“I’m sorry, Ciara.”
It’s the last thing I hear, before something hard hits me over the head.
After that everything goes black. But darkness doesn’t remove pain, it just numbs it...
For a moment at least.
CHAPTER 21
PRESENT – CIARA
“Ciara, hey...”
I hear the voice and I open my eyes, blinking rapidly to try and bring my vision back. I see Addison, and my heart fills with relief. That lasts a split second. When I remember why I am here, I jerk up in the bed and cry out loudly. “SPIKE!”
Addison grips my shoulders, trying to push me back down. “Hey, you need to lie down. Honey, you hurt your head.”
“Spike, where is he?” I wail. “Addison, where is he?”
She looks down at me, her eyes filled with a pain I never wanted to see. No, no...NO.
“No!” I scream. “No, Addi, no!”
She pulls me into her arms. “He’s alive, hey, shhhh. It doesn’t look good, though. I’m so sorry, but the doctors don’t know if he’ll survive.”
My screaming intensifies, and Addi just sits there, holding me. No. This can’t be happening. It can’t be. Spike is all I have. He’s everything. I’m in love with him. He’s the reason I breathe. No, this can’t happen.
“Hey, sugar.”
I hear Cade’s soft voice, and I open my tear-filled eyes to see him standing at the side of the bed, looking down at us.
“Cade,” I wail. “Cade, he can’t leave me.”
Cade swallows, and his eyes grow glassy. “I’m sorry, Tom Cat.”
“It’s my fault, it’s all my fault.”
He grips my chin, his face determined. “No, it’s not. It went wrong. It happens. It ain’t on you.”
I sob even harder, and Cade crawls onto the bed beside us. Then we just sit there, the three of us, praying in our own way that a miracle happens, and he makes it through. Something has to happen. He can’t die. He just can’t.
FOUR HOURS LATER
“Ciara?”
I turn to see a doctor walking into the room. I sit up in bed, but he waves a hand at me. “Sorry, there’s no news. I am here to check on you.”
“I’m fine,” I whisper.
“You had a couple of hard falls; I’d just like to make sure.”
He walks over, and I sit still while he goes over me. I don’t even want to move. I just can’t be bothered. Everything inside me feels like it’s stopped. When he’s done, he pulls back.
“You’re ok to go whenever you need. Just keep an eye on that bump on your head. If you get any severe headaches, come back. I know you’re waiting for Danny, so feel free to stay in this room while you do.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
He nods, and then leaves. Cade walks into the room a moment later, holding two cups of coffee. His face is broken, and his large body is slumping slightly, but he’s trying to keep it together.
“Any news?” he asks.
“No, nothing.”
I take the hot coffee he hands me, and I take a sip. I can’t taste it, I can’t even feel its heat. I’m numb. I’ve been sitting, staring at the wall for the past three hours, just hoping something happens. I can’t grieve. I can’t have hope. I just don’t know which way to lean.
“We’ll know soon,” Cade assures me.
I hope so.
ANOTHER FOUR HOURS LATER.
“Are you Danny’s next of kin?”
I turn in my chair to see a doctor standing at the door. I stand quickly, dropping the magazine that was on my lap that I wasn’t actually reading. I rush over, my body feeling numb. I reach him, and my eyes frantically search his expression to see if I can see the “I’m sorry, he’s dead” look.
“I am,” I croak.
He nods. “He’s out of surgery. We removed all the bullets. There were six of them, but he was lucky. I don’t know how, and I’ve never seen someone so lucky in my life, but none of those bullets didn’t hit anything important. He had four in his lower back, and two on the right side of his body. If they had hit the left side, he would be dead. There was some damage to his stomach, but we repaired it. He lost a lot of blood, and it was touch and go for a minute there, but he came out of it. He’s in intensive care, and the next twenty-four hours are crucial, but he’s stable.”
I don’t hear anything past the “he’s out of surgery.” I just feel my legs wobble, and my entire body begins to shake. The doctor reaches out and grips my arm. “Are you okay, miss?”
“Can I see him?” I whisper.
He nods. “One at a time, for now.”
He leads me out of the room and down the hall. I don’t even think to tell the others: all I can think about is Spike.
We get to a dark room, and I can hear the beeping of the machines. I walk in, and there he is, tubes everywhere, machines everywhere, but I can see the steady rising and falling of his chest, and that’s enough for me.
Tears slide down my cheeks as I walk closer. I can’t hear anything else around me. I can’t see anything but him. I stop beside his bed, and reach down, gripping his hand and pulling it into mine. Nurses flutter around, but I don’t notice them. I just stare at him. My life.
“I’m here,” I whisper to him. “Baby, I’m here.”
I take a seat beside him, and I hold onto his hand for hours. The others come in one at a time, hug me, sit with him, and then they leave. I don’t move. My legs are numb, my body hurts, but I sit there until his eyes begin to flutter open.
I leap to my feet, squeezing his hand and gently stroking his hair. He blinks, and stares at me blankly for a good, solid few minutes. Then he opens his mouth, and he rasps, “Ciara?”
Oh God.
I break down, sobbing like a child and clutching his hand. “I’m here, baby, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”
He blinks a few times, and then he lets his eyes scan the room. “Where...”
“You’re in the hospital, you got shot. Do you remember?”
He looks hazy, so I press the nurse button. Two of them come in a moment later, and when they see he’s awake, the practically shove me out of the way to check him over. I step out of the room, knowing the others will want to know. I find them in the waiting room, tired and worn, looking like shit.
“He’s awake,” I say, my voice hoarse.
They all sigh with relief.
“You guys go home, I’m ok here.”
Addison stands, and walks over. She takes me into her arms and holds me tightly. “It’s okay. We’re all going to be just fine now.”
I nod, hugging her tightly, then I pull back and hug the rest of them, even Granger.
“You let us know when we can come back and see him, yeah?” he says to me.
“Yeah,” I nod. “I promise.”
They all leave, and I head back to Spike’s room. When I get in, the nurses are just leaving, and he’s sitting up slightly in the bed. His eyes fall on me, and he forces a weak smile. I walk in, swallowing down my tears. I stop at his bed, and I take his hand.
“Spike, I’m so sorry.”
He shakes his head weakly. “Ain’t your fault, Ciara.”
“It is my fault. I showed up.”
“If you didn’t show up, I might be dead. That would have gone how it went,” he croaks. “Wouldn’t have mattered if you were there or you weren’t.”
“I was so scared,” I say, and the tears finally slide down my cheeks.
“I know,” he rasps, reaching for my hand.
“I thought you were dead.”
“Hey,” he whispers. “I’m okay.”
I gently climb onto the bed next to him, and I stroke my fingertips over his hand. I can’t hold him, but I can lie with him.
“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we? Are they going to come after us?”
He’s quiet a long moment, his breathing steady.
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
Neither do I, and t
hat’s the scary thing. We walked away from something, but we left it incomplete. I don’t think it’s over.
I think it’s far from.
I think we may have started a war.
~*~*~*~
PRESENT - SPIKE
“Baby,” I whisper, shaking Ciara’s shoulders. “You should go.”
She groans beside me, and her eyes flutter open to stare up at me. She has a bruised face, and her eyes are bloodshot. I feel my heart clench for her, and it fuckin’ hurts. She reaches up, sliding her fingers over my face. I know she doesn’t want to leave, but I can see how tired she is. She thought I was dead. The look on her face when she came in my room when I woke up was something I’ll never forget. Even now, she looks like she’s going to burst out into a fit of tears.
“I don’t want to leave you,” she croaks.
I reach up, touching the soft skin on her cheek. “You need to leave, and get some rest.”
“I know, but it doesn’t mean I want to.”
“Hey you two!”
We both turn to see Cade and Addison standing at the door. Addi smiles, walking over and stopping by my bed. She stares down at me, then reaches out and puts her hand on my shoulder.
“We’ve been over this before, if you wanted my attention you just had to ask...”
I laugh weakly, and my entire body feels like someone is beating me as I do. Everything hurts.
“Precious, always makin’ me smile.”
She smiles down at me, but even I can see she’s about to burst into a fit of tears.
“Don’t you start fuckin’ cryin’ too,” I rasp.
She nods, clenching her jaw. “You have grown on us, you know?”
I smile, weakly. “I know, precious.”
Cade is still standing at the door, his face blank. I look up at him, and I know he’s emotional. It’s written all over him, even though he’s trying not to show it.
“Hey precious,” I say to Addi. “Would you take my girl home?”
Addi nods, “Of course, come on honey.”
Ciara turns to me, her eyes hurting. “Are you sure?”
I grip her, pulling her down for a soft kiss. “Yeah, go on, I’ll call you when I’ve had some rest, yeah?”
She nods, stroking her fingers across my cheek. “I love you.”
“Yeah, I know baby. I love you, too.”
I watch the two girls leave the room, and then I turn my eyes to Cade. He’s still watching me. Fuck. I’m tired of this. I’ve hated him for so long, so fuckin’ long, and when I was dyin’ on the ground I realized how quickly life can end. It wasn’t his fault Cheyenne died, no, it was my fuckin’ fault. He was only doing what he thought best at the time. I meet his gaze, and force a smile. “You know me, always trying to be the life of the party.”
He laughs hoarsely, and walks into the room, stopping at my bed. “You fuckin’ scared me, seein’ you goin’ down...”
I nod. “Yeah, sorry about that.”
He hesitates for a moment, then he rasps, “Spike, I know things between us have been fucked up, but I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life not bein’ your friend. You’ve always been my go to, always been my wingman. I know we’ve been getting along for the sake of taking Hogan down, but I’m fuckin’ tired of the pretend. You know I’m fuckin’ sorry for what happened that day, and if I could take it back, I would.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I rasp, feeling my voice shake. Fuck, here it comes. I don’t wanna show pain in front of him, but it ain’t backin’ down. “It was mine. I was just lookin’ for someone to blame, because I wasn’t about to face that I put her in that position. It’s on me, Cade.”
Cade nods, his eyes glassy. Fuck. Fuck.
“Can we move past this? Can we try and be friends? ‘Coz fuck, Spike, I don’t ever wanna see you where you were yesterday, and not have told you I fuckin’ love you.”
That’s it for me. I turn my head away, my chest heaving with emotion. Fuckin’ pussy, suck it up. Cade puts a hand on my shoulder, and I turn to face him again. “You fuckin’ scared me, do you hear me? You fuckin’ scared me.”
A single, lone tear slides down my cheek. “I thought I was fuckin’ dead, Cade. I thought it was fuckin’ done. Never been so fuckin’ scared that I wouldn’t wake up again.”
My body shakes, and Cade leans forward, gripping my head and bringing it to his gut. He wraps both arms around it, and he just holds me there. It’s a very brutal hug, and I feel like a fuckin’ girl, but fuck, I can’t stop my body shaking. I can’t stop it no matter how hard I try. I nearly died. I nearly fuckin’ died. I was a fuckin’ idiot, and I nearly left everybody broken, again.
“You fuckin’ do that to me again, I’ll put you on your ass,” Cade chokes from above me.
We stay in that position for a while, and then Cade lets me go. He takes a deep breath to control his emotions. I slowly stop trembling, and manage to crush the fear back down where it came from. I can’t live with it. I won’t let anything else destroy me. I glance up at Cade, and I know he deserves my forgiveness. I know he deserves it more than anyone. I reach out my hand and he looks down at it.
“I know I fucked up, buddy. I treated you like a dog, and it wasn’t on you. I can’t take back what I did, but I can ask for us to move on and be friends again. So, what do you say? Friends?”
Cade reaches over, slapping his hand into mine, and gently pulling me back into his fuckin’ gut. Soft ass.
“You stupid fuckin’ idiot, we never stopped bein’ friends.”
I snort.
He laughs.
And just like that, the past is forgotten.
EPILOGUE
SIX WEEKS LATER
“God, Spike,” I cry as he thrusts in and out of my body, plunging deep.
“Baby, no fuckin’ sex for four weeks, ain’t no way in shit I am stoppin’ this anytime soon.”
His hands are in my hair, and I’m bent over the empty bar at the Hell’s Knights compound. It’s risky, anyone could walk in, but we don’t care. We’ve been fucking like rabbits for the past two weeks. Before that, Spike had to take it easy, and that meant no sex. He suffered too, every damn day. Poor thing.
“I don’t want you to stop,” I mewl, pushing my ass into his pelvis.
He wraps a hand around my belly, and gently strokes as he thrusts his cock in and out. “Gotta go easy, baby, can’t hurt you.”
I don’t listen; I’m too close to coming. I grip the bar harder, and feel myself building higher and higher as he slams into me harder and harder. I come a moment later, losing my mind for a split second. I cry out, and Spike follows suit, pumping his release into me and growling loudly. I release one hand, and find my clit, rubbing every shudder from my body. Spike’s growling subsides, and gently he pulls out of me, pulling me up into a standing position with him. He runs his hands over my dress, dropping it back down, and then he pulls up his jeans. He keeps his chest pressed to my back, as he runs his hands down my belly.
“You okay in there, junior?”
I giggle.
Two weeks after Spike’s surgery, I found out I was, in fact, pregnant. All along, I had been carrying his child. We found out just after he got home from hospital, and surprisingly, he was thrilled. Something about a near death experience making him pull his head out of his ass.
“She’s fine,” I smile, leaning my head back into his shoulder.
“Or he.”
“Oh no, totally a she.”
He grunts. “More females.”
I spin around, gripping his hair and bringing his lips down over mine. “We’re not so bad.”
“No, babe, you ain’t.”
I grin up at him, and he runs a finger down over my nose and stops at my lips. “You know, I’m still punishing you for disobeying me?” he growls.
“How long are you going to punish me?” I ask innocently, batting my eyelashes at him.
“Oh, for fuckin’ months, baby.”
I giggle, and he grips my hair
, his eyes flaring with lust.
“Goin’ to put my hand to your ass many more times before I’m through...”
I lean up, and bite his lower lip. “So long as you’re deep inside me while you’re doing it, I don’t mind.”
“Fuck, Tom Cat, you’re makin’ me hard again.”
I pull back, giggling. “You’re always hard.”
He snorts. “I’ll show you hard in a minute.”
I beam up at him, and then suddenly I remember something I needed to give him. My eyes widen, and a big smile stretches across my face.
“What are you smilin’ like that for?” he grins.
“Wait here.”
He raises his brows as I turn and rush to my purse; I gather what I need out of it and hurry back. He’s still standing, watching me with a curious expression. I step forward, feeling my heart beginning to pound.
“Close your eyes.”
“Seriously?” he mumbles.
“Yes, seriously, now do it.”
He closes his eyes with a sigh, and I reach for his hand. He raises it up, and I gently secure a bracelet around his wrist. My chest tightens as I look down at it, remembering the day I gave it to him, and also the day he gave it back to me. I hurt him, he hurt me, but finally we’ve managed to make it through. He opens his eyes and stares down at the bracelet on his wrist, and then he looks up and stares into mine with an expression loaded with emotion.
“I gave this to you a long time ago, promising that I would always be there for you. I wasn’t there for you when I should have been, and I let my hurt get in the way. You gave this back to me, because I hurt you, and now I’m returning it. I want you to know I’ll always be here for you, Spike. No matter what happens in life, I will never abandon you again. That’s my promise to you.”
His eyes scan my face. “Fuck, Tom Cat...you’re makin’ my heart do crazy things.”
I step up closer to him. “You’ve been making my heart do crazy things for a long time now, I’m just glad I finally get to share it with you.”