‘A bit shit doesn’t send you running off over the Atlantic,’ I replied, too much turkey straining against my jeans. I wondered if I could pop open the top button without anyone noticing.
‘Very shit then,’ she bargained. ‘From what I can gather, he’s been sat in front of the PlayStation in his boxers and feeling sorry for himself. He says he thought I wasn’t coming back.’
‘Then why didn’t he try to get you back?’ I asked, a very clear picture of Tim’s bachelor week in my mind. ‘Hasn’t he completed Grand Theft Auto yet?’
‘He says he was scared,’ she whispered. ‘He actually said he was too scared.’
‘Ohhh.’
We both stared in wonder. An English man. Having feelings. And admitting to them. Scandalous.
‘And I have to admit, I haven’t been on my best wife-ing behaviour either,’ Louisa said. ‘I’ve been too preoccupied with Grace and we fell off the radar. We both need to try harder if we want it to work. I feel so silly for overreacting now.’
‘It’s so easy to fuck it all up, isn’t it?’ I blinked as we reached the top of the stairs and walked out onto Brooklyn Bridge. ‘It happens before you know it.’
‘I think a lot of the time, it’s not one big thing,’ Louisa said. ‘I think it’s loads of little things. By the time the big thing comes along, it’s already dead. I hope we’ve caught it in time. I really do love him.’
‘I know,’ I said, squeezing her hand. ‘And he knows. Like you said, you just have to try sometimes. I’ve thought about getting it tattooed onto the insides of my eyelids.’
‘What are you guys whining about?’ Jenny crashed hard into the pair of us, throwing her arms around our shoulders and jumping up and down. ‘It’s CHRISTMAS!’
‘We were just deciding whether to throw you off the bridge now or on our way back,’ I replied, pushing her away. She was far too strong for such a small woman. ‘What do you think?’
‘You’re supposed to wait an hour after eating before you swim,’ she replied, sticking out her tongue. ‘So let’s do it on the way back. And then I’ll swim back to your place and kick your ass.’
‘She’s going to make a great mother,’ Lou said, smiling against the sunlight.
‘Yeah, maybe just not yet.’ Jenny pushed into the middle and linked arms with us both. ‘I think maybe I’m gonna hang in there and save up for that Birkin this time.’
‘You’re getting a handbag instead of a baby?’ Lou was rightly confused.
‘I’m gonna wait a little while longer and see if I can’t find a Birkin of a boy to knock me up,’ she explained. ‘Not that I don’t love the shit out of James but I need someone who will be around. And he can’t promise that he will be. Or rather he will promise and then he’ll flake and if that’s the way it’s gonna be, I’d rather hit up the sperm bank.’
‘I told you, I’ll make a baby with you.’ Craig appeared at my elbow and pulled Jenny out of the chain, tossing her over his shoulder. ‘It’ll be my Christmas gift to you.’
‘Because you didn’t get me anything, you cheap bastard.’ Jenny pounded on his back with small fists but she was laughing as he charged forwards, running off across the bridge.
‘I really, really hope that he’s joking,’ Alex said, taking my free hand in his. ‘That is not a christening I want to go to.’
Lou squeezed my arm lightly and let go of the other side, jogging to catch up with Graham and Tim. I raised my hand over my eyes to see the outline of Grace, happily swaying from side to side on her daddy’s shoulders.
‘And you know we’d be putting it through college,’ I replied, smiling at the happy-ish family. ‘And taking it to college. And picking it up from college. And feeding it and clothing it and everything else-ing it.’
‘I’ll get him sterilised first thing in the morning,’ Alex said gravely. ‘And you can get the Pill injected, right? Can you make your doctor friend give her that?’
‘I’ll give it to her myself,’ I promised. ‘I’ll tell her it’s Botox to stop her arse from sagging.’
‘She does have a great ass,’ Alex admitted, tilting his head to the side to get a better look. ‘I’ve got to give her that.’
I shoved him a little but he was right. She did have a great arse. That was one of the reasons I wasn’t worried about her finding a man.
‘But it’s not as great as yours, my love,’ he said, kissing the top of my head.
‘Obviously,’ I replied, lifting my face up towards him for a proper kiss.
We stalled for a bit, hanging back while the rest of the gang walked on and leaned against the barrier, looking out at the Statue of Liberty. It was hard to see anything when the sun was so bright but the sky was blue and the water glittered beneath us, keeping Brooklyn and Manhattan at a safe distance. Close enough to wave but not near enough to start any trouble. The spiky skyline of the city was completely greyed out as the sun leaned over into the west but Brooklyn sparkled. The windows of the warehouses and fancy apartment buildings on the waterfront glowed orange with the reflected late afternoon light and there were patches of snow that had settled on Christmas Eve and gone undisturbed overnight. I imagined me and Alex taking our child there and building snowmen or throwing snowballs. I imagined taking him or her over to the carousel in the summer and taking pictures to send to my mum and dad. Playing in the park, taking them to school for the first time, sitting on our stoop and watching Alex teach them to ride a bike on our new street. For the first time, I really imagined what it would be like to not just be us anymore, but to be a family.
‘You’re quiet,’ Alex whispered into my ear.
‘It’s a Christmas miracle,’ I replied in a voice just as low.
‘You’re having a good day?’ he asked, turning his back on Lady Liberty and leaning in towards me. ‘Or at least a better day than yesterday?’
‘I’m having the best day,’ I said, meaning every word. ‘And Mum remembered to bring my pork pies so it’s only going to get better.’
‘I’m going to make every day better,’ Alex promised, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. ‘That’s my job. That was part of the whole marriage deal.’
‘I missed that part of the vows,’ I smiled. ‘But it sounds nice.’
I looked over to see Graham throwing Grace high in the air while she screamed with laughter. Tim and Louisa were holding hands, her head resting on his shoulder, and Jenny and Craig were stumbling alongside them, stopping every few steps to kiss like teenagers. Probably because they were drunk like teenagers. It felt good to see everyone smiling and I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly be happier than I was at that exact moment. I felt as though someone had emptied out all the stress and the worry and the panic and filled me up with light and sunshine and assorted Disney characters. That or I was very, very drunk.
‘Merry Christmas.’ Alex kissed the top of my head and pulled me by the hand, hurrying to catch up with the others. ‘Come on. You can open the rest of your presents when we get back. I’ve heard a rumour that there might be shoes.’
‘I’m coming,’ I said, letting him drag me along. ‘You don’t have to bribe me with footwear.’
‘Since when?’ he asked, eyebrow arched. ‘Shoes, Angela Clark, there are shoes waiting for you.’
I laughed and I picked up my pace but I wasn’t in a rush. I wasn’t in a rush for anything. I had everything I needed right there with me on that bridge, and it was more than enough.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Dear everyone, please accept this virtual hug as the Christmas card I won’t have time to send and know that I have asked Santa to put you all on the ‘nice’ list. He says you’re golden. Rowan Lawton, thank you for being everything that you are and for stopping me from licking Brian Cox at dinner that time. Thank you to everyone else at Furniss Lawton and James Grant, especially Liane, Blaise and Georgie (what happens at karaoke, stays at karaoke) and Izzy, John and Will, thanks for suffering so quietly through the Kelktails madness.
&nb
sp; The day Lynne Drew says ‘sod it, she’s gone mental’ will be the day HarperCollins give up on me so thank you Lynne for not saying it yet. Couldn’t do it without you. Same goes to Thalia Suzuma, you are ridiculously supportive, understanding, bloody good at your job and you’re doing unsupported shoulder stands. I’m so jealous. There are a thousand people to thank at HC but massive tinsel-covered lovin’ goes out to Lucy, Jaime and Martha who genuinely suffered me this year. Sorry. And sorry in advance for next time.
I can’t use emojis here which really limits my emotional expression. But to everyone on Twitter and FB, you’re my advisors, my sounding board, my gossip buddies and most importantly, the reason I do this. Thank you so much. Meeting so many of you this year has been incredible (especially my Kelktails gang!) and I am genuinely touched by every message I receive – if I don’t get time to reply, it’s only because I’m writing another bloody book, not because I didn’t do a little cry while I was reading it. I literally couldn’t do this without you, I mean, HarperCollins just wouldn’t let me.
I’m always being asked where my inspiration comes from and whether or not it’s hard being a writer. If it weren’t for these people, there would be no books, just a lot of red hair, attention-seeking issues and a drinking problem. Thanks to all of you, I get to call that ‘being a writer’. Emma Ingram, Ana Mercedes Cardenas, Sarah Donovan, Rachael Wright, Jackie Dunning, Julie Allen and Rebecca Alimena, as well as Tracy Solomon and Michelle Dortignac – thank you for picking me up and putting me back together again, as required.
And to Jack Murnighan, Terri White, Della Bolat, Beth Ziemacki, Ryan Child and Ilana Fox, without everyone else, this book wouldn’t be here. Without you, I wouldn’t be here. I don’t have the words to express it.
Which is a bit shit when you think what my job is.
About the Author
Lindsey Kelk is an author, journalist and prolific tweeter.
Lindsey loves living in New York, expensive shoes, professional wrestling and wondering whether or not it’s time for bed. Lindsey dislikes too much frosting on a cupcake, being so far away from London, spiders and not being in bed. Lindsey is indifferent to sushi and dogs that are smaller than a cereal box.
Lindsey has written eight novels: I Heart New York, I Heart Hollywood, I Heart Paris, I Heart Vegas, I Heart London, The Single Girl’s To-Do List and About a Girl. You can find out lots more about her here: http://lindseykelk.com
Also by Author
I Heart New York
I Heart Hollywood
I Heart Paris
I Heart Vegas
I Heart London
The Single Girl’s To-Do List
About A Girl
E-novella
Jenny Lopez Has a Bad Week
Catch up on the rest of the I HEART series and find out how it all started!
Click here to buy I Heart New York 9780007331604
Click here to buy I Heart Hollywood 9780007353163
Click here to buy I Heart Paris 9780007368679
Click here to buy I Heart Vegas 9780007383450
Click here to buy I Heart London 9780007383733
‘Fans of the I Heart series will instantly fall for this gorgeously funny and romantic read’ Closer
Tess Brookes has always been a Girl with a Plan. But when the Plan goes belly up, she’s forced to reconsider.
After accidently answering her flatmate Vanessa’s phone, she decides that since being Tess isn’t going so well, she might try being Vanessa. With nothing left to lose, she accepts Vanessa’s photography assignment to Hawaii – she used to be an amateur snapper, how hard can it be? Right?
But Tess is soon in big trouble. And the gorgeous journalist on the shoot with her, who is making it very clear he’d like to get into her pants, is an egotistical monster. Far from home and in someone else’s shoes, Tess must decide whether to fight on through, or ‘fess up and run …
Click here to buy now 9780007497997
Copyright
Published by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
77–85 Fulham Palace Road
Hammersmith, London W6 8JB
www.harpercollins.co.uk
First published in Great Britain by Harper 2013
Copyright © Lindsey Kelk 2013
Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2013
Cover illustration © Bree Leman
Lindsey Kelk asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780007501502
Ebook Edition © July 2013 ISBN: 9780007501526
Version: 2013-10-14
About the Publisher
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United Kingdom
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Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Also by Author
Angela’s Guide to Christmas
Keep Reading
Copyright
About the Publisher
Lindsey Kelk, I Heart Christmas
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