He laughs and I let out a gasp. “I can’t believe she said that.”
“I’ll miss you,” he says, cutting off the light-heartedness.
My face falls when I say back, “I’ll miss you too.”
“See you tomorrow, baby.”
I nod my head. “Yep. See you tomorrow, Easton.”
Caught
It takes over four weeks for me to finally cave in. Easton had kept to his word of keeping away, and so far, so had I. I finally broke when one Saturday my mother said she was staying with Eric for the weekend. I was alone and missing Easton terribly. So, Saturday evening at around eight o’clock, I snapped, grabbing my things and heading out of the door. I didn’t even phone or text, I just head straight for Easton’s house. My heart was drumming the whole way there. A part of me thought he may turn me away, but the hopeful part thought that maybe—just maybe—he would let me in.
I get to his door. I knock and I wait, and when he doesn’t answer straight away, my heart starts to ache inside. I admit I miss him. I’ve missed him a lot more than I even anticipated.
Another few seconds go by and my shoulders sag. I try pressing the buzzer again, but immediately I turn and start to walk away. Maybe this is the universe telling me that I shouldn’t be going behind my mother’s back. She’d be upset by my being here, I know she would.
“Sasha.”
Immediately, my posture picks up at my name. I have my hand gripped on the gates handle ready to push it open, but the sound of his voice makes me turn around and that’s when I really take him in. He’s half naked, wet, with a towel wrapped loosely around his hips. He’d obviously been showering, and hadn’t heard the doorbell as a result.
But that’s not what I’m thinking about right now. What I’m thinking is that this man before me is the most beautiful man I have ever had the pleasure to lay my eyes on. His hair is wet and haphazardly arranged on his head. His deep whiskey eyes are sparkling with what seems like mischief. His body is taut, and his chest is bare of hair. And, oh my, that has to be the most impressive V I have ever seen!
Without thinking, I lick my lips subconsciously ready to devour every single morsel of him. It’s only been four weeks, but it somehow seems like years.
Time stands still, my lips wet as I coat them with my tongue. Easton watches intently, his eyes never leaving mine. It’s only when they deepen with lust that I move, closing the distance between us. At the same time, I jump into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist at the same time as he shuts the door behind us. Our mouths clash together almost painfully, desperation seeping in at the lost time we’ve had without each other. I can feel it from him as much as he must do with me.
I practically claw away at my zip, trying to undo my jacket, and despite Easton clutching onto me, he somehow manages to help me take it off. I quickly discard it to the floor and straight away my lips are on his again, taking everything he can give.
“Easton,” I breathe heavily into his mouth, and no sooner has my name left his lips he’s ascending up the stairs and into his room. I’m so lost in him that I don’t even remember him walking with me to the stairs.
At the foot of the bed, he sets me down and immediately he pulls his towel away exposing his impressive erection. Heat pools between my legs as I feast on every square inch of him.
“Carry on looking at me like that and it will be over before it’s even begun,” he jests, smirking at me once my eyes manage to pry away from his body.
Without saying a word, I lock him with my hooded eyes and begin to unbutton the light pink shirt I’m wearing. Easton’s smirk disappears but he doesn’t move. He stands stock still watching intently as I unhook all my buttons before pulling the shirt from my body. I throw it on the floor and then start to unbutton my jeans. I see Easton’s chest rise and fall with every heavy breath he takes. He’s turned on watching me, and I’m turned on watching him watch me. As much as I want to rush this, I’m more desperate to savour every moment. The way in which he looks at me makes me feel like I’m the only woman in his eyes. Such a refreshing prospect. Liam was the same, but I was never free with him. He owned me, and that’s the difference. With Easton, I feel wild, free, and ready to take on the world. I came to him. It was my decision.
My choice to make.
I don’t stop once my jeans are discarded. I don’t wait for Easton to make his move. We still stand about five feet apart as I unhook my bra and let it fall to the floor. My knickers are the last to go and after a beat of standing there both of us completely naked, Easton makes his move closing the distance between us. His eyes are more hooded than ever as he lifts my chin up with his finger and leans down slightly to my parted lips.
“You don’t know how pleased I am to see you.”
Temporarily, I glance down to his throbbing erection. His eyes watch me as I look back up, a smirk on my face. “I think I can hazard a guess.”
His face lights up into a beautiful smile. “I missed you.”
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I say, “Understatement of the century.”
Our mouths close together in another spellbinding kiss and for hours we are locked in each other’s arms only breaking to eat and use the bathroom. For a full twelve hours all we do is make love, converse, sleep, and then make love again.
In the early hours of the next morning, I creep out of the house feeling like Juliet sneaking away from her forbidden love. And I do love him. The words haven’t been said, but I feel them nonetheless. I keep thinking the time to say it will be once we’re free—once we know we don’t have to hide what it is we feel for one another. But with every extra moment spent with Easton it gets harder and harder not to say those words.
As I walk home euphoric on our time together, a part of me can’t wait to get these last few weeks over with. In little over two months time I will have finished my exams. My coursework is practically finished and studying at full throttle. I’m ready. More ready than ever to finally have those certificates in hand. They’re owed to me. They were owed to me three years ago, but there’s only one person to blame for that.
Still high on my buzz from seeing Easton, I make my way inside the house—a huge smile on my face as I type a text to Easton telling him how much I enjoyed my time with him last night. I’m so focused on this that I fail to realise until it’s too late.
I’m being watched.
My smile drops along with my buzz and replaced is this sickening fear. I feel him before I see him. Hell, I even smell him. With my eyes still glanced down at my phone, I close my eyes for a moment. Already I feel sick. Already the hot tears are brimming.
Inhaling a deep breath, I try and calm my ever beating heart. I don’t want him to see my fear. I don’t want him to see my tears. I will all of my crippling emotions down and instead concentrate on the anger I had felt all those months ago when I had been found. The anger after learning that he had told me that my mother was dead when she never was.
I open my eyes and at the same time glance up at the man who has only brought me nightmares. He looks virtually the same. His hair a little longer, and I can tell he hasn’t shaved in a while. Despite his unkempt look his eyes sparkle when he sees me and his blue shirt is neatly pressed from the morning. He’s dressed impeccably for someone who looks like they haven’t seen a hairdresser or razor in a while.
“Hello, Ray,” he says, a sickly smile forming on his lips. The fear creeps in again, but I will it down. What can he possibly do to me? I know him now. I’m not the same naïve little girl anymore who was taken, moulded, and broken down into little pieces until there was hardly anything left which resembled the girl I once was. The woman I am today is strong, and this time, I can scream. This time, I can fight back. This time, I will not let him beat me.
“What do you want?” I ask with a snarl.
For someone who knows I won’t go easily, he’s very calm in his demeanour. He doesn’t come near me, but instead decides to pace the floor a little, running his finger
across the sofa as he takes each step.
“I think you know what it is I want.”
My body shudders at the sound of his voice. I am stronger than this. I know I am. It’s then I realise clutching onto my phone that I’m being stupid.
I pick it up, immediately dialling nine, nine, nine. “You really think I will go with you?” I ask as I put the phone to my ear and hear it ring.
“Oh, I know you will. Unless you want everyone to know about your relationship with your head teacher.”
All colour drains from my face and when it does, Liam smirks. He actually has the audacity to smirk at me.
“Nine, nine, nine, what’s your emergency?”
I stare at Liam and he’s watching me intently wondering what I’ll do next. He knows full well what I’ll do. It’s what I’ve always done when it comes to Liam.
I let him win.
I hear the lady on the other end asking the same question again, but I quickly end the call before lowering it to my side.
“Good girl,” he hums, smiling like the cat that’s got the cream.
“I hate you,” I seethe, feeling my fists clench. I’m not a violent person but right now all I want to do is cross the room and punch his lights out.
“You once hated me before, but you quickly learned to love me. Remember that, Ray? Remember all the times we spent together? I must admit I’m secretly furious about your relationship with this teacher, but I think over time I will forgive you. For now, you have a choice to make.”
I laugh at that word choice. For years I was led to believe I had choices when in fact they were all illusions.
He knows full well I don’t have a choice. I know Liam by now. I know what it is he thinks and feels, and that’s how I know what he will say next.
“And what choice might that be, I wonder,” smiling back at him sarcastically. My phone immediately starts ringing in my hand. I believe it’s the police ringing back. We both ignore it.
He’s standing as still as a statue smiling like he owns the world. “You can stay and call the police, but I will not hesitate to call the press and submit certain photographs of you and a Mr … Lockhart, I believe his name is?”
Of course he knows his name. I suspect he knows everything about us. I’m angry. So, so angry that he’s bulldozed his way back into my life and tainted the one good—one pure thing I have in my life.
“If I do that he will be ruined. Do you really want that?”
Despite not wanting him to see my pain, hot tears well in my eyes. I fist my hands together willing them not to spill over and run down my cheeks, but it’s no use. They fall down revealing my pain. Revealing to him my weakness. He knows full well I will never let anything or anyone hurt Easton. Again he’s manipulating me the best way he knows how.
“If you come with me willingly then I will let this affair you’ve been having slide.”
I want to shout at him that it’s not an affair. It’s real. Something he never knew or felt, or touched. All he knows is control, and right now he’s dangling me on his tight string, forcing me to make a decision that only he benefits from.
“What choice is it, Ray?”
The phone stops ringing, but soon starts up after a couple of seconds. Again I ignore it.
He smiles because he knows there is only one choice I can make. My anger soon turns into defeat. I had dreamed of the days where he and I would meet again and I vowed never to be weak—never to show that he has the upper hand. I had been prepared to fight—prepared to even die if that’s what it took not to let him win over me again.
But, he has me over a barrel. We both know he does. That’s why he’s still smiling whilst I’m stood here feeling like I’ve been one round in the boxing ring and have already been knocked out.
Closing my eyes, I breathe out slowly before opening them and meeting his smug gaze. My shoulders sag in defeat when I say, “Give me a couple of minutes to pack my things.”
“Good girl,” he says condescendingly. It makes me scowl at him, but all he does is keep that winning smug smile of his plastered on his face.
It’s then I realise I’m seeing Liam for who he truly is. For years he wore the mask of a good guy when all the while he was hiding a devil underneath.
Despite not wanting to go near him he’s blocking my path to my room. I walk cautiously and almost breathe a sigh of relief when he lets me pass without so much as standing in my way. That is until I feel his hand clasp around my arm.
“You won’t be needing this anymore,” he whispers into my ear as his other hand pries my now silent phone from my grip. I close my eyes as he takes it from me and I feel when he inhales my scent before nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck. “Fuck, I’ve missed you, Ray.”
Nausea erupts in my stomach. I don’t want him touching me. With what strength I have left, I yank my arm from his grip, gritting my teeth as I say, “I will go with you, but in no way does that imply we can pick up from where we left. I’m a completely different person now to who I was back then.”
He allows me my space, but the smirk comes rising back on his face. “I think you also know that I am a very patient man, Ray. I patiently waited while you learned to love me. I’m sure that time will come again.” A shudder I don’t want rushes through me as he points to my bedroom door. “Now hurry along, Ray. We don’t have much time.”
With a snarl, I snap my head away from him and head for my bedroom. It’s only when I reach there, grabbing a backpack that I allow the tears to temporarily fall down my cheeks. Quickly, I pack a few things before leaving a piece of paper on the floor by my bed. When I get to the doorway, Liam is there blocking my way out. He looks over my shoulder into my room—probably making sure I haven’t left any notes or cries for help. Once he’s satisfied, he lets me pass.
“All that’s left to do is write a note to your mum. We don’t want her to worry now, do we?”
I start to laugh. “You seriously think that no matter what I write she won’t worry about me?”
Ignoring me, he shoves a pen in my face and a notepad. “Tell her you feel suffocated because of the exams and that you need some time out. Tell her,” he says, closing the distance with a smirk on his face, “that your precious teacher has been harassing you and you need to escape for a while.”
“I can’t say that!” I snap. “It’s all lies,” I growl, getting up in his face.
Casually, he pulls a phone out from his pocket and lights it up. Once he’s satisfied he’s got what he wants, he turns the phone around and shows me what’s on the screen. I swallow hard as I stare at the photograph. It’s of me and Easton together holding hands as we walk up the stairs to the art gallery a few weeks back. One by one, Liam flips the photographs each one more incriminating than the last. Easton and I embracing, Easton and I feeding each other ice cream, Easton and I kissing. Liam’s right when he says how patient he is. He’s been biding his time, collecting evidence because he knew the time would come where it would end like this.
Knowing he doesn’t need to say anything else, he offers me the pen, and I wordlessly snatch it from his hand. I grab the pad next and write down all of the words he wants me to say and I don’t mean as quickly as I can.
Once that’s done, Liam gestures for me to leave and begrudgingly put one foot in front of the other. I feel lost as the door to my sanctuary closes behind me. I feel pain in my heart with every step we take down the stairs towards Liam’s car.
As we drive away from the place I once called home, I think about all the time and effort I had poured into working so that I could get those exams that not once, but twice have been stripped of me. My heart sinks at the prospect. For the first time in a long time, I feel lost. I feel that cage slowly closing in on me, suffocating me until I can’t breathe anymore. All my hopes gone, my dreams dashed. I now have to accept the fact I am to live the life of a prisoner once more.
I just hope Easton can forgive me.
Gone
Easton
/> When I wake up the next morning to find her gone, I realise my heart can’t take much more. Although I could just easily wait—and then we could be together—what I can’t abide is the fact that she’s being treated like my dirty little secret. Anyone who didn’t know us would jump to the same conclusion. They will all believe I am a dirty pervert and that she’s either been bewitched by me or is choosing to act inappropriately with a blatant disregard for decency. I’ve never once thought of her as anything other than the brave, beautiful soul that she is, and knowing what people will think of her in all this is what makes me act.
I don’t want to spend another day worrying like this. I can’t wake up again to find she’s snuck out so that we won’t be caught.
I’m done.
That’s why I’ve just made a phone call to someone I know in the Department of Education, expressing my wish to hand in my notice. I won’t be able to leave until Easter, but luckily, that’s only two weeks away. I just need to bide my time until then. I’ll stay until Sasha completes her exams, and then we’ll see. I don’t know what the future will hold, but whatever shape my future takes, I want it to involve Sasha. Maybe I’ll get another job close by, or maybe I can even convince her to move to Edinburgh with me, and I can teach there. What I can’t do any more is work in the school where the person I’ve fallen in love with is a student. If we’re caught, it will tear us both apart.
After the long phone call where my friend tried to convince me to continue teaching at the girls’ school, I immediately sit back in my chair and let out the deepest sigh on earth. I wait for the regret to come, but all I feel is relief.
Not wanting to wait another moment, I dial Sasha’s number to tell her, but there’s no answer. I leave a message on her voicemail and then decide to send a message as a back-up plan just in case she misses the voice message. After that I take a long, hot shower, make myself some very late breakfast and sit watching TV for a good two hours. Every now and then I’d pick up my phone wondering why she hadn’t texted or called. This was so unlike Sasha. She would always answer. Sometimes it was straight away, and sometimes an hour later, but she would always answer. I check the time. It’s been almost five hours and nothing.