“No. Why would you think that?”
I quickly pulled into a parking spot once I reached the hospital and turned off the car. “Xander, you gave a piece of yourself to me that…that…”
“Hope, it makes me hard giving you my control,” he said, his voice low and husky.
Oh sweet mother of all things holy. “I…” I whispered.
“I can’t stop thinking about your warm body wrapped around mine or me bound for your control. You’ve given me pleasure I’ve never felt before. You’ve given me something I didn’t think I would ever get again.”
“What’s that?” I asked, my heart racing hard against the confines of my rib cage.
“Hope. That’s what you’ve given me,” he cleared his throat. “Hope.”
“Xander…”
“You should have woken me. I would have come with you.”
“I wanted you to sleep. You’ve been through shit. What you gave me is exhausting, Xander.” My body heated, picturing him lying naked in bed. “I also was hoping to wake you when I got back.”
“So you are coming back?”
“Of course.” I frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know.” His accusation went unsaid but me leaving years ago caused him to believe I would leave him again. I understood why he felt that way but it hurt. It stung worse than him yelling and screaming at me.
“I’ll be back soon,” I said softly, swallowing past the hard lump in my throat.
“Hope?”
“Yeah?”
He took a deep breath. “Thank you.”
We said our goodbyes and I disconnected the call before I left the safety net of my car. Knowing I had to get this done and over with, I headed into the hospital. Under any other circumstances, I would visit my dad voluntarily. Although he was controlling at times, he was nothing like my mother.
“Can I help you?” a nurse asked me once I reached reception.
“Yeah, I’m looking for John—”
“Hope. It’s about time you got here.”
I grimaced. My mother’s voice grated on my last nerve. “Hello, mother,” I mumbled, turning towards her.
Her blonde hair was perfectly wrapped in a tight bun on top of her head, her light peach business outfit smooth and chic like she had just gotten back from the office. Even though she was retired, she didn’t dress like it. All business and no pleasure when it came to that woman.
“Don’t mumble,” she said, pulling me in for a tight hug. “It’s not lady like.”
I bit back a scoff. If she only knew. “Where’s dad?”
“Your dad is resting. You can see him in an hour or so.” She pulled back, holding me at arm’s length. “You need to do something about your unruly hair,” she said, frowning and tried finger combing my dark curls.
I slapped her hands away. “They’re curls, mom. They’re supposed to be unruly.” And that was why I hardly saw her anymore. So judgmental and critical.
“You should get your hair straightened.”
“Mom,” I snapped, shoving out of her grip. “You did not call me here to talk about my hair. Where is dad?”
“He’s resting.” Her eyes narrowed. “What’s with you? Are you seeing someone?”
I huffed and turned to the nurse. “Which room is John Charming in?”
“508-D.”
“Thank you.” I pushed past my mom and headed down the hall.
“He’s resting,” she repeated, calling after me.
“I know that!” I quietly stepped into the room, stopping in my tracks when I saw my father pulling on his jacket.
He paused, glancing at me. “Hi, Hope.” His eyes shone, twinkling in the fluorescent lighting of the hospital room.
My jaw clenched, my hands curling into fists at my sides. “Hi, daddy.” I spun on my mother as she walked into the room. “I thought he was resting.”
“He was.” Her eyes darted quickly back and forth.
“If he was resting, than why is he getting dressed? You made it sound like he was going to be here for a while.”
“What?” my dad scoffed. “Please. It was a case of indigestion. No big deal.”
My mouth fell open, shock settling in at the lie my mother had said. “So you told me he had a heart attack to get me here didn’t you?” I accused my mother, pointing at her.
“Angela, you did what?” he asked, his eyes wide.
“It was the only way I could see you. She never comes over anymore,” she told her husband. “You never come over anymore.” Her eyes filled with unshed tears, her bottom lip quivering.
“This is why I don’t come over,” I cried.
“Are you spending time with that Xander boy again? Is this why you never come over?” she asked, ignoring me.
“No! God, do you ever listen to what I say? Xander has nothing to do with this.”
“Have you told him why you left him yet?”
Looking away, I mentally counted to ten. She knew how to get me right where it hurt. I wished at the time that I would have joined a convent instead of moving away. I thought being the good child and telling my parents what had happened would make them respect me and look at me as an adult but I only got contempt and judgment. “No, I haven’t told him. I’m not ready to yet.”
“You probably should. You don’t want to go to your grave with that secret.”
I stared at my mother, my mouth opening and closing but no words would come out.
“I wanted to see you,” she said finally.
I shook my head. I tried so hard to be nice. But after years of having someone breathe down your neck over every move you made, she was making it difficult to love her. Being religious is one thing but forcing it down someone’s throat was uncalled for. It made people rebel and hate you. I on the other hand, chose to ignore her instead. Growing up, it was always my father who tried to instill the religion on me but as I got older, my mom took over the role. She tried so hard to mold me into the perfect child. As long as it made her look good, she didn’t care about hurting me or anyone else for that matter. I loved her. I did but I didn’t like her and I found myself especially not liking her at that moment. To tell me my father was not doing well crossed the line. “You criticize every move I make and you lie. You make it hard for me to like you.” I let out an aggravated sigh.
“Please don’t say that.” A lonely tear rolled down her cheek.
A twinge of guilt swam through my belly but I stayed strong. I wouldn’t console her when I was the one needing consoling for a change. “Daddy, I’m glad you are doing well. I’ll call you later.” I glared at my mom. “Mother.” And with that, I stormed out of the room.
“Hope,” she pleaded. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh and one more thing.” I turned back to her. “I’m an alcoholic. I have been for years. And I go to AA meetings too.” The look of pure and utter shock on her face satisfied me as I quickly left her to stew in her own self-righteous misery.
***
(Xander)
Wednesday afternoon, I was lying on the couch with my head in Hope’s lap. Her fingers brushed over my forehead, my cheek, jaw and back again. Caressing, gentle and loving. We had been talking for hours about nothing. It was nice. Not like the old days. Being in high school and a guy, I was all about sex. I wanted it as much as possible, not knowing how to control the urges of a teenager who discovered his girlfriend was tight and hot as hell.
Since the moment the three of us shared in the basement, I never felt closer to Hope and Caiden, than I did while being bound and restrained. My trust for them enhanced, growing into something I needed more of.
Holding Hope’s hand against my chest, I let out a deep sigh. The small talk passed between us easily, even better than before.
When she got back from visiting her dad at the hospital a couple of days ago, she was upset, frustrated and angry. Ranting and raving about how her mother was an inconsiderate bitch and looked out only for herself. I had never liked Angela Charm
ing. Knowing she didn’t like me either and she thought I wasn’t good enough for her daughter when really, no one was.
A smile spread on my face remembering how I helped Hope calm down. Her moans and purrs of pleasure were music to my ears and I could never get enough. Breathing in the scent of her skin, I distracted her pain with the feel of me inside of her, holding her, making love to her sweet body until we were both spent and exhausted.
It had been a couple of days since we last had sex and I was fine with that. We talked, hung out and spent time together like any normal relationship. But there was still that huge ass elephant in the room. Why did she leave me? What made her not come to me?
The sound of the basement door closing interrupted our conversation as Caiden made his way up the stairs. “Mind if I join you?” he asked, nodding towards us.
“Not at all.” I sat up, keeping my fingers locked with Hope’s and snuggled against her. Although she was tiny, much smaller than I, I felt safe. Protected. At ease with myself. For the moment at least.
“I made something for you,” Caiden said, his voice soft. He handed me a small frame.
Taking it from him, I frowned. My eyes widened when realization dawned on me as to what I was holding. “Is this…?”
His cheeks flushed and he nodded.
I glanced at Hope.
She grinned. “He did a good job, didn’t he?”
“Did you know about this?” I asked, looking back down at the black wax in the frame. It was in the shape of a rose. I had no idea how he did it, but it was beautiful.
“I did. I saw him take it off of your back.” Hope brushed a finger down the glass and let out a soft sigh.
A moment of trepidation fluttered through me. Was she jealous?
She met my gaze. Chewing her bottom lip, her body tensed when she looked away.
Shit, no. She couldn’t be. I couldn’t deal with her jealousy. There was nothing going on between me and Caiden. He knew that. So did she. We were doing so well. “We’re doing so good,” I whispered.
Her gaze shot to mine. “What?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head and rose to my feet, placing the frame on the fireplace mantel.
“Everything okay, Xander?” Caiden asked softly.
“I have plans tonight,” I told them.
“You do? What plans?” Caiden sat back, crossing his arms under his chest which was his way of saying, yeah right.
“I’m going out for a little bit so I need to borrow your car.” I lifted my chin defiantly. “Please,” I added when his eyes turned cold.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Hope rung her hands in her lap, staring at me hard.
“Why wouldn’t it be? I won’t be out late.” I didn’t understand what the big deal was and why they were giving me the third degree.
“I mean…it’s…” Hope chewed her bottom lip which would normally turn me on but right now, it was pissing me the fuck off.
“Spit it out, Hope. Tell me exactly what you want to say. What do you think will happen tonight if I go out? Huh?” I asked, my voice raising.
Her eyes widened. “I don’t know. I—”
“What? Do you think I’m going to drink myself into a stupor or find some drugs to inject? God, since you’ve been back, I’ve hardly thought about that shit. Do you not trust me at all?”
“Xander, we know your history,” Caiden said, rising to his feet.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I haven’t had one hit or even one drink since you forced me to stay here!” I shouted, taking a step towards him.
His brows furrowed. “No. But you’ve been thinking about it.”
“Of course I have!” I threw my hands up in exasperation. What the fuck did he want from me? “You think it’s easy going from drinking and smoking to nothing at all? You’re lucky I’m not a fucking junkie.”
“Maybe not but if I let it go any further, you would have turned into one. Junkie or not, you’re still addicted.” His voice was calm, cool, while he stared me down.
“I’m fucking addicted to her and I don’t see you doing anything about it!” I yelled, thrusting my arm out in Hope’s direction.
“That’s because that addiction won’t kill you!” Caiden shouted back.
“Give me the keys,” I bit out through clenched teeth.
“Tell us where you’re going,” Hope pleaded softly. “We want to keep you safe.”
“Is that it, Hope?” I turned to her. “Are you sure you don’t want to keep me on a tight rope, controlling every single thing I do and say?”
Her jaw dropped. “That’s not…how could you say that?” her voice cracked.
“Xander, that was a dick thing to say,” Caiden growled, stepping towards me.
“Whatever.” I held my hand out. “Keys. Please.”
When neither of them budged, I yelled out in frustration and headed to the door. “Fine. I’ll fucking walk.”
“Tell us where—”
“I’m going to be at a high school hanging out with parents and kids,” I snapped at Hope. “What trouble could I get into there?”
“Do you remember our days in high school?” Caiden asked, pulling his keys out of his pocket. “And why are you going to a high school?”
I let out a heavy sigh. “I didn’t want to share this with either of you because I wanted something to myself. For a little bit.” My jaw clenched.
“You were keeping something…” Hope’s voice trailed off and she let out a shaky breath.
“Seriously?” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t act so surprised.”
“Xander, chill the fuck out.” Caiden placed a hand on my arm.
“No!” I shoved him off. “I’m sick of this. I can’t…I can’t deal. Not with this…shit…and her jealousy.”
Hope’s gaze snapped to mine, her cheeks turning a bright shade of pink. “I’m not jealous.”
“No? I know you wish you were strong enough to tie me up yourself. I know you wish you would have been the one to put the wax on me. I saw your eyes when Caiden handed me the frame.” The words left my lips and I couldn’t control them. I didn’t even know if half the shit I was accusing her of was actually true or not. I said it. Not caring in the least what the repercussions would be. “I know you wish you could love me like Caiden can.”
Her eyes welled, a lonely tear strolling down her cheek. “I’m not having this conversation with you when you’re pissed.”
“Well I’m sorry because we’re having this conversation now whether you like it or not, baby.” My chest rose and fell with ragged breath and I couldn’t help but lay into her. Into both of them. “Tell me you’re not jealous again. Lie to me. Again.”
“Fine. Yes, I’m jealous,” she snapped and shoved to her feet, closing the distance between us. “I’m jealous because Caiden knows you better than I do. I’m jealous because he got to spend all of these years with you and I didn’t because I was scared. I was scared you hated me. I was fucking terrified you didn’t love me anymore and I couldn’t stand to see that in your eyes.”
“I’ve always loved you,” was all I said.
Her eyes softened. “I know that now. And I’m sorry for not coming back sooner—”
“You can’t tell me you’re sorry and expect everything to be back to the way things were!” I yelled.
“I know that, asshole.” Hope pushed me, beating her small hands against my chest. “I didn’t want to leave you but I had no choice.”
“Then tell me why you left. Why didn’t you fight your parents? You’ve never told me the reason, Hope. Did you think that when you came back, everything would be fine and dandy and our relationship would be back to normal?”
“I don’t want that relationship with you!” Her nostrils flared, her cheeks going red.
My mouth opened and closed and I shook my head. “What the hell does that mean?”
“I loved you. I did but you were an asshole. You only thought of yourself but I still wanted to be with you.”
Her voice was shaky as she stared up at me.
I glanced at Caiden.
He nodded once with encouragement, remaining silent.
“I…I don’t know what you mean,” I stuttered, confused as hell.
Hope sighed, gripping my t-shirt in her hands. “After your parents died, you changed. I understand why that happened but you wouldn’t let me in. You shut me out. You shut Caiden out.”
“Tell me why you left,” I bit out, ignoring her.
“Xander, I—”
“Tell me,” I demanded, gripping her wrists.
She shook her head. “I don’t think—”
“Tell. Me,” I growled.
“You want to know the real reason I left? Fine. I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you that my parents never forced me to leave. I’ll tell you they never once asked me to leave you. I decided to leave you. On my own terms.”
Her words stung, wrapping around me in a tight grip, poking me hard like sharp tiny needles. “What…” I croaked.
Tears flowed freely down her cheeks but her voice remained calm. “I was pregnant.”
Xander
MY CHEST constricted. The air flowed into my mouth, threatening to choke me when it didn’t make its way to my lungs. It left me on a whoosh like I was punched in the gut. Her words…they struck home, I reacted to them but they didn’t register. Pregnant. “Why…” I couldn’t form a proper sentence. I couldn’t ask her why she never told me. Was I that much of a dick that she was too scared to tell me she was pregnant?
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Caiden said, clapping me on the shoulder and placed his car keys in my hand. “Please be careful tonight,” he whispered in my ear.
I wrapped my fingers tight around the keys. They dug into my skin, biting through the flesh of my palm.
“Come sit,” Hope offered gently, taking my hand.
Allowing her to lead me to the couch, I slumped hard on it and dropped my head in my hands. Thoughts swirled around in my mind. So many questions. So many accusations. How could she keep something like this from me?
“Talk to me, Xander,” she whispered.
“Where’s the baby now?” I asked, slowly turning to her.