“I can’t,” I choke, shaking my head. “I can’t do that to you. Not now. I can’t lose you and I’m afraid that if we move forward and things go wrong, I will. We’ll never be this way again, and I need your friendship.” One fat salty tear escapes the rim of my eyes and rolls down my cheek. Jared reads the pain etched in my face and nods. Acceptance washes over him and I exhale with relief. I don’t think I could have said another word without completely losing it.
“You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere,” he smiles. He leans over and kisses my forehead gently and the warmth of his lips instantly soothes me. He feels me relax under his touch and gives my hand a reassuring pat. “Now I think you owe me lunch today after breaking my heart,” he jokes, clutching his chest dramatically. I erupt with giggles, and it’s the first honest laughter I’ve had in days. I feel an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders.
“No problem, whatever you want!” I say, wiping my tear-streaked face with the back of my hand. I could use a bite to eat as well seeing as I haven’t had much of an appetite lately.
“Well, in that case, I’ll take a burger and fries. Oh, and one of those big cookies for dessert! To ease my pain, of course.” His eyes light up like a child. His glee is infectious and I smile brightly at him.
“You got it,” I say with a wink and head to the snack bar.
**********
Later that night after my shift at the store, I decide it’s time to pick up the book again. I had been avoiding it like the plague, not feeling strong enough to deal with any more disappointing revelations. Confronting my feelings for Jared has given me a newfound confidence. It’s time. I have to read on about my mother’s sacrifice to save my life.
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As I write these words to you, my precious child, I await your birth, which could be any day now. I know I am not there to prepare you for what is to come once you ascend and I know this platform is not sufficient enough to teach you all you need to know. But I sincerely hope it sheds some Light on the many questions I so desperately wish I was there to answer in person.
Children of the Light, and the Dark, are born with their power. However, it is limited until ascension which happens between puberty and adulthood, about 18 years of age. Yours will be delayed. Part of the deal I made with my kind was that you will be spelled, unable to ascend until your 21st birthday. This is to ensure that you are mature enough to conceal the identity of the Light. Since you will be raised by mortals, it had to be done to guarantee that you did not harm them or anyone else. The Light has agreed to let you live in peace so they will not be able to interfere with your upbringing. They also cannot protect you, at least until you ascend into the Light.
Before ascension, you must choose. The Light or the Dark. Your power will be different from both, however you must pledge your allegiance to one and only one. Please, my love, this is imperative. I do not want you to find the same fate as me. Once you have made a definite decision and are completely certain of it, you will ascend and all the wonders of the world will open up to you. You will see things you didn’t see before. You will feel things you never felt before. Your own kind will appear before you, even though mortals may not see them. You will gain incredible speed and strength. It will all be overwhelming at first but Donna and Chris will help you with the adjustment.
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So I have to choose? The obvious choice would be the Light. But why the hell would I want to belong to an alliance that murdered my mother? They knew I existed yet chose not to help me because I wasn’t one of them? I thought the Light was all about helping and healing. Where were they all these years? And now that it is common knowledge that someone wants to kill me, where are they now?
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I know you may have floundered for most of your life, and have felt unexceptional, to say the least. That is for your protection. You were spelled to appear unsuspecting, making it easier to hide you from those that wish to do you harm. From the Dark. They know you were allowed to live but they cannot find you. Donna will make sure your scent is dulled and there are other defensive tactics in place. My darling, I know it is cruel to subject you to a life of mediocrity when you are so phenomenal. However, you were not created to merely be an exceptional human. You were made to be an extraordinary force of Light.
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Defensive tactics? Ok, that makes sense. Explains why I’ve been allowed to live in peace and lead a mediocre life. I sigh in frustration and shake my head. So my entire existence has been constructed, molded so I could never succeed at anything. Never the prom queen, never the superstar athlete, never the student council president or even the straight-A student. I’ve been Nobody. Can I honestly say that up until this point that I know who I am? And now at 20 years of age, I am supposed to magically grow into the person I was destined to be. Humph.
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The most important thing you must remember is that the magic is in you. Forget everything you may have seen in movies or fairytale books. You will not need potions or spells. YOU are the magic. Your body is but a vessel for the amazing force that is within you. The Light you hold is the brightest, most magnificent that there ever was and with this Light, you will do great things. You alone, have the power to end centuries of wars and suffering between the Dark and the Light. You will bridge the gap, bringing peace and prosperity for all who follow you. And those who choose not to… you have the ability to annihilate with ease. I was weak, my dear. You will not be.
----------
Well, let me just forget about any plans I had for the rest of my life, because it seems my mother has it all mapped out for me. What if I don’t want to bring peace among the Dark and the Light? It’s not my fight; I don’t know anything about it. Come to think of it, I don’t want any part of this! If I have to ascend, fine. But I can then choose to lead a normal life and blend in with everyone else. The Light and the Dark have been doing it all this time, and so will I. I can do this. I will not be used as a pawn in a war that I have nothing to do with. The Light has failed to intervene and now innocent girls are dying. Why should I fight on their behalf?
I close my mother’s journal and put it back on the nightstand. That’s enough reading for today. Right on cue, my cell phone rings. My heart jumps in hopes that it’s Dorian but the caller ID indicates it’s Morgan.
“Hey, Bitch, what are you doing?”
“Homework,” I lie. “What about you?”
“Leaving work. So listen, I got these tickets for an exclusive salon opening tomorrow night. I want you to come with,” she says. I can hear her climbing into her candy apple red Mustang and revving it to life. The racy sounds of Rihanna blast through the sound system, causing me to hold the phone away from my ear until she’s turned it down.
“I don’t know, Morgan. You know that’s not really my scene,” I say apprehensively. Usually these things are full of schmoozing and boozing. I’m not one to turn down free drinks and food but I’m just not in the mood to deal with the fake and phony.
“Aw, come on, Gabs! I got the tickets from a really sweet client of mine and it will be a really great networking opportunity for me, being that I’ll be a licensed beautician in less than a month! She told me the salon will be amazing. And she’d even hook me up with an introduction!” she squeals. She really does sound excited.
“I thought you were staying at Posh once you got your license? They offered you a chair and everything, right?” Morgan is only officially a shampoo girl there since she’s still unlicensed, but the owner has been nice enough to let her actually cut and style to get some experience. Morgan already has quite a client base and it’d be stupid to leave.
“I know, and that’s still the plan. But I want to see what’s out there. This new salon only caters to the big spenders and VIPs. Even the grand opening is invite-only. My client is close with the owner and gave me tickets. She said she really thinks I have the talent to land a position there. This is the type of opportunity that
veteran stylists dream about. Working in a place like that would really contribute to my future goals. Please Gabs! Pretty please!” Oh God, Morgan and her spoiled princess ways. But I love her and can never say no.
“Ok, ok. What time?” I ask, exasperated. If I don’t say yes now, I’ll have to endure an hour of her begging and whining.
“Great! I’ll pick you up at 8! And please, Gabs, wear something hot. I would dress you myself but I have to work. Love ya, babe!” And with that, she hangs up. That’s Morgan for you. Quick and to the point.
It then dawns on me that I’ve already made plans with Dorian for tomorrow. Shit! If I cancel on Morgan, she’ll be pissed, plus it is a good opportunity for her. I quickly text Dorian.
To Dorian, 9:04 P.M.
-What time did you want to meet tomorrow?
Oh, please say early in the day. I really don’t want to cancel our date. It’s the only thing I’ve been looking forward to all week!
Ding! Ding!
-Noon ok for you?
Whew, disaster averted.
-Noon is perfect :)
Damn me and those emoticons. But something about Dorian just makes me feel so flighty and giggly, I can’t help it. He’s so unexpected but oddly right on time. With all the crazy twists and turns my life has taken over the past week, he is a welcomed distraction. Hard to believe I only met him seven days ago. The chemistry we share is uncanny, unlike anything I’ve ever had with anyone else. Sure, there have been guys before. Even a couple guys I thought I could really like. But none of them measured up to Jared so they were more of a consolation prize. But now there’s Dorian. And frankly, there’s no comparison.
Dorian is an enigma that I want to decipher. I want to get to know him but I relish the mystery. I like the excitement of not knowing everything about him, and I want to take that journey of discovery. I want to know his likes, his dislikes. I want to know his fantasies. I want to be his fantasy. And as improbable as that may be, I’m willing to take the risk in trying. Why? Because I have nothing else to lose. I could be struck down by the Dark tomorrow and the last thing I want to die with is regrets. And if I do survive the next year, I’ll be 21 forever. Time to start living for today.
I flick off my light and try to drift off to sleep, excited to meet the daylight and see Dorian again. Friday can’t come soon enough.
Chapter Nine
It’s too early when I wake up but I don’t mind at all as I leap out of bed. Today is going to be a good day, I can feel it. The sun is shining brightly, impervious by the threat of rain clouds. I stretch my limbs and head to the kitchen for breakfast. I’m not surprised at all when I see my mom there whipping up some oatmeal and my ritual smoothie.
“Good morning, Mom!” I beam. She looks at me with disbelief in her eyes.
“Good morning, sweetie,” she says cautiously. My good mood must be the calm before the storm judging by the sour face I had been wearing for the past few days. I give her a reassuring smile.
“Looks like a beautiful day,” I note. For some reason, my mood is always enhanced when the sun is shining. It had been rainy and gloomy all week, and I had the disposition to match.
“Yes it does,” she remarks, setting my glass in front of me. I get up to grab some cereal and milk and join her for breakfast.
“So, I read some more of my mother’s, I mean Natalia’s, journal last night,” I say, taking a spoonful of Frosted Flakes into my mouth.
“Oh?” she asks, with a raised eyebrow. She takes a sip from her mug of tea.
“Yeah. It was about different things. Mainly my ascension.” Donna nods but doesn’t respond so I continue. “Is it really true that I was made to be unremarkable on purpose?”
Donna puts her cup down gently on the breakfast table and gazes at me lovingly. “Sweetheart, you are anything but unremarkable. You’re a wonderful young lady.”
“But you know what I mean,” I say, a bit exasperated. Sometimes I just want to say ‘Cut the crap and tell me the truth!’ but that would be rude. Seriously though, I really wish she’d quit trying to dance around the truth. It’s making me dizzy. “Was I spelled so it’d be easier for me to blend in?”
“Yes. It had to be done. If your true self was revealed, the Dark would have come for you a long time ago.” She resumes picking at her oatmeal, which looks extremely unappetizing to me.
“And there are other things? To keep me safe?”
“Yes. The smoothies, of course.” She points to the glass and I take a large gulp in response. “There are wards around the house also. No one that wishes to harm you can get through.” Humph, that’s pretty smart. But what about when I leave the house? “You have a protection spell around you as well,” my mom says, answering my unspoken question. “Unfortunately, it’s superficial but it’s served you well thus far.”
I don’t have the heart to tell her about my ghostly assailant that night in the parking lot. I don’t want to worry her and it hasn’t happened since. Could I have been seeing things?
“Before I ascend, I have to choose. How?” I ask. Do I have to sign some paperwork or pledge my allegiance in blood? It all seems very sketchy.
“You just choose. In your heart. You have to be completely decisive though. You can’t waver.”
Hmmm, but how will… whoever know? I think Natalia called it the Divine Power. I get a shiver up my spine.
“She wants me to choose the Light.” I look down at my empty bowl. “Natalia,” I clarify.
“Yes. It’s the logical choice,” my mom says. “She thought you could bring the Light and Dark together. Though she despised the Dark. After what they did to your father.”
“Why bring them together? If she hates them so much?” I just don’t understand why she’d want any dealings with the murderous Dark Ones.
“To bring peace. The Light did not have the influence and resources that the Dark had. The Dark have status, wealth. You on the side of the Light would even the playing field, so to speak.” Donna can’t hide her annoyance at the thought.
“You don’t agree,” I remark.
My mom thinks about her answer carefully before shaking her head. “I don’t. The Dark will never succumb to the Light. They are extremely powerful. It will only bring more violence. Violence I don’t want you a part of.”
Donna wants to protect me, like a real mother does. Her love for me is genuine. Natalia may have loved me but she didn’t know me. She had no time invested in my future, though that wasn’t entirely her fault. As much as it pains me to admit, she had her own agenda.
“Will it hurt?” I whisper. It’s a trivial question and I am almost embarrassed at my concern. I’ve got a pretty high threshold for pain, but all things supernatural, quite frankly, scares the shit out of me.
Donna smiles her warm, loving smile. “I don’t think so, honey. It might be a bit of a jolt, but from what I’ve heard, it doesn’t hurt.” Whew, thank God for that! Or is it the Divine Power? Or are they the same? God is the only divine power I’ve ever known of.
I put my bowl and spoon in the sink and give my mom a quick peck on the cheek before heading back to my room. She is genuinely worried for me and I hate to see her troubled. At least she knows I am handling this as well as can be expected. That’s one less worry.
It’s only 9 A.M., too early to start getting ready so I decide to go to the garage to hit the heavy bag. I slip on the pink 12 oz. gloves Chris bought me and begin to pound into the hard sack. It sways and rocks from the assault and I unleash a flood of blows, letting my mind drift to the myriad of concerns plaguing my mind.
My life is no longer mine. I was only brought into this world to save a race of Light Enchanters from conflicts with the Dark. Yet, they are nowhere to be found in my time of need. Do I really need them? I’ve actually done pretty well, considering I was set up to fail. If it weren’t for the spell cast on me to be insignificant, would I have been a great human? Would Jared have fallen for me years ago? Would I have gone off to a prestigious univers
ity? So many unanswered questions and no reset button to go back and do it all again now that I know the truth. But had I known, I would have possibly let it cripple me. I probably would have turned out even more screwed up than I am now.
Before my tired arms break me from reverie, I am dripping sweat and exhausted. I maneuver my gloves off and toss them on the small work bench. I’m not going to let this crap ruin my day. The sun is shining and I get to see Dorian. Live in the moment. Maybe that should be my new mantra.
After taking a long hot shower and washing my hair, I step out into a steam filled bathroom. I take another 45 minutes to blow dry and straighten my long tresses until they are bone straight. I smile at the result in the mirror. Dorian has only seen me with curls and I think I look older and more sophisticated when it’s straight. After much deliberation, I decide on my favorite pair of tight jeans, a royal blue top and flat boots. The blue looks great against my milky skin and the boots are comfortable enough for walking yet dressy enough for a restaurant, since I have no clue what we’re doing. I’m carefully applying my eyeliner when I get a text message.
From Dorian, 11:16 P.M.
-Where would you like to meet?
Hmmm, good question. I’ve been so wrapped up in getting ready, I didn’t even think about that.
-You can come to my house if you want.
Donna has gone to the gym for one of her classes and Chris won’t be home until later this evening. I’m not quite ready to introduce Dorian to them yet and I don’t know how he’d feel about meeting the parents.
-Can you meet me at Jamba Juice off Woodmen Rd.?
Humph. Just as I suspected. Maybe I should’ve told him I’m home alone but no use in making a big deal out of it.
-Sounds good. See you in a bit.
I finish applying my makeup and triple check my outfit in the mirror. I don’t want to appear too eager but I want to look nice, which I think I’ve pulled off. After grabbing my jacket, I’m out the door. I put on some Maroon 5 and let Adam Levine fondle me with his sinful voice all the way to Woodmen Commons.