Jonathon paused, but Deborah materialised by his side.
‘Oh, you’re off?’ Ben asked.
‘Yeah.’
‘OK, have a nice time.’
Deborah led the way out and Jonathon cast his friend such an anxious glance that Ben gestured with his hands … Go on, get on with it, go on, it’s all right. Jonathon paused a moment longer to look back inside. It was hot and dark and bright. He could have gone staggering from girl to girl in a fever if only …
‘Would you rather stay?’
‘No, no, of course not.’
They stepped out together and disappeared into the darkness. Ben turned back into the building and cautiously picked his way towards the dance floor. He’d have liked to get a few dances in, but there was no chance of that. Miss was hanging about the edges with her radar turned up full, keeping an eye on him.
Deborah and Jonathon walked out of the school towards the rhododendron drive, with nothing to say. It was awful. Jonathon tried to rattle on about school, or friends, but it all fell dead between them. At last she turned round and asked him if he’d made up his mind yet.
‘Nearly,’ he said.
Deborah looked sadly at him. ‘You’re taking too long,’ she said.
‘I know, I know, I know.’
‘I’d rather be just friends than this. If you don’t want to just say so.’
‘Yes, I know.’
‘So what’s the problem?’
In order to stop her talking as much as anything else, Jonathon kissed her. Deborah kissed him back, pushing herself into him. Mr Knobby rose up at once.
‘He seems to like me,’ she said.
‘Oh, Mr Knobby says yes, all right.’
They walked on a bit further, until they came to another little nest hidden away amongst the bushes. Jonathon guided her into it, pushed her gently up against a tree trunk and kissed her again, leaning into her. Once again, a flood of hormones rushed through him. It was like being hit on the back of the head with a frying pan. He stood back and looked at the ground.
‘It’s damp,’ he said regretfully.
Deborah took off her little jacket and laid it down.
‘We should use mine,’ began Jonathon.
‘I don’t mind.’ She took his hands and together they sat down on the coat and began to kiss again. Jonathon untucked her clothes. He fumbled with one hand at her bra strap, and she sat up and did it for him. Then, with a sigh, the two lovers lay down, half curled up on Deborah’s jacket and kissed deeply.
‘You’re beautiful,’ he whispered.
‘In the dark.’
‘My hands think you’re beautiful,’ he told her.
‘That’s a lovely thing to say,’ she said. A little later she took his hand and pushed it down her tights.
‘See if I’m beautiful down there too,’ she whispered.
She was.
‘Do you?’ asked Jonathon.
‘With you I do – but not here.’
‘No, not here.’
‘Somewhere comfortable … You still haven’t told me your answer.’
‘I think it must be yes, mustn’t it?’ Jonathon said. They kissed, slowly and luxuriously and there in the darkness, Jonathon felt himself relax.
‘You sure?’ she whispered.
‘Yeah.’
‘Sure sure?’
‘Sure sure sure.’
‘It took you a long time to make up your mind.’
‘I just … I don’t know if I want a girlfriend. Except now I’ve got one, I’m glad it’s you.’
They kissed again. He tried to rush with his tongue, but she held his face and brushed her lips against his very slowly. ‘When, then?’ he croaked.
‘Slow down, tiger,’ she laughed. ‘Somewhere soon. We’ll see.’
‘Kiss me again like that,’ he begged.
‘Like what?’
‘Like this. Slow …’
It was so lovely, Jonathon would have liked that moment to last for ever, but they heard voices approaching and they froze, clinging together in the darkness.
‘Oh, come on,’ said a boy.
‘I said no,’ said a girl.
Inside their leafy cover, Debs and Jon looked at each other and smiled conspiratorially. It was Dino and Jackie.
‘Why not?’
‘Dino! I thought we’d put a stop to this.’
‘That was shagging, I’m not talking about shagging. I want to …’
‘We’re not going to do that tonight.’
Dino laughed. Jackie was being crisp, but it wasn’t clear whether he was teasing her or pushing her. Both probably.
‘Come on, don’t you want it?’
‘I said no.’
‘What about a bit of finger?’
‘Don’t be crude.’
‘You like it normally.’
‘I didn’t say I didn’t like it, I said I don’t want to do it tonight.’
‘Go on. Come here …’
There was a pause while Dino presumably kissed her. Then a bit more noise.
‘I said, No.’
‘Go on. Feel yer tits.’
‘No.’
‘Bit of finger.’
‘No!’
‘Just one.’
‘No!’ Jackie laughed at him. ‘You dope.’
‘Feel that,’ said Dino. They could only guess in the dark. Jackie giggled at him.
‘That’s enough of that. Walk me up the lane and back. Just be together.’
The couple walked on. Jon and Deborah listened to the voices and footsteps disappearing and then began to kiss again. But Deborah was getting uncomfortable. They’d found a boggy bit.
‘I’m getting damp,’ she said. They got up. She dusted down her skirt and pulled on her jacket while Jonathon watched sadly.
‘That was so nice. Can we do it again?’ he asked.
‘I’m a bit damp.’
‘We can use my top this time.’
Deborah smiled. ‘All right. Since we’re going out together.’ He took off his top, laid it down for her in an exaggerated gesture. She lay down and he snuggled in beside her and eased himself half on her.
‘Is that all right?’
‘You’re crushing me,’ she giggled.
He moved a bit. ‘Like that?’
‘That’s lovely.’
‘Undo your bra like you did last time,’ he begged.
‘Like this.’
‘Like that. And that other button …’
‘That one?’
‘Lovely. Lovely. Lovely.’
24
cool or what?
That weekend, Dino had his first date with Zoë. He was apprehensive about it – he hadn’t said a word about her to anyone and he was worried about being seen. This two-timing business took a lot of nervous energy. He was looking forward to shagging her, of course, but in the end it didn’t happen. Oddly, he wasn’t sorry at all.
Zoë took what she wanted without a care what anyone else thought of it, but she had her pride. Dino had a few things to prove before she’d condescend to use him again. They met in town and Dino suggested a walk down the river. They walked hand in hand and kissed under Caversham Bridge. Dino’s blood fizzed like champagne.
‘Let’s go somewhere. Let’s do it,’ he said.
‘I don’t think so,’ she told him. ‘Things went a bit too fast last time.’ Dino grinned at her. She let him put his hand briefly up her top, but not down her jeans. At one point she almost gave in and let him fumble open the button, but then she took his hand away and got a little cross. Dino smiled happily. He was enjoying himself. He could wait – a bit.
‘You’re too much,’ he growled in her ear. ‘You don’t know what you do to me!’ Zoë hung around his neck and looked up at him blankly. Without even meaning to, he’d made her melt. She wasn’t used to melting. If he’d put his hand down her jeans now, she wouldn’t have stopped him.
They walked along the river and then back into town, where he bought her coffee and a pas
try. He was sweating in his big coat. She teased him about his dress sense, without realising he’d only worn it so she had something to lie down on. All in all they had a really nice afternoon. He left her at the bus station with a kiss and went back for a date with Jackie after tea.
Two girlfriends. Was that cool or what? The way things turned out for him! It was like magic. He didn’t have to think about it. He didn’t even have to do anything. He just sort of hung out and it all fell into place. Which was, he supposed, the very essence of cool.
I ought to trust myself more, realised Dino.
Not only had he someone to shag, but he had taken the pressure off Jackie. She was going through a difficult patch for some reason and this gave him the opportunity to be understanding, to stand back a bit until she got herself together and at the same time give Zoë a taste of better things.
That last bit made him blush a little, but face it – it was true. You had to have the courage of your convictions. He was It. If there was a higher number than One, it’d be called Dino. Zoë was OK, but normally he’d be out of her class.
Even when he ballsed it up he got it right. Look for example at that business with his mum. At the time, blabbing in front of his dad had felt like a bad mistake, but now look. Result! The affair was out in the open. They were going to work it out. His mother had said so. The marriage was saved – thanks to him.
Even as Dino lay in bed that Sunday evening, congratulating himself on how he had saved his parents’ marriage, they were downstairs doing a few sums. Things weren’t as bad as Kath at first thought. There wasn’t a lot of money but with some careful budgeting, renting a small flat was not impossible.
Kath smiled at the thought; Mike watched her coldly.
‘Or we could work it out,’ he said.
‘Things have gone too far for that,’ she said emphatically. ‘It won’t be so bad.’
‘Don’t tell me how bad it’s not going to be,’ snapped Mike. ‘Bad for who? The one who stays here or the one who has to go and get the poky little flat and access every other weekend?’
‘You agreed, Mat is too small, I have to stay with him.
Mike looked away. ‘It’ll take a few months to sort out,’ he said.
‘A few months? We could do this in weeks.’
Mike paused. ‘I haven’t agreed yet.’
‘Yes, you bloody have, don’t back out now!’
He glared at her. ‘It’s all right for you. What are you giving up? Your home? No. And don’t say your marriage because you haven’t wanted that for years.’
‘And you have.’
‘Yes, actually, I have.’
Kath looked at him. He’d had affairs in the past, one that she knew of, anyway. ‘I wouldn’t have guessed,’ she said.
He pulled a face. ‘What do you think love is, anyway, some sort of joint bank account? We all do stupid and selfish things over the years, me as well as you. People get through it.’
But she was determined. ‘Well, we haven’t.’
‘It’s not the only way. We could try to work it out.’
‘No, Mike.’
‘And there’s the kids.’
‘We can make it OK for them. It’s better than the alternative.’
‘Which is?’
‘Living with parents who don’t love one another,’ said Kath, staring firmly into his eyes and uttering the magic mantra that all separating parents depend on.
‘But I still love you.’
‘But I don’t love you. Sorry.’
He looked away, hurting. ‘They’ve done pretty well out of it so far, despite the fact that you apparently haven’t loved me for years, so please don’t fool yourself into thinking this is for them. It’s for you – just for you, Kath, and no one else.’
They both looked up to where, like bombs in their parents’ hearts, Dino and Mat lay upstairs.
Dino was equally wrong with his assessment of how things were going with Jackie. Taking the pressure off? He was going on about it all the time. Of course, he didn’t see it like that. He was just teasing her. Making light of it, really. He was barely able to let half an hour go by without some reference to how good he was being. There were endless little jokes about did she want a bit of dicky, or a few fingers, or how frigid she was, what a treat she had in store and so on. It was driving Jackie mad.
As for Zoë/Siobhan, Dino had no idea. Zoë was a beast with a very short attention span and he was safe only for as long as he could keep her amused, which was unlikely to be much longer than a few weeks. If he could hang on, she might just lose interest and simply allow him to drop off the edge of her attention. But one step wrong, and she’d pounce.
That weekend, Zoë had seen Dino at his best. For a few hours she’d been the centre of his universe. Whether it was because he wanted to shag her or hold her hand or make her laugh or stop her being cross with him, he hadn’t thought about anyone or anything else all afternoon. He made her feel that he needed her. After the party he was some bloke who’d screwed her; that afternoon, she felt that she meant something to him. She was hooked. She was thinking, I was right. He really is a nice guy – and he adores me. Maybe I could actually go out with this one, who knows?
Zoë played it cool. She didn’t rush things. She’d have liked to have rung him during the week but she didn’t want to seem too eager, so she waited until the weekend as they’d agreed. It was a warm day in May. Dino didn’t want to go into town so she suggested a picnic up the river. It was a very un-Zoë-like activity, but she looked forward to it. She even cut some sandwiches and bought some Scotch eggs – he’d said he liked Scotch eggs – and a bottle of stolen wine to drink. They had a brilliant time. He didn’t take his eyes off her all day. They walked along the river holding hands in the sunshine and found a quiet spot to go swimming in. They stripped to their underwear. It was freezing. The sun went in as soon as they got out and they had to run around to warm up and dry off. After, they hid themselves down in the grass, their underwear still damp. The sun came back out and he pulled her damp bra up around her neck and her damp knickers halfway down her thighs, and she had him in her hand until he spurted all over her hip. They giggled and wiped her clean with dock leaves, and Dino looked so sad when it was time to go home.
There was another date during the week, at the cinema. They hardly saw any of the film. By the weekend, Zoë had forgotten completely about the blackmail any more. She was proud of herself. She’d held him at bay for three weeks even though she’d been practically barking for it. She’d also kept to a policy of two years’ standing and not given him her address and telephone number and real name; but that weekend, if things went according to plan, she was going to bring him back to her place while her parents were out and make love to him on the settee in the sitting room.
And so it might have been if her friend Sam hadn’t got her claws in. Zoë hadn’t said a word to her or anyone else about the blackmail – that just wasn’t the sort of thing that happened to her – but of course, her friend knew all about Dino. It had been one of Sam’s other friends who had taken them to Dino’s party in the first place. This friend knew about Jackie. It had to come.
‘The bastard’s two-timing you,’ said Sam at school one morning.
‘What do you mean?’
‘She was at the party. He’s been going out with her for ages. They keep getting together and splitting up.’
‘Are you sure? Are they together now?’
‘Yes. And they were together at the party. Apparently they almost split up after it, and you know why? Because she won’t sleep with him. She keeps holding it out and holding it out, but never will do it.’
‘How do you know all this?’
Sam explained her information route. It was impeccable.
‘You can find out if you don’t believe me. Give this Jackie a ring. I have her number right here.’
Zoë shook her head. Sam was certainly right, but she might have been a little gentler had she realised that Zoë
was smitten.
‘See what’s going on? He’s got a girlfriend, she won’t sleep with him but you will. He’s using you.’
Zoë turned pale around the throat.
‘Are you going to chuck him?’
‘Chuck him?’ said Zoë. ‘I’m going to fucking destroy him.’
25
ben
It’s all getting a bit much. A lot much, actually. In fact, it was a bit much right from the start when I think about it, although that was half the fun of it, I suppose. But the final thing, where I thought, This is getting out of hand, came last Tuesday morning when I came down to breakfast and Dad was sitting at the table with a letter in his hand.
‘What’s all this?’ he said waving the letter at me. ‘Maths,’ he said.
‘What about Maths?’
He handed the letter over. It was from my maths teacher, Mr McGrath. Apparently I’d been falling behind. He was concerned. He suggested that I should stay in after school on Thursday to do extra maths and catch up in the areas I seemed to be having trouble with.
Since when have I been behind in maths? No one had said anything to me about it. But it was right. School notepaper, everything.
‘But he got an A for his GCSE,’ pointed out my mother. ‘How come you got so far behind?’
‘Mr McGrath didn’t say anything about this to me.’
And then it clicked.
‘This is …’ I began; and then I stopped. What could I say? That it was a forgery?
‘Ah … It’s probably a mistake. Actually, I know what it is, it’s a circular. The class in general has been falling behind, he wants us all to stay back. You know how they get …’ I shrugged. ‘League tables.’
‘Wood End is very good on maths,’ said Dad.
‘Yeah, and they want to stay there. I’ll talk to him about it. He may not mean me.’ It was so stupid. Why pick maths, she knows I’m strong on maths. That’s why I’m doing A-level, for God’s sake.
I collared her in the corridor at lunch time.
‘Maths tuition,’ I said.
‘Clever, eh?’ she chortled. ‘I’d love to have seen your face!’
‘What if they checked up?’
‘I’m sure you’re equal to that, Ben, you’re a born liar.’ She raised her eyebrows and smiled. ‘See you then, sweetie.’ And she was off before I could say another word.