“I couldn’t afford his shoes.”
“What if the New York Times offered you your dream job? Would you still go on the road with Lucas, or would you stay here? And if you made the decision to stay, would you want him to stay with you?”
She didn’t hesitate. “I’d stay and he’d go in a heartbeat.”
I smirked. “Well, that’s true love at it’s finest.”
“At least it’s true,” she said bluntly. “Which is more than can be said for the life you’re living at the moment.”
I knew Bente wasn’t trying to be brutal. She was trying to be honest. Unfortunately, it was the same thing. “I love him.” It was all I could think of to put forward to justify my decision to stick it out in New York.
She granted me a tiny smile that wasn’t the least bit reassuring. “And the frog loves you, Charli. He’s just not very good at it.”
38. Poison Ivy League
Losing Bente hurt my heart in ways that Adam couldn’t understand, so I kept it to myself, along with a hundred other grievances that had begun to weigh me down. Resentment is a brutal beast, but for some reason we both chose to ignore it as it crept in.
The love I felt for Adam was complete and resolute. I just couldn’t live it the way I wanted to, and I blamed him. I’d grown to hate the way I loved Adam Décarie. His resentment stemmed from frustration. He loved his New York life, and it killed him knowing that no matter how hard he tried, I just wasn’t happy there. I no longer knew what he saw when he looked at me – and it was terrifying.
To make matters worse, winter had reared its ugly head again. Along with the abominable weather came an endless round of inane Christmas parties, the latest being Parker and Kinsey’s ridiculously decadent event.
Parker’s family, like Whitney’s, were hoteliers, which meant he had access to the grand ballroom of their hotel for no other reason than to show off. To remind everyone how fabulous they both were, they gathered a hundred of their closest friends and packed them into the function room. I couldn’t even claim to know a hundred people.
Even Adam looked as if he wished he were anywhere but here. “Are we having fun yet?” he whispered.
I hadn’t decided. There was something wickedly amusing about being in the company of the poison ivy league, knowing that there was major treachery and betrayal bubbling just below the surface. It was a façade that Parker and Whitney maintained well. Whitney had even brought a date, a cute guy called Nate who seemed as excited to be there as Adam. But Nate had a role to play. He was on the receiving end of flirty looks and handsies under the table whenever Whitney felt the urge to get under Parker’s skin. Parker responded by groping Kinsey. It was a repellent display.
“How did I not see this before?” I asked, trading glances between the two biggest wretches I had ever known. They both glared at me and I smirked back.
“See what?” asked Adam, oblivious.
I picked up my napkin and fanned it across my lap. “These napkins are the exact same shade of green as Kinsey’s dress.”
Adam looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. Whitney and Parker relaxed as if they’d just been granted a stay of execution, and Kinsey giggled. “Oh, someone noticed!”
“Of course I noticed, Kins,” I purred. “I notice everything.”
My snaky comment, and several others that followed, made for an uncomfortable dinner. I eventually excused myself from the table on the pretence of needing fresh air.
“Do you want me to come?” asked Adam hopefully, as I stood up.
I shook my head, smiling. “No. You stay.”
I slipped out of the ballroom, made my way across the lobby and into the lounge area. I sat on one of the winged chairs near the fire and breathed easily for the first time all night – right until Parker appeared in front of me.
“Are you going to hide out here all night, Charli?”
“I might.”
“That’s not very sociable of you.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not a very sociable kind of girl.”
A disgusting, smug look crossed his face. “I guess that’s understandable, all things considered.”
I couldn’t help but ask him what he meant. Parker sighed heavily, reached for the nearest chair and dragged it closer to mine. I tried to appear apathetic as he sat beside me by keeping my focus on the open fire. What I really wanted to do was push him into it.
“Adam is my best friend,” he began. “We talk about everything.”
“Oh good,” I muttered. “So you’ve told him that you’re screwing Whitney?”
He chuckled blackly but ignored my question. “He talks about you a lot. You’re such a tortured soul, Charli. It’s pathetic really. Did you really think he’d leave New York? I warned you months ago that he’d never follow through with your absurd plan.”
“Plans change.”
He shook his head, then reached across and touching a wisp of my hair. I slapped his hand away.
“Charli, Adam’s plans have never changed.”
“He didn’t know that he was going to be offered an clerkship,” I defended.
Parker gave a condescending laugh. “No one gets offered an clerkship, sweetheart. He applied for it, just like a thousand other law students did. He got it because he maintains near perfect grades.”
My heart dropped. I had only one question for him. “When was he accepted?”
Parker shrugged his shoulders. “At least a year ago.”
Things finally fell into place. Lingering doubts about Adam’s intentions of leaving New York had been a constant drone in my head for months. And now I knew why. When he’d stood beside me at the altar and promised that we’d leave New York after two years, he’d already accepted a position that would keep us there. The subject of where we’d travel to when we left had never been his favourite topic; in fact, it usually made him squirm. That was obviously when the dishonesty weighed heaviest on him.
Despite my best efforts to stop them, tears rolled down my cheeks. Parker took it as an opportunity to move closer to me.
I was too distraught to protest as he draped one arm around my shoulder.
“I’m here for you, Charli,” he declared, leaning closer to whisper the words.
“Like you’re there for Whitney?” I mumbled, suddenly nauseated by his very existence.
“If you want me to be.” I shuddered but he ignored it. Harvey Parker made my skin crawl. “Maybe you just need an escape for a while. We could go upstairs.”
Maybe he was right. Maybe I did need an escape.
“And you think soulless sex is the solution?” I asked, dabbing my eyes with my fingertips, trying not to smudge my makeup.
“It has some therapeutic qualities,” he replied, breathing the words into my hair.
“I wouldn’t know.”
It wasn’t a dark world I’d ever ventured into. I tended to hang out in La La land where love conquered everything and lies covered all.
“You should give it a try,” he urged, moving his free hand to my knee.
“Parker, I think you should buy me a drink first.”
He was on his feet before I’d even finished speaking, and judging by the speed with which he took off to the bar, I only had a minute to make my next move.
I delved into my purse and grabbed a condom – something I never thought I’d need in Parker’s presence. I was going to use his latex allergy to teach him a lesson. I discreetly took it out of the foil wrapper, held it between my palms and feverishly rubbed my hands together. When I spotted him weaving through tables with a couple of lethal-looking drinks in his hand, I dropped it back in my purse.
“For you, Madame,” he crooned, in the lamest French accent I’d ever heard.
He set the glasses on the table beside me and sat back down, even closer than before. My heart was almost belting through my chest. If my plan failed, there was a fair chance I was going to be in a whole world of trouble.
Parker’s hand moved back to my knee and I made
my counter-move, covering his hand with both of mine and kneading his fingers, praying that there was enough latex on them to work. I endured his stupid dirty talk and heavy breathing until I saw the first hint of discomfort take hold. As soon as I saw him scratch his hand, I pulled away. I wanted to see him squirm, not die. I stood and grabbed my bag, preparing to make a run for it if I needed to.
“What’s the matter?” he asked in a buttery voice that had always been powerless over me. “I thought we were getting to know each other.”
“I already know you, Parker,” I said gravely. “And just being in the same room as someone who’s prepared to sleep with his best friend’s wife makes me want to throw up.”
“What if Adam thought you’d made the first move? I could tell him that, you know.”
The douche was actually threatening me. He was also scratching his hand with a little more ferocity than before so I let it slide. “Do what you need to do, Parker,” I encouraged. “I know I’m going to.”
My intention was to return to the party, but I didn’t make it that far. The entire purple circle stood at the doors leading into the ballroom. Even before I got there I knew the conversation was heavy. Seraphina was comforting Kinsey, who was sobbing uncontrollably. Jeremy stood in front of Adam as if he was holding him back. Whitney stood alone in the corner, looking calmer than any of them. Deciphering what had happened took no time at all. The house of cards had finally fallen, and judging by the relaxed look on Whitney’s face, she was the one who’d blown it down. She’d finally come clean about her affair with Parker.
As soon as I was close enough, I asked a stupid question. “What’s going on?”
It was Kinsey who blurted out a reply. If I hadn’t already known the answer, her jumbled words would have made no sense. I linked my arm through Adam’s, but he was so worked up he didn’t seem to notice I was touching him. I wasn’t sure who would wear the brunt of his fury – until Parker foolishly appeared.
Adam lurched forward, grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pinned him against the wall. Kinsey let out a scream and Seraphina worked hard to calm her down. Jeremy attempted to separate them, but Adam refused to let go. I had never seen him so infuriated. Parker raised his hands in a motion of surrender and that was when I noticed the angry red welts.
“How could you?” hissed Adam through gritted teeth.
Adam released him with a hard shove. Confident that the confrontation was over, Jeremy took a step back.
It would’ve been an opportune time for Parker to walk away, but he didn’t. Foolishly, he answered Adam’s question. “You should’ve been taking care of business, Adam. I’m only too happy to keep picking up your slack. Your wife is in need of a little TLC too.”
Even Jeremy, the peacemaker, couldn’t make sense of his audacity. He did nothing as Adam drew back his fist and punched Parker square in the face. Kinsey screamed again and Sera quickly led her away.
Adam stood over Parker. “If you get up, I’ll smash you again.”
“Enough,” ordered Jeremy, putting his hand on Adam’s chest and pushing him back.
I looked back at Whitney for the first time. She bestowed the tiniest smile on me and I wondered if her confession had had the desired effect. One thing was certain. After that night, nothing would ever be the same.
The rest of the partygoers continued revelling in the ballroom, oblivious of the drama outside the door. But we were done. Adam took my hand and led us across the foyer to the cloakroom. “We’ll get our coats and then we’re out of here,” he muttered, seemingly to himself.
It took a few minutes for the attendant to find them and the delay was beginning to annoy him. Our coats appeared at the same time that Kinsey came barrelling across the foyer, calling Adam’s name.
He turned to face her. “I won’t touch him again, Kinsey,” he promised.
“No, no,” she said, panicked. “He’s had a reaction to something. He needs to go to the hospital.”
I looked past Kinsey and saw Parker listlessly walking across the foyer toward us. It was hard to tell what was hurting him more – his angry welted hands or his bloody swollen nose. Adam turned his attention back to me. “I have to take him to hospital,” he said, sounding totally inconvenienced. “Take a cab home and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
I was thrilled to be going home. My intention was to make a quick getaway but hailing a cab was harder than expected.
“I have a driver,” said Whitney, appearing from somewhere behind me. “You’re welcome to share a ride with me.”
I pulled my coat tighter around my body, trying to protect myself from the bitter cold – and perhaps a bitter Whitney.
“What happened to Nate?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I guess he just wasn’t that into me.”
“What made you finally come clean, Whit?” I asked, too curious not to know. “Did your conscience finally get the better of you?”
She looked to the pavement. “I saw him talking to you. It made me realise what a tool he really is. His spiel hasn’t changed much.”
“He is a tool,” I agreed, shuddering.
“You made his hands welt, didn’t you?”
“Possibly.”
“I wish I’d thought to do that.”
“You deserve better than him, Whitney,” I said, sucking the humour right out of the conversation. “Don’t settle for less than you’re worth.”
“I won’t do it again,” she promised, holding her hand to her heart.
“Me neither.”
“Regrets, Charli?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “None.”
I wasn’t lying. I regretted nothing, but had finally realised that I’d reached the end of my rope. The desperate need to have Adam in my life had finally given way to self-preservation. My sanity would give out if I continued with the Manhattan madness that had become my life. I didn’t end up sharing a ride home with Whitney. I managed to hail a cab and get the hell out of there.
39. Small Details
I wanted to be awake when Adam arrived home, but zonked out on the couch some time after two. I probably wouldn’t have woken at all if he hadn’t made such a racket on the way in. He dropped his keys on the floor, bent down to pick them up, and managed to take a dining chair with him. Boy Wonder was drunk. In fact, Boy Wonder was blind rotten smashed. This was a first. I had no idea how to handle him.
“Charlotte.” He staggered back a few steps, steadying himself by leaning against the wall.
I made no attempt to get off the couch. “Adam.”
He paused. “The chairs fell down.”
“I know, I saw. Why don’t you sit down?”
It took a long few seconds for him to process my instructions before he pushed himself off the wall, stumbled toward me and fell in a heap at my feet, resting his elbows on my knees.
“I love you so much,” he slurred.
I ran my hands through his messy hair, looking into his tired blue eyes. He looked like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I love you too. Where have you been?”
“Out. Getting drunk.”
“By yourself?”
“No big deal,” he muttered. “I’m probably going to be spending a lot of time alone from here on in.”
“Did you take Parker to the hospital?”
“Yeah. They’re keeping him overnight.”
I felt slightly bad. I’d done some pretty low things in the past but that was the first time I’d ever inflicted actual physical injury on someone.
“So he’s okay?”
“He’ll live. Besides, I think his broken nose hurts more than his allergies.”
I put my hand under his chin and lifted his head, forcing him to look at me. “You broke his nose?”
A lazy grin swept his face. “You broke his hands.”
“He told you that?”
“He told me everything,” he replied. “Do you know everything, Charlotte?”
His question formed a
dangerous line of conversation. In a few short hours, Adam’s entire social circle had imploded. And I suspected he knew that our relationship had almost gone down with it. It wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with him while he was plastered, so I censored my reply.
“I know about Parker and Whitney.”
He huffed out a sharp laugh. “You knew that? Wow. How’d I miss it for so long then?”
I wasn’t about to explain. There was a scar on my brain where I’d burned the memory from my psyche. Thankfully, Mr oblivious wasn’t thinking clearly enough to realise I hadn’t answered him. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head. “I’m sorry they betrayed you like that.”
Better than anyone, I knew the pain of finding out your friend is a treacherous jerk. It hurt almost as much as finding out I was married to one.
“I probably deserved it,” he conceded. “I’m just like them. They lie, cheat and manipulate to get what they want. I do the same thing to you. But you know that now, right? Parker told you.”
“I would’ve worked it out sooner or later, Adam. I’m not giving Parker any credit for spelling it out for me.”
“I’m sorry he hit on you,” he said, veering off-subject.
“I dealt with it,” I replied, surprised that Parker really had told him everything.
He laughed blackly. “Yes. I suppose inflicting anaphylaxis is dealing with it.”
I couldn’t find the humour. If he had been sober, I doubt he would have either. Ending the conversation seemed like a good idea. I grabbed his hand and tried pulling him to his feet.
“Let’s go to bed. I’m tired.”
Adam yanked me down into his lap. “Tired of loving me?”
I linked one arm around his neck. “No one ever gets tired of loving someone, Adam. They just get tired of waiting and being disappointed and getting hurt.”
“I can’t give you what you need,” he said bleakly. “I’ve known that from the very beginning. I was never going to leave here. I belong in New York. I want to finish my degree and practise law. I’ve been dragging you along for the ride, trying to change your mind about wanting to leave. I tried my hardest to make you happy so you’d stay here with me.”