I dropped my purse on the couch and kicked off my flats. My legs ached from running around the hospital all day, meeting patients being discharged and organizing home care. It wasn’t that it was hard work or that I hated it. I just wasn’t into the hospital life anymore, for it was tedious and almost thankless with long hours. It was time for something more, something bigger and better. Well, maybe not bigger or better, but definitely different.
The cushions felt heavenly as I sank back, letting them engulf me as I closed my eyes. What else would I do? Where would I go if I left my job? I had some savings that could be used to do what I liked for over a year, but it was risky. What if, at the end of the year, I wasn’t anywhere close to being where I needed to be? It was paralyzing, and I could see how easy it was for people to continue on in their dull, pointless jobs without ever fulfilling any dreams they might’ve had. Fear was an obnoxious thing which sucked the living breath out of your dreams.
What Sasha had said about not realizing my dreams and aspirations had struck a chord. I needed to get moving before time slipped away again. I had to figure out how to get what I really wanted before it was too late. After this was all over with Sasha, that would be my goal. The faster it was all over, the faster I could move on with my life.
But something told me my plans would never go the way I wanted. Be careful what you wish for, I thought, sighing.
Chapter Twelve
Piper
“HEY, CAM! CAN I call you that?” I kneeled before Cameron, hoping I hadn’t already offended him in record time. “I won’t call you Cam if you hate it.”
“That’s okay. That’s what Daddy calls me.” He flashed a bright smile and immediately ran inside my apartment.
“Well, guess he’s not that nervous about hanging out with you today.” Sasha held out a small Elmo backpack. Taking it, I lifted an eyebrow, hoping what was inside wasn’t anything I had to physically wrestle with. “Just a change of clothes and undies, just in case. Oh, and his favorite movies, Toy Story 1, 2, and 3. If you put them on an endless cycle, you’ll be right as rain all day!” He chuckled, looking nervous as his feet shuffled back and forth. “Cam, don’t break anything!”
I placed a hand on his chest, which made him stop moving as he peered back toward me. “It’s going to be just fine, believe me. I’m more nervous than you are, but I got this.” I winked and watched him visibly relax. “How hard can a five-year-old be? It’s not like he’s a baby in diapers.” I wrinkled my nose at the thought. “Thank goodness.”
He chuckled nervously. “Right. He can be hyperactive sometimes.”
“You don’t believe in that ADHD crap, do you?”
He scratched his head, shaking it and smiling. “No, I just try to be consistent with him. It’s a big change. He’s had the same sitter for two years. I’ll be looking for a new one soon, though. She’s heading off to finish her MBA out of state.”
“Oh, that sucks. Well, not for her, but for you, I mean.” I wanted to slap my forehead at how dumb I sounded. “I hope the search goes well.”
“Me, too.” His eyes were already scanning behind my shoulder, looking scared as he observed and listened for any damage.
“Okay, off to work for you.” I grinned and slowly started to shut the door to get the message across.
“Wait! If you need anything, anything at all, call my cell. I’ll answer right away.”
“Sure thing, Sasha.” I winked and closed the door, locking the deadbolt before he could change his mind. Boy, was he a Nervous Nancy. Seemed he was more scared of dropping his kid off with a stranger than Cam was of being left there. The thought made me wrinkle my nose; I wasn’t a stranger, was I? I guess, in a way, I was. But less so than a complete stranger, right?
Hearing Sasha hesitate on the other side of the door before his footsteps finally echoed down the stairwell, I leaned on the doorway, smiling widely and feeling happy that I had put him in his place. Now for the fun to start.
“Cam, honey. Are you hungry? What do you want to do first?”
The boy was jumping on my couch. It took all my strength to not gasp and throw an epic, raging scream at him. Okay. Now I knew why Sasha was just a bit nervous. I stood there, not believing my eyes, but took a deep breath in before I lost my top.
“Cam?”
“I want ice cream.”
“Okay, but boys who jump on furniture aren’t supposed to have ice cream, God says.” I crossed my arms and drilled my eyes into his little blue ones. He stopped hopping and took in my unrelenting stare. It must’ve worked because he slipped down and seated himself properly. I brought his Elmo backpack, propping it on his end of the couch before sitting down next to him.
“So like I was saying, what shall we do first? Are you hungry?”
He shook his head, looking like he wanted to cry. “I just ate at Mick D’s with Daddy.” No wonder he smelled like French fries. Nice.
“Okay, then let’s get some ice cream! I’m in the mood for some myself. What do you say?”
His wet eyes brightened, and he hopped up onto the floor and clapped his hands. “Yippeee!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his contagious energy, so I grabbed my flip flops and pulled my hair into a pony tail. If I’d had a quarter of his energy, I’d be Wonder Woman.
It was my weekend, and I didn’t want to hang at home all day, even if I had to be a babysitter. “Okay. Let’s go then, the park has a nice little ice cream stand we can hit up, but you have to promise to stay near me. I’m the one with the money to get the ice cream. Got it?” He nodded again and held out his hand. I stared down at his fat little fingers and slipped mine through them. It was warm and clammy but nice. God sure knew what he was doing when he made kids cute, that’s all I’m saying. Otherwise, I’m sure half of them wouldn’t have made it past their first birthdays. Darn it if I wasn’t a sucker for little kids.
We went out and walked down two blocks from my apartment to the nearest park. It wasn’t huge, but there were tons of people there already. Luckily, it wasn’t yet boiling hot, being just eleven in the morning, but I could tell the day was going to be a scorcher. He skipped the entire way, making me almost run to keep up with him. I could have used him for a workout every weekend, the way it got my heart racing and my chest burning running behind him.
He found the slides and stared greedily at the brightly colored, plastic contraptions. It was three levels high and had slides at each level. Some twisted into tunnels, some remained open and straight. Monkey bars, little steering wheels and a chain ladder hung from all sides of it. Playgrounds sure had come a long way from the wood and metal ones of my youth which used to burn my thighs in the midsummer heat. They now even had a huge tent-like structure built over them to keep the high noon sun from burning the little ones as they played. Next to it was a small water feature, spraying and splashing from showerheads and an array of decorative pipes above the kids. I didn’t know they had that there, and I wondered if he’d brought a swimsuit.
I decided it didn’t matter. He could get soaked and still had a pair of clothes to change into at home. But the way the day was heating up, he’d be dry before we even got there. I almost felt sorry for the trees and grass. Though they were quite green, it must take a million gallons of water to keep them that way. I already felt my shoulders burning. I pulled out the sunscreen and called Cameron over. He reluctantly returned to me but kept his eyes on the prize.
“Gotta wear sunblock. Don’t want to get all red and burned, do we?” He shook his head but fidgeted as I slathered him with the thick white goop. Finally, I had him take his shirt off and slathered his shoulders, back and belly. That way, if he did get all wet, he was set.
“Want the ice cream now or after you play?” I asked, smearing some onto my nose. I could feel the freckles growing as I spoke.
Cameron stared at the slides, and I knew he couldn’t resist. Man, slides were like crack to kids. “Can I get it after I play a little bit?” I nodded and he smiled, his t
iny baby teeth flashing at me before he turned and ran his little knobby legs up the epoxy-coated, metal steps to the biggest slide.
After slathering some more on my skin I slipped the tube of sunblock back into my purse and gulped as I watched him make it to the top step. He waited behind one other kid who was about to hop into the twisting tube slide. It seemed so high, and even though all the sides were enclosed, it gave me a small heart attack watching him lingering near the edge.
Please don’t fall. That was all I needed.
I breathed in deeply, following him as he slipped into the tube and disappeared from sight. I watched the other end and saw him rolling out. Hopping up from the ground, he jumped with glee and ran around, squealing his delight. I let out the breath I’d been holding and continued to train my vision on him as he continued to hop up the stairs to try all the slides. I couldn’t relax as much as I’d wanted to, but as time went on, it became easier to let him have his fun.
I found an empty bench and slid down onto it, glad I’d brought a couple bottles of water in my purse. I downed a few gulps and felt my pocket vibrate. I was pretty sure I already knew who it would be. Glancing at the screen, I smiled and rolled my eyes just a tiny bit.
“IRS, how can I help you?” I answered, a tiny smirk on my lips as I settled back and found Cam at the top of big slide again, watching the kids in front of him as they dove into the tube. He’d better not try that head first, I thought.
“Hey, it’s Sasha. How’s it going?”
I glanced at the clock on the cell and shook my head. “It’s just been an hour, you know. We’re still alive. At the park, and he’s having a blast.”
“You took him to the park?” His voice quivered as he spoke, making me wonder what he was thinking.
“Yeah, don’t worry, I got sunblock 2000 on his white boy skin.” I heard him laugh, which made me feel a bit better. “Oh, and by the way, he’s going to use the extra clothes because there’s a water feature here, and he’s going to run through it sooner or later.”
“Oh, okay. Sounds like fun.” Sasha sounded distracted, and I could hear voices interrupting him. “Listen, I just called to see how it was going.”
“I know, have a good one. Oh wait….”
“Yeah?” He was back, listening through the airy static and murmurs of voices.
“He’s not allergic to ice cream is he?” I waited patiently, knowing I was stalling just to listen to his voice. I knew he had to go but wished he didn’t. I continued to follow the little guy around as he paused to watch the kids soaking in the spray of the water feature.
“No, he’s not allergic to anything. Thanks again, Piper, you’ve helped me tons today.”
“Anytime.” I reluctantly hung up after saying goodbye and dropped the phone back into my pocket. I was relishing the heat of the sun on my back, but my scalp was starting to burn. I found a bench closer to the water feature. Cam had his hand in front of one of the spouts, sending water spraying everywhere, and it had him laughing as it soaked his face and shirt.
Watching him play, I found my face stiffening from smiling the entire time. He was having a blast, but he did glance up to search for me every now and then. Once he’d find me, he’d smile and continued to hop on the puddles, letting the water hit him as the nozzles rotated. He was already soaked, just as I’d predicted.
I didn’t mind, though. Now under a shady tree, the burning on my head faded and the soft grass tickled my exposed feet. It’d been so long since I’d been out to a park, and it brought my childhood rushing back to me. To pleasant times before the tragedies had piled up, before my sister drowned and only the years had finally healed my family enough to live again. My heart went out to Cam, having the time of his life. He rightfully should, it passed by so quickly and was over in a flash. Cherishing this odd peace, I watched him enjoy himself and knew he’d healed me somehow. It’s funny how you never realize you need people in your life until you’re already knee deep in love with them. Just like I was with Sasha and Cam.
“WHY DO I have to take a bath? I got all wet at the park. I got all the dirt off already.” Cam licked his snow cone where it has started to drip over his little fingers. He was going to be super sticky by the time we got home, I realized in dismay. I was barely able to tear him away from the park, where he’d been dripping and shivering from being wet. It may have been over a hundred degrees outside, but cold water still feels like the artic when you run in it all day and it blasts you over and over. His lips were stained blue from the snow cone, making him look like a little white boy with hypothermia.
His clothes were drying slowly, hanging from his little frame and cold to the touch. He didn’t seem to mind, and as we walked in the hot afternoon sun, dry spots grew on his shirt. I licked my popsicle, trying to outrun its meltdown in the unrelenting heat. I’d had fun and looked forward to maybe taking him to the park again. I was pretty sure Sasha wouldn’t mind, but I’d make him not mind if he did.
Change was good, I realized, especially for me.
Chapter Thirteen
Sasha
I WOKE WITH a start, my heart hammering in my chest. It’d been just a dream, the same dream of the past, of Piper, I’d always have. The one where I watched her heart crush under the lies I’d told her as I wrapped my arms around the wrong girl. It was a memory etched so deeply into my brain, I couldn’t rip it out even though I’d wanted to for years and years. Having Piper back in my life, even taking care of my son Cam, was heaven sent, but my fear of losing her again was still there.
Sitting up in the dim light of early morning, I rubbed my face and scratched my head. Cam was sleeping in his room just down the hall, but the longing to have Piper there with me hit me like a freight train. I didn’t want to rush the relationship, but I was running out of time once more. She was worth waiting forever for, but I wanted more now, and I was sure she wasn’t ready for that yet.
I pulled open the drawer of my nightstand and plucked out a dark velvet box. Running my fingers over the smooth surface, I eased it open and studied the shiny diamond ring sitting in it. I’d had it for years. It had been my mother’s engagement ring, and I’d wanted to give it to Piper so many times in college, but the uncertainty of the future had held me back, and it’d been my downfall in the end.
I shut the box and replacing it in the drawer. I knew that this time, she’d have it. This time, I wouldn’t hesitate when the time was right to slip it onto her finger. I didn’t want to wait, I would’ve rushed over to her place and done it immediately if I’d known she was willing. It was getting closer to that time I would ask her. I just didn’t want her to take it the wrong way when she found out about my immigration issues. I should’ve taken care of that ages ago, but I never did, and eventually it had crept back up on me again, like a scorpion, stinging me in the ass.
I’d ask her after my upcoming trip to Moldova. I didn’t want her to believe the only reason I’d want to marry her was for permanent status in the US. I wanted her to know how much I loved her and to wear the ring proudly, without apprehension. I wanted to do it right, without any other reason but love. I had fixed my visa after college, saved by my cousin Vance, who had been part owner of the county fair even back then. If I’d known he’d be able to get me back to the States so quickly after spending a summer back in Moldova, I would’ve never had to hurt Piper the way I did, never have pushed her away. It had all been for nothing.
So many ways to screw life up and so few ways to keep it on track.
Leaning back on my pillow to see if I could catch a few more hours of sleep, I figured I’d find a way this time to solve these issues, ask her to marry me and make things right. Once married, I wouldn’t have to worry about being deported again and leaving my son behind with his grandmother. The looming trip to Moldova gnawed at me, and I hoped that it would go as planned, and I could return to her loving arms and my son’s life sooner rather than later.
I hoped.
Chapter Fourteen
&nbs
p; Piper
THE DAY WAS only two hours spent, and I was ready to rip my hair out. There were six of us sitting in the hospital conference room and no one had any idea why. The knot of dread sat in my stomach like a brick, and I tapped my foot in a nervous twitch, over and over. Even Teresa, who was sitting next to me, had started throwing me nasty looks mixed with nervousness. I was sure it wasn’t helping that I was so agitated, but it doesn’t help when the CEO has the entire Liaison and Social Worker staff sitting in a conference room at nine a.m. without a clue about what was going to happen.
Shifting in my seat and uncrossing my legs to keep them from twitching, I studied the white cardboard cup, half empty of the morning’s coffee. The others were whispering their predictions about what was going on, but from the sound of it, the CEO, Thomas Richter, never called in a meeting with an entire department without someone getting axed. I prayed it wouldn’t me this time and tried to mentally find something recent that might’ve pissed upper management off. There were always issues—we were the “red tape” department—but nothing had happened which warranted anyone getting sacked.
As the clock ticked loudly, cutting through the whispering coworkers, Thomas strode in followed by his anorexic secretary who appeared so frazzled all the time. I was sure she’d already overdosed on caffeine that morning. Gulping, I straightened in my chair and tried to remember to breathe. My heart was already in overdrive, and I wasn’t sure I could take any more suspense.
“Good morning, everyone. I apologize for calling you here unannounced so early in the morning, but I must address some issues with several members of this department before further issues are made.”
That was not what I wanted to hear.
“Miss Caroline, a very rich debutante from Texas, was recently treated here for emphysema exacerbation and pneumonia. While she was here, she acquired an additional infection and had to remain for further treatment. Well, she did recover as best as someone with terminal lung cancer can, but the equipment she needed for her at-home care never arrived when it was supposed to, and repeated calls from her staff for her medication routine, nursing visits and further instruction on the machines that were eventually brought to her home for her use, were deflected and never answered or took too long to resolve. After having my internal investigation team and risk management putter through her file and other records, I have come to the determination that we have to reorganize this department.”