20
I'm not sure Lanny Shanks was quite as beautiful in person as she was on all those magazine covers. But she sure came close. It was hard to take my eyes off her. Waves of goose bumps washed up and down my arms.
"You're staring," she said.
"Sorry." I quickly turned my gaze to the floor. "You don't have to apologize," she said. "I'm used to it."
Lanny sat down at the makeup table and started to use round white pads to wipe the makeup off her face.
"You sure you don't want me to go?" I asked. "I mean, you must be kind of tired. It's been a long day."
"I took a nap," she said as she wiped her chin and cheeks. "I try to avoid the sun. It's terrible for the skin. Be a dear and scoop the avocados into a bowl, will you?"
"All of them?"
"Yes."
I knew there were fifty avocados because I'd bought them at the supermarket the day before. If Lanny wanted all fifty, she must have been way hungry. I went into the kitchenette and got to work scooping them into this big metal bowl. I was so busy that I didn't even realize that Lanny had gotten up from the makeup table and changed clothes.
The next time I looked up, she was standing next to the couch, wearing a tiny white terry cloth robe that stopped about one-third of the way down her thighs. Her long legs were bare. I felt my face grow hot with embarrassment. This was one aspect of being her personal assistant that I'd never considered.
"Did you mash up the avocados?" she asked.
"Uh, I will." I picked up a masher and started to mash, aware that it was now Lanny's turn to stare at me.
"Are you all right?" she asked.
"Oh, sure. Why do you ask?"
"Your face is all red."
"Oh, uh . . . mashing these avocados is hard work," I lied.
"When you're finished, bring it over here," she said.
"You want some crackers with it?" I asked. "No, silly, I'm not going to eat it."
Not eat it? Then what was she going to do with it? I picked up the bowl of mashed avocados and turned to bring it to Lanny.
She was still standing next to the couch. Only now she was no longer wearing that little robe.
21
I instantly spun around so my back was facingher.
"I'm over here, silly," she said behind me.
"I know." I started to walk toward her, backward.
"If you walk like that there's a good chance you'll fall," she said.
"I'll be careful."
"It would be easier if you turned around." "This is okay."
"What's your name again?" Lanny asked. "Jake."
"Jake, you really don't have to be embarrassed. I'm used to people seeing me undressed. I spend half my life undressing in front of people."
"I, er, uh ."
"And it's not like I'm completely undressed," she said.
As I walked backward I glanced out of the
corner of my eye at the mirror on the makeup table. What I thought was Lanny's underwear now appeared to be a skimpy bikini bathing suit.
"Have you ever been to the beach, Jake?" Lanny asked.
"Yes," I answered with my back to her.
"Have you ever seen a woman in a bathing suit?"
"Yes."
"So?"
"So this isn't the beach and that's not much of a bathing suit."
"Ha!" Lanny laughed again. "You're funny, Jake. Now put down the bowl and get a couple of big sheets of plastic wrap from the roll."
Keeping my eyes averted, I handed the bowl of mashed avocado to Lanny and went back into the kitchenette. Next to the counter was a superwide roll of plastic wrap, like the kind you can buy in a warehouse store.
"How big?" I asked.
"Four sheets, each one about seven feet long," Lanny answered.
I did as I was told.
"Good," Lanny said after I was finished. "Now put two of the sheets on the couch lengthwise."
Again I did as I was told.
"Great." Lanny put down the bowl of avocado mush and laid down on the couch on top of the long sheets of plastic wrap.
"Can I ask what we're doing?" I asked.
"Sure," answered Lanny. "You're putting me to bed."
22
Every night Lanny Shanks turned herself into a plastic-coated avocado-mush wrap sandwich. After she slathered herself in avocado mush, my job was to put the other plastic sheets on top of her and then tuck in the sides so the mush wouldn't leak out onto the couch. Next I had to cover her eyes with slices of cucumber. Lanny Shanks might have been a vegetarian, but she wore more vegetables than she ate.
"All I need now is my disk player," Lanny said, with cucumber slices on her eyes.
"I thought you were going to sleep," I said. "No, I'm just resting," she replied. "Angus is coming by later."
I found her disk player and put the headphones on her and pushed the play button.
"Louder, please," Lanny said.
I turned up the volume.
"That's good, thank you. You can go now."
I stared down at Lanny Shanks, looking avocado green inside her clear plastic wrap, cucumber slices on her eyes, and headphones blasting. Now that my job was done, I went into the bathroom at the back of the trailer and washed the avocado mush off my hands. The funny thing was, if I ever told my friends about meeting Lanny and helping turn her into a clear plastic avocado wrap, they probably would be thrilled.
But I decided I wouldn't tell them.
I dried my hands and left the bathroom.
That's when things really got weird.
Amanda Gluck was in the trailer.
And she had the Mini-DITS!
23
The Mini-DITS had two headsets. Amanda was already wearing one on her own head, and she was leaning over Lanny with the other. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she was trying to do.
"Stop!" I hissed as loudly as I dared without bothering Lanny.
When Amanda saw me come out of the bathroom, she lunged toward Lanny in a last desperate attempt to put the Mini-DITS headset on her.
I got there just in time to grab the headset away. Amanda put her head down and charged me like a bull. She head-butted me backward into the dress rack. As I fell, I accidentally yanked a dozen dresses off their hangers. The Mini-DITS fell to the floor of the trailer. Amanda picked it up and turned back toward Lanny.
Still tangled in dresses, I lurched forward and grabbed the back of Amanda's T-shirt. That slowed her down but didn't stop her. Like a dog pulling a heavy sled she started to huff and puff and drag me toward Lanny.
I couldn't get to my feet because they were tangled in dresses. Amanda kept pulling. I held on tight and felt myself sliding along the trailer floor.
Just as Amanda was about to reach Lanny, I let go of the T-shirt. Amanda shot forward like a slingshot and crashed into a rack of clothes.
"Wha?" In her clear plastic avocado-mush wrap, Lanny stirred. Amanda and I both froze. I was on my hands and knees with my feet still tangled in dresses. Amanda was halfway out of the dress rack she'd fallen into.
"Jake?" Lanny called. "Are you still here?" "Yes," I said.
Without moving the cucumbers from her eyes or the earphones from her head, she asked, "Did something fall? I thought I heard a crash."
I looked at Amanda and back at Lanny. "It was just a mouse. Er, I mean, a rat."
"Can you get it out of here?" Lanny asked calmly. She was one cool character. Nothing seemed to faze her.
"Definitely," I replied.
I turned to Amanda and pointed at the trailer door. Amanda shook her head stubbornly. She climbed out of the dress rack and started toward Lanny. She still had the Mini-DITS. I was the only thing between supernerd and supermodel.
And my feet were still tangled in dresses. Amanda faked right and went left. Once again
I managed to grab her shirt. The next thing I knew, she was dragging me toward Lanny again.
And then the trailer door opened.
24
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It was Jessica.
"What in the world?" she gasped when she saw Amanda dragging me toward Lanny. Amanda and I both turned and pressed our fingers to our lips and went shush!
Jessica made a face. I pointed at Amanda and the Mini-DITS. My sister's eyes went wide as she realized what was happening.
I quickly mouthed the words "Help me get her out of here!"
Jessica rushed over and held Amanda. That gave me time to untangle the dresses around my ankles. Then, with each of us holding one of Amanda's arms, we started to pull her away. Even with the two of us pulling, I couldn't believe how strong Amanda was. Or maybe it was just how badly she wanted to switch bodies with Lanny Shanks.
Finally, we managed to get Amanda through the door of the trailer and outside.
"What are you doing here?" I asked my sister as we dragged Amanda away from the trailer.
"Mom sent me over because it was late and she was worried about you," Jessica answered. "You keep Amanda out here. I'll go back and straighten up the clothes that fell over."
Once we'd gotten Amanda outside, she stopped fighting so hard. I guess she realized that it was two against one and she wasn't going to win. We stood in the dark and straightened our clothes.
"How'd you know about the Mini-DITS?" I asked.
"Oh, come on, Jake," Amanda said. "It wasn't hard to figure out. I knew there was something you used. Then that day at your locker you acted so guilty. I put two and two together."
"I thought you were totally against models," I said.
"I am," Amanda replied.
"Then why were you trying so hard to switch?"
"I wanted to understand what it was like," Amanda explained. "You know the saying 'Know thine enemy'?"
"Sure," I said. "I've heard of 'Know thine enemy.' I've just never heard of be thine enemy. Now, how about getting thine butt out of here?"
Under the parking lot lights Amanda's eyes started to well up with tears and her lips turned into a big pouty frown. "This is so unfair!"
"What is?" I asked.
"Nothing you'll ever understand!" She got on her bike and rode off into the dark. I looked back at the trailer. Suddenly I realized Jessica was still inside. It seemed like she was taking an awful long time just to pick up some clothes from the floor.
25
I went back into the trailer. Jessica was down by the couch, leaning over Lanny. Now my sister was wearing one of the headsets from the Mini-DITS.
And that could only mean one thing!
I practically dove the length of the trailer and yanked the headset off Jessica. She tried to grab it back. I'm not sure exactly what happened next, but somehow the second headset got tangled with the earphones for Lanny's portable disc player.
And the red button on the Mini-DITS got pushed.
And there was a loud whump!
And that's when things really got weird.
26
Thanks to the Mini-DITS and its big brother, the DITS, I've switched bodies with a lot of people. Sometimes when I wake up I'm not sure at first if I've really switched. The air gets hazy, I'm kind of dazed, and it's hard to tell what's going on.
But this time I knew instantly.
Because I was lying on the couch, encased in a clear plastic avocado-mush wrap. Imagine feeling warm and slimy from your head to your toes, not to mention being wrapped up like a mummy.
Meanwhile, Lanny in my body was sitting on the floor looking dazed. Jessica was standing in between us. Her eyes were darting back and forth frantically.
"Jake?" she said.
"You're looking at him, I mean, her," I said in Lanny's avocado-wrapped body.
"Would someone care to tell me what's going on?" Lanny Shanks in my body asked calmly.
"Ms. Shanks?" Jessica's mouth fell open.
Lanny nodded my head. "Call me Lanny."
"Oh, my gosh, Lanny, I'm so sorry! There's been a terrible mistake. You see, you're not supposed to be in my brother's body. You're supposed to, er, be in . . ." Her voice trailed off.
"In what?" Lanny sounded genuinely curious. Jessica stared at the supermodel in my body. "How can you be so calm about this?"
"About being in this body instead of my own?" Lanny in my body asked.
Jessica nodded.
"Oh, I don't know," said Lanny in my body. "I guess it's what happens when you spend your whole life being treated like you're only a body. So now this is just another body. No big deal. I was sort of getting bored with mine anyway."
Jessica stared at me in Lanny's body and then back at Lanny in my body.
"You mean, if I'd walked up to you and said I wanted to switch bodies with you, you would have agreed?" my sister asked.
Lanny in my body frowned. "No offense or anything, but why would I want to go from my body to yours?"
"Why would you want to go from your body to my brother's scuzzy body?" Jessica asked back.
"I didn't," Lanny replied, "but now that the deed's done, it's kind of a kick to be in a boy's body."
"Right!" I pumped Lanny's fist.
"Why?" Jessica asked.
"Well, I can probably go for days without taking a shower," said Lanny in my body. "I don't have to wash my hair, or do my nails, or put on makeup. I can play ball without worrying about chipping a nail. I don't have to worry about going out in the sun and — " Lanny in my body looked down at me in hers. "I won't have to spend every night wrapped in that disgusting slime and feeling like I belong on the sandwich counter of some health food store."
"But you won't be famous or rich," Jessica stammered.
"Hon, I've been famous and I am rich," Lanny in my body replied. "And believe me, neither is much good if it means you can't go out and have fun."
Lanny in my body bent down and picked up the Mini-DITS. "Is this the thing that did it?"
I nodded Lanny's head.
"Can I assume that when the time comes we can use it to switch back?" asked Lanny in my body.
"Probably," I answered in her body. "And if that one doesn't work, there's another one."
"A backup body-switching machine? How responsible of you." Lanny in my body tucked the Mini-DITS under her arm. "I think I'll hold on to this one anyway."
Vaarrrrr00000mmmmmm! From outside came the smooth, high-pitched whine of an expensive sports car. Lanny in my body went over to the trailer window and squinted outside. A smile appeared on my face. "Well, well, look who's here."
Lanny in my body turned to me in hers. "Have fun with Angus, Jake." Next, she turned to Jessica and slid my arm through my sister's. "Come on, sis, let's go."
Lanny in my body and Jessica headed toward the trailer door. Just as they were about to leave, Lanny in my body paused and looked back at me in hers. "One last thing, Jake."
"What?" I asked from the couch where I was still in the avocado wrap.
"It's been weeks since Angus and I have seen each other," said Lanny in my body. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
27
Jessicaand Lanny in my body left the trailer and closed the door behind them. I would have done just about anything to get out of there. Unfortunately I was wrapped in plastic. A moment later the trailer door opened and Angus Bangus, the lead singer of Power Strum, strolled in.
Angus was built more like a football player than a rock star. He was big and broad-shouldered with a shaved head and lots of earrings and tattoos. He was wearing heavy black leather shoes, baggy pants, and a sleeveless black T-shirt that showed off his muscular arms and tattoos. With each step he took, the whole trailer shook. He looked exactly like the kind of person you did not want to be alone with.
Angus stopped beside the couch and looked down at me in Lanny's body. He didn't even blink. He acted like seeing his girlfriend wrapped in green slime and plastic was an everyday thing. "Who was that?" he asked.
"The two girls?" I said in Lanny's body.
Angus scowled. "Not two girls. A guy and a girl."
Oops! He was right. I had to remembe
r whose body I was in, and who was in my body.
"Just friends," I said in Lanny's body.
"Friends? How come I never seen them before?"
"New friends."
"New friends?" Angus was one of those people who repeated everything you said but turned it into a question.
"The boy won the assistant to a supermodel contest," I explained. "The girl's his sister."
Angus narrowed one eye suspiciously. "That kid don't spend any time alone in here with you, does he?"
I got the feeling that Angus was the jealous type.
"He's just a kid," I replied in Lanny's body.
"Yeah, but not bad looking," said Angus, who was obviously a man with excellent taste. "So why don't you get out of that stuff and we'll go out."
"Now?" A clock on the makeup table said it was after eleven P.M.
"Too early?" asked Angus.
"Too late?" I said in Lanny's body.
Angus frowned. "What's with you?"
Apparently Angus and Lanny were night owls. "Come on, Lanny, let's get out of here," Angus said. "I'm hungry."
The words had hardly left Angus's lips when I became aware of a sensation coming from inside Lanny's body. Her stomach was grumbling and churning. She wasn't just hungry, she was starving. It felt like she hadn't eaten in a week!
On the other hand, eating meant going out with Angus.
And that was enough to make anyone lose their appetite!
"So?" said Angus.
Lanny's stomach was so empty it hurt. I decided to take my chances. "Could you help me out of this?"
"Sure." Angus bent down and unpeeled the plastic.
As soon as I could move Lanny's arms and legs, I sat up. "Okay, thanks, you can go now."
Angus frowned. "Go?"
"Er, uh, stay, but don't touch." I swiveled around and got up.
"What's with you?" Angus asked.
"I'm feeling slimy." In Lanny's body, I hurried to the bathroom. It was a relief to lock the door and get into the shower. Lanny may have joked about not having to take a shower in my body, but in her body I lathered and scrubbed every inch to get that avocado slime off me. Then I shampooed her hair and rinsed.