CHAPTER XXXVII
"YOU ARE VERY BLIND"
As a general rule Graydon was not conscious of nerves, and hadreceived the fact of their existence largely on faith. But to-day theyasserted themselves in a manner which excited his surprise and somerather curious speculation. He found his heart beating in a waydifficult to account for on a physiological basis, his pulsesfluttering, and his thoughts in a luminous haze, wherein nothing wasvery distinct except Madge's flushing face, startled eyes, looking aprotest through their tears. It was not so much an indignant protestas it was a frightened one, he half imagined. And why was he soconfused and disturbed that, instead of sitting quietly down in theporch, as he had intended, he was impelled to walk restlessly toa neighboring grove! For one so intensely fraternal he felt he wascontinuing to "take on" in a very unnecessary style.
"Confound that woman!" he muttered. "Why did she have to come in justthen, and why should I blush like a schoolgirl because she caught mekissing one that I regard as a sister? And why did the word sistersound so unnatural when spoken by Mrs. Hobson? 'Great Scott!' as Henrysays, I hope I'm not growing to love Madge. She would overwhelm mewith ridicule, infused, perhaps, with a spice of contempt, if I gaveher the impression that I had fallen out of love one week and in thenext. Hang it! I'm all broken up from this day's experience. I hadbetter get on my feet mentally, and then I shall be able to find outwhere I stand."
The demon of restlessness soon drove him back to the house again, andhe learned that there would be a train in about two hours. They wouldstill have time to dine at the Kaaterskill and return before night. Hetherefore made arrangements to be driven to the station, also to havethe horse he had ridden and the saddles taken back to the Under-CliffHouse.
There was a faint after-glow on Madge's cheeks when she joined him atthe substantial repast which Mr. and Mrs. Hobson insisted upon theirpartaking before departure; but in all other respects she appearedand acted as usual. With a fineness of tact she was at home among herplain entertainers, and put them at ease. Mrs. Hobson continued tospeak of her as Graydon's sister, and he had darted a humorous glanceat the girl; but it met such grave impassiveness of expression that hefeared she was angry.
When parting from her hostess Madge spoke words which left a genialexpression on the good dame's face for hours thereafter, and at thestation Graydon put in Mr. Hobson's hand more than he could havegathered from his stony farm that day, although he had been calledfrom the harvest field.
During the first mile or two in the cars Madge was very quiet, andseemed almost wholly engrossed with the scenery. At last Graydonleaned toward her and asked, "Are you vexed with me, Madge?"
"I find that I must maintain my self-control when with you, Graydon,"was the grave reply.
"Forgive me, Madge. I scarcely knew what I was doing. Let yourthoughts take my part a little. Remember that within the hour I hadbelieved I had lost you. I haven't had a chance to tell you yet, butwhen you passed under the train you appeared from where I was to dashinto it, and I nearly fainted and fell off my horse. Think what ahorrible shock I had. I also was nervous and all broken up--the firsttime in my life that I remember being so. I couldn't cry as you did,and when off my balance kissing you was just as natural to me as--"Madge's mouth had been twitching, and now, in spite of herself, herlaugh broke forth.
"Please forgive me, Madge;" and he held out his hand.
"On condition that you will never do so again, or speak of it again."
"Never?" he repeated, ruefully.
"Never!" she said, with severe emphasis.
"I won't make any such promise," he replied, stubbornly.
"Oh, very well!" and she turned to the window.
"Confound it!" he thought; "I'm not going to tie myself up by any suchpledge. I'm not sure of myself, or sure of anything, except that I'm afree man, and that Madge won't be my sister. I shall remain free. Sheherself once said in effect that I could take a straight coursewhen once I got my bearings, and I shall permit no more promises ortrammels till I do get them."
They passed speedily on to the end of their journey, and were theperfection of quiet, well-bred travellers, he disguising a slightlyvexatious constraint and sense of unduly severe punishment, and shesecretly exulting over the fact that he would not make the promise.
When leaving the Kaaterskill station her eyes first rested on theadjacent lake, and its wide extent suggested the opportunity to pullan oar to some purpose. As the stage surmounted the last approachto the hotel, and the valley of the Hudson, with the river windingthrough it like a silver band, broke upon her vision, the apparentcloud passed from her brow, and her pleasure was unaffected. A fewinquiries and the study of a map of the vicinity made it evident thatthe region abounded in superb walks and drives, while from thefront piazza there was a panorama that would never lose its changinginterest and beauty. A suite of rooms was selected, with theunderstanding that they should be occupied on Wednesday.
Madge soon found herself the object of no little curiosity andinterest. The story of her mad ride had reached the house, and shewas recognized by some who had been on the train; but Graydon metinquiries in such a way that they were not pushed very far. To areporter he said, "Is this affair ours or the public's? We have nottrespassed on any one's rights."
He reassured Madge by saying, "Don't worry about it; such things areonly the talk of a day."
They returned during the afternoon. Graydon's manner was courtesyitself, and but little more; but he was becoming a vigilant student ofhis companion, and she soon was dimly aware of the fact.
"I will understand her," he had resolved. "I intend to get mybearings, and then shape my course, for I cannot help feeling that thedestiny of the little girl who used to sit on my lap, with her head onmy shoulder, is in some way interwoven with mine. Even when I believedmyself in love with another woman she had more power over me thanStella--more power to kindle thought and awaken my deeper nature. Ibegin to think that all her talk about being a friend, good fellow,etc., is greater nonsense than my fraternal proposals. No friend,fellow, or sister could make my heart beat as it did to-day. No humanbeing in mortal peril could have awakened such desperate, recklessdespair as I felt at one time, and" (with a smile to himself) "I neverknew what a kiss was before. I'm not the fool to ignore all thesesymptoms. I'll fathom the mystery of this sweet, peerless girl, if ittakes all summer and all my life."
But the fair enigma at his side grew more inscrutable. Neither by tonenor glance did she indicate that he was more to her than she had said.
"Do you wish to recognize the scenes we passed over this morning?" heasked, gently, as they approached them.
"No, not yet. I don't wish to think about it any more than I canhelp."
"Your wishes are mine."
"Occasionally, perhaps."
"You shall see."
"I usually do," was her laughing answer.
But she began to appear very weary, and when they reached theUnder-Cliff House she went to her room, and did not reappear againthat day.
Graydon made even Dr. Sommers's ruddy cheek grow pale by his briefnarrative, adding, "Perhaps her nerves have received a severer shockthan she yet understands. I wish you would tell Mrs. Muir the story,making as light of it as you can, and with her aid you can insure thatMiss Alden obtains the rest and tonics she needs. You can also meetand quiet the rumors that may be flying about, and you know that MissAlden has a strong aversion to being talked to or of about personalaffairs."
In youth, health, and sleep Madge found the best restoratives, and themorning saw her little the worse for the experiences of the previousday. The hours passed quickly in preparations for departure and ina call on Mr. and Mrs. Wendall, who gave evidence that they werebecoming more resigned.
"I am at work again," said the farmer, "and so is Nancy. There'snothing else for us to do but plod toward home, where Tilly is."
Regret was more general and sincere than is usual when the transientassociations of a resort are broken. Dr. Sommers's v
isage could notlengthen literally, and yet it approached as nearly to a funerealaspect as was possible. He brightened up, however, when Madge slippedsomething into his hand "for the chapel."
They were soon comfortably established in their new quarters, and inthe late afternoon Madge was so rested that she took a short walkwith Graydon to Sunset Rock, and saw the shadows deepen in the vast,beautiful Kaaterskill Clove. Then they returned by the ledge path.At last they entered the wonderful Palenvilie Road, a triumph ofpractical engineering, and built by a plain mountaineer, who, from thebase of the mountain to the summit, made his surveys and sloped hisgrades by the aid of his eye only. They had been comparatively silent,and Graydon finally remarked: "It gives me unalloyed pleasure, Madge,to look upon such scenes with you. There is no need of my pointing outanything. I feel that you see more than I do, and I understand betterwhat I do see from the changing expression of your eyes. Don't youthink such unspoken appreciation of the same thing is the basis oftrue companionship?"
"Oh, Graydon, what an original thought!"
He bit his lip, and remarked that the evening was growing cool.
At supper and during the evening his vigilance was not rewarded inthe slightest degree. Madge appeared in good spirits, and talkedcharmingly, even brilliantly at times, but she was exceedinglyimpersonal, and it was now his policy to follow her slightest lead ineverything. He would prove that her wish was his, as far as he knewit.
"Some day," he thought, "I shall find a clew to her mystery."
The next morning Graydon went to the city, and would not return tillFriday evening of the following week, for it was now his purpose toresume business. In the evening he and his brother discussed theiraffairs, which were beginning to improve all along the line. Thentheir talk converged more upon topics connected with this story, andamong them was Mr. Wildmere's suspension.
"His failure don't amount to very much," Henry remarked; "he hasalways done business in a sort of hand-to-mouth way."
"I am surprised that Arnault permitted him to go down," Graydon said;"it couldn't have taken very much to keep him up."
"It is said that Arnault will have nothing to do with him, and thatthis fact has hastened his downfall."
"Well, so she played it too sharp on him, also. I was in hopes thatshe would marry and punish him. I don't wonder at his course, though;for if he has a spark of spirit he would not forgive her treatmentafter she learned that you had not failed. Oh, how blind I was!"
"Yes, Graydon, you are very blind," said Mr. Muir, inadvertently.
"'Are?' Why do you use the present tense?"
"Did I?" replied Mr. Muir, a little confusedly. "Well, you see, Madgeand I understood Miss Wildmere from the first."
"Oh, hang Miss Wildmere! Do you think Madge--"
"Now stop right there, Graydon. I think Madge is the best and mostsensible girl I ever knew, and that's all you will ever get out ofme."
"Pardon me, Henry. I spoke from impulse, and not a worthy one, either.I tell you point blank, however, that Madge Alden hasn't her equal inthe world. I would love her in a moment if I dared. Would to HeavenI could have spent some time with her immediately after my return! Inthat case there would have been no Wildmere folly. I declare, Henry,when I thought she must be killed the other day I felt that the endof my own life had come. I can't tell you what that girl is to me; butwith her knowledge of the past how can I approach her in decency?"
"Well," said Mr. Muir, shrugging his shoulders and rising to retire,"you are out of the worst part of your scrape, and Madge is aliveand well. This is not a little to be thankful for. I shall confine myadvice to business matters. Still, were I in your shoes, I know what Ishould do. 'Faint heart,' you know. Good-night."
Graydon did not move, or scarcely answer, but, with every faculty ofmind concentrated, he thought, "Henry's explanation of his use of thepresent tense does not explain, and there is more meaning in what heleft unsaid in our recent interview than in what he said. Can it bepossible? Let me take this heavenly theory and, as we were taught atcollege, see how much there is to support it. Was there any change inher manner toward me before we parted years since? Why, she was takenill that night when she first met Miss Wildmere, and I stayed awayfrom her so long--idiot!"
From that hour he went forward, scanning everything that had occurredbetween them, until he saw again her flushing face and startled eyeswhen he kissed her, and his belief grew strong that it was his immensegood-fortune to fulfil the prediction that Madge should be happy.
The thought kept him sleepless most of that night, and made the timewhich must intervene before he could see her again seem long indeed.He did his utmost to get the details of his department well in handduring business hours; but after they were over his mind returned atonce to Madge, and never did a scientist hunt for facts and hints insupport of a pet theory so eagerly as did Graydon scan the past forconfirmation of his hope, that long years of companionship had givenhim a place in Madge's heart which no one else possessed, and thathis blindness or indifference to the truth was the sorrow of her life.This view explained why she would not regard herself as his sister,and could not permit the intimacy natural to the relation.
When he examined the attitude of his own heart toward her he was notsurprised that his affection was passing swiftly into a love deeperand far more absorbing than Stella Wildmere had ever inspired.
"The old law of cause and effect," he said, smiling to himself, "andI can imagine no effect in me adequate to the cause. Even when shescarcely cast a shadow she was more companionable than Stella, but itnever occurred to me to think of her in any other light than that oflittle sister Madge. Almost as soon as the thought occurred to me,and I had a right to love her, love became as natural as it wasinevitable. Even in the height of my infatuation for Stella, Madge waswinning me from her unconsciously to myself."
Such thoughts and convictions imparted a gentle and almost caressingtone to his words when Madge welcomed and accompanied him to his latesupper on his return to the mountains.
"PROMISE ME YOU WILL TAKE A LONG REST."]
This significant accent was more marked than ever when she promenadedwith him for a brief time on the piazza. Nor did a little brusquenesson her part banish the tone and manner which were slight indeed, butunmistakable to her quick intuition.
"Could Henry have given him a hint?" she queried; and her browcontracted and her eyes flashed indignantly at the thought.
As a result of the suspicion, she left him speedily, and in themorning was glad to hope, from his more natural bearing, that she hadbeen over-sensitive.
The sagacious Graydon, however, was maturing a plan which he hopedwould bring her the happiness which it would be his happiness toconfer.
"She is so proud and spirited," he thought, "that only when surprisedand off her guard will she reveal to me a glimpse of the truth. If Iconsulted my own pride I wouldn't speak for a long time to come--nottill she had ceased to associate me with Stella Wildmere; but if sheis loving me as I believe she would love a man, she shall not doubt anhour longer than I can help, that I and my life's devotion are hers.Sweet Madge, you shall make your own terms again!"