills my personal space.
She always smells the same, I know it’s Jessica. After I woke up with her in my bed I couldn’t wait to have her back in it on a much more sober basis. I exhale lightly thinking how different I feel now. All I can think about is Kyla in my bed, not only in a sexual way but in every way.
“You haven’t been around much lately and when you are, you’re always with the junkie,” she purrs, thinking she is drawing me in.
“Don’t call her that,” I snap.
Her face scrunches up at my tone and she looks shocked.
“Do you actually like her?”
I don’t answer her and keep how I feel about her to myself, it isn’t her business.
“Don’t tell me you prefer a junkie whore over me?”
It just goes to show you how much no one here knows anything more about Kyla apart from her addiction. Maybe she takes after Pope after all, no one knows much about him either.
“I…”
I’m about to get in her face and give her what for when a voice filled with pain masked with strength comes from behind us.
“Are you ready to leave or do you have other plans now?”
I spin around to see Kyla standing behind us. She was quick, for the first time since I’ve known her she’s actually listened when I told her not to be long.
She doesn’t hang around and heads out straight past us.
“If you ever call her that again, I’ll let Pope know what you say about his daughter behind his back. We had a good night together but that didn’t give you rights to me, you stay away from me now.”
I leave her standing alone and unable to argue back, I can’t think about her now, all I want to know is if Kyla is okay.
Waiting by my bike I can’t tell if she’s pissed, upset or doesn’t care what she’s heard. Her face has stoned over.
She doesn’t even moan about having to ride on my bike again. Silently, I hand her the helmet and she silently takes it.
She follows my lead and sits behind me and holds on tight again, although I can feel her resistance to do so.
I’m thankful we can’t talk during the ride. Her perfume, light and floral compared to Jessica’s dark scent fills my senses in the wind. When I met her she was nothing but darkness, now on the road to recovery, she is nothing but light. I’ll be damned if I let anyone drag her down again.
When we arrive, I hold her hands clasped together around my waist as we slowly come to a stop. I don’t want her jumping off before I can talk to her.
“What Jess said back at the club…”
She cuts me off with a frustrated growl and I shut up.
“I don’t care what she thinks of me, it’s not any worse than what I think of myself or everyone else for that matter. Let’s have dinner and be normal like many people do every day.”
As soon as I release her hands, she whips her helmet off and uses my shoulders as leverage to get off the bike.
“What I heard isn’t a big deal.”
The front door opens and Alannah welcomes us in and Kyla is all smiles and politeness. For a half hour she talks with Alannah and Leo barely looking at me. She certainly doesn’t talk to me when dinner is called, I think she’ll have no choice but to talk to me not to be rude at the table but I am very wrong.
I might as well not be here. Cas and Alannah both are more interested in listening to Kyla tell them about her life with her mom, pre-junkie days of course.
“I never found it weird he didn’t live with us, most of my friends had parents who didn’t live together so it felt normal,” Kyla shrugs, still not meeting my eyes.
“I sometimes wondered where he disappeared to,” Alannah says, spoon feeding little Leo some ugly ass goo from his bowl.
“I never would’ve thought this was his life away from us, he done a terrific job of pretending with me, I’m glad I’m staying with him though.”
“And how are you finding it working with Kristen?” Alannah asks her.
“She’s really nice, I didn’t think it would be so busy all the time but it keeps me occupied.”
“Well, you look a million times better,” she tells her.
“Babe,” Cas hisses, glaring at his wife to shut up.
“She’s right, I feel a million times better now too,” she smiles but it fades quickly.
I hope to God she isn’t thinking of Jessica and her big mouth. She said it wasn’t a big deal but she’s certainly acting like it is.
“Do you plan on sticking around long term, I know Pope is happy to have you here.”
I stop eating wanting to hear what she says.
“I’m not sure about long term, but definitely for the short term.”
Obviously having a job isn’t commitment for her, although, she is truly over qualified to be working in a pawn shop. It’s alright for Kristen as she owns the place, but Kyla is destined for better.
“Oh, Ricky, Jessica was looking for you earlier,” Alannah says, turning her attention to me.
I wish she hadn’t. Kyla looks down and concentrates on the food in front of her.
“She found me,” I mutter.
Alannah quickly looks at Kyla, then back at me and smirks. What’s she playing at?
Cas hides his amusement by stuffing a heap of potatoes into his mouth and Alannah raises her eyebrow at me. I shake my head and shovel my own potatoes into my mouth.
Silence falls over the rest of dinner and when Alannah and Kyla disappear into the kitchen, I lean across the table and ask Cas, “What was that all about?”
He chuckles.
“She’s just testing the waters, Pope must be the only one who hasn’t noticed you turning into a love sick puppy.”
“Fuck off,” I say, making him laugh.
“Alannah loves Pope, known him her whole life. In her own way if she thinks you two get together, Kyla will stay here permanently and Pope will be happier.”
Christ, if that ain’t pressure, I don’t know what is. I reckon Pope would rather her stay not being with me though.
“I would tell her to back off but I’d be wasting my breath, you have met my old lady haven’t you,” he adds, chuckling.
“Lana bringing up Jessica tonight of all nights is the worst, she heard Jess call her a junkie whore just before we left.” It still makes me cringe when I picture her face trying to rise above the comment.
“If it bothers her, you’ll see what she’s made off, she’s Pope’s daughter after all. My advice, don’t get between two women in the club unless you like having a constant pain your ass, if you like Kyla, focus on her. If not, don’t fuck about with her ‘cause I won’t be happy if a brother kills another brother.”
Cas leans back in his chair and scrubs his face.
“You’d be the brother who got killed, just to cla
rify,” he adds.
“Fucking hell,” I breathe heavily.
“My last piece of advice is to talk to Pope as soon as he gets back. He’ll take it as a personal insult if he thinks you’ve been going behind his back with his daughter. If it were my daughter, you would’ve already seen my fists flying towards your face. Pope trusts you with her because you’ve helped her more than anyone else, you don’t want him thinking you’ve taken advantage, even if Kyla is willing.”
I groan loudly and squeeze my eyes shut. Cas is right, I know he is, but no matter how much Pope kicks off about it, I can’t stay away from her.
When Kyla walks back into the room, she looks relaxed. Hopefully she has spoken to Lana and she cooled her down.
“Can you take me back now, I’ve had a long day and I’m tired,” she says, barely looking at me.
“Sure, I’ll meet you out by my bike,” I grunt, getting tired of this silence between us.
Again, she walks past me and out of the house after thanking Alannah for dinner and saying her goodbyes without looking or talking to me.
Cas walks me out and slaps me on the back.
“I wouldn’t wanna be in your boots tonight, good luck, brother.”
“Yeah, thanks,” I mumble, waving back to Alannah in the house.
Night is falling and the moon is shining bright on our way back to the clubhouse. Kyla is rigid holding onto me, but she rests her head on my back halfway home and makes me feel like I might be able to salvage something from our kiss earlier.
The bike hasn’t come to a full stop before Kyla is pushing away from me and I feel the emptiness between us again.
She tosses the helmet to the ground and heads towards the bar. Sighing, I pick it up and put it on my bike seat, slowly following after her. By the time I catch her up she is already up the stairs.
“I don’t need a babysitter anymore, I know where my room is,” she spits over her shoulder.
“I’m perfectly aware, Kyla.”
I reach her doorway and the door swings shut in my face.
Fuck this, she isn’t shutting me out for a second time in one day. We had something earlier and I’m not letting Jessica finish us before we’ve even started. Flirting and kisses are all good but I want more and I know Kyla does too.
Throwing open her door, I storm inside and she’s nowhere to be seen. Movement from the bathroom catches my attention and I throw open the door to find her already stripping out of her clothes while she waits for the shower warm up.
“What are you doing? Get out,” she shrieks, quickly covering her tits.
Very fucking perky little tits, they look like they would fit perfect in my hand.
“What is your problem now?” I yell in her face to stop from staring at how her nipples are hardening.
“Nothing.” Fucking hell, she’s like a fucking brick wall when she wants to be. She’s Pope’s fucking daughter all right.
I slam my fist into the wall and without much room in here to move, she jumps back against the tiles eyes wide and pinned on me.
“You don’t get to shut down on me, not after everything I’ve tried to do to help you.”
“I said, I don’t have a problem,” she repeats, adamantly through her teeth.
“Bull fucking shit…what is it? You haven’t said a word to me all night. You said it didn’t bother you what Jess said, was that a lie?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she laughs, weakly.
“Of course it does, tell me now.”
She turns on me and holds my stare solidly.
“For the first time in my life my eyes are open. They are so fucking wide open I can’t stand it. Everything is crystal clear and it hurts because now I’m the one who has to live with myself knowing I’m never going to be the same as I was. No one is going to want me after what I’ve done. Being here cements it in every second of every day, I’m always going to be Pope’s junkie daughter. Always being watched, always being talked about and people forever wondering if I’m going to slip.”
“It’s not their fault to think that, junkies can’t be trusted and you should know that, you were one.”
“Get out,” she screams at me.
“Truth hurts huh?” I goad her, “No one here gives a fuck what you used to be, only what you are now. Your dad has a lot of respect around here and none of us want to see him in that position again. No one here will listen to what Jess has to say because her opinion means shit, they’re only interested in stuffing her mouth not what comes out of it.”
She recoils at what I’m saying and looks disgusted, it’s the truth and one she would learn pretty quickly if she spent more time around everyone.
“Just go find her and leave me alone,” she sighs, her shoulders sagging, “She’s right, why would you prefer me to her?”
I knew it had pissed her off. I take two steps across the tiny bathroom and it brings me so close to her I can almost feel the goosebumps covering her skin. I reach for a towel and wrap her up and force her to look at me.
“Not that I have to explain shit, but Jess isn’t anything to me.”
“I don’t care, really I don’t. I know where I stand around here, and what people think of me, I have to deal with it to get to know my father but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”
She pushes past me into the bedroom and digs around for a clean top in her drawers, the towel uncovering her distracting tits again.
How can she think that?
I don’t care she’s topless. I grab both her arms and she shrieks and tries to push me away.
“Shut up, listen to me and listen good. Her opinion of you does not fucking matter one bit around here.”
“She’s right though, I am just a junkie, you wouldn’t even kiss me until I looked like I do now,” she argues.
“I didn’t not kiss you back because you were a junkie. I didn’t kiss you back because I’m sick of living with other people’s demons. As long as heroin was in the forefront of your mind, we had no business getting close. I spent time with you because when you told me you wanted to die it changed something inside me. I saw your photograph and knew I had to try and bring that girl back. Now, you’re getting stronger every day and I can’t stay away from you. I can’t stop thinking about you and every time you shut down I want to be the one who you turn too to pick you back up. Your strength is why I kissed you today and you being as beautiful as you are is a bonus.”
She loses her fight and falls against my chest.
“Whose demons?” she whispers.
“Someone’s demons who I wish could’ve been as strong as you.”
She looks up at me and a stray tear falls down her cheek. I wipe it away and the second tear that quickly follows it.
“I don’t feel strong,” she admits.
“You’re stronger than you know, I know that because you’re still alive. I’m holding you in my arms and I can feel you.”
Softly, I kiss her on her forehead and lead her to the bed. I position her next to me and pull the sheets over us.
As she trails her finger up and down my arm I start to tell her about my sister.
Kyla
Oh God, I need to sleep for more than four hours. These early mornings the last couple of days are beginning to kill me.
A month and a half ago I would’ve just not bothered going into work and rolled over and gone back to sleep, Hell, I wouldn’t have had a job at all. Now, I’d rather feel like a walking, talking zombie than let Kristen and my father down.
Ricky is still asleep and after everything he told me last night I don’t want to wake him.
I slip out of bed quietly, collecting the clothes I need for today and lock myself in the bathroom.
Everywhere I look lately is centred on heroin. My own addiction, Ricky being set up and spending time in prison because of the stuff and then I find out his sister was a user and it killed her. Being around my father and his club should be hell for me, I would’ve thought it would be everywhere in this t
ype of environment but I couldn’t be more wrong. Yet, because of mine and Ricky’s past, it has had a big impact and I’m half to blame.
Overhearing the whore yesterday down in the bar only confirms what I thought about everyone. They might not be as vocal as her but they think it, they must do.
Looking down at my arms, the track marks are fading but they are still visible and I want to cringe away from my own body.
I quickly get dressed and cover my arms in a long sleeved blouse and quietly slip out of the room. Working and spending time with my dad and Ricky doesn’t leave much time to crave the drug that once owned my life and it feels so good not to feel as sick as a dog all the time. I chuckle quietly to myself, before I shied away from getting clean because I couldn’t stand the pain, now I shy away from wanting the drug because the memories of what it did to me are still so vivid. I hope they always will be. My father told me to use this and remember the pain, I am going to do just that and make sure I never go back.
It doesn’t dawn on me until I’m near the main door that I don’t have a ride to work and I don’t have a clue where my father has left the keys to the truck I’ll one day own.
“You okay?” Cas asks heading towards me.
“I need a ride to work and my dad isn’t back yet.”
“I thought Ricky was meant to be taking you?”
I don’t want to tell him why he’s still asleep or the fact I know he’s still asleep because he slept in my room so I say nothing.
“Prospect, get over here,” he yells.
The kid who kept bringing drinks over for everyone the other night puts down his broom and jogs over to us.
“Drive Kyla to work and pick her up after her shift ends at four, bring her straight back here,” he orders him.
“How do you know when I finish?” I blurt out, does everyone know my schedule around here?
He shrugs and says, “You’re in my club, darlin’, it’s my job to know everything about everyone in it.”
The shop has been nonstop busy since the doors opened at nine this morning and each and every customer has been tense and irritable because of the heat. I’ve been accused of going too slow and making them wait extra while I retrieve their items out of pawn, or I’ve been accused of being rude and unfriendly when I try to rush my way through each customer so they don’t have to wait too long. I can’t win either way. With every irate customer I’ve had to deal with it’s made me rethink the decisions I’ve made. I could be working in a dental office now, on my way to opening my own practice and instead, because of the biggest mistake in my life, I’m working for pennies behind a pawn shop counter.