security measure, and I was wondering if he had sensors set up on the other side of the door. Nothing happened so I felt around the entire doorframe to see if any other secret paneling would spring open. He’d been known for having secondary alarms installed, but when nothing opened for me, I stood back and frowned. It couldn’t be that easy. Still. I took a breath and opened the door. I’d have to risk it. When I stepped inside and nothing more happened, I let out that breath.
So far, so good. I eased further into the room. No secret alarms flared up or went off. I sat down at his computer and typed in his daughter’s name. Not many people knew about his daughter; Jace didn’t even know I knew about her. It worked. I began looking for anything that tied Jace to Kevin Parson. I knew he had something to do with my new adoption. I needed proof before I confronted him about it.
“How do you know that name?”
His sudden voice, low and deadly, set the hairs on the back of my neck upright. I froze, my fingers poised over the keyboard, my heart pounding, before I looked over. Jace was standing in the doorway. He was dressed all in black. A black t-shirt hugged his body, outlining his ripped torso. It wasn’t tucked inside his black cargo pants, but hugged over top of the waistline. I saw the bulge in the front and knew he had tucked a gun there. My mouth went dry. Did he have other guns? My heart sped up. I couldn’t believe I was nervous about his guns. Six months ago, he’d been family.
“Jace,” I started, cautious, as I stood from the desk.
A lethal storm had taken over his face. His jaw clenched as he stared back at me. “How, Taryn?”
I licked my lips and tried to keep myself calm. I needed to think rationally around him, especially when he was acting like a caged animal. Somehow I had stepped into the cage with him. He was ready to spring, and I had no idea what he would do.
“How, Taryn!?”
I jerked back, slamming into his desk from my movement. It cut into my arm, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t dare look away from him. “You printed out an email from her mother. It fell from your pocket one day at the house.”
His eyes went flat. “Tell me the truth. Now.”
Shit. “There was an email you printed out. I just found it one night in your pants.”
He took a step towards me. I could feel the danger radiating off him. It was coming off of him in waves. “What were you doing going through my pants?”
“I wasn’t snooping on purpose—”
“Not like now.”
I flushed. “I was looking for a condom. Brian ran out. We knew you would have one.”
He cursed and moved the rest of the way into the room. Shutting the door behind him, he turned the lock and pressed a code into a compartment beside it. I chewed on my lip. I had completely missed that. As he pressed the right buttons, the red light turned green and then yellow. He had armed it. It would go off when I left, drawing the guards to the top floor. I stored that in the back of my mind, but then he looked back at me as he took his gun out.
“Jace.” My heart was pressed against my chest. It felt like it was trying to break out of me.
“Stop.” He shook his head and moved to the table. He put the gun down, then stripped his shirt off. As he turned, his muscles moved, and his skin glistened from sweat and dirt. He reached for a clean shirt that was laid on the table and pulled it over his head. It was another black one, hugging every inch of him. He glanced back over at me, his eyes were still dead, but the fear in me went down a notch. He moved away from the gun. Instead of coming towards me, he went to the far wall and leaned against it. His head went down.
I didn’t dare say anything. I had to wait for him to start.
“I keep telling you to stay away and you keep coming back.” His head lifted, his eyes pinning me back in place again. “Why, Taryn? No bullshit lies. Tell me why right now or I’ll do something you won’t like.”
Anger spiked in me, but it mixed with fear. I read the threat in his eyes and knew it was true. He really would do something. A shiver went up my back. I didn’t want to find out what it would be. “Did you set up my adoption?”
“Yes.”
My eyes widened and my eyebrows shot up. A gutted laugh spilled out of me. “I hadn’t expected that honesty.”
He tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes. “Why? Because you’re so honest with me?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You sent Brian on a mission when you should’ve come to me first.”
“I did not. What are you talking about?”
“He came around asking a lot of questions last night. He wanted to know about your family. He went to anyone who would talk to him. Word got around.” He stopped. Pure agony flashed in his eyes and my alarm shot up again. He wasn’t saying something. I knew it. There was more to come and I started to shake my head.
“I never said anything to him.”
“You told him about your family. Why did you say anything to him?” His voice was strangled and it stopped in a whisper. The anger left completely and I saw only pain in him. It hurt to see. It was deep and there was so much. I felt it in myself, just from seeing it, and I turned away. I didn’t want to hear what he was saying.
I said, “Whatever Brian did was on him.”
“It’s on you.”
I stopped, then gulped. What did that mean?
“He didn’t come to me, Taryn. He doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. He went to others, and they went to others. I was told too late.”
“What?” I shook my head. “What are you talking about?”
“He said your family was forced to take you in. He wanted to know the social worker that put your adoption together.” His chest lifted and I heard the pain in his voice. His voice hitched on a sob. “That’s a government worker. Do you know what happens when there’s rumors a drug dealer wants to talk to a government worker?”
“No, no, no,” I started whispering, starting to put the pieces together. No, no, no. I couldn’t think anything else. There was no way.
“They didn’t come to me. He didn’t come to me. I was too late.”
“No, no, no.” I kept shaking my head.
“He’s dead, Taryn.”
No, no, no, no, no, no. I heard what he said, but I couldn’t accept it. It couldn’t be. I had talked to him twenty-four hours ago. He had been fine. “He’s fine.”
“He’s not.” Jace’s eyes looked dead. “Trust me, he’s very far from being alive.”
“No…” I couldn’t talk. Burning pain filled me. It washed all over me, branding me as each wave crashed over me. I couldn’t think anymore. I could barely stand. “No…”
I heard Jace’s voice from a distance now. “Kevin Parson owed me a favor. I cashed it in. I needed you out of here. Do you get that? I wanted you gone. I gave you something you wanted, a family. I handed you a better future on a silver platter and you refused to take it. What THE FUCK were you thinking? Just take it. That’s all you had to do. Sit down and accept your new family.” His voice rose as he kept going, “I don’t give a shit if they don’t like you. You shouldn’t either. You have a home. You have a sister that I can tell you already love. You could’ve just accepted your new life, but you kept coming back. You kept asking fucking questions, questions that I knew you would ask even if you were here. My god, Taryn.” His head fell back down. An anguished sob came from him. “Why couldn’t you have just let it go?”
Brian wasn’t dead. I wouldn’t accept that. There was no way. “How do you know?”
“Because I know you.”
“No.” I shook my head. I was dizzy. The room was starting to spin. “I meant Brian. How do you know he’s—” I couldn’t say the word.
“I identified his body.” He closed his eyes. His body wavered, and he had a cemented grip on the table in front of him. His shoulders were bunched together tightly. His voice came out raw. “It was an execution. They shot him in the middle of his forehead.”
I couldn’t t
alk anymore. I felt myself falling, and I reached out for the desk. I was going to crumble to the floor. As I found the chair and held onto it, trying to steady my knees, Jace said further, “Someone—a very bad guy—came to town. My boss. He’s here, and I wanted you gone before he got here. I wanted you away and distracted by your happy life. I thought you would be. I really thought you would stay away, especially since that’s what you always wanted. You wanted out of this life. Why didn’t you just let it go? I didn’t want you involved. I didn’t want Galverson to know about you. Brian hated me, but you—I care about you. He would realize that. He could’ve used you to hurt me, but now…” He stopped. Then his voice grew rough. He was hardening himself back up, closing the wall. “It’s too late. He knows all about you now, and he’s curious why I tried to hide you.”
His boss did this? His boss killed Brian? A hoarse cry ripped from my throat. I couldn’t comprehend any of this.
Jace came towards me. There was nothing in his eyes anymore. He was looking at me like I was a stranger once again. He grabbed my arm. I flinched from his hold, but he held firm and dragged me to the door. As he opened it, I saw three security guards. They were waiting for me. He handed me to them and said in my ear, “Stay out of my life.” The guard pulled me into the hallway, but Jace called my name again. I looked up and he added, “If you come back again, I will kill your sister.”
I opened my mouth, but he interrupted me. “I will go to the rehab facility myself to do it.” Then he shut the door in my face.
I had never told him about Mandy, but before I could let that sink in, Brian’s face flashed in my mind and blinding pain overwhelmed me. I fell to the ground. I didn’t know how I got home after that. I didn’t care how I got home.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The next day, Tray told me one of Jace’s men had driven me home, and he came out to carry me inside. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t do anything. I just sat and stared straight ahead, like an empty vessel. He told me that Austin had been scared. When I heard that, a pang of regret went through me. Austin didn’t deserve that. His sister was away. His parents were gone, and now I was acting like a walking corpse. No, that wasn’t true. A walking corpse didn’t feel. I was feeling too much; I couldn’t handle it. I felt like someone thrust a large butcher knife into the middle of my chest, leaving a gaping hole. It was becoming infected, and I was rotting from the inside.
Tray asked if he should call Shelly and Kevin. I asked him why. He jerked his head in a nod, then climbed into bed behind me and wrapped his arms around me.
The week passed like that. I didn’t go to school for the first half of the week. Tray took the counselor’s note to excuse Mandy’s absence, and he explained what happened with me. I was allowed three days to miss and when I went back Thursday, I shouldn’t have been there. I went from class to class. No one talked to me. Everyone watched me. They had all heard about Brian’s death; they just didn’t know I had caused it. Tray helped me. He remained by my side. He had people take notes for me. When he couldn’t be there, he had people carry my books for me.
He told me a few days later that Mandy had called. She wanted to know how I was doing. For some reason, I began laughing at that. She was in rehab, trying to comfort me. Brian had never cared when he was getting help. It had been all about him. She was in his old place, and she was reaching out because of him. Somehow, that was ironic to me, and I couldn’t stop laughing. Austin was in the living room at the time. When he saw the tears rolling down my face and heard the hysterical note in my voice, he threw his video game controller and ran upstairs.
I couldn’t blame him.
Tray frowned and said into the phone, “Maybe in a few days.” He paused, listening to her on the other end and then replied, “Just keep getting better. That helps her.”
I wiped a tear from my face, but couldn’t stop laughing. I sighed. “I’m a mess.”
He didn’t respond. He slid an arm under my leg and the other behind my back, lifting me so I was on his lap, tugging my head so I was leaning into him. My shoulders were shaking as more laughter poured out of me. The laughter soon faded and then there were only tears. When the irony left me, it was replaced with a deeper sadness. The void inside me doubled.
Each night when Tray took me to bed, I laid there, closed my eyes, and willed myself to sleep. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t, but when morning came, I got up. I showered. I dressed. I ate. I went to school. I went through the motions. My birthday came and went. I didn’t remember until it was the day after. A sad laugh formed, but died before it slipped out. I was eighteen now. I didn’t even need to be adopted anymore.
I never told anyone. I didn’t want to deal with any more pity, from anyone.
It was the next week when I found out that Jace had held a small funeral for Brian. I hadn’t been invited. I couldn’t even process that, but I knew it would hurt me later. All I could process was that I wanted to make Jace pay, even more than he was now. This was his fault. No, it was mine too.
I closed my eyes and felt another wave of grief roll through me. It was both of our faults.
“How’d your friend die?”
Austin asked the question from across the table. It was Saturday morning and everyone had slept in, so we were having a late breakfast.
Tray looked to me, waiting to see if I would answer.
A lump was in my throat, hell—it was always there now. I spoke around it, “He was shot.”
“Oh.” He glanced down at his plate and moved his eggs around with his fork. Then his hands gripped the fork tighter and he looked back up. “Why?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why was he shot? Mandy said you had dated a psycho.”
I frowned. “When did she say that?”
“Before.” He lifted a shoulder and looked to Tray for a moment. “It was before you moved in. She heard Mom and Dad talking one night. She said that we were asked to take you in because the guy you were dating was dangerous. If that’s true, why aren’t you happy? I mean, isn’t this a good thing he’s dead?”
I couldn’t form a sentence. The pieces started to fit together even more now. Jace told Shelly and Kevin about me. He used the excuse that Brian was dangerous. They had been lied to as well. A new wave of hatred spewed through me. It was like poison, affecting every pore inside of me, turning it so all I could think about was Jace. This was his fault. It wasn’t mine. Brian’s death was on him.
“Taryn?”
I didn’t know who said that. The need to find Jace, the need to hurt him, was overwhelming.
“Austin, why don’t you get ready? I’ll call Eric’s mom and have her pick you up.”
A chair was shoved back. They were moving away, then I heard Austin’s faint voice, “Yeah…is she going to be okay…” Then I couldn’t hear anymore. They had both left the room.
I had loved Jace. He and Brian had been the only constants in my life. I would move away, then come back, and they would still be there. That cycle was repeated every time I was sent to another foster home. Somehow, I always ended up going back to Pedlam. I would sneak out to see Brian. He was my first love, but Jace was family too. Now they were both gone and I felt stripped open. I felt like I was bleeding everywhere and I couldn’t stop.
A door shut in the distance, and I heard Tray coming back to me. He didn’t say anything. I tensed up; I didn’t know if I wanted to hear any more condolences. I gritted my teeth. With every, “I’m sorry,” I wanted to hit someone. My hand curled in a ball. I was going to swing if I heard sympathy from him. Without saying a word, he knelt and scooped me up from the chair. He tossed me over his shoulder, and I waited to see where he would take me.
He carried me outside and into a gym. As he set me down, I looked around. A punching bag was in one corner with a boxing ring in the other. Against one wall was a sheet taped up with a silhouette of a person in the middle. Little holes were punched through it along with rips. As Tray went to grab a knife from the wa
ll, I knew it was used as a throwing target for him. He came over and opened his palm. A knife was in his palm, the handle towards me.
“What is this?”
I knew how to climb, how to break locks, how to sneak into buildings, but I had never been taught how to throw a knife.
Tray kept his hand steady. He was looking right into my eyes, no hesitation, no judgment, nothing. I flashed back to the last night I had seen Brian, when Tray had looked at me in the same manner. He was there, right in front of me, and he wasn’t going anywhere. I had felt as if I had been punched in the chest that night, and the feeling came back again. In one look, as he stood before me, I felt him under my skin. He forced the black hole to move aside and an alarming emotion bumped my heart into beating faster.
My mouth went dry. I was scared of Tray. He didn’t treat me as anything except his equal. Brian had worshiped me. Jace had taken care of me, but Tray was different. The strength in him was more than I ever imagined. He lifted his hand again. “Take it, Taryn.”
“Why?”
“Because I know you. You’re a fighter and once you’ve mourned Brian enough, you’re going to want to go after Lanser.” He stepped closer. His hand was still lifted. The knife was beckoning to me, but I was distracted as Tray’s body was so close. He had held me every night, but those were nights of comfort. This was different. He changed the dynamic between us. He lifted the tension between us and raised it another notch until I couldn’t ignore how much I wanted him. I swallowed, needing more air. His voice dropped to a whisper, “You won’t win against Jace Lanser. He’s a deadly weapon in himself, but I can teach you how to defend yourself. I can teach