Raider moved fasted, harsher, but it was like he didn’t have control over his own body. Soon the pain faded, but I didn’t feel the pleasure I had before. It was like I had gone numb. All I could do was lie there, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling, and hold on to him as he sought out his own pleasure.
With his next thrust, he went completely still, and I felt the hot flood of his release as it was pumped into me. I felt his lips on my neck, heard his heavy breathing in my ear, but he didn’t move for a long moment.
He didn’t even kiss me.
My tears fell faster and a feeling of shame engulfed me like a tidal wave.
Chapter 7
Raider
For a minute, I was sure the world had stood still. Nothing and no one else existed but me and Quinn. I had never experienced anything like what I had just had with this female. Pussy had been handed to me on a silver platter practically from the time I was fourteen years old. Not one of those chicks had made me feel even a tenth of what I had just felt with her.
As my body started to cool and reality began to come back to me, regret started to choke me. I had lost control for the first time in my life.
The feel of her tight little body yielding to me, giving me everything I had secretly wanted from the first time I had noticed Quinn as a grown woman and not just the little girl who would play with Flick and Raven and chase after my brother like he was the most important person in the world to her. It had been too good, and I had gone under without thinking about anything but myself.
Ashamed of how I had just taken her without any regard to the precious gift she had so willingly given me, I slowly lifted my head, an apology already on my lips.
“Sweetheart …”
The words got trapped in my throat when I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. Her face was pale, her eyes almost lifeless as she just laid there under me.
I pulled back a little, taking my weight off her. Her grimace of pain pulled at something in my chest and my shame only mounted.
“Quinn, I’m sorry.” I straightened up, being as careful as I could as I pulled out of her.
Her teeth bit into her full bottom lip as I finally eased completely out. My attention was quickly caught by the smear of blood that was on my still hard cock. Shit.
Looking down at her, I saw that that smear wasn’t the only sign of what I had just taken from her. The blanket she was lying on top of had a large spot, and there was blood mixed with my come on her thighs.
Bile lifted into my throat, and not at the sight of the blood—fuck, I had seen plenty of bloodshed in my lifetime. No, it was because I had done that to her. Sweet, perfect little Quinn who deserved the world, and I had just robbed her of her picture-perfect first time.
If I’d had my gun, I would have put a bullet in my head then and there. It was the least I deserved for what I had done to her.
I reached out to wipe the tears off her beautiful face, but she turned her head away from me, her tears falling faster.
“Quinn, I don’t … I’m …” My mouth snapped shut when I was unable to put more than a few words together. I was at a loss. I couldn’t find the words to tell her how sorry I was. I wanted to gather her in my arms, hold her until the tears stopped, and she finally smiled at me like she had so many times in the past.
That smile that was just as bright as the sunshine she smelled like.
There was no sign of that smile now, and I was scared I would never see that precious sight ever again.
She shifted, drawing my eyes to the rest of her body.
Fuck. I hadn’t taken the time to truly see every part of her, but hell, she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen naked before in my life. Every inch of her was perfect. There wasn’t anything about her I would change, except for the tears that wouldn’t stop.
Tears that I had caused.
I knew good and well that I was the cause of many of her tears in the past. I had hurt her on purpose over the years, wanting to protect her from wanting a fuck up like me.
She deserved so much better than what I could offer her. Therefore, I had let her see what the real me was like. The girls I fucked, the hardcore parties I liked—all of it.
Yet, she had still cared about me.
These tears, though, I would have gladly given my own life to erase them. I hadn’t meant to make her cry. I hated myself for hurting her so badly that she was still bleeding on my comforter underneath her pretty pussy.
It had felt like an eternity that I had held myself back from what I had ached for—her. And then I had been given it on a silver fucking platter, and I had gotten in over my head before it had even really begun. Me. The guy who had never lost control with a female, the guy who had made it an art form to see just how long I could go without nutting off.
The feel of her tight pussy clamped around me, the heat and wetness of her, the smell of her skin, and the way she had moaned my name …
It was a little embarrassing how fast she had made me come, but it had been exhilarating in a way I had never experienced before. The way she had clung to me, even when I must have been ripping her apart, it had been so loving. While she must have been sobbing in pain, she had still held me close and let me have the pleasure.
A pleasure that had consumed me completely.
Just thinking about it had my dick aching for her all over again. I ignored the tightness in my balls and lifted her into my arms. Quinn shied away from me, turning her head as far away as she possibly could, trying to hide her continued tears from me.
I kissed the side of her head, inhaling that intoxicating scent of honeysuckles and sunshine. Then I carried her into the bathroom, and after securing her with one hand, I reached into the shower to turn it on before setting her on her feet. As she straightened, I cupped her elbows, keeping her close when she would have moved away.
Her head was bent, her eyes focused on the tile of the bathroom floor. I gripped her chin gently between my thumb and index finger, forcing her to meet my gaze.
The tears had started to slow down, but they still had the power to punch me in the gut with each one that fell down her beautiful face.
“I’m going to let you get cleaned up, sweetheart. I’ll leave your clothes in the bedroom. Take your time.” Confusion filled her baby blues, but she remained silent. “I’m going to go. You don’t have to worry about me bothering you.”
She slowly nodded and pulled back, wrapping her arms around herself as if she were cold, even as the room filled with steam from the shower.
I wanted to say more. Fuck, what I really wanted to do was fall to my knees and beg her to forgive me for hurting her. Instead, I pressed a kiss to the middle of her forehead and walked away, closing the door behind me.
Back in my bedroom, I cleaned myself up and threw on the clothes I had been wearing earlier, trying to avoid looking at the bed and the evidence of what had taken place. But the blood on the comforter kept drawing my gaze, and even though I would have given anything to have taken away the pain I had just caused Quinn, I felt kind of smug.
A lot smug, actually.
I’d had Quinn. I had been her first. No matter how many men came after me—
I stopped that thought dead cold. I didn’t want to imagine her with any other guy. Shit, just imagining her with some faceless prick made me homicidal.
Pulling my cut on, I grabbed the keys to my bike. Locking the door behind me so no one could walk in on her, I took the back way out to the parking lot. Right then, I couldn’t have looked my brother in the face without giving away the fact that I had defiled his best friend. Motherfucking hell, I didn’t think I could ever look myself in the eye again without regretting what I had just done.
As I got on my hog and started it up, I realized something that terrified the fuck out of me.
I wanted to do it again. Not hurt her, for fuck’s sake, but I wanted to have her again. Over and over again. I wanted to go back in there, kiss every inch of her body, and make her feel
everything she had so easily made me feel. I wanted to love her until neither one of us could breathe, and then I wanted to start all over again. I wanted to show her how good sex could feel and get lost in the nirvana of her body.
I had just left her, but I craved more.
Chapter 8
Quinn
I stood in the middle of the bathroom for several long minutes after Raider had left me. The events of the last hour replayed over and over in my head like a slideshow on repeat.
Making out with Boomer in the hall. Stumbling into Raider’s room. Raider sending away the prospect. Us lying on his bed, talking. Then …
Well, the then was what had me gasping for breath each and every time, but I still couldn’t understand how things had gotten so out of control so quickly. One second I was on the brink of a major orgasm, and the next I … wasn’t.
I couldn’t blame Raider, not really. He was just doing what he did best—getting off with whatever pussy was handy.
But afterward, he had been so gentle.
When had I ever seen Raider Hannigan gentle with anyone, other than his niece and nephew? When had he ever wiped away my tears and apologized?
That was really what made the entire experience so surreal. His tenderness. The way he had picked me up like I was the most precious thing in the world and carried me into the bathroom. The way he had pressed his lips to my forehead like he was savoring it had nearly brought me to my knees.
I seriously doubted he was like that with any other woman he’d had sex with. Then again, I could be wrong.
Tonight showed me exactly how wrong I could be.
As each second ticked by, I was able to finally unlock my muscles and step into the steaming shower. I washed my aching body, being careful of the tender flesh between my legs that was surprisingly still bleeding a little. None of the sex talks I’d had with my mother growing up or with my girlfriends over the years had prepared me for how painful losing my virginity would be. If anything, I was a little upset for how they had downplayed the experience.
Raven had told me it had felt like a big pinch, and then pure paradise when she had lost hers to Bash. My mother had said it was a sting, and then I would like it, but probably be sore for a few days afterward. Well, it sure as hell hadn’t been any of those things. I figured I would be walking oddly for at least a few days.
Stepping out of the shower, I carefully towel dried, and then moved over to the door. Peeking into the bedroom, I saw that Raider was gone. I didn’t know if I was relieved or disappointed, but before I could make up my mind, I moved across the room and started putting on clothes as I reached them.
My shirt was the last thing I found, and as I pulled it over my head, I found myself facing the bed and the large red stain on the comforter. My stomach bottomed out at the sight of the blood. It was a lot, and considering how much I had cleaned off myself, and that I was still bleeding a little, I wondered if I should be concerned.
Was that normal?
Had Raider ripped something inside of me, along with my hymen?
As big as his cock was, it wouldn’t have surprised me if he had.
Hating the sight of the blood, I pulled the comforter from the bed and tossed it into the corner of the closet. Thankfully it hadn’t bled through to the sheets underneath.
With the proof of what had taken place in there now out of sight, I hastily left the bedroom.
All I wanted was to get as far away from the clubhouse as possible. Even if that meant I had to walk all the way home, I would, despite the ache that still lingered between my legs.
I had barely taken two steps out of the bedroom when a hand grabbed my arm hard and jerked me around. I knew who it was as soon as I felt the fingers digging into my flesh. Or rather, I could narrow it down to three people.
One of my sisters.
Lifting my gaze, I found myself staring into eyes the same shade of blue as my own. Finding myself face-to-face with Heather, I nearly groaned out loud. Heather was the oldest, and my least favorite sister. Which wasn’t really saying much since I detested them all.
“What the hell were you doing in Raider’s room?” she snipped at me, taking a step closer until she was in my face.
That she knew whose room I had just come out of didn’t surprise me. Heather, Whitney, and even Amanda had rubbed it in my face that he fucked them on a regular basis, practically from the millisecond they knew I had a thing for Raider.
Hell, I should have been able to move on from my feelings for him then and there, but stupidly, I had continued to care for him.
I still did.
Refusing to answer my sister, I just stood there, not daring to break eye contact with her. I had learned at a young age not to back down from my sisters. They were all bigger than me, in height as well as other assets. Even Amanda, my younger sister, was considerably taller and had the body of a goddess. Whereas I was the runt of the family in all physical aspects.
Just because they were all bigger than me, didn’t mean I let them walk all over me. As a kid, I had been their punching bag, physically and verbally. But that had all changed when I had gotten older and Colt had taught me how to fight back.
That I could defend myself hadn’t stopped them from fucking with me, though. They just tended to keep the blows to emotional ones these days.
“How many times do I have to tell you to leave Raider alone?” Heather snarled at me, making her pretty face less so with the way her thick makeup cracked around her mouth from the way she was twisting it. “He will never want you, little sister. Trust me; we’ve laughed about it at least a hundred times.”
Unsure if she was lying or not, the thought of Raider laughing at me cut deep and my shame only mounted. Tonight had been a mistake. The biggest of my life.
Refusing to let the tears that burned my throat and sinuses show, I clenched my jaw and squared my shoulders. “Are you finished?”
Heather rolled her eyes and took a step back from me. “Yeah, little girl, I’m all finished. Just remember what I said.”
“Fuck you, Heather,” I snapped as I turned to walk away.
“Nah, that’s okay. Raider will do that later.”
Hating that her parting shot felt like barbed wire wrapping around my heart, I kept walking. I didn’t look around for anyone once I reached the front room. Everyone was still having a blast, clueless to my stupidity.
As I moved through the room, I saw Raven and Flick laughing with Gracie and a few other women. I caught sight of Jet and Hawk with a few of their MC brothers, and even Bash and Spider were laughing with a few other guys. Boomer appeared to be long gone, which was a godsend.
I didn’t see Colt or Kelli, and for that, I was thankful. Kelli wouldn’t have been so bad, but Colt would have taken one look at me right then and known exactly what was wrong with me. Whoever had said that men and women couldn’t be anything but friends had never meet me and Colt. I had never been in love with him, nor had I ever wanted to be. He was my lifeline, and I was his.
A few people said hello to me, but all I could muster was a brittle smile as I worked my way through the masses.
Reaching the door, I breathed a sigh of relief as fresh air filled my lungs. It was dark out, with only the street lamps and a few headlights from the cars to light my way, but I welcomed the anonymity from the darkness.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I headed for the road and started the long walk home. It was a three-mile walk, and even though I was uncomfortable between my legs, I needed the time to clear my head.
Tonight had shown me something I should have seen years ago. That even though I cared about Raider, he would never really return my feelings. He had gotten what he wanted, something he could easily find with a hundred different women. Crazily enough, I still loved him, which should have qualified me as certifiably insane.
It was what it was, though, and I had to face reality. Other than Colt and a few other close friends, there was nothing for me in Creswell Springs. It was time
to pack up and move on, literally and figuratively. I needed to put distance between me and this place, find somewhere I could put down roots, make a life for myself, and maybe, if I was lucky, I could find a man who would love me.
A man who maybe, just maybe, I could love more than I loved Raider.
That was a big dream, but a girl could hope.
With those plans firmly in mind, I started making mental lists of what I needed to do to be able to accomplish this new life I wanted.
By the time I got home, my heart still felt weighed down, but my head was clearer and I was ready to set everything into motion.
I was leaving Creswell Springs.
I was going to forget about Raider Hannigan.
As I climbed into bed, still in the clothes I had worn to the party, I rolled my eyes at my own hopeful musings. I would definitely be leaving, but it wasn’t likely that I would ever forget about Raider Fucking Hannigan.
Chapter 9
Kelli
I leaned against the wall outside of the Angel’s Halo MC’s clubhouse and glared up at the cloudless sky. The stars sparkled like little diamonds, making me want to take a load of C-4 to it. The saying that diamonds were a girl’s best friend was the stupidest thing anyone could have ever come up with. At least for this particular girl.
I hated anything that was shiny or sparkly. Diamonds or any other gems had been a big part of my mother’s life. Give her a pair of pretty earrings, and she was your best friend. Give her a diamond tennis bracelet, and she would forgive you anything.
No, I preferred the darkness, minus the glitter of the stars or a city skyline. I welcomed the shroud of emptiness that pressed into me like a physical caress, and hid me from the world and all the demons that swirled around in my head.
I could hear laughing in the distance, even a raised voice of a drunken biker who couldn’t find the keys to his hog. I figured one of the old ladies had stolen them off him, as they had been doing most of the night from those who were having a little too much fun. At least they cared about each other enough that they wouldn’t allow anyone to drink and drive.