Neither did I.
That was the scary thing.
CHAPTER 8
PAST - CIARA
Danny spins me, and my yellow summer dress flicks out. I squeal, tightening my arms around his neck. His laugh fills my ears, and the music pulses through my body. I feel so alive - everything is just so light and easy.
Danny and I have been dancing for the last two hours, twirling and laughing like two teenagers. It’s our friend, Sally’s, twenty-first birthday, and so we joined her at her fifties dress up party. Danny places me on my feet, and I spin happily. I grip his shoulders, grinning up at him. He looks gorgeous in his suit. It’s not something you would expect to see Danny wearing, and yet he manages to pull it off perfectly.
“Need another drink, Tom Cat. You want one?” he says, staring down at me with those deep, brown eyes.
“Please.”
He winks at me and turns, walking off into the crowd. I smile at his back, and then I spin on my heel and run straight into my sister. I yelp and leap backwards.
“Jesus, Cheyenne, why do you sneak up on me like that?”
She laughs softly, and waves her hand. I can tell by the way she’s swaying, that she’s well on her way to being extremely drunk. Her hair is curled and the tiny, flared, black dress she’s wearing barely covers her underwear.
“Where’s Spike?”
I hate that she calls him that. Like she knows something about him that I don’t. Something that he won’t share with me. It burns me, deep to my very core, because he won’t let me see the side of him I know she’s seen: the hard, rugged, side that is so clearly in there.
“He’s getting a drink, and his name is Danny.”
She giggles. “Not what he told me.”
“Why are you trying so hard to get his attention anyway?” I ask, swiping some damp hair from my forehead.
Cheyenne has been determined to get close to Danny from the moment she met him. Her claws are out, and she’s not backing down.
“Why does it matter to you? I thought you two were only friends? Or maybe you’re jealous because you want him for yourself...”
“We are just friends!” I say quickly. “I don’t care what you do. If you want him, go for it. I don’t have feelings for Danny.”
I hate that I’ve said those words the moment they leave my lips. I hate them because they’re not true. I’ve wanted to be with Danny since the moment I met him, and every second I spend with him that want only gets stronger. I don’t push, though, because it’s clear he doesn’t see me as anything more than a friend. I don’t want to ruin what we’ve created by throwing myself at him. He’s far too important to me. Yet saying those words to Cheyenne, and watching her smirk grow, makes me wish I had the balls to throw myself at him and take a chance. That’s not me though; I don’t take chances. That’s my problem.
“Here’s your drink.”
I hear Danny’s voice, and I pray that he didn’t hear me practically tossing him at my sister. I turn, and smile as I take the drink. His eyes aren’t as playful as they were when he walked off. I swallow, horrified that I could be so careless. Friends or not, I basically just gave my sister permission to take him for herself.
Cheyenne turns when she notices him, and takes a step forward, stopping in front of him and flashing a winning smile. She stretches her fingers out, and runs them down the front of his gray suit. He meets her gaze for a long, heated moment. I swallow and pain rips through my body.
“Hey, Spike. Fancy a dance?”
Danny turns his eyes to mine, and for a long moment he stares at me. It’s like he’s giving me a chance to say no, to pull him back and tell him I never want his hands on another woman. That the idea of anybody else touching him burns me so badly I can hardly breathe.
I say nothing, though. I can’t. I don’t want to be the girl who falls in love with her best friend, and ruins what they’ve created. I don’t want him to turn to me, and wonder why I ever opened my mouth and caused a problem between us.
No, I won’t be that girl. Danny is my friend, and I love him more than he’ll ever know, and unless I know for sure he feels the same, then he’ll never find out what my heart wants.
I’m sure I see a flash of pain in his eyes, but he quickly covers it with a hard, sexy expression. He turns to Cheyenne and grins down at her, his smile wide and alluring. Something inside me dies a little. And fuck, it’s my fault. Every moment of pain I feel is on me.
“I’d love a dance,” he purrs, taking her hand and turning her, leading her to the dance floor.
That’s it for me. That was the one moment in life, when you get a chance to change everything for yourself and you don’t take it.
I didn’t take my moment.
My moment just walked away from me.
And somehow I knew, right there, standing in the middle of the dance floor...that I wouldn’t get my moment back.
CHAPTER 9
PRESENT - SPIKE
I roll, and the hot, tiny body beside me groans and moves. I open my eyes, and blink over and over until they’re not blurred any longer. The first thing I see is the blonde hair spread out over my pillow: thick, beautiful, blonde hair that smells like fuckin’ vanilla. I let my eyes slide down, and I sigh deeply. Motherfucker. Ciara.
My gaze rakes her naked body; perfect little tits swelling out over the top of my sheets. Long, lean neck that’s covered in my marks. Marks I made while I was fuckin’ balls deep inside her. Her large, pretty fuckin’ lips are parted, and she’s breathing deeply.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
What the fuck have I done? I’ve fucked the one girl I swore I’d never fuck again. I swore I’d stay away. Swore I’d fucking keep my hands off her and yet she’s here, in my bed, sleepin’ soundly after I buried myself in her all night. Fuck.
I’m such a fuckin’ idiot. I should have stayed away, but then last night happened. She saw me watchin’ that couple, and she fuckin’ liked it. Her cheeks flushed, her body got hot, and she was lookin’ at me like she wanted to fuckin’ eat me alive. I should have walked away then. That was the moment I should have turned, but here I am...and now I don’t want to fuckin’ walk away. I want her. I need her. I don’t want any other fucker touchin’ her, and that scares the fuck outta me.
‘Cause it ain’t fuckin’ right.
She shouldn’t be here.
Another groan and she rolls. Fuck. I get out of the bed, jerking on a pair of boxers and creeping outta the room like a fuckin’ freak.
I head down the hall and into the kitchen. Granger is standing at the counter, smoking, as always. He raises his brows when I come out, and I give him a ‘Don’t fuckin’ say a word’ kind of expression. He grins at me. Fuckin’ asshole.
“Busy night, Prez?”
“Somethin’ like that,” I growl, pulling out a cigarette and bringing it to my lips, lighting it.
“That bitch you got in there can scream. Fuck me, kept me awake all night.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
I glare at him, and he puts his hands up. “Special one?”
“Ciara,” I grunt.
“I’m fuckin’ sorry, what did you say?”
Here we fuckin’ go.
“I said, it’s Ciara.”
He slowly lowers his cigarette, crushing it out before looking up at me with fierce eyes.
“Are you fuckin’ brain-dead?”
“No, I’m fuckin’ not.”
“What the fuck have you been fightin’ for? You’ve been bustin’ your balls tryin’ to keep her away for weeks, and now you’re divin’ balls deep into her? Fuck, Prez, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
I spin on him, leaning close and clenching my fists. “Shut your fuckin’ mouth. I don’t have to answer to any of you fuckers. My business is just that, fuckin’ mine.”
“It ain’t just your business, Prez. It’s all of us you’re puttin’ at risk. Involvin’ her in this shit
, it’s fuckin’ bad.”
“She ain’t gettin’ involved!” I bark. “She’s protected by the Knights, and she ain’t got shit to do with what’s goin’ down.”
“It’s dangerous!”
I clench my fists. “She ain’t gonna be involved.”
“You’re playin’ with fuckin’ fire, Prez. You want to lose another woman to fuckin’ Hogan?”
“No I fuckin’ don’t,” I bellow, slamming my fist onto the counter. “I don’t want her to have anything to do with that sorry son of a bitch, but I can’t fuckin’ tie her up and force her away from me. I fuckin’ tried, Granger. I fuckin’ tried, but she ain’t takin’ no for an answer. Best option for me right now is to keep her fuckin’ close to make sure she’s safe.”
Granger studies me for a long moment, and then shakes his head.
“Fuck, Prez...”
“What?” I growl.
“You fuckin’ love the bitch.”
“Call her a motherfuckin’ bitch again, I’ll cut your fuckin’ dick off and shove it up your ass.”
“Didn’t answer my question,” he snorts, lighting another cigarette.
“Nothing to fuckin’ answer. I don’t love, and I sure as shit ain’t gettin’ another woman killed. I’m enjoyin’ her, keepin’ her safe while that prick is on the streets. After that, it’s done.”
“Whatever you say, Prez.”
I glare at him, but can’t say another word because I hear the floorboards squeak, and turn to see Ciara walkin’ out. Fuck. Well fuck. She’s wearing one of my shirts and it just barely covers her sweet ass. Her hair is flowing down around her shoulders, and she looks like a tiny fuckin’ pixie. She turns those yellow eyes to mine and I shudder, yeah, fuckin’ shudder. I want her again. My cock burns to be buried deep inside her again.
This shit ain’t good. It ain’t how it was meant to go, and yet I fuckin’ can’t turn away. I want to run my fingers across those sweet, full cheeks and slide my tongue across those full, sweet as sugar lips.
“Hey,” she whispers, letting her eyes slide over me, then she gives Granger a quick glance.
I catch his expression; it’s shocked. His brows are raised and he’s standing straight now, instead of leaning against the counter.
“Hey, Tom Cat,” I husk.
“I...woke and didn’t know where I was for a minute. I couldn’t find my clothes.”
Her cheeks just flushed. Motherfucker.
“Got ‘em.”
“Right,” she whispers. “Well, um, can I have them? I have to work.”
“Yeah, babe, I’ll take you.”
I give Granger a warning look, before turning and walking towards Ciara. She flushes deeper, and I have to grip my boxers and adjust my fuckin’ cock so she won’t see how badly I want her. Fuck this want. Been fightin’ this want for fuckin’ years and now she’s pullin’ it outta me, and I can’t turn her away.
I don’t have it in me anymore. I can’t say no. I don’t want to fuckin’ say no, even thought I should. I should be tellin’ her to leave, tellin’ her it was a great fuckin’ night but it ain’t goin’ to be happening again. But I’m not goin’ to say that.
I’m fucked.
~*~*~*~*
PRESENT - CIARA
Jesus, he’s looking at me like he wants to eat me alive. And I want him to. Again and again.
I turn on my heel, cursing my flushing cheeks as I walk back toward his room. I can hear him behind me, padding down the hall, no doubt thinking about last night. I can’t stop thinking about last night. He fucked me four times, and each time was better than the last. His body, his mouth, his hands, everything about him had me drowning in my own fucking pleasure. He made me feel, and god, it’s been so long since I’ve felt anything.
When we step into his room, I try to keep my eyes off his body—his ripped, large, tattooed body that is all I can see right now. Lazily, my gaze slides down over his hard chest and taut abs. I stop at his cock straining in his loose boxers and shit, I want to get on my knees and suck him until he’s growling my name and coming, hot and hard, in my mouth. I step forward, not even realizing I’m moving until I am just about flush against him. His eyes grow hooded as he looks over me. Damn, just damn. I stretch my fingers out, grazing them over his chest.
“Babe, I would love to be buried in you right now, but there’s no fuckin’ way I’m putting my cock inside you again. I’ll leave you raw and not fuckin’ walkin’.”
I don’t care.
I want to be raw.
“Don’t care,” I whisper.
“I care,” he says, gripping my chin and tilting my face up. “And you gotta go to work.”
This is it. He’s going to send me on my way with a poor excuse as to why he can’t continue seeing me. My eyes burn and I turn my face away, ashamed that yet again, I’m going to have to walk away from him. I spin, not wanting him to see the tears glistening in my eyes.
“Hey,” he says, his voice rough. “What the fuck?”
I don’t look back, I just lean down and grip my purse. “I get it,” I say. ‘If you want me to leave, Spike, just say so. I didn’t expect anything more from you.”
Silence.
I slowly turn to see him staring at me, arms crossed, body rigid. “That all you fuckin’ think of me, huh? You think I’m just goin’ to fuck you and get rid of you?”
Wait. What?
“Aren’t you?” I say, my voice small.
“Nah, I fuckin’ wasn’t. I was savin’ your sweet ass, because if I shoved my cock inside you once more, you’d tear in fuckin’ two. Don’t mean I don’t wanna fuck you again, ‘cause it’s all I can fuckin’ think about. As usual though, you fuckin’ decide you know me better than I know myself and jump to conclusions before I get a chance to speak.”
Shit.
“I...”
“Get your fuckin’ ass over here.”
“But...”
His eyes grow heated. “Don’t fuckin’ argue, Ciara. Get in front of me. Now.”
“I didn’t mean to...”
“Ciara,” he growls. “Here. Now.”
Slowly, I begin walking toward him. I stop in front of his large, powerful form and peer up at him through a curtain of hair that has fallen over my eyes. He tangles his fingers in that hair, and moves it aside so our eyes are connected.
“You’ve had a lot to fuckin’ say to me over the past few weeks, and you’ve hardly let me get a fuckin’ word in. I’m goin’ to get my word in now. The past was fucked up, but the good thing about the past is that’s just what it is...it’s over, it’s finished.
“I made a lot of fuckin’ mistakes. One of those was never tellin’ you how I felt. You’re a stubborn, bull-headed woman and you can’t seem to take no for an answer, and it drives me fuckin’ bat shit crazy - but I can’t get enough of you. I don’t want to turn you away, even though I know it’s the best fuckin’ thing for you. Ain’t my place to choose who you fuckin’ love, and it sure as shit ain’t my place to decide how you see me.
“I can’t give you sweet things, and I can’t promise you nothin’. I’ve got a dangerous life, and until that life is sorted, I ain’t takin’ you as my Old Lady. I am gonna take you though, every fuckin’ night and day, ‘cause you belong in my bed.
“Now, you get a choice here. You can turn and walk out that door and let me go for good, or you can hang onto me, knowin’ that right now I can’t give you everything you want, but knowin’ that one day, that might change.”
Oh god. Those words, they’re what I’ve needed for so long. They’re everything I’ve been waiting for. I know Spike can’t promise me things, and I know right now I can’t be a great deal more than a good time, but fuck, I’m his good time and that’s fine by me. I throw myself at him, slamming into his body and sending us both stumbling backwards. With a grunt, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, crushing our bodies together until I can hardly breathe, but oh, I don’t care. I reach up, gripping his face and bringing his l
ips down over mine. He kisses me with need. With want. With desperation. With everything we want to say, but can’t.
“That a fuckin’ yes?” he growls, wrenching his lips from mine.
“It’s a fuckin’ yes.”
He chuckles, and leans down close again. “You little fuckin’ ripper.”
Damn.
Just damn.
CHAPTER 10
PRESENT - SPIKE
“You fuckin’ sure about this?” Cade asks, dropping a cigarette and crushing it out with his boot.
I glare at him. This fucker doesn’t get a say in what I do right now. He don’t get a fuckin’ say in my life at all. He’s here, because I need him. He owes me and he knows it.
I hate havin’ to use him, but I don’t get much of a choice. He’s the only one I have right now who can back me up if my boys get in the shit. We’ve got an unspoken agreement, and our clubs don’t have any problems with each other. Yet.
I light another cigarette. Fuck, I need to stop smoking. Honest to fuckin’ god, it’ll be this that kills me, I’m almost sure of it.
Cade narrows his eyes at me, I know what he’s thinking, but he’s not going to argue too heavily about it. He wouldn’t fuckin’ dare.
“I know what I’m doin’,” I growl at him. “Now you’re either with me, or you ain’t, but I will be fuckin’ doin’ this.”
“I have no fuckin’ doubt about that, Spike, but you need to be thinkin’ this through.”
“Fuckin’ have,” I snarl. “And it’s the best option.”
“This goes wrong again...”
“It won’t,” I bellow, storming toward him and gripping his shirt in my fists. I jerk him so hard his jaw snaps together. “You need to shut your fuckin’ mouth and decide if you’re on my side or not. If you are, then you do as I say; if you’re not, then fuck off.”
He grips my wrists, clenching them in his hands. I grind my teeth but don’t let go. “Get your fuckin’ hands off me,” he snaps. “And if you ever fuckin’ touch me again, I’ll bury you.”
I drop my hands and he shoves me, hard. I’m about to lunge back at him, when Granger comes out of the warehouse and gives me a stiff shake of the head. Fuck. I take a step back, giving Cade a look that tells him I won’t be takin’ his fuckin’ shit. He returns that look with fire in his eyes.