O’REILLY: So you believe kids are impressionable enough to pick up a message like “They’re having fun at Beverly Hills High. I should have fun at my school”?
ALLEN: Yeah, I believe that. There’s a lot of documentation. This is not just some theory of mine. I am by no means a saint. But the sleaze and vulgarity on TV disgust even an old roué like me. It’s part of the whole dumbing down, the coarsening. The question is, what kinds of parents are the kids today going to make? I think the answer is, not too good.
O’REILLY: Why?
ALLEN: Well, imagine an ideal father. Would you like it if he came home with a couple of broads on each arm? You see that image on TV.
O’REILLY: Are you referring to President Clinton?
ALLEN: That’s another matter. But really, if people don’t know we have a problem here, then we are in worse shape than I thought.
But neither Steve Allen nor I would ignore the challenges that parents face today. No guilt trips here for working parents who must sometimes, for economic reasons, put their children in the care of others.
Look at today’s reality in America. Families have to deal with a tough dance card. The cost of housing and modern conveniences is significant, and taxes are gutting the take-home pay of the working class. By necessity, most Americans have to work longer and harder than they might like. If you have more than two children, chances are both parents will have to work at least part-time.…
Children need a calm environment, focused attention, consistency, and discipline. Working parents can provide those necessities if they are willing to engage and stimulate the child when they are at home. Day care is risky, no doubt about it. Exposure at a young age to undisciplined or troubled children at a center can cause angst in your own child. The bacteria count in some of these places is off the chart and the supervision is out of your hands. The gently smiling caregiver might be a simpleton who sets the kids down in front of a TV and does little else. Not a great situation any way you slice it unless you get lucky. There are excellent daycare facilities but if your kid is in one, make sure you drop in unannounced from time to time.…
[No one] has the right to make working mothers feel guilty. American women have pursued careers and raised fine families at the same time. However, these dual purposes must be carefully thought out and executed with precision. Children should always get first priority, and if trouble develops, the job has to be put aside.
Torture movies are flooding the market, especially in the summer, when young people are looking for something to do. These cynical films revel in explicit scenes of human suffering inflicted with a cavalier glee by both the actors and the special-effects people. Sadism rules, and some sociologists believe a diet of this stuff desensitizes people, making them less likely to sympathize with the real-life suffering of others. So, are the people profiting from torture movies evil? The torture-film people don’t have a tortuous explanation for their abysmal behavior; they have a simple one: It’s only a movie. What’s the big deal? Everybody knows motion pictures are fiction; there’s nothing real about the pain and suffering gleefully inflicted on-screen.
(photo credit 7.3)
Except it’s sickening.
If you think about it, the torture industry is very easy to explain. Simply put, it makes a product for sadistic people to enjoy. The more suffering on-screen, the better. Let’s get a close-up of that arm being amputated and that eyeball being gouged out. Again, it’s all about money. Why else would anyone spend time and resources filming ways to hurt people? Where is the good in that?
The answer, of course, is that there is no good in that. Only evil. Simply put, anyone who delights in portraying or watching human suffering is sick. Got it?
Another topic on which the media are no friends to family values: drugs.
Until public pressure forces our apathetic and frightened politicians to get really tough on those who sell narcotics, Americans will continue to die with needles in their arms, prostitute themselves, infect each other with the AIDS virus, and steal anything they can. How much heartache has to pass through the nation before society reacts? Are you going to wait until it’s your child with the drug problem?
As for the media, their delayed reaction and their lack of responsibility have been, generally speaking, disgraceful. If the stars aren’t flaunting their own personal drug use (Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg), they are participating in projects that glorify drugs and alcohol (and cigarettes, for that matter). Movies have made brilliant use of charismatic stars and flashy cinematography to make the drug world look lucrative and normal. Business as usual, babes ahoy.
(photo credit 7.4)
One such project is the movie Blow, starring Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz, two attractive actors who directly appeal to young people. The film is based on the life of convicted cocaine dealer George Jung, who is currently serving twenty years in prison.
Before the system finally caught up with Jung, he smuggled drugs for more than twenty years, supplying thousands of tons of cocaine to millions of Americans. He accumulated millions of dollars that he spent on himself. Women threw themselves at him. The Jung party was constant and unrelenting and the movie documents all of it.
What the film does not address is that many people became hooked from using Jung’s stuff. How many people died or became crack whores or gave birth to addicted children because George Jung was in business? Hollywood was not interested in that tale.
Here’s a paragraph that caught the attention of many of you who have read my books. It must have struck a chord, especially with parents:
Money spent wisely can buy you personal freedom. With enough money you can ignore unreasonable demands and avoid humiliating financial situations. They won’t be able to control your life. Don’t waste your money on foolish material cravings, like the silly gas-guzzling SUVs littering your neighborhood. No, money can help you fulfill your potential as a human being: Earn it, save it, and then shut up about it.
You guessed it: Many readers discussed this paragraph with their kids.
What percentage actually got the message through? No stats on that one … but it never hurts to try.
I like to call this strategy Operation Elevation. Here’s how it works: From the time your children can comprehend complete sentences, make clear that you and your spouse expect behavior that is better than the norm. Because they are special, they will be held to higher standards of conduct. In other words, you are elevating their self-image by persuading them of their self-worth.
And when they see other kids harming their bodies by drinking, smoking, taking drugs, or engaging in irresponsible sex, explain that these losers do not value themselves highly. They’re doing themselves in because they’re unhappy about their lives; they don’t feel popular enough or attractive enough, so they fall for the short-term illusion of substance-induced kicks or cheap sexual thrills. Continue to emphasize to your kids that their behavior should reflect the special status they have in your eyes.
Just in case you need to ask, we do indeed follow that rule with our kids in the O’Reilly household.
It’s not hard to do, because we don’t have to fake it, and neither do you. Each parent should believe his or her kids to be special, “better than the norm.”
The government cannot legislate decent parenting. Any clown can have a child. There are no tests, standards, or guidelines for parents unless they violate the child abuse or neglect laws. Therefore, some children will be so traumatized by their upbringing that they will cause society big problems that we all pay for, sometimes with our lives.
So what does society do?
Again, it all comes back to the free will that I believe we all have. Even though a child has it rough, there will come a time when he or she, like all other human beings, is faced with a clear choice: Either become a productive citizen or become a problem. Almost every violent criminal I’ve ever spoken with had a terrible childhood. But if society, out of some misguided compassion, does not ho
ld them accountable for harming others, then the result is anarchy.
As you know, some well-intentioned liberals disagree, arguing for lenient sentences and “rehabilitation,” even for heinous child rapists. But that point of view is both dangerous and unfair to both innocent kids and law-abiding adults. The government’s first obligation is to protect its citizens, not empathize with those who would harm them.
History clearly demonstrates that without structure and accountability, human beings have a tough time staying on the rails. And children must be taught this over and over again: An effective person must incorporate discipline into his or her life, and a just society must demand responsibility from its citizens.
When your child reaches eighteen, it’s all over. You’ve done your job; the ship is launched. You can hope that you’ve raised someone who will join the forces of good in America, not a candidate for an entry-level job in the porno industry. It won’t be long before your own son/daughter and daughter-in-law/son-in-law are having their own children, probably, and looking around at the world of malls, media, and mass-market culture in a new light. Now it’s their turn.
With any luck you can relax and have fun again. You’ve been chaperoned for years, if you think about it.
The above image is idealized, of course, especially in these uncertain economic times. You might be taking care of a grandchild, your son or daughter might have to live at home longer than either parent or child would want, or a severe illness might deeply affect your family dynamic.
But the basic ideal still holds, I believe. Whatever challenges you and your family face, those eighteen and over should be doing their fair share as adults. That’s how you raised them.
While we’re thinking about our kids, let me remind you that I once threw the floor open to a kind of made-up debate between two very famous and strong women:
RIDICULOUS NOTE: Chief White House “enabler” Hillary Rodham Clinton wrote that “it takes a village” to raise children. My parents and their friends thought that it takes parents. They were sorry that some of my friends had maniacs for parents, but they didn’t interfere. And they didn’t want anyone poking their nose in our house, either.
THIS JUST IN: “Discipline is a symbol of caring to a child. He needs guidance. If there is love, there is no such thing as being too tough with a child. A parent must also not be afraid to hang himself. If you have never been hated by your children, you have never been a parent” (Bette Davis, The Lonely Life, 1962).
(photo credit 7.5)
Well, Bette might be overacting here, but that was her job, right?
Many of us are deeply conflicted about our parents. My father and mother certainly provided for me and made damn sure I got educated and was taught the essentials of life. But can I say that my father was always looking out for me? No, I can’t. My mother’s instincts were much more in that direction, but my father had demons that intruded on his parental duties. As with millions of other American parents, my father set a terrible example by inflicting unnecessary pain on his children. He did not do this on purpose. He simply could not control himself.
Where you stand on the following might indicate what kind of parent you are.
Just saying …
So here’s the deal with this ridiculous “educational strategy.” The schools can’t or don’t teach some kids anything, but, according to the law, the kids have to go to school, even if they’re a pain in the rear end. If school authorities insist that they either learn something or be held back, the kids will be around that much longer. So, to get rid of them as quickly as possible, teachers promote them through the system and allow them to graduate with a high school diploma. I’ve seen kids holding a diploma they couldn’t even read. This is just great, isn’t it? So now these kids are released into the world not knowing how to make change. That’s why you see electronic cash registers that have pictures of products instead of numbers on the buttons. Worse, these kids have been taught one lesson very well in their twelve years of so-called schooling: They are not going to be held accountable for failure. When you have a lot of people believing that, you’re in real trouble. Did you wonder why the USA has more people in prison than any other free nation in the world?
Now for something really disgusting.
And we’ll meet our old friends at the ACLU on the sidelines.
The welfare of a child means less today because of the promotion and acceptance of certain so-called special interests. The most notorious example—and I am not making this up—is an organization based in the United States called the North American Man-Boy Love Association. It advocates the legalization of sex between men and boys as young as eight years old. Read that sentence again and digest the eight-years-old part. This vile NAMBLA group was formed in 1978 and calls for the “empowerment” of youth in the sexual area. It says it does not engage in any activities that violate the law.
Oh yeah? What about the fact that NAMBLA was involved in funding an orphanage in Thailand that allowed grown men to rape and molest the children who lived there? And what about the case of child rape in Ohio, where NAMBLA was found guilty of complicity in the crime? The Ohio Court of Appeals ruled that NAMBLA’s literature, found in the possession of the rapist, showed “preparation and purpose” in encouraging the rape.
It gets much, much worse. A NAMBLA member recently raped and murdered a young boy in Massachusetts. In October 1997 ten-year-old Jeffrey Curley was playing near his home in Cambridge when two men tried to lure him into a car. When he resisted, Salvatore Sicari and Charles Jaynes got brutal. They wound up killing the boy and then drove to Maine, where they dumped the boy’s body in a river.
Both men were eventually arrested, convicted, and sentenced to life imprisonment. Prosecutors at the trial produced as critical evidence a diary kept by Jaynes. In it he flat out stated that he became obsessed with having sex with young boys after he joined NAMBLA. How did the organization allegedly poison him with its ideas? According to the diary, Jaynes received NAMBLA literature in the mail and visited the group’s website on computers at the Boston Public Library. Clearly, these NAMBLA people wanted to get their message out. According to lawyers familiar with the website, it actually posted techniques designed to lure boys into having sex with men and also supplied information on what an adult should do if caught.
Jeffrey Curley’s parents are suing NAMBLA in federal court for $200 million. And guess who is defending NAMBLA in the case? Can you spell ACLU? That’s right. The most powerful free speech watchdog in the world is using its money and resources to make sure that NAMBLA is not driven out of business. Is this an outrage or what? …
Their rationale: “Regardless of whether people agree with or abhor NAMBLA’s views, holding the organization responsible for crimes committed by others who read their materials would gravely endanger our important First Amendment rights.”
Baloney! I respect the ACLU’s goal of protecting the rights of all Americans. At their best, this group is courageous in defending legitimate expressions of opinion, some of which, like the Nazi marches [in Skokie, Illinois], are pretty vile. But NAMBLA is a different matter because the freedom to harm children is not built into our Constitution.
For the record, the Curleys dropped their lawsuit in 2008. Only one witness came forward to testify against NAMBLA, and the judge in the case deemed him incompetent.
NAMBLA’s website, as of this writing, is still up and running.
You don’t want to go there, I’m guessing.
And now there is much, much worse out there, facilitated by the Internet, where perhaps millions of child pornography consumers are actively posting, downloading, and creating this smut, perhaps photographing the abusing or rape of a young member of the family.
Much of the horror was reported in an aptly titled article, “The Price of a Stolen Childhood,” in the New York Times Magazine of January 27, 2013. As writer Emily Bazelon documents in shocking detail, the youngster may have to live with the photos or videos for
the rest of his or her life, even after the pornographer is arrested and sent to prison. The material continues to circulate. Often the older child is recognizable to those who view or distribute the pornography. The damage is worsened by the knowledge that the images are still circling the globe. It can be seen, as one judge has put it, as “continuing digitized rape.”
Here’s the thing: We parents can never be too careful. We don’t want to freak our kids out by imagining the worst at all times, but we have to keep our eyes and ears open, especially when we hear the gentle hum of computers behind closed doors.
And so let’s sum up with my Ten Commandments of Effective Parenting, which I first brought down to the world exactly a decade ago in my book Who’s Looking Out for You?:
1. A parent who is looking out for you will make time for you if he or she possibly can. Hint: Serial golfing is no excuse.
2. All punishments will fit the crime. Discipline is essential, but no parent should inflict frequent physical or mental pain on a kid. Childhood is supposed to be a wondrous, joyful period. Parents are the grown-ups and have to be patient, within reason. Words can deeply wound a child. Parents must display kindness and understanding. Corporal punishment should be a last resort, and used within guidelines that have been clearly established before any physical punishment is administered.
3. Parents who are looking out for their children will be under control in the house. There will be no random violence, intoxication, sexual displays, uncontrolled anger, or vile language (sorry, Ozzy Osbourne). The house should be a refuge, a place where the child feels protected and loved. If it is a chaotic mess, the parents are not looking out for the kids.