Well, at least he’s calling me Tom Cat. That has to mean something, right?
I walk over, and open the front door. Cade is standing there, dark jeans, leather jacket, looking like the biker version of a model. He’s beautiful. Inky black hair, light eyes, olive skin, tatts everywhere. Cade is what most women dream about.
I can’t help but smile when I see his serious expression. Cade and I have always been close, so it doesn’t scare me when he tries that one on.
“Don’t smirk at me girl, you know you’re in deep shit.”
I raise my eyebrows and block the doorway as he goes to step in.
“How come I’m the one getting yelled at, and Addi is home sleeping? Is it because I can’t offer make-up sex?”
His lips twitch, but he doesn’t crack a smile. “Addi got her ass slapped for what she did, don’t you fuckin’ worry about that. Now, it’s your turn, minus the ass slapping. You gonna let me in?”
“If I say no...”
He leans forward, grips my shoulders and lifts, moving me out of the way—then he steps through the door. I roll my eyes, and turn, walking into the kitchen. I hear Cade following, and I can’t wait for the lecture I’m about to get...really...I can’t wait.
“What’s goin’ on with you, Tom Cat?”
Here we go.
“Nothing,” I say, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.
“Don’t fuckin’ bullshit me. You came to town after your sister died, we let you lean on us until you found a job, then you got a job, found a place and things were goin’ well for you...until Spike came into town. Then you went off the rails. You snuck my woman to his compound...”
“Hey!” I snap, cutting him off and spinning around to face him. “She wanted to go there, not me!”
“Either way, it ain’t like you. Then tonight...what the fuck was goin’ down in your head?”
“I was having fun, Cade.”
“No, you were bein’ a shit stirrer.”
I cross my arms, and he does too, giving me a hard expression.
“What’s it to you, anyway?”
He raises his brows. “Are you fuckin’ stupid? I’ve been friends with you for a long time, Ciara, and you matter. Anyone who matters to me, I protect. You went out tonight lookin’ for a brawl.”
“No, I was having a few drinks with Addi, and it got out of hand.”
“You don’t do that shit. You are the one who walks away...”
“Yeah,” I bark. “Well maybe I’m sick of being who I am. Look where it got me...”
He uncrosses his arms and steps forward. I step back. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”
“Look, Cade, you know I respect you, but I’m not going to discuss this any further. I don’t owe anybody an explanation for what I’m doing. If you want to be angry at Addi, go right ahead, but it has nothing to do with me.”
“Do you think that shit speech is actually going to stop me from protectin’ you?”
“It should!” I growl.
“Well it doesn’t. Stop pushing the ones that care away, Tom Cat.”
“I’m doing nothing! I’m just living, Cade. Same way you are.”
“Not the same as I am! You’re fighting to fix something that can’t be fixed. You need to let go of this shit with Spike. It ain’t doin’ you any favors.”
“This has nothing to do with Spike.”
“It has everything to do with Spike, and you know it. He ain’t worth this sort of pain, Tom Cat. He ain’t worth the fight. He’s fucked up, he needs to deal with his shit before anyone attempts to make a decent man out of him.”
“When did you stop believing in him?” I whisper.
Cade flinches. “I didn’t.”
“You did, because the way you just spoke about him tells me you don’t think he can be fixed. I think you’re wrong, Cade. I think Spike is broken, but I also think he can be put back together.”
“Maybe he can, but it ain’t from you, sugar.”
“Because I’m not good enough...” I mumble.
“Stop that shit,” he barks, stepping closer and giving me a fierce glare. “You’re too good for him, that’s the fuckin’ problem. Spike is gonna hurt you, just because he can. Don’t be the one in his firing line.”
“I’m not in his firing line. Hell Cade, he can’t even see me.”
Cade tilts his head to the side. “You love him still, don’t you? It’s why you’re actin’ out.”
“No. I despise him.”
Cade snorts. “Okay, Tom Cat. Let me tell you something anyway, just for the fuckin’ sake of it, because clearly there’s so much more I can’t see. I don’t owe Spike anything, but I do owe you plenty, so here goes. Spike wanted you, before Chey came into the picture. Before everything went south, Spike had feelings for you. They went pretty deep. Do you think he would pick just anyone up and take them to work every day? I can tell you he wouldn’t. He was tryin’ and you were just seein’ him as a friend - all those years, and you friend-zoned him. He figured you wanted nothin’ more than that, so he moved on. He saw Chey, he fell for her and she became his obsession. What he did to you, it was fucked up, but it wasn’t just a revenge fuck, Tom Cat. Part of Spike wanted that...and then you ran...and you know how it ended.”
“You’re wrong,” I rasp.
My entire body is shaking, and I’m gripping onto the counter for dear life. Cade’s wrong. Spike would have told me if he cared about me. He saw my sister and from there forward, he didn’t look back. He never made a move on me, aside from the night we slept together. Cade’s wrong. He’s wrong. He is.
“He would have told me,” I whisper, feeling my eyes sting with unshed tears.
“Spike’s a fuckin’ hard man. He doesn’t throw himself at anyone, Tom Cat. You two were friends, but you always kept your distance. That told him you didn’t want him. Chey came along, and she threw herself at him. She went out of her way to get his attention and so he went with her, because he thought there was nothing between you two. He went on to fall in love with Chey. She was his first love, and she changed something inside of him, but Tom Cat, she isn’t who he wanted to begin with.”
“You’re saying...because I didn’t throw myself at him the way my sister did...that I missed out?”
Cade shrugs, but it’s gentle. “Sorry Tom Cat, but that’s just how Spike works. He’s not the type to chase women, he never has been. Chey made it easy for him, it’s the only reason he looked.”
“He looked,” I grind out, “because they all did. Chey had that effect on men. She was sunshine, and me...”
“Don’t,” he growls. “Don’t fuckin’ say anything about yourself. Spike thought you were the damned prettiest thing he’d seen in years, he spoke about you all the time.”
“How do you know all this?” I snap, trying my best to cover the emotions eating away at each other inside of me.
“Coz’ one night, a few months before she died, they had a fight. Spike came over, and he spat out a lot to me. He grumbled on about picking the wrong sister. We got talkin’ about it, and that’s when he told me he had feelings for you before Chey came along. He said it was your eyes, they used to get him every time...”
I snort. “That’s such a typical line.”
“Tom Cat, you have wicked sweet eyes.”
I look away. “What kind of biker says wicked sweet?”
Cade laughs. “This one. Hey, turn your eyes here, yeah?”
I look back at him, and try to hide my trembling lip. “He never even said sorry for what he did. I ran, and when I came back they were married. He never tried to find me...never tried to contact me. Then when Chey died, he just hated me and I don’t know why.”
“You do know why,” Cade says, his voice suddenly hard for his friend.
“No, I don’t.”
“Sugar, yeah, you do. You and Spike were friends for a long time. He fucked up, and you ran. You never said goodbye, you never even had it out with him. He never heard from you,
he couldn’t find you, and so he went on and did what he did with Chey. Then, she died and he sees you again...after all those years, and what did you do?”
My heart begins hammering against my chest, and my throat constricts painfully. “I blamed him.”
“Yeah, you did. You didn’t hear him out, you never even asked how it went down, you just blamed him, and worse, you didn’t blame me. You hit him where it hurt, you threw something on him, but you let me get away with it when it was equally my doing. You broke him, and you did it because you wanted him to hurt because of what he did to you...”
“Oh God,” I rasp, putting my face in my hands.
“Don’t make you a bad person, but you can’t blame him for feelin’ the way he does. You were his friend, above all else, and you never let him explain. You blamed him, you got on your parents side when they tried to take him down, and then you came back here and tried to ask for forgiveness.”
When he puts it like that, I feel like a monster.
And that’s what I am - a monster.
“God, what have I done?”
“Past, Tom Cat, you can’t change it now...”
I meet Cade’s eyes. “Thank you, for telling me.”
“Ain’t tellin’ you nothin’ you don’t already know, deep down. I will also tell you I don’t want you playin’ around with Spike right now; he ain’t good for you, Tom Cat. You had the right to know about the past, but now, you need to stay away.”
“I need to fix what I broke,” I protest.
“You can do that, but you need to keep your pants on when you do. Trust me, Tom Cat, I ain’t doin’ this to be an asshole, I’m doin’ it ‘coz he ain’t no good for you.”
“Isn’t that my choice?” I whisper.
“Not if I’m fuckin’ around,” he growls and I sigh deeply. No point in trying to react right now, he won’t hear of it. “Now, I’m goin’ to head home and find my fiancé to punish her some more. We good?”
“We’re always good,” I smile weakly.
Cade returns my smile with full force. He steps forward, jerking me into his arms for a hug. I return it, wrapping my arms around his large frame.
“You know, for a biker, you’re kinda sweet.”
He grunts and pulls back. “You women, don’t know what you’re fuckin’ talkin’ about.”
I giggle, and he flashes me another grin, before gripping his keys and walking to the door. When he gets to the opening, he turns and looks back at me.
“Don’t chase him, Tom Cat. I mean it...let this one go, yeah?”
“Later, Cade,” I say, ignoring his speech.
He nods at me, and steps out the door, and I find myself smiling. My heart hurts, my body aches for Spike, yet I’m smiling.
I’m smiling because there’s a chance.
It might be tiny, but it’s a chance.
And that’s something - and something means I’ll keep fighting for the friend I lost.
CHAPTER 3
PAST - CIARA
“Who’s the motorcycle man?” Cheyenne asks me, flipping her long, blonde hair over her shoulder and peering out the window.
“That’s Danny. He’s a friend.”
“A friend Mom and Dad won’t like.”
I shrug. “They won’t know.”
Chey turns and smiles, twisting her hair and securing it with a clip. “You into him?”
I snort. “No, he’s just a friend.”
She grins and her eyes twinkle with humor.
“Seriously, Chey, he’s just a friend. Now, I have to go.”
“All right, well you better be home before Mom gets here. You know she’ll flip if you show up with Motorcycle Man down there.”
I wave a hand, and grip my purse. “Yeah, I’ll be home before her.”
I turn and rush out the door, then down the stairs. I walk through our large home, until I reach the front door.
I step out, and instantly I smile. Danny is on his bike, grinning at me. He’s beautiful in a way that just can’t be described. His hair is long, sandy blonde and tied in a ponytail behind his head. He has these brown eyes that sometimes look black, they get so dark. I wave and hurry down the front stairs, surrounded by blooming red roses my mother planted months ago, grinning as I near him.
“Hey Tom Cat,” he grins.
He’s called me Tom Cat since the moment we met at a friend’s party. As soon as he saw my oddly colored yellow eyes, he decided the name suited me.
“Hey Danny.” I smile, getting on the back of his bike and taking the helmet he passes back to me.
“You ready? We’re goin’ to have a sweet day.”
“What are we doing?” I ask, wrapping my arm around his waist.
“Secret, hang on.”
He pulls the throttle and the bike lurches forward. We speed off down the street, and I breathe in deeply, getting a mix of the sea air and Danny’s scent. God, he smells good. I might only be eighteen, but I know enough to know that Danny is the kind of man that has girls swooning. I wrap my arms tighter around him as we speed down the road.
I’ve been friends with Danny since I was seventeen, and since then we’ve spent most weekends together. He even picks me up for work in the mornings and drops me off in the afternoons.
We cruise down the highway, and I try to decide where it is Danny is taking me. When we pull up at a picnic ground with rolling hills and cute little picnic benches, and a massive swimming lake, my heart skips a beat. Danny doesn’t show a great deal of affection. He can be hard when it comes to his feelings, but he shows them in other ways - ways like this. I slip off the back of the bike when Danny parks it, and lift my helmet off. My breath hitches as I admire the scenery; it’s absolutely stunning. Danny gets off the bike and steps up beside me, and for a moment we’re both quiet.
“Know how much you love swimmin’,” he murmurs.
I turn to face him then I leap up and down, clapping my hands. He grins at me, flashing that deep, long dimple that completely transforms his face.
“Race you!”
He snorts, but I’m off and running before he even gets a chance to respond. I run up a hill, then down another until I can see the large lake, with it’s perfectly clear water ahead. I’m just at the top of another hill when Danny catches up. He grips my waist and hurls me backwards. With a laugh, I latch onto him and take him with me when I fall.
We stumble down the large hill, bumping and grazing our skin as we roll. Yet the entire time, we’re laughing. We hit the bottom with a thump, and Danny grips me, rolling us both until we flop into the water. I squeal as it surrounds me, freezing my skin and causing me to shudder. I manage to close my mouth and stop screaming just before we both go under. Danny doesn’t let me go, he keeps his arms around me, and moments later we both re-surface.
“Fuck,” he laughs, shaking his blonde hair around. “Didn’t plan on entering quite so dramatically.”
I giggle loudly. “You don’t do anything in half measures, do you?”
“Hell no, Tom Cat.”
I splash a heap of water at him, and he laughs, splashing some back. This starts a splashing war that has us both laughing so hard our stomachs hurt. By the time we get out of the water, we’re soaked, laughing and completely content. We climb to the top of the hill and sit, staring out at the horizon. The lake meets more rolling hills, with a few scattered trees. I lean into Danny and like always, we chat freely. Until the snake. I’m sure one day I’ll laugh about the snake, but for the moment, it’s certainly not funny. It comes out of nowhere; suddenly it’s just there, slithering toward us. I scream, leaping up. Danny is on his feet beside me in seconds.
“Stand still,” he orders.
Like that’s going to happen. Snakes are my biggest fear, and this one is huge. I scream so loudly that I hurt my own ears. My heart is beating heavily, and my entire body is tingly with fear.
So, I do the only thing that makes sense in that moment. I throw myself down the hill - headfirst. It wasn’t my bri
ghtest moment, but in my panicked attempt to get away, I wasn’t thinking. I roll and stumble, my body screaming at me to just stop. I can’t, though. I roll and roll until I hit the flat ground just before the lake.
For a long moment I lay there, groaning in pain. My heart is still thumping, and my body aches everywhere.
Danny is down the hill in a second, and when I roll to look up at him, I expect to see worry in his expression - instead, he’s smothering a laugh. As soon as our eyes meet, he throws his head back and roars with laughter. I cry out and cover my face, ashamed that I did something so stupid. Danny gets onto his knees, reaching for me but I slap his hands away.
“Aw, Tom Cat, come on,” he laughs. “It was funny.”
“It was not funny!” I cry, slapping his hands again.
“Tom Cat, it was fuckin’ hilarious. Didn’t you think of running the other way?”
“I was scared!” I protest, covering my face in shame.
“So you threw yourself down a hill?”
“Shut up, you asshole!”
“Aw, come here.”
He grips me, pulling me onto his lap. His body is still shaking with laughter as he holds me tight.
“It’s not funny, Danny.”
“Kinda funny...”
“You’re horrible.”
“Can’t help it. It’s not every day a girl throws herself down a hill in front of you.”
I can’t help it. I burst out into a fit of giggles too. It was kind of stupid...
“You make my fuckin’ days bright, Tom Cat.”
I snuggle in closer, laughing along with him.
Danny makes me content.
Maybe one day, I’ll tell him how much.
~*~*~*~
PRESENT - SPIKE
“Fuckin’ find out,” I bark down the phone, before slamming it closed.
I begin pacing the room. Fuck, things aren’t going to plan. This is causing me to get far more involved than I would have originally liked. I won’t stop, though. I won’t stop until that cunt is on the ground, bleeding before me, begging to be saved. He’s proving to be hard to find, though.
Fuck it. Fuck everything. My head isn’t in the game like it should be, and it’s starting to piss me off. Damn Ciara for coming in and confusing the fuck outta me.