“I did, but this wasn’t planned. Hopefully it’ll be quick. It’s …” He glances at me, then back at Vi. “I’ll tell you about it when I get back.” He leaves through a doorway, and Vi leans back against the couch, watching Victoria with a tired smile.
“So you really think she’s getting better?” I ask.
“Well, she’s a lot calmer now.” She hesitates. “Very calm in fact.”
Something in her tone makes me ask, “Too calm?”
Vi groans. “I don’t know. It’s like she’s now limp and lethargic instead of squirmy and unhappy. I keep telling myself that at some point I have to stop worrying so much. It’s just … I never thought I’d love anyone as much as I love Ryn—and it’s not as though that’s diminished. It’s more like my heart has expanded and my priorities have shifted and now everything revolves around her.” She nudges Victoria’s little feet through her blanket. “Nothing has ever meant more to me. She’s the focus, and I’m still trying to figure out how to slot all the other pieces of my life in around her.”
“Well, at least you’re not a workaholic anymore,” I joke.
“Yeah, instant cure,” she says with a laugh. Her expression slowly turns serious once more. “I still wonder about her color, though. We haven’t seen any change in days. But then, some faeries have brown as their secondary color. It’s rare, but perhaps it will be that way for her.”
“Maybe,” I say, thinking of Gemma’s ebony and brunette locks. “And the birthmark?”
“Fading a little more every day.” On the table beside my drink, her amber buzzes. She leans forward and reads the message. “Oh, brilliant,” she groans, resting her head in her hands. “This evening just gets better and better.”
“What’s wrong?”
“My dad’s not coming anymore.”
My heart plummets as our precarious Seelie Court plan crumbles. “Why not?”
“Whatever he’s been so busy with lately was supposed to come to an end today, but apparently it’s taking longer than expected. He said he might be able to get here tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, okay.” So I may still get my chance. Good thing Ryn said I could stay over if I want to.
“Anyway, now we’ve got this wonderful dinner and only the two of us here to eat it.” She picks up her stylus from the table, sits back against the cushions, and writes across the ambers surface. “May as well invite some other people.”
Twenty minutes later, Vi’s friends Flint and Raven arrive with their son Dash. “That was fast,” Vi says as she lets them in.
“You mentioned food,” Flint says, “so I didn’t waste time.”
Raven rolls her eyes. “You’d swear I never feed him. Oh, hey, Calla.” She crosses the room and joins me on the couch with Dash, who must be nearing five months by now. “I thought you weren’t able to come inside this house without setting off some kind of alarm at the Guild. Have they removed that spell now?”
“No, but a friend of mine came up with a counter spell. So here I am continuing to break the law.”
“Oh, wonderful. Not the law-breaking, of course. Wonderful that you can visit your family while the Guild hopefully figures out who really caused that dragon disease mess.”
“Yeah. Anyway, what does Dash think of Victoria?” I ask.
“Uh, he’s smacked her in the face a few times,” Raven says with a guilty look in Vi’s direction. “But it was accidental, I promise. He just wanted to get a bit closer to her.”
“I know,” Vi says with a grin, watching both babies.
“Accidental, my ass,” Flint comments as he walks across the room with an oversized baby bag trailing through the air behind him. “You know how boys are. Always teasing the girls they like.”
Raven throws her head back and laughs. “A little bit early for that, isn’t it?”
“Just a little,” Vi says. “Give them a few more years before you start playing matchmaker, Flint.”
“He’s definitely fascinated by her, though,” Raven says, allowing the little boy to bob up and down on her lap as he giggles and reaches for her face. “She was squirming in her sleep the other day and Dash stared at her for ages.”
“That’s because my little princess is so pretty,” Vi says, chuckling as she leans down to take Victoria from me. “The boys can’t help but stare at her.”
“That must be it,” Raven says.
Vi moves toward the stairs. “I’m going to put her to bed now. She’s doing remarkably well staying asleep despite all our chatter, so hopefully she keeps sleeping while we have dinner.”
“I need to get this little one down too,” Raven says, standing and following Vi. “Could be a challenge. Can I put him in the study down here? I don’t want him waking Victoria if he starts crying.”
“Yes, that’s fine,” Vi says.
“Good luck,” I call after Raven as she leaves the room with the baby bag floating behind her.
Flint and I move to the dining room and get the table ready for dinner. Filigree shifts into cat form and follows me around, rubbing himself against my legs every time I stand still. “I feel like I must be putting you in a difficult position,” I say to Flint. “Being a guard at the Guild, you’re probably fighting the urge to arrest me.”
“Criminals are the only fae I get the urge to arrest, and you don’t fit into that category.” He places the last fork on the table and stands back. “I’ve never agreed with the Griffin List, so I fully understand why you didn’t add your name to it, and I know you didn’t kill your classmate and spread a deadly disease throughout the Guild.”
I smile at him. “Thanks.”
Vi comes back downstairs. When Raven eventually joins us, we begin dinner. We’re about halfway through the meal when Ryn returns home. He sits at the table without fetching himself any food from the kitchen, shaking his head when Vi asks if she can dish up for him. “Bad news,” he says. He focuses on me and adds, “Very bad news.”
I lower my fork as my insides squirm with apprehension. “What? What’s wrong?”
“Dad’s … been arrested.”
“What? The Guild only started their investigation two days ago.”
Raven covers her mouth and Flint swears beneath his breath. “They uncovered the bribes,” Ryn says. “They arrested him immediately while continuing the investigation. You know how strict they are about anything Griffin List-related. Too strict, in my opinion, but … that’s the law.”
I push my plate away and press the heels of my hands over my eyes. I shake my head. “This is all—”
“Stop,” Ryn says. “Just … Yes, we know he did it for you, but it was still his choice. You never asked him to do anything.”
“No, but I still have to live with knowing he’s in prison because of me.” I lower my hands. “I’ve sent my own father to prison.”
No one responds—probably because they all know it’s true. I stare at my plate, feeling sick at the thought of trying to finish the food sitting on it.
“He’ll be held in the Guild’s detainment area for now,” Ryn says quietly.
“If the news gets out about why he was arrested, there could be anti-Griffin List protests again,” Vi says. “Just like the last few times.”
“Maybe,” Ryn says. “Or maybe not. If everyone believes that the Gifted person Dad was protecting is the one responsible for the dragon disease that threatened so many lives, those fighting the list will probably be quiet.”
I push my chair back, startling Filigree, who must have been sitting by my legs beneath the table. He becomes a sparrow and flits out of the room as I stand and begin pacing. My throat tightens as I push tears back. Dad’s in prison, I say to Chase. Mom’s in prison. You’re in prison—well, worse; more like a torture chamber. I know I’m supposed to be the positive one, but it is getting really hard.
No answer comes. I assume he must be sleeping, but then I hear his voice. None of this will last forever.
I guess not, but that doesn’t make me feel any
better.
I know. Doesn’t make me feel any better either.
I reach the edge of the room and turn again. I ball my fists and release a groan. Why does everything have to go wrong at the same time?
“Cal, please sit,” Ryn says quietly. “Your pacing isn’t helping.”
The remainder of dinner is accompanied by stilted conversation, and when Dash starts crying, Raven says it’s probably best if they head home. Once they’re gone, I drop onto the couch and close my eyes. I try to believe that everything will eventually be okay. Ryn sinks against the cushions beside me and wraps one arm around my shoulders. “I won’t try to convince you that life doesn’t suck right now because I know it does. For multiple reasons. Do you want to stay here tonight?”
I lean my head against his shoulder and nod. “Yes. Thank you.” I need to focus on the faerie paths spell and the fact that I may get the chance to use it tomorrow morning. I might not be able to help Mom and Dad, but I will damn well make sure I can help Chase.
That’s the spirit, Chase says quietly in my mind.
A half-smile finds its way onto my lips. Are my thoughts slipping out again?
You’re tired, he says. You’re always less guarded when you’re tired.
Vi calls Ryn to help her with something. He heads upstairs as I fetch blankets and pillows from the hallway cupboard. I used to sleep in the spare room upstairs when I stayed over here, but that room is Victoria’s nursery now. After using the bathing room, I snuggle on the couch beneath the blankets and run through my plan for tomorrow. If Kale comes to visit—and he has to, since we have no other way to get to the Seelie Court—I’ll hang around until he leaves. I don’t know how long the journey to the palace will be, but I’ll follow him the entire way. Once that’s done, I’ll consider whether to risk visiting Dad or not. Last week I wouldn’t have hesitated, but I’m far more wary now that I’ve been spotted on a surveillance device.
I fall asleep with a string of images of the Guild and Dad and a palace I’ve only ever imagined running through my head.
* * *
At an undefined time of night, a heart-rending scream tears through the air. I wake with a jolt, my heart thrashing in my chest. The scream goes on and on, curdling my blood like nothing I’ve heard before. I throw myself off the couch and hurtle upstairs as icy terror closes its fist around my heart.
CHAPTER
TEN
She died in her sleep. The healers say she didn’t feel any pain, but how can they know that if they don’t even know what caused her death? I know, though … In the back of my mind, the truth of what happened to Victoria is there, crouched and lurking like a hideous, foul beast waiting for me to face it, to acknowledge it.
I refuse to look.
Hours after it happened, in the pale light of morning as family members and close friends begin to arrive, I’m still huddled behind the kitchen door, out of sight and trying to keep the horror at bay. I can still hear Violet’s scream. It’s a sound I’ll never forget, not until the day I die. It raises the hair on my arms every time I think of it. The horrible scene keeps playing over and over in my head: Violet kneeling on the floor of the nursery, Ryn’s terrified shouts—Get help! Get help now!—me rushing into their bedroom and searching for the nearest mirror, placing an emergency call and not caring who saw my face. Then stumbling downstairs into the kitchen and cloaking myself in the illusion of invisibility as healers rushed into the house. Ryn yelling at them in broken-hearted fury to get out once it became clear they could do nothing for Victoria.
Again, the scene plays through from beginning to end. Again and again and again.
Vi’s been silent since the moment she stopped screaming. I’ve been biting down on my fists, allowing my tears to fall in silence, waiting for the sounds of mourning. Wailing, moaning, crying, something. But I’ve heard nothing.
The silence is worse.
The first voice I hear belongs to Zinnia, Ryn’s mother. I hear Ryn as well, then, and the heart-shattering sound of his sobs. I bite down harder on my fists, relishing the pain as my teeth break the skin. Ryn goes quiet when Flint and Raven arrive. It’s Raven’s turn to cry. Then I hear Jamon, another close friend of Vi and Ryn’s, and lastly Kale, Vi’s dad. I’m supposed to … I should be … But I can’t even contemplate trying to follow him through the faerie paths when he leaves. Not when all I can think of is that tiny, lifeless body upstairs.
No one else arrives. My father should be here too, of course, if the Guild hadn’t arrested him last night. Stupid, hateful people. Don’t they know what’s happened? Don’t they care? But perhaps it’s better that he isn’t here. He and Kale can barely stand to be in the same room these days, and the situation is probably tense enough with both Zinnia and Kale here already. Ryn’s mother and Vi’s father. They were together for a while after The Destruction—something I was too young to notice at the time—but it didn’t last. And now three people who were friends for years, who were all grandparents to Victoria and should be helping each other through this time, can barely stand one another’s presence.
The voices grow louder. Discussions of what could have happened to her and what to do now. I start to wish for the silence again because this—all this chatter—seems irreverent somehow. Clearly I’m not the only one who feels this way, because eventually I hear Ryn’s voice, raised but as brittle as if it’s about to crack. “Everybody. Get. Out.”
The voices quiet, and Zinnia softly says, “Ryn …”
“Get out!” he yells. “I can’t do this now!”
I hear murmurs and the shuffling of feet, and things are almost quiet once more when a voice I don’t recognize says, “Uh, good morning, Mr. Larkenwood. I’m sorry to do this to you, but we’ve received word that your sister, a Guild fugitive, was seen here—”
“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
My body jerks in fright as something crashes against a wall. Something that splinters and rains onto the floor in a thousand tinkling pieces.
Then silence.
More silence.
Eventually I let go of the breath I didn’t know I was holding. I force myself to continue breathing as I slowly push myself to my feet. My body aches from sitting in the same position for so long. I quietly step around the kitchen door and look into the living room. Ryn is sitting on the arm of a couch, staring at the floor.
“Ryn?” I say carefully as I take a few steps into the room.
Silence.
I keep walking, as if approaching a dangerous animal. When I reach his side, he continues staring at the floor and says, “I asked everyone to leave, Calla. That includes you.”
“I know … I just …”
His hands clench suddenly into fists on his knees as he grinds out his next words. “I am trying really hard not to remember your part in all this.”
“M-My part?” The beast circles closer. My chest constricts. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this sick.
“We all know who did this, and we all know he’d still be behind bars if you hadn’t let him go free.”
His words are the final crushing blow that force me onto my knees in front of the beast. I’m staring head-on into its fathomless black eyes filled with nothing but the dark, horrible truth of what I’ve done. “Ryn, I’m—I’m so—” My words catch on the tears I’m trying to hold back. “I’m so, so—”
“GO!” he shouts. “I don’t want to feel your guilt! I don’t want to feel anything!”
I end up in the forest, crashing blindly through leaves and vines and over roots and fallen branches, as if I could possibly outrun the monster in my head. But it’s there every step of the way, a shadow I’ll never be rid of, a reminder for the rest of my days of the unspeakable grief I’ve caused.
PART II
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
An hour or so later, I’m curled in a dark corner of the lake house living room, tears continuing to wet my cheeks like a tap that can’t be turned off. I haven’t been back into t
he mountain. I can’t face explaining what’s happened and having to tell everyone that our one chance of finding a way to the Seelie Court has slipped away. But Chase … it’s easier to explain to him because I don’t have to say a word. So as he wakes up in his dark cell and calls my name, I shrink further into my dark corner and let every agonizing thought pour out of my mind and into his.
I wish I could be there for you, he says when I’m done. I wish I could hold you and kiss your hair and tell you that I understand the kind of pain you’re in.
I shake my head because as much as I wish for it too, I know I don’t deserve any comfort. My brother has always done everything he can for me—even risked his life for me—and how have I repaid him? By getting his daughter killed. He will never, ever forgive me for this.
He will. It might not be for a while, but one day he—
He won’t. And he shouldn’t. This isn’t something I should ever be forgiven for.
Don’t say that. You’re not the one who did this.
I may as well have been!
Stop it. You can’t hate yourself forever. That only leads to—
YOU STOP IT! I tug the ring off and fling it across the room, which makes me hate myself more. Chase is only trying to help, and now I’ve probably hurt him too. I wipe my tears away, stand up, and fetch the ring from the other side of the room. It sits on my palm for another few moments as I wrestle the beast that stinks of guilt into a cage in the furthest recesses of my mind. Then I return the ring to my pocket.
I stare blindly at the floorboards, my hands balled into fists at my sides as my brain begins to work again. Whether I should hate myself or not is debatable, but there’s someone else I can definitely hate: Zed. He fooled me into thinking he’d done nothing to Victoria. She’s fine, I swear, is what he said. But he was lying. He did something, performed some kind of spell or gave her a potion or cursed her. Something that slowly weakened her and caused her death. He must have had help, though. Zed hasn’t done anything recently without the help of someone more powerful. First he went to Amon, because he knew that Draven’s former right-hand man and spy would hate the Guild just as much as he does. But Amon was locked behind bars and couldn’t help Zed directly, so he must have sent Zed to the witches. I know they were the ones who gave Zed the dragon disease spell, which means they probably helped him with whatever spell caused Victoria’s slow death.