Rather than answer or even acknowledge her olive branch, he said, “Well, if you’re okay then I better head into work.”
A sad, unwanted sense of loss filled her. She wanted him to understand. “Tyson—”
He stood. “I gotta go, Kat. Feel better.”
“Tyson, please.” She sat up, but stilled when he held up a hand.
“Save it, Kat. These are your choices and you have to live with them. But I don’t.”
She scoffed. He said he understood. He said he could be patient. “Then why did you say you’d wait?”
“I thought things changed,” he snapped, and she shrunk against the headboard. He never spoke to her like that. He exhaled a harsh breath and turned away, scrubbing his hand roughly over his face.
“Look,” he said in a calmer voice. “I…I want you to get it. I like you. Being with you isn’t some bullshit way I pass my time. I enjoy being around you. I like hanging out with Mia. And I like when it’s just you and me. When I’m at work, you’re never far from my mind. But I have no idea how you feel. You don’t talk to me. I think I have you figured out, but then you send me a curveball and I’m confused all over again. It’s frustrating.”
“I like spending time with you too.”
“We spent the whole day together Sunday. I thought we finally got to a point that we were ready to face this thing between us like adults, but then your mom shows up and I feel like I’m a teenager again, expected to shimmy down the fire escape before your parents walk in. What am I supposed to think, Kat? I’m not a fucking kid anymore. I want more than this. And I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about an emotional connection where we actually communicate with each other and don’t sneak around because you’re afraid Mommy and Daddy won’t approve.”
She looked at the carpet. Everything he said was true. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
A few seconds ticked by. “I appreciate your apology, but what are you actually gonna do about it, Kat? How many more dates until you tell your parents no?”
“I tried to get out of it—”
“No one has a gun to your head. Maybe if you stuck up for yourself a little more, your parents would respect you more as an adult.”
That hurt.
Arguing was pointless. She’d tell her mom it was over with Dawson and face the consequences. But tonight was already arranged. Her mother had rearranged her schedule to babysit and Dawson already purchased tickets.
“Say something,” he said with incredulity.
She shrugged, hating that her choices were upsetting him. “You’re right. I have nothing to say. Everything you said was true. I don’t know how to say no.”
“Goddamn it, Kat, fight back!” he snapped in an exasperated tone. “I just insulted you!”
“I don’t know how!” she shouted, unshed tears burning her eyes. “I can’t just yell at someone. I’m not made that way. Words hurt, Tyson. And words said in anger can never be taken back.”
“Fine, you don’t want to fight. At least take a defensive position. Stick up for yourself.”
Her thoughts quieted and her mind tucked itself away in some dark corner like a child hiding with a blanket.
He sighed and shook his head. “Kat.”
She stared at the little daisies sewn into her comforter. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want another apology,” he said in a softer tone. “Tell me one thing you like about yourself.”
“Mia.”
“Something else.”
She shrugged.
He took her hand and tugged her off the bed. “Stand up.” She stumbled after him as he crossed the room. “Look.”
She gazed to her reflection in the mirror.
“What do you see?”
He stood behind her, a dark image of strength and confidence, with her a slight and pathetic picture of nothing special. Her eyes had smudges of black makeup under her lashes and her hair was sloppy. Her clothes were wrinkled and her posture slumped. “I see me,” she mumbled.
“And what’s you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Tell me something about your reflection you like.”
There wasn’t anything. Her gaze lowered and focused on a small dish holding her cheap jewelry, but his fingers pressed under her chin and lifted her head.
“No, look at yourself. Forget about everything you’ve been told and see the girl I see.”
She stared at her reflection. Her eyes focused on the spattering of freckles cresting her cheeks, the curve of her lips and the elasticity of her skin. She didn’t have wrinkles, that was a plus.
No matter how much she straightened her hair, a little wave always formed by her temple. Her throat was slightly concave at the base, just above the V of her collarbone. It was all so overwhelmingly ordinary.
Her brows were dull and dusty brown rather than sharp and angular the way women wanted them to be. There was nothing sharp about her. And under her clothes it was worse.
Her shoulders were rounded and her breasts were lifeless without a bra. Scarring from pregnancy stretched thin silver lines over her hips. A pouch of baby fat that no amount of sit-ups could cure showed beneath her belly button. Her butt was flabby and too wide. Her thighs were dimpled where they should be smooth and her knees were incredibly knobby. She’d probably have nice hands if she didn’t bite her nails.
“Do you know what I see?” Tyson whispered.
With shimmering eyes, her gaze met his in the mirror.
“I see a beautiful woman who’s too afraid to show her strength. I see soft, gorgeous hair that always has my fingers itching to run through it. A neck that’s made for kissing. Bee stung lips that could bring a man to his knees.”
Her breath trembled in her lungs as his words pierced the vulnerable bubble she hid within. She wasn’t strong. She couldn’t even stand up to her parents.
“Your eyes are so expressive, Kat. I love looking into them, hoping to catch a glimpse of some secret you’re trying to hide. And that little feisty temper of yours, it shows when your face flushes, taking your freckles from the soft shade of sand to fiery cinnamon.”
His palms slid over her hips. “Your breasts are the perfect size to fill my hands and your hips flare like a woman’s should. You’re soft and cuddly and fit perfectly against me. And your ass—mmm, mmm, mmm—I love that ass.
“There isn’t one thing about you I don’t like, except for your inability to see the value in yourself. Stop listening to people who do nothing but hurt you, Kat. They’re a bunch of idiots. The day you stop giving them the power to hurt you is the day all their condescending comments go away. But you have to make them stop or they never will.”
Her body shook, as she feared one whispered word would break her. She wanted to call him a liar, but the look in his eyes showed nothing short of sincerity. Whether she possessed the beautiful traits he listed or not, it didn’t matter. He saw her that way. Same as she saw her daughter as the most beautiful child in the world, Tyson saw her as pretty.
It hurt. It actually, physically hurt to accept his opinions. Like a backwards birth, she shoved everything she thought about herself into the depths of her mind, but her flaws didn’t want to fit anywhere but the forefront of her brain.
He ran his fingers down her arms and leaned over her shoulder to kiss her cheek. “You do what you have to do, Kat. But the girl I just described, that’s the one I’m waiting for. Fuck ‘em, Kat. You just gotta learn to say fuck ‘em.” He stepped away and she steeled herself to stay calm in the absence of his strength.
What kind of message was it sending her daughter when Kat couldn’t defend herself to people that took advantage? She protected Mia, but it cost her greatly. Same as she protected her daughter, she wanted to protect Tyson. Why? Because no one else saw her as he did and if she didn’t learn to stand up for herself, he wouldn’t stand by waiting forever.
Tyson barreled into his work trailer and slammed the metal door. Throwing his sunglasses on his d
esk, he groaned in frustration. He’d left Kat with a whole pile of crap to think about, but only Christ knew if any had sunk in. He wanted to find her parents and strangle them.
At first he thought, sure, a little low on the self-esteem scale, he could manage that. He’d treat her nice and be a good friend—all easy objectives with a sweet girl like Kat—but perhaps he’d bitten off way more than he could chew.
He was not giving up. He liked her. Fuck, he might even be falling for her. Those small glimpses of her natural self when her insecurities weren’t crowding in, they were enough to make him beg like a fifteen-year-old boy. She did something for him in a way no other woman or girl ever had.
It could be the way she looked up at him with those soft, trusting eyes. Or maybe it was how sweet she was as a mother that triggered some male biological clock in him. She was sexy as all get out, but it was so much more than that. It didn’t matter. This would never work if she didn’t start believing she was good enough to have a happy life.
It was like watching someone quit when victory was only a breath away. If she could just stand up to the bullies in her life and start worrying about what she wanted instead of what others thought, things would start to change. But trying to convince someone who’s been told all their life they’re not good enough or pretty enough or deserving enough was like trying to roll a boulder up a cliff. You lifted it up and the shit just kept falling back down, never trying to grab on to something better.
There was a light knock on the siding followed by the squeak of the door. Ready to explode, needing a target, he scowled at the intruder.
Eric, an apprentice electrician on his crew didn’t seem to notice his mood, so Ty gave him a preview. The kid was supposed to be off site. “I thought I told you to clean up that shit and go to the Hoyt property!”
“I know. I’m heading there now, but there’s a woman here looking for you.”
His heart stuttered with excitement as he thought of Kat. Eric jumped out of his way. Disappointment smothered his hope as his sister, Gloria waited outside the trailer. “What are you doing here?”
Eric fled without another word. Ty really shouldn’t have snapped at the kid like that.
“Geeze, Ty, nice to see you too.” She stepped into the cramped office and dropped her oversized, knockoff pocketbook on the table.
Gloria was classic boo-shetto. She liked to think she was classy and bourgeois with her knockoff Louis Vuitton accessories, but she always destroyed the image by being a little too ghetto, thinking nothing of pulling a bottle of hot sauce out of that designer bag in a nice restaurant. Boo-shetto.
“Sorry. Rough morning. What’s up?”
She tapped her neon claw on the table and made herself at home in a metal folding chair. Apparently this was going to be a long visit. Great.
He eased into the upholstered chair behind his desk. The permanent scent of coffee and blueprint ink that always filled his trailer had him looking to the coffee pot. Of course no one made coffee. Why would they? Boss was a little late and they all thought it was a holiday.
“Can’t a girl come and visit her brother once in a while?”
“Sure, a normal sister can. You on the other hand…”
“Boy, you are in a mood.” She dropped the diva façade and slouched. “Darrel lost his job again.”
“Aw, Christ G, I’m sorry.”
“We’ll be all right. We got our savings. It’s just…”
“If you need a loan you know I’ll spot you.”
“No, it’s not that.” She squirmed and pursed her full lips. “A man needs to work, Ty. I can’t go through this again with him. It’s not that he don’t do his part, but during the workdays Davis is with Mommy. That’s a lot of time to sit around. And not for nothing, but eventually our savings’ll run out. I got financial aide, but school ain’t cheap. I need books and shit. Eventually, if he don’t get work, I’m gonna have to get a second job and I don’t know how I’m gonna manage that with college, findin’ time to study, working at the grocery store, taking care of Davis, and worrying about Darrel.”
“Can’t he go back to the mill for the time being until he finds something else?”
“He hates that fucking place.”
“Well, how much are your books? I told you I’d pay for your school. You wouldn’t let me do that. Let me at least buy your books, G. I want to.”
Her lip quivered and a sheen of tears covered her dark eyes. “Don’t you get it, Ty? It’s about my husband’s pride. I can’t take your money. He’d see that as a slight on his ability to take care of his family. That’s exactly why he needs to work. He needs to contribute, feel like he’s pullin’ his weight. He needs to feel like a man,” her voice had gone more frantic and emotional with each pleaded word.
“Well, if you won’t take my money, what is it you want me to do?”
She looked up at him, eyes clear, hysterics put aside, and broadly smiled. Tyson suddenly had the sneaking suspicion this conversation was a prepared dialogue and Gloria couldn’t be happier with his lines. Before she even asked, he knew he’d been played.
“I want you to give him a job.”
He groaned and waved his hands, as far removed from the conversation as he could physically get in the tight trailer. “No, Gloria. No, no, no, no, no. I’ve seen Darrel try to fix stuff around the house. Most of the time you’re calling me over to fix his botched repairs—”
“Come on, Ty! He don’t need to do anything with big tools. Give him a broom or somethin’. Let him get your coffee. Whatever. Just don’t let him sit home all day.”
“You don’t want him sitting at home all day because you’re scared he’ll get bored and try to fix something of yours!” He shook his head. “The man is a card carrying member of the duct it or fuck it club. He’s a liability.”
His sister pursed her lips and took a breath. “Please, Tyson? Don’t make me beg. You know I’m too pretty for that.”
He laughed then scrubbed his palms over his face with a groan. “I should’ve never gotten out of bed today.”
“Is that a yes?”
He was glad she was finishing her degree and he didn’t want their finances to get in the way of her progress. If she wouldn’t take his money… “Yes,” he ruefully moaned.
Gloria squealed and did a little touch-down-dance from her seat. “Ooh, I knew I could count on you!” Kicking up her feet, she made herself at home. “Now, tell me what’s got your panties in a bunch?”
He made coffee and gave her the details of him and Kat. As he talked she did a lot head shaking and disapproving mmm, mmm, mmms. When he finally finished, ending with how he had left Kat that morning, she said, “Mommy told me you had it bad, but I didn’t realize it was this bad.”
“I do not have it bad. I care about her.”
“Boy, your emotions got you as overwhelmed as a hungry baby in a titty bar. I never seen you so unsure. It’s kinda’ funny.”
“Since you’re so smart, you tell me what to do.”
“Fine.” She adjusted her shoulders and lifted her chin, taking on her diva persona. “You say you care about this girl? Then why you gonna sit around and wait for this fool Dawson to hurt her? Aren’t doin’ anyone any favors there. You got to look out for her. That’s what real men do. Since when are you the type to sit around and wait for things to come to you? I get that you’re trying to be all patient and sweet, but Ty, be a little creative. Do something nice for the girl.”
“I was going to bring her pizza tonight, but she had a date!”
“Oh, pizza… Well why didn’t you say so?” She rolled her eyes. “Come on, Ty. You can be more creative than that.”
“She isn’t like other women. She likes being home. She gets all tongue-tied when she’s around people she doesn’t know. Plus, she’s impressed with people’s character, not what they can do for her or what they have. She isn’t materialistic at all. I love that about her.”
“Excuses, excuses.” Gloria shook her head. ??
?Ty, if you want to win the girl, you got to be the better player. Put your game face on and start using strategy. While this fool’s out there taking her to all these places she’s never been, you have the advantage of knowing where she wants to be. Bring the game to her home court. And for God’s sake, think of some creative plays. I swear to God, all you men are the same, boo-hoo, my woman don’t pay me no attention. Well maybe if ya’ll stopped pouting and started thinking romantically you’d see a different outcome for once.”
“You think she wants romance?”
“All women appreciate romance. And romance is not fancy things. Romance is a look, a genuine smile, heartfelt words, and everyday kindness. Romance is bringing the trashcans up from the curb. That’s the kind of love a woman wants, because that’s the kind that lasts. Flowers die, jewelry tarnishes, and chocolate melts. Give her something meaningful, Ty. Trust your instincts. All joking aside, you really want this girl? Then let her into your heart and show her the kind of man you truly are and you’ll get her.”
She had no idea how badly he needed to hear that. “Thanks, Gloria.”
Chapter Twelve
Kat waited in the kitchen for Dawson to arrive. Wearing a yellow cotton sundress with eyelet detail along the hem and a pair of espadrille wedges, she gave up her hope that the game would be rained out.
Motrin in full effect, she cleared her throat, and straightened her shoulders. For the first time in two days she was feeling pretty good— except when she thought about the look on Tyson’s face as he left that morning.
“This is the last time,” she told herself. Just get through tonight and then you never have to go out with him again. Vivian will just have to deal with it.
The BMW pulled up and she grabbed her purse and her short-sleeved white sweater, in case there was a chill. She blocked the door and quickly pulled it shut behind her.
“Hi. You look great.”