CHAPTER XXXVIII
Die and endow a college or a cat.
POPE.
There is a fable told by Lucian, that while a troop of monkeys, welldrilled by an intelligent manager, were performing a tragedy with greatapplause, the decorum of the whole scene was at once destroyed, and thenatural passions of the actors called forth into very indecent andactive emulation, by a wag who threw a handful of nuts upon the stage.In like manner, the approaching crisis stirred up among the expectantsfeelings of a nature very different from those of which, under thesuperintendence of Mr. Mortcloke, they had but now been endeavouring toimitate the expression. Those eyes which were lately devoutly cast upto heaven, or with greater humility bent solemnly upon earth, were nowsharply and alertly darting their glances through shuttles, and trunks,and drawers, and cabinets, and all the odd corners of an old maidenlady's repositories. Nor was their search without interest, though theydid not find the will of which they were in quest.
Here was a promissory note for 20 Pounds by the minister of thenonjuring chapel, interest marked as paid to Martinmas last, carefullyfolded up in a new set of words to the old tune of 'Over the Water toCharlie'; there was a curious love correspondence between the deceasedand a certain Lieutenant O'Kean of a marching regiment of foot; andtied up with the letters was a document which at once explained to therelatives why a connexion that boded them little good had been suddenlybroken off, being the Lieutenant's bond for two hundred pounds, uponwhich NO interest whatever appeared to have been paid. Other bills andbonds to a larger amount, and signed by better names (I meancommercially) than those of the worthy divine and gallant soldier, alsooccurred in the course of their researches, besides a hoard of coins ofevery size and denomination, and scraps of broken gold and silver, oldearrings, hinges of cracked, snuff-boxes, mountings of spectacles, etc.etc. etc. Still no will made its appearance, and Colonel Manneringbegan full well to hope that the settlement which he had obtained fromGlossin contained the ultimate arrangement of the old lady's affairs.But his friend Pleydell, who now came into the room, cautioned himagainst entertaining this belief.
'I am well acquainted with the gentleman,' he said, 'who is conductingthe search, and I guess from his manner that he knows something more ofthe matter than any of us.'
Meantime, while the search proceeds, let us take a brief glance at oneor two of the company who seem most interested.
Of Dinmont, who, with his large hunting-whip under his arm, stoodpoking his great round face over the shoulder of the homme d'affaires,it is unnecessary to say anything. That thin-looking oldish person, ina most correct and gentleman-like suit of mourning, is Mac-Casquil,formerly of Drumquag, who was ruined by having a legacy bequeathed tohim of two shares in the Ayr bank. His hopes on the present occasionare founded on a very distant relationship, upon his sitting in thesame pew with the deceased every Sunday, and upon his playing atcribbage with her regularly on the Saturday evenings, taking great carenever to come off a winner. That other coarse-looking man, wearing hisown greasy hair tied in a leathern cue more greasy still, is atobacconist, a relation of Mrs. Bertram's mother, who, having a goodstock in trade when the colonial war broke out, trebled the price ofhis commodity to all the world, Mrs. Bertram alone excepted, whosetortoise-shell snuff-box was weekly filled with the best rappee at theold prices, because the maid brought it to the shop with Mrs. Bertram'srespects to her cousin Mr. Quid. That young fellow, who has not had thedecency to put off his boots and buckskins, might have stood as forwardas most of them in the graces of the old lady, who loved to look upon acomely young man; but it is thought he has forfeited the moment offortune by sometimes neglecting her tea-table when solemnly invited,sometimes appearing there when he had been dining with blyther company,twice treading upon her cat's tail, and once affronting her parrot.
To Mannering the most interesting of the group was the poor girl whohad been a sort of humble companion of the deceased, as a subject uponwhom she could at all times expectorate her bad humour. She was forform's sake dragged into the room by the deceased's favourite femaleattendant, where, shrinking into a>corner as soon as possible, she sawwith wonder and affright the intrusive researches of the strangersamongst those recesses to which from childhood she had looked withawful veneration. This girl was regarded with an unfavourable eye byall the competitors, honest Dinmont only excepted; the rest conceivedthey should find in her a formidable competitor, whose claims might atleast encumber and diminish their chance of succession. Yet she was theonly person present who seemed really to feel sorrow for the deceased.Mrs. Bertram had been her protectress, although from selfish motives,and her capricious tyranny was forgotten at the moment, while the tearsfollowed each other fast down the cheeks of her frightened andfriendless dependent. 'There's ower muckle saut water there, Drumquag,'said the tobacconist to the ex-proprietor, 'to bode ither folk mucklegude. Folk seldom greet that gate but they ken what it's for.' Mr.Mac-Casquil only replied with a nod, feeling the propriety of assertinghis superior gentry in presence of Mr. Pleydell and Colonel Mannering.
'Very queer if there suld be nae will after a', friend,' said Dinmont,who began to grow impatient, to the man of business.
'A moment's patience, if you please. She was a good and prudent woman,Mrs. Margaret Bertram--a good and prudent and well-judging woman, andknew how to choose friends and depositaries; she may have put her lastwill and testament, or rather her mortis causa settlement, as itrelates to heritage, into the hands of some safe friend.'
'I'll bet a rump and dozen,' said Pleydell, whispering to the Colonel,'he has got it in his own pocket.' Then addressing the man of law,'Come, sir, we'll cut this short, if you please: here is a settlementof the estate of Singleside, executed several years ago, in favour ofMiss Lucy Bertram of Ellangowan.' The company stared fearfully wild.'You, I presume, Mr. Protocol, can inform us if there is a later deed?'
'Please to favour me, Mr. Pleydell'; and so saying, he took the deedout of the learned counsel's hand, and glanced his eye over thecontents.
'Too cool,' said Pleydell, 'too cool by half; he has another deed inhis pocket still.'
'Why does he not show it then, and be d-d to him!' said the militarygentleman, whose patience began to wax threadbare.
'Why, how should I know?' answered the barrister; 'why does a cat notkill a mouse when she takes him? The consciousness of power and thelove of teasing, I suppose. Well, Mr. Protocol, what say you to thatdeed?'
'Why, Mr. Pleydell, the deed is a well-drawn deed, properlyauthenticated and tested in forms of the statute.'
'But recalled or superseded by another of posterior date in yourpossession, eh?' said the Counsellor.
'Something of the sort, I confess, Mr. Pleydell,' rejoined the man ofbusiness, producing a bundle tied with tape, and sealed at each foldand ligation with black wax. 'That deed, Mr. Pleydell, which youproduce and found upon, is dated 1st June 17-; but this (breaking theseals and unfolding the document slowly) is dated the 20th--no, I seeit is the 21st--of April of this present year, being ten yearsposterior.'
'Marry, hang her, brock!' said the Counsellor, borrowing an exclamationfrom Sir Toby Belch; 'just the month in which Ellangowan's distressesbecame generally public. But let us hear what she has done.'
Mr. Protocol accordingly, having required silence, began to read thesettlement aloud in a slow, steady, business-like tone. The grouparound, in whose eyes hope alternately awakened and faded, and who werestraining their apprehensions to get at the drift of the testator'smeaning through the mist of technical language in which the conveyancehad involved it, might have made a study for Hogarth.
The deed was of an unexpected nature. It set forth with conveying anddisponing all and whole the estate and lands of Singleside and others,with the lands of Loverless, Liealone, Spinster's Knowe, and heavenknows what beside, 'to and in favours of (here the reader softened hisvoice to a gentle and modest piano) Peter Protocol, clerk to thesignet, having the fullest confidence in his capacity andintegrity--these
are the very words which my worthy deceased friendinsisted upon my inserting--but in TRUST always (here the readerrecovered his voice and style, and the visages of several of thehearers, which had attained a longitude that Mr. Mortcloke might haveenvied, were perceptibly shortened)--in TRUST always, and for the uses,ends, and purposes hereinafter mentioned.'
In these 'uses, ends, and purposes' lay the cream of the affair. Thefirst was introduced by a preamble setting forth that the testatrix waslineally descended from the ancient house of Ellangowan, her respectedgreat-grandfather, Andrew Bertram, first of Singleside, of happymemory, having been second son to Allan Bertram, fifteenth Baron ofEllangowan. It proceeded to state that Henry Bertram, son and heir ofGodfrey Bertram, now of Ellangowan, had been stolen from his parents ininfancy, but that she, the testatrix, WAS WELL ASSURED THAT HE WAS YETALIVE IN FOREIGN PARTS, AND BY THE PROVIDENCE OF HEAVEN WOULD BERESTORED TO THE POSSESSIONS OF HIS ANCESTORS, in which case the saidPeter Protocol was bound and obliged, like as he bound and obligedhimself, by acceptance of these presents, to denude himself of the saidlands of Singleside and others, and of all the other effects therebyconveyed (excepting always a proper gratification for his own trouble),to and in favour of the said Henry Bertram, upon his return to hisnative country. And during the time of his residing in foreign parts,or in case of his never again returning to Scotland, Mr. PeterProtocol, the trustee, was directed to distribute the rents of theland, and interest of the other funds (deducting always a propergratification for his trouble in the premises), in equal portions,among four charitable establishments pointed out in the will. The powerof management, of letting leases, of raising and lending out money, inshort, the full authority of a proprietor, was vested in thisconfidential trustee, and, in the event of his death, went to certainofficial persons named in the deed. There were only two legacies; oneof a hundred pounds to a favourite waiting-maid, another of the likesum to Janet Gibson (whom the deed stated to have been supported by thecharity of the testatrix), for the purpose of binding her an apprenticeto some honest trade.
A settlement in mortmain is in Scotland termed a mortification, and inone great borough (Aberdeen, if I remember rightly) there is amunicipal officer who takes care of these public endowments, and isthence called the Master of Mortifications. One would almost presumethat the term had its origin in the effect which such settlementsusually produce upon the kinsmen of those by whom they are executed.Heavy at least was the mortification which befell the audience who, inthe late Mrs. Margaret Bertram's parlour, had listened to thisunexpected destination of the lands of Singleside. There was a profoundsilence after the deed had been read over.
Mr. Pleydell was the first to speak. He begged to look at the deed,and, having satisfied himself that it was correctly drawn and executed,he returned it without any observation, only saying aside to Mannering,'Protocol is not worse than other people, I believe; but this old ladyhas determined that, if he do not turn rogue, it shall not be for wantof temptation.'
'I really think,' said Mr. Mac-Casquil of Drumquag, who, having gulpeddown one half of his vexation, determined to give vent to the rest--'Ireally think this is an extraordinary case! I should like now to knowfrom Mr. Protocol, who, being sole and unlimited trustee, must havebeen consulted upon this occasion--I should like, I say, to know howMrs. Bertram could possibly believe in the existence of a boy that a'the world kens was murdered many a year since?'
'Really, sir,' said Mr. Protocol, 'I do not conceive it is possible forme to explain her motives more than she has done herself. Our excellentdeceased friend was a good woman, sir--a pious woman--and might havegrounds for confidence in the boy's safety which are not accessible tous, sir.'
'Hout,' said the tobacconist, 'I ken very weel what were her groundsfor confidence. There's Mrs. Rebecca (the maid) sitting there hastell'd me a hundred times in my ain shop, there was nae kenning how herleddy wad settle her affairs, for an auld gipsy witch wife at Gilslandhad possessed her with a notion that the callant--Harry Bertram ca'sshe him?--would come alive again some day after a'. Ye'll no deny that,Mrs. Rebecca? though I dare to say ye forgot to put your mistress inmind of what ye promised to say when I gied ye mony a half-crown. Butye'll no deny what I am saying now, lass?'
'I ken naething at a' about it,' answered Rebecca, doggedly, andlooking straight forward with the firm countenance of one not disposedto be compelled to remember more than was agreeable to her.
'Weel said, Rebecca! ye're satisfied wi' your ain share ony way,'rejoined the tobacconist.
The buck of the second-head, for a buck of the first-head he was not,had hitherto been slapping his boots with his switch-whip, and lookinglike a spoiled child that has lost its supper. His murmurs, however,were all vented inwardly, or at most in a soliloquy such as this--'I amsorry, by G-d, I ever plagued myself about her. I came here, by G-d,one night to drink tea, and I left King and the Duke's rider Will Hack.They were toasting a round of running horses; by G-d, I might have gotleave to wear the jacket as well as other folk if I had carried it onwith them; and she has not so much as left me that hundred!'
'We'll make the payment of the note quite agreeable,' said Mr.Protocol, who had no wish to increase at that moment the odium attachedto his office. 'And now, gentlemen, I fancy we have no more to wait forhere, and I shall put the settlement of my excellent and worthy friendon record to-morrow, that every gentleman may examine the contents, andhave free access to take an extract; and'--he proceeded to lock up therepositories of the deceased with more speed than he had openedthem--'Mrs. Rebecca, ye'll be so kind as to keep all right here untilwe can let the house; I had an offer from a tenant this morning, ifsuch a thing should be, and if I was to have any management.'
Our friend Dinmont, having had his hopes as well as another, hadhitherto sate sulky enough in the armchair formerly appropriated to thedeceased, and in which she would have been not a little scandalised tohave seen this colossal specimen of the masculine gender lolling atlength. His employment had been rolling up into the form of a coiledsnake the long lash of his horse-whip, and then by a jerk causing it tounroll itself into the middle of the floor. The first words he saidwhen he had digested the shock contained a magnanimous declaration,which he probably was not conscious of having uttered aloud--'Weel,blude's thicker than water; she's welcome to the cheeses and the hamsjust the same.' But when the trustee had made the above-mentionedmotion for the mourners to depart, and talked of the house beingimmediately let, honest Dinmont got upon his feet and stunned thecompany with this blunt question, 'And what's to come o' this poorlassie then, Jenny Gibson? Sae mony o'us as thought oursells sib to thefamily when the gear was parting, we may do something for her amang ussurely.'
This proposal seemed to dispose most of the assembly instantly toevacuate the premises, although upon Mr. Protocol's motion they hadlingered as if around the grave of their disappointed hopes. Drumquagsaid, or rather muttered, something of having a family of his own, andtook precedence, in virtue of his gentle blood, to depart as fast aspossible. The tobacconist sturdily stood forward and scouted themotion--'A little huzzie like that was weel eneugh provided foralready; and Mr. Protocol at ony rate was the proper person to takedirection of her, as he had charge of her legacy'; and after utteringsuch his opinion in a steady and decisive tone of voice, he also leftthe place. The buck made a stupid and brutal attempt at a jest uponMrs. Bertram's recommendation that the poor girl should be taught somehonest trade; but encountered a scowl from Colonel Mannering'sdarkening eye (to whom, in his ignorance of the tone of good society,he had looked for applause) that made him ache to the very backbone. Heshuffled downstairs, therefore, as fast as possible.
Protocol, who was really a good sort of man, next expressed hisintention to take a temporary charge of the young lady, under protestalways that his so doing should be considered as merely eleemosynary;when Dinmont at length got up, and, having shaken his huge dreadnoughtgreat-coat, as a Newfoundland dog does his shaggy hide when he comesout of the water, ejaculated, 'Weel, deil
hae me then, if ye hae onyfash wi' her, Mr. Protocol, if she likes to gang hame wi' me, that is.Ye see, Ailie and me we're weel to pass, and we would like the lassiesto hae a wee bit mair lair than oursells, and to be neighbour-like,that wad we. And ye see Jenny canna miss but to ken manners, and thelike o' reading books, and sewing seams, having lived sae lang wi' agrand lady like Lady Singleside; or, if she disna ken ony thing aboutit, I'm jealous that our bairns will like her a' the better. And I'lltake care o' the bits o' claes, and what spending siller she maun hae,so the hundred pound may rin on in your hands, Mr. Protocol, and I'llbe adding something till't, till she'll maybe get a Liddesdale joe thatwants something to help to buy the hirsel. What d'ye say to that,hinny? I'll take out a ticket for ye in the fly to Jethart; od, but yemaun take a powny after that o'er the Limestane Rig, deil a wheeledcarriage ever gaed into Liddesdale. [Footnote: See Note I.] And I'll bevery glad if Mrs. Rebecca comes wi' you, hinny, and stays a month ortwa while ye're stranger like.'
While Mrs. Rebecca was curtsying, and endeavouring to make the poororphan girl curtsy instead of crying, and while Dandie, in his roughway, was encouraging them both, old Pleydell had recourse to hissnuff-box. 'It's meat and drink to me now, Colonel,' he said, as herecovered himself, 'to see a clown like this. I must gratify him in hisown way, must assist him to ruin himself; there's no help for it. Here,you Liddesdale--Dandie--Charlie's Hope--what do they call you?'
The farmer turned, infinitely gratified even by this sort of notice;for in his heart, next to his own landlord, he honoured a lawyer inhigh practice.
'So you will not be advised against trying that question about yourmarches?'
'No, no, sir; naebody likes to lose their right, and to be laughed atdown the haill water. But since your honour's no agreeable, and ismaybe a friend to the other side like, we maun try some other advocate.'
'There, I told you so, Colonel Mannering! Well, sir, if you must needsbe a fool, the business is to give you the luxury of a lawsuit at theleast possible expense, and to bring you off conqueror if possible. LetMr. Protocol send me your papers, and I will advise him how to conductyour cause. I don't see, after all, why you should not have yourlawsuits too, and your feuds in the Court of Session, as well as yourforefathers had their manslaughters and fire-raisings.'
'Very natural, to be sure, sir. We wad just take the auld gate asreadily, if it werena for the law. And as the law binds us, the lawshould loose us. Besides, a man's aye the better thought o' in ourcountry for having been afore the Feifteen.'
'Excellently argued, my friend! Away with you, and send your papers tome. Come, Colonel, we have no more to do here.'
'God, we'll ding Jock o' Dawston Cleugh now after a'!' said Dinmont,slapping his thigh in great exultation.