“How?” he asks.
“I have seen what’s on the USB.”
His eyes widen. “Meadow, I can’t stress enough how much that information would change this.”
“I can only tell you what I remember,” I point out. “But I remember some locations.”
He nods, and pulls out a pen and paper. “Give me what you can.”
I give him every single thing I remember seeing on that USB. When we’re done, he assures me that he’ll do everything he can to get me the answer I deserve. He knows I need to know. I need closure one way or another. I need to know, more than anything in the world, if Axel is dead or alive.
I need to know if I’ve lost him forever.
TWO MONTHS LATER
MEADOW
Living without you, is like living with no heart, how will I ever know where to start?
Time doesn’t heal wounds. It simply numbs them. In the months that have passed since Axel’s disappearance, nothing has changed. I still wake each morning with a hole in my heart, a hole that can’t be filled. I walk through my day not feeling, not really seeing—just doing. Then, when night falls, I slide into my bed, and cry myself into a fitful sleep. Nothing will ever feel okay until I know he’s okay.
At least until my baby is born.
Staring down at my small, rounded tummy, I know that this baby was sent to me for a reason. I have to believe that. It’s the only thing that keeps me going. I’m just about four months pregnant. I didn’t even know I was, until my stomach started rounding. Then I realized I hadn’t had a period since before I’d been with Axel. The news hit me hard, like a hurricane. I refused to accept it for two weeks, but Colt dragged me to the hospital, and made me get a scan.
Then I saw her.
Okay, I don’t really know if it’s a her, but to me...that’s what she is.
Everything changed for me when I laid eyes on that tiny beating heart. She is the only part of Axel I have right now, and I’m not going to give up on her. It doesn’t take the pain away, though. Each day is still a mission to get through.
I live with Lady now. She’s the only person who I trust enough to take care of us. The guys visit me every day. They’ve claimed me as a part of their club, even though Axel never patched me in.
They’re my rocks.
Not a day goes by that they don’t fight. They’ve been searching for Beast for months now. Raide hasn’t stopped; he’s had his team on it, wanting closure for all of us. If he’s gotten any leads, he hasn’t let me know about it. He won’t give me false hope unless he knows something for sure. I know they all won’t stop until they find Beast, and when they do, they’ll make him wish he were never born.
I don’t blame them for that.
“Meadow? You in here?”
I lift my eyes to see Colt walking into Lady’s living room. I’m sitting, staring out the window with my hands on my belly, like I do most days. I give him what used to be a smile, and he takes a seat beside me, his gaze searching my face.
“It’s been so hard around the club lately, so we thought tonight, we’d do a cook-out. We’re just tryin’ to piece together what was broken. I want you to come.”
I shake my head. “No thank you.”
He reaches out, taking my hand. “You know I’m not going to force you, Meadow, but I need you to try for me. You have to try. You can’t live your life sitting here.”
My eyes grow hard. I can feel them. “What will you have me do, Colt? Pretend like he’s not trapped and probably being tortured? Pretend like his baby isn’t growing in my belly?”
His eyes fill with guilt. “Shit, no, of course not. I just...I’m just trying to help.”
I squeeze his hand weakly. “And you know I am grateful for it, but I’m not ready to face the club. I can’t...I can’t go there if he’s not there. Not right now. I’m barely holding it together. I’m sorry, Colt.”
“I get it,” he says, leaning back in the chair. “Every day I walk in there. Feels like my heart’s being ripped out.”
My eyes burn with unshed tears. “It doesn’t get easier,” I say, in a weak voice.
“No, it doesn’t.”
I lean into him, and he wraps an arm around me. The other hand rests on my tiny baby bump. “How’s this one going?”
Colt has been super-supportive of me since the day I found out I was pregnant. He dragged me to the doctors, got me my prenatal vitamins, and made sure I had everything I needed. Without him, I would have crumbled.
“She’s okay. I think I felt her move the other day, but I can’t be sure.”
He smiles, but his eyes are sad. “I’m glad. I have to get going, I just wanted to check in on you while I was going past. Are you okay? Do you have everything you need?”
“I do,” I say in a weak, strained voice.
He nods at me, flashes me a sorry smile, and then leaves. I’m used to it. I know I’m not easy for them to deal with. They never know what to say, or how to act around me, and I can’t blame them. This is the easier way.
For everyone.
~*~*~*~
I lift the washing basket, and walk out the front door. A light drizzle of rain has begun to fall. I walk down the front steps, holding the overly full basket, and heading out to the back washing house where there’s an indoor clothesline. My hair sticks to my face in seconds, and my entire body breaks out in a shiver.
It takes me a moment to realize that shiver is a feeling of unease. I glance around, unable to see anything through the mist.
Is someone here?
My heart begins to speed up, and I back up toward the house. That’s when I hear the sounds of boots crunching. Oh, no. Has Beast come back for me? Fear pulsates through me as I turn, and head back toward the stairs, rushing as fast as I can. When I reach the bottom step, I hear the broken, crackled voice. “Stop.”
It can’t be.
My entire body stops working, and slowly, I turn, feeling my knees already beginning to wobble. Out of the mist steps a dark figure. As he nears closer, his features become clearer. Aqua eyes are all I see before my knees give way, and I go down with the washing basket. A ragged cry leaves my throat as reality hits me hard, and for a moment, I wonder if I’m hallucinating.
It’s Axel.
I feel arms wrap around me, and a hand takes my chin, tilting my head up. I can’t see him through the rain and the tears, but I can smell him. Only one man smells that way. In a pitiful voice, I cry out his name, and press my hands against his chest. I’m sure this isn’t real. I feel a steady, pounding heart beneath his shirt. I also feel that he’s lost a lot of weight. Slowly we begin moving up, until we’re on our feet. I blink rapidly, needing to make sure this is real.
Then I see his face, and a strangled cry wrenches from my throat. It’s him. It’s really him. He’s here, standing in front of me. His face is slightly sunken, and he’s got fading bruises, but there’s no missing those eyes. I lift a trembling hand, and I stroke his heavily stubbled cheek. He closes his eyes, and his hand goes up, covering mine.
“It...you’re...you’re...I didn’t know if you were dead, or alive, I...” I rasp.
“I’m here, I’m here,” he murmurs, his voice crackly.
“B-b-b-but...”
My voice breaks, and I begin to sob again. Axel’s hands slide down over me, as if he’s checking I’m all there. When his hands slide over my belly, he stops moving. His eyes lift up to mine, and in them I see a question. I nod weakly, trying to smile between sobs. He drops to his knees, suddenly, heavily. I hear him thump onto the ground before his hands cup my belly, and he presses his face against it.
This only makes me cry harder.
I tangle my fingers into his hair, feeling his body shaking with emotion. Then he wraps his arms around me, and I take his head in my hands, holding him with everything I am. He slowly slides up my body, and envelopes me in a hug so tight, and so warm that it takes my breath away. I cling to him, never wanting to let him go, but not understanding if
this is real or if I’ve completely lost my mind.
“Are you real?” I whisper.
“I’m real. I’m here.”
He slowly pulls away from me, and takes my hand, leading me up the front stairs and inside the house. The minute we get into the light, I see him. Really see him. His clothes are hanging on his frame, and his skin is pale. He has bruises up his arms, and dark, angry red scars around his wrists. His eyes have fading bruises, and his lip has been split a lot, because a jagged scar runs down the bottom left corner. His cheeks are sunken, and his eyes are dull. But it’s him.
He steps forward, and swipes a tear from underneath my eye as I sob wildly. I clutch his hands, and meet his eyes. “What happened?”
He takes me over to the couch, and pulls us both down. Then he wraps me in another hug, squeezing me until I can’t breathe. His hands are on my belly again, his fingers lightly grazing the bulge. “How far?” he croaks.
“I’m nearly four months.”
His eyes show a sparkle of light when he looks back up at me. I reach across, touching his sunken cheeks that are covered in rubble. “I was starting to think you were dead, but I didn’t want to give up,” I whisper.
“I know, baby,” he says, looking away.
“He sent me a photo, and...”
“I know,” he grinds out, cutting me off. “I know what he did. I heard you scream on the phone...”
“H-h-h-how? Oh God, Axel. We left you there...we...we thought...”
He presses a finger to my lips. “Hush, you didn’t leave me. I know the guys didn’t stop looking for me. I know you didn’t stop looking for me.”
“But we didn’t find you.”
He shakes his head. “I’m here now. The rest doesn’t matter.”
“How did you get out?”
He tucks me into his arm, and then begins speaking in a low, heavy voice. “Raide got me. He found out my location, and he took most of the club down, killing a majority of them. The rest he took into custody. He didn’t plan on killing them, but when he found my location, he made sure he had full re-enforcement. He knew Beast would come out, guns ready, and he did. He shot at them the minute they arrived, but Raide was prepared. He pulled me out.”
Raide saved him. My heart swells.
“W-w-what did Beast do to you, Axel?”
He looks me in the eye. “Nothing he didn’t do before. Only this time there were no girls, just beatings. He could have killed me when he told you I was dead, but he enjoyed watching me suffer and starve. I’m only sorry I didn’t pull the trigger that exploded his brains.”
I take his hand, squeezing it. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t you say sorry to me, Cricket,” he says into my hair. “Never say sorry.”
“The photo?” I croak.
“He shot me twice, and just as I threw my head back and opened my mouth to wail in pain, he took the photo. He was going to send it as a torture picture, to make sure you all gave him the USB, only he found out I had it on me, and decided the photo would work to prove I was dead. It was a freak shot; he got lucky.”
It was a freak photo? My mind spins, and I shake my head over and over. Axel shifts in the chair, and leans down, cupping my face.
“The only thing I saw in that place was you, Cricket. You saved me; you kept me fighting. I realized what a complete fuck-head I’ve been, when faced with the reality that I might never see you again. I don’t care what happens from now. I want you, and I’ll make you mine. I’ll cherish the fucking ground you walk on. I love you, Meadow. I should have told you sooner.”
I feel tears tumble down my cheeks again. “I love you too,” I croak.
“Then marry me, don’t waste another moment away from me.”
I nod, cupping his face, and pressing my lips gently to his. He kisses me softly, before pulling back and looking into my eyes.
“You saved me. You gave me hope when I had none left. You’re the reason I kept breathing, Cricket. The reason I kept fighting instead of giving up. I won’t live another moment of my life without you by my side. From this moment on, I claim you. I swear to everything I have inside that I’ll take care of you, and our baby. I’ll love you until the day I’m a bunch of ashes in the ground.”
I smile, and make a loud hiccupping sound. “Don’t you worry about that, biker,” I laugh and choke at the same time. “I’m never letting you go again.”
A small, weak smile plays across his lips. “If you ever run from me,” he murmurs, leaning down to my ear. “I’ll chase you, and I’ll always find you. You belong to me now.”
My smile gets bigger, and my eyes twinkle. “Damn right I do.”
EPILOGUE
COBRA
There’s no room for two.
Her eyes meet mine from across the room, and a wobbly smile spreads across her lips. I return it, only mine is harder, far more gruff. We lock gazes, and she knows as well as I do that there’s something here. Since the moment she walked into the club, all broken and fragile, she called to me. The minute I saw those feral yellow eyes, and she clutched my hand in fear when I took her to her room, I knew she was mine.
Even if that was wrong.
Then Jax came into the picture. Seems he felt the same pull. Now she looks at us both with confusion, and deep lust. Her eyes travel longingly over my body, but they light up when he walks in the room. We’re the yin and yang, the complete opposite to each other. He’s the good, I’m the bad, but she’s the line in the middle. She wants a little something of both, and I can already see how this situation will end.
Badly.
I get out of my chair anyway, walking toward her. The minute I stop in front of her, I see the flush fill her cheeks. She pulls that plump little bottom lip between her teeth, and those cat’s eyes lock on mine. I give her a lazy half-grin, and her flush deepens. “Hi, Cobra,” she murmurs, looking at the tattoo on my neck. Now, her cheeks are flaming red.
“How you doin’, darlin’?”
“I’m doing real well,” she says, meeting my gaze.
“You bein’ treated well?”
She nods, quickly. “Always.”
I nod, letting my gaze slide over her long, slender body. “Seems you’re gettin’ comfortable in my club?”
She darts her eyes around, like I’ve just insulted her. “I’m sorry...I...”
I lean in closer. “I never said it was a bad thing.”
She trembles, and lifts her face so we’re nearly nose-to-nose. “You don’t mind me being here?”
“Makes my fuckin’ day.”
She swallows, and her eyes drop onto my lips. Fuck, I want to lean down and claim those lips, kissing her until she moans my name.
“Ivy?”
She flinches at the sound of her name, and I grumble low in my chest, lifting myself up straight to see Jax walking in. Ivy smiles, her eyes lighting up when she sets her gaze on him.
“Jax,” she breathes.
He grins, stopping beside her. He flashes me a warning expression, an expression that says she’s mine. We’ll fuckin’ see about that. I take a step back, watching him help her off the stool.
“You ready?”
“Where you goin’?” I snap.
Ivy looks up at me, and a flash of guilt crosses her pretty features. “We’re just going for a ride,” she says.
I nod, because there’s nothing else I can do. I’m not going to make a song and fucking dance in the middle of the club. Jax gives me one more hard glare before taking Ivy’s hand, and leading her out the door.
Fuck; just fuck.
I want her, he wants her, but the cold hard truth is...
Only one of us can win.
Bella Jewel, Angels In Leather
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