Laugh out loud with Junie B. Jones!
#1 Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus
#2 Junie B. Jones and a Little Monkey Business
#3 Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth
#4 Junie B. Jones and Some Sneaky Peeky Spying
#5 Junie B. Jones and the Yucky Blucky Fruitcake
#6 Junie B. Jones and That Meanie Jim's Birthday
#7 Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren
#8 Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed
#9 Junie B. Jones Is Not a Crook
#10 Junie B. Jones Is a Party Animal
#11 Junie B. Jones Is a Beauty Shop Guy
#12 Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy
#13 Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl
#14 Junie B. Jones and the Mushy Gushy Valentime
#15 Junie B. Jones Has a Peep in Her Pocket
#16 Junie B. Jones Is Captain Field Day
#17 Junie B. Jones Is a Graduation Girl
#18 Junie B., First Grader (at last!)
#19 Junie B., First Grader: Boss of Lunch
#20 Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder
#21 Junie B., First Grader: Cheater Pants
#22 Junie B., First Grader: One-Man Band
#23 Junie B., First Grader: Shipwrecked
#24 Junie B., First Grader: BOO … and I MEAN It!
#25 Junie B., First Grader: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells! (P.S. So Does May.)
#26 Junie B., First Grader: Aloha-ha-ha!
Top-Secret Personal Beeswax: A Journal by Junie B. (and me!)
Check out Barbara Park's other funny books, listed at the end of this book!
To the totally indispensable, completely irreplaceable,
occasionally excitable, but always lovable …
Cathy Goldsmith
1. Flinging
2. Pair-o-Dice
3. New Friend
4. Being a Sandwich
5. Tight Fit
6. Chicken of the Ocean
7. Flower Head
8. Clicking
9. Aloha!
I stopped writing and raised my hand.
Mr. Scary was not looking at me.
When teachers don't look, you have to stand up and shout. Or else how are they supposed to notice you?
I stood up and shouted.
“MR. S.! MR. S.! HOW LONG UNTIL WE HAVE SHOW-AND-TELL, DO YOU THINK?”
Mr. Scary wrinkled his eyebrows at me.
I am not supposed to call him Mr. S., I believe.
“Please sit down, Junie B.,” he said. “It's still journal time. And journal time is quiet time.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I know. Only I'd actually like to wrap things up and get started with Show-and-Tell now.”
Mr. Scary sucked in his cheeks.
“Sit down,” he said again. “We will have Show-and-Tell shortly.”
I looked at the clock. “How many minutes is shortly?” I asked. “Is it one minute or eight minutes or eleven minutes? On account of if it's one minute, I can wait, probably. But eleven minutes would be out of the question.”
Mr. Scary walked back to my desk. And he sat me in my chair.
I glanced up at him. “All I'm looking for is a rough estimate,” I said.
Just then, my neighbor named May leaned across the aisle. And she did a giant SHH! in my face.
I quick wiped my cheek.
“EW!” I hollered. “EW! EW! EW!”
’Cause May got spittle on me, that's why! And spittle is the grown-up word for spitooey!
I zoomed to the back of the room. And I climbed on the stool to reach the faucet. But Mr. Scary beat me to it.
He wet a paper towel and wiped my face.
“Thank you,” I said. “I needed that.”
Mr. Scary rolled his eyes.
“You're being very rambunctious this morning, aren't you, Junie B. Jones?” he said.
I scratched my head at that vocabulary.
“Okay. You lost me on that one,” I said.
“Rambunctious,” he repeated. “Rambunctious means—”
May's voice interrupted.
“BAD!” she called out. “’Bunctious means bad, Junie Jones! You're being bad this morning! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad!”
I turned to look at her.
Her chair was spun around to face the back of the room.
She was watching me like an audience.
Mr. Scary ran his fingers through his tired hair.
Then he went to May's desk. And he turned her back in the right direction.
Teachers spend a lot of time adjusting people.
After he came back, he bent down next to me. And he made his voice more private.
“Junie B., I know why you're excited,” he whispered. “Your mother called me on the phone last night. And she told me about your vacation next week.”
I threw out my arms real thrilled. And I flinged myself way high in the air.
“I can't wait, Mr. Scary! I can't wait! I can't wait!” I said.
Mr. Scary grabbed my arms. And he kept me from flinging.
“Okay. See, this is the wild behavior that I'm talking about,” he said. “I really need you to stay calm until Show-and-Tell, Junie B. Can you do that for me, please?”
I thought for a second. Then I shrugged my shoulders.
“Yeah, only I don't actually know if I can do that,” I said. “’Cause I'm already trying to be calm. And this is how I'm turning out.”
My teacher tapped on his chin.
“Hmm. Maybe we could make a deal,” he said. “How ’bout this? If you stay quiet and calm until Show-and-Tell, I'll let you go first. How does that sound?”
I bounced up and down at that exciting idea.
“That sounds like a D-E-E-L!” I said.
“You mean D-E-A-L,” said Mr. Scary. “Deal is spelled with an a, Junie B.”
“Whatever,” I said.
After that, I twirled real fast in a happy circle. And I accidentally spun myself into the ground.
On my way down, I knocked over the trash can and the sink stool.
All of Room One turned to look at me.
I sat up and waved my fingers.
“Do not be alarmed, people. I am perfectly okay,” I said.
After that, I stood up and dusted myself off. Then I went back to my seat.
I looked at the clock again.
No minutes had passed at all, hardly.
I put my head down and did a groan.
Time is as slow as a turtle.
The children wrote in their journals forever, it seemed.
Then finally, finally, finally … they started to finish!
And at last!
IT WAS TIME FOR SHOW-AND-TELL!
My legs sprang up. And they ran me to the front of the room.
Then I flinged myself in the air again. And I shouted, “VACATION! VACATION! I'M GOING ON A VACATION!”
Only too bad for me. ’Cause when I came down from my fling, I lost my balance. And I landed on the floor again.
This time, Room One laughed their heads off.
I tapped my fingers real annoyed.
“Okay … I've really got to knock off the flinging,” I said to just myself.
Mr. Scary quieted everyone down.
“Boys and girls, the reason Junie B. is so excited today is that she didn't find out about her vacation until just last night.”
He winked at me. “Tell everyone where you're going, Junie B.”
I took a big breath.
Then the words came hollering out!
“HAWAII, PEOPLE! I'M GOING TO HAWAII! AND I AM GOING THIS VERY EXACT SUNDAY!”
All of the
children's mouths fell open.
Except for, not richie Lucille's.
Instead, Lucille stretched her arms in the air. And she did a giant yawn.
“Hawaii. Ho-hum. Been there … done that,” she said real bored.
Then she stood up.
And she twirled around.
And she sat back down again.
My friend named Shirley stood up, too.
“Well, I've never been there!” she said. “I can't believe it, Junie B.! You're really, really going to Hawaii?”
“Yes, Shirley! Really!” I said. “This was the biggest surprise of my career, I tell you! On account of last night Daddy said he is going on a job interview in Hawaii! And he surprised me and Mother with two extra tickets!”
I skipped around my teacher very joyful.
“And that is not even the bestest part yet!” I said. “Because Daddy told me that this trip is for ‘big people’ only! And so my baby brother named Ollie is not even allowed!”
Room One looked shocked at that information.
“Wow!” said my friend José. “You mean you're big people, Junie B.?”
I nodded my head real fast.
“Oh yes, José. I am big people, all right,” I said. “That's how come I got to read the travel booklet with Mother last night. And the travel booklet says Hawaii is a real, actual paradise.”
Mr. Scary grinned.
“A paradise, huh? That's a great word, Junie B. Does everyone know what a paradise is?”
Sheldon shot his hand in the air.
“I do! I do!” he shouted. “My grampa Ned Potts has a pair-o-dice! He used to play craps at the gambling casino. But then someone squealed to Gramma. And so now he's not allowed out at night anymore.”
May jumped up and pointed.
“Sheldon said a bad word! Sheldon said a bad word!” she tattled real loud.
Mr. Scary stared at her.
“May, dear … I'm very sorry to ruin this special tattling moment for you,” he said. “But Sheldon did not say a bad word. Craps is a dice game that's played at gambling casinos.”
May stood there a second. “Well, at least I gave it a shot,” she said. Then she did a shrug and sat back down.
After that, Mr. Scary printed the word PARADISE on the board.
He turned and looked at Sheldon.
“And, Sheldon, my friend,” he said, “the word is paradise. Not pair-o-dice.”
Sheldon did a shrug, too.
“I don't think Gramma really cares how you spell it,” he said. “Grampa's still not getting out at night.”
Mr. Scary closed his eyes a minute.
Then he went to the sink. And he got a drink of water.
On his way back, he stopped at the world map on our bulletin board. And he showed Room One where Hawaii is.
“Boys and girls, these Pacific islands are the main islands that make up the state of Hawaii,” he told us.
He got the world globe off the shelf. And he asked me to carry it around to show the children.
I stopped at each desk.
“Whoa!” said Roger. “Hawaii looks like a bunch of little dots floating in the ocean.”
I nodded. “I know it, Roger,” I said. “But my mother said the dots are bigger in person.”
Mr. Scary laughed. “Oh, they're much bigger in person, Junie B. And they're not really floating, Roger. So don't worry. Our friend Junie B. won't be drifting away.”
May did a grump noise. “Phooey,” she said.
I ignored that situation. Instead, I put the globe back. And I went to the front of the room again.
“I know other information about Hawaii, too,” I said. “Mother read that there are lots of flowers and birds there. Plus also, she read that Hawaii was formed by exploding volcanoes.”
I thought for a second. “She read a bunch of other junk, too. But I finally got bored and tuned her out.”
Mr. Scary did a chuckle.
“Well, volcanoes are pretty interesting, really. When volcanoes erupt, they spew out lava. And over millions of years, lava can form landmasses,” he explained. “As a matter of fact, there are still two active volcanoes in Hawaii right now.”
I stood there real quiet. And I let that information sink in my head.
Then, all of a sudden, I did a little shiver.
“Okay, see, I wasn't actually aware of an eruption problem,” I said.
May jumped up again.
“Well, I'm sure glad that I'm not going to Hawaii,” she hollered. “Who wants to get erupted on by a spewy, hot volcano? Getting erupted on by a spewy, hot volcano would ruin your whole vacation trip.”
Mr. Scary sucked in his cheeks.
“Junie B. is not going to get erupted on by a ‘spewy, hot volcano,’ May,” he said. “There are no active volcanoes on the island where Junie B. is going.”
May thought a minute.
“Okay, fine. But let's just say that she did get erupted on by a spewy, hot volcano. That would definitely ruin her whole vacation trip. True or false?”
Mr. Scary went to the sink again.
This time, he splashed water on his face.
After he dried off, he put May back in her chair.
I waved my hand to talk some more.
“Yeah, only I didn't even tell everyone the most exciting part yet! ’Cause guess how I'm getting to Hawaii, people? Guess, guess, guess!” I said. “No, wait! I will give you a hint!”
After that, I straightened out my arms like wings. And I zoomed around Room One.
“See me, people? See me? I'm flying! I'm flying! That's how I'm getting to Hawaii! I'm flying in a real, actual airplane!”
Lucille stood up and did another yawn.
“Airplane, shmairplane,” she said. “Tell me something I haven't done.”
Mr. Scary sat her down.
“This is going to be an amazing adventure for you, Junie B.,” he told me.
He grinned real big.
“And—just to be sure that you bring back lots of wonderful pictures—I bought you a little gift for your trip.”
He went to the closet and took out a shopping bag.
I hurried and peeked inside.
And wowie wow wow!
There was a camera in that thing!
I quick pulled it out and showed the class.
“Look, people! Look! It's the kind of camera that you get at the drugstore!” I said. “I am excellent at this equipment! ’Cause I already used one on my class field trip in kindergarten!”
After that, Mr. Scary reached into the bag and pulled out another gift.
“And take a look at this, Junie B. This is called a photo journal,” he said. “A photo journal is similar to the first-grade journals we use in class each day. Except a photo journal tells a story in photographs instead of words.”
He opened it up for me. “See inside? Each page has a place for a daily picture and a caption. A caption is another name for a picture title,” he explained.
He showed the album to the class.
“Every day, Junie B. will take a picture of what she did on her trip,” he said. “Then she will organize her photos and give them captions. And when she comes back to school, her photo journal will tell us the story of her exciting trip to paradise!”
He handed me my album.
“Doesn't that sound like a fun assignment, Junie B.?” he asked.
I started to nod.
Then suddenly, I stopped.
’Cause something did not sound right about that sentence.
I tapped on my chin.
It was the word assignment, I believe.
Finally, I looked at my teacher.
“Okay, here is the problem,” I said. “Assignment means schoolwork, and Hawaii means vacation. And children do not actually like to mix those two items.”
Mr. Scary smiled. “Oh, but this will be a fun assignment, Junie B.,” he said. “And it's a very special assignment, too. You're going to be Room One's first official photo jour
nalist.”
My ears perked up.
“Official?” I said. “Did you say the word official?”
He grinned. “Yes. I did. That's exactly what I said … official.”
I looked at him again. “Official means important, right?”
“Oh yes,” he said. “You can't get much more important than being official.”
I stood up a little bit straighter.
Official makes you automatically taller, I think.
After that, Mr. Scary shook my hand. And he walked me back to my seat.
“Oh,” he said. “And don't forget to take your first-grade journal to Hawaii with you, okay, Junie B.? It would be a terrible shame to miss a whole week of journal writing, wouldn't it?”
I looked at him real strange.
Teachers and children do not have the same kind of brains.
Finally, I did a sigh. And I took out my journal. And I dropped it in the bag with my camera.
My friend named Herbert turned around very excited.
“You're a lucky duck, Junie B. Jones!” he said. “I wish I was going to Hawaii next week!”
“Me too!” said Lennie.
“Me three!” said José.
I looked at May.
She did not say, “Me four.”
Instead, she just kept staring straight ahead. And she didn't talk at all.
I did a shrug and went back to my own business.
Then suddenly—without any warning—May shot her arms into the air. And she hollered the word “KABOOM!”
She looked at me and smiled.
“That was the sound of a spewy, hot volcano erupting on you,” she said.
I sat there a second.
Then I did another shiver.
May is not amusing.
The next day was Saturday.
I woke up with ants in my pants.
’Cause just one more day till Hawaii, of course!
After breakfast, me and Mother packed my suitcase for the trip. Also, we stuffed crayons and toys in my backpack for the airplane.
“This plane ride is going to be fun! Right, Mother? Right?” I said. “This plane ride is going to be the time of my life!”
Mother sighed.
“Well, it's definitely going to be long. That's for sure,” she said. “And it could get a little boring, too, I'm afraid.”
She stood there a minute. Then she winked at me.
“That's why I got you a brand-new friend for the trip, Junie B.,” she said.