He lifts his head and moves his hands to my face. “I’m already sick. Seeing what he did to you was all it took.”
“Don’t let him ruin our time together,” I tell him and then stand up, taking his hands in mine. “Come inside with me.”
We go back in and head downstairs to his bedroom. Declan doesn’t speak as he walks into his closet to strip out of his cold, damp clothes and returns to me wearing nothing but long pajama bottoms. He lies down on the bed, slipping under the covers.
“Take your clothes off and come to me,” he says.
I stand in front of him as he watches me undress. The expression on his face is difficult to read as I drop my clothes to the floor. When I slip my panties off, I pull the sheets back and crawl in next to him.
We hold each other close, his body freezing against my warm skin.
“You feel so good,” he murmurs into my hair while his deft hands roam over my naked body.
The need to comfort him is strong, so I wrap myself around him to warm him up. When he shifts me on top of him, I lay my chest against his, skin against skin, and he’s instantly hard. Without thinking, our bodies begin to slowly move together, and I lift my head to kiss him. I want to take his pain away. The pain I inflicted. His soft lips feather against mine in light brushing kisses—sensual kisses—taking our time to simply feel each other.
He lifts my head with his hands, and I look down into the honesty of his green eyes. He doesn’t say anything—he doesn’t even need to—I can hear him clearly in the solitude of silence between us. He really does love me. I nod my head, letting him know that I know his thoughts, that I’m here with him.
The way he’s touching me right now and with the stillness of the room, it would be so easy for me to escape, but I don’t want to. I want to be here. Be in the moment—with him. I let myself drift to a place I’ve never been. Lost in Declan as he sits up and gently nips the bud of my nipple, hardening it to a peak before moving to the next to show the same loving attention. He savors me, and I like it.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers over my breasts.
Gripping fistfuls of his hair in my hands, I hold him close to me while he lifts his hips and shifts his pants down, and I don’t even want to wait. I rise up on my knees as he holds himself beneath me and descend down over heat of his rock hard cock. Our moans blend as he fills me completely, his arms banded around my waist, hugging me, his cheek to my breast.
Neither one of us moves for a while as we hold each other, and when he eventually loosens his arms, he lays back and looks up at me. “I want to watch you take me.”
Declan, giving up control and handing it over to me. So with his words, I slowly rise up along his cock, and when I feel the ridge of the tip slip out, I take my time and fall back down over him, sucking him inside of my warmth. It’s like my body just naturally craves him, needing him. I place my hands on his chest and continue to work the length of him while he watches me. He runs his hands up my thighs and over my stomach to my tits, handling me gently, caressing me.
I move my hands to his wrists and hold on to them as my eyes fall shut. I’ve never felt this with any other man. But it’s not just now in this moment, it’s every single time I’m with him. He always has a way of keeping me connected to him, never allowing my mind to drift, never allowing my body to go numb. I used to fight for that with him. But now? Now I don’t even try.
Declan begins to move his hips beneath me, our bodies so in sync. There’s a pressure in my chest, a foreign ache inside of me, and it begins to swell. My emotions swarm in confusion. Questions fill my head; each of them hitting the softest parts of me, parts I’m just now realizing exist within me.
Why doesn’t this feel dirty?
Why am I not trying to escape?
Why do I let him see the weak in me?
Why do I hurt?
Why am I suddenly doubting everything I thought I knew?
Why can’t I breathe?
And when my eyes open, I feel everything I never thought I was worthy of.
I love him.
A hard hit to my heart and I feel like I’m choking.
I really love him.
I see it, a shooting star above, exploding into a million flittering pieces of diamond dust. Shimmering flecks trickling over me, and when I look down, I see them landing on Declan’s golden chest. A splattering of crystals, each holding their own prism of sparkles as they glitter against his skin, and then he reaches his hand up to my cheek. Still holding on to his wrists, he wipes my damp cheek.
“Baby,” he whispers, but I don’t speak. The ache in my chest is too restricting. We don’t stop moving as my tears continue to drop to his chest. And when it becomes too much, the realization that I’m falling in love with the one person I should have remained disconnected from, I choke out a painful sob.
Declan quickly pulls me down to him and I break, weeping into his neck as he hugs me against him. This has never felt okay—exposing this vulnerability that has always hidden itself inside of me—but until Declan, I never felt safe enough to expose it. I’ve always been safe with him. How could I’ve been so blind to not see what’s been happening between us?
He’s still deep inside of me, but we’re no longer moving as he pets me. His hands gently running the length of my back, his fingers combing through my hair, while I find myself completely overcome with emotions I’ve never felt before. A deep connection with someone I should have kept at a distance, but somehow, he found his way inside of me.
“Talk to me,” he says, and I slightly lift my head to look at him when I say the words I’ve said so many times, but this time, I truly mean them.
“I love you, Declan.”
“I know, darling.”
Dropping my forehead to his, I run my hand along his stubbled jaw, needing the soothing prickles against my hand. “I mean . . . I really love you.”
My confession causes his heart to pick up. I can feel it pounding against my chest. He kisses me slow and deep, tasting me, before he pulls back to speak. “This is what I’ve been waiting for.”
“What?”
Sliding his hand between our bodies, he presses it against my chest, over my rapidly beating heart. “This.”
“You have it. It’s been yours.”
“I haven’t truly felt it until right now,” he says, and then I move my hand between us and rest it over his heart as well. It thumps into my palm as he tells me, “All I want is you. I’ll do whatever it takes, but I need you to know that you’re completely safe with me. I’ll never hurt you; I only want to love you.”
Knowing the web of lies I’ve created, I know that this will never come forth to culmination with him the way I want it to. I’ve created a hopeless situation in a place I never expected to find hope. But I did, and it rests inside of this man—a man I’ve allowed my heart to fall for. The realness is too much, knowing that all I’ll come out of this with is all I’ve ever had—the heartbreak of life’s cruel hand. And yet I don’t want to fight it anymore, because I feel the same way he does.
He carefully rolls me onto my back and pushes himself deep inside of me, being gentle to not hurt my bruised back.
“Tell me you feel that,” he says as he looks down at me and I nod. He pulls back, sliding his thick cock out of me before thrusting inside of me even deeper. “Tell me you feel how much I love you.”
“I feel it.”
He continues to fuck me with a powerful, slow force, each penetration going deeper and deeper. I grab on to his arms for support, his muscles flexing as his body tenses up with every intense stroke of our bare flesh as my body begins to climb with his.
When the heat ripples through me, I begin to shudder beneath him. He drops his head to mine, his cock grows even harder, thickening inside of me, pressing against my walls as they begin to constrict around his shaft, and I come hard.
“Oh, fuck,” he growls, losing control of himself as he pounds into me.
My moans grow lo
uder with each pulse of sheer euphoria that shoots through me. I wrap my legs around his hips, clamping my pussy around him, milking his cock, craving every drop of his sperm that fills me up. I’ve never felt so loved, but it consumes me in this moment as I surrender everything that I am and hand it over to Declan. I need him to spread his feral scent all over me as he takes me as his to do with as he likes, because I want to be a part of him.
He pins his eyes on me, and I know he can see the hunger in me when he starts fucking me even harder, refusing to stop even though he just came. His pupils are dilated black, flaring in possessive need when he hisses, “You’re mine.”
“Yes.”
Thrust. Thrust.
“I own you.”
Thrust.
“Completely,” I breathe in submission.
Thrust.
“My property.”
Thrust.
“Yes,” I mewl in ecstasy as I come again, spiraling away into shrills of sensuous pleasure. He’s a beast on top of me, and when he spreads my legs wide open, pressing my knees into the mattress, he slams his hips down, burying his cock inside of me to the root. With a carnal groan, I feel a warm stream of fluid flood inside of me and spill out between our connected bodies.
“Declan,” I release on a faint breath—shocked as he fills me with his urine—claiming and marking me as his in the most animalistic way.
He releases my knees and quickly slips his arms under my back, holding me close before rolling us to our sides. My breathing is staggered as we stare at each other. Maybe I should be disgusted by what he just did, considering the things Carl used to do to me, but I’m not. I’m safe—safe enough to hand myself over to him entirely and know that he will take care of me—never hurt me. I love him, and I feel this intrinsic need to be as intimately close to him as I can possibly get.
“You belong to me,” he eventually says as our bodies calm down, still connected, and bathed in his scent.
“Yes.”
He threads his fingers through my hair, asking, “Your back? Did I hurt you?”
I shake my head slightly, responding, “You settled me. Everything you want from me is exactly what I want to give you. You don’t even have to take it. Just have it because it’s yours.” I give my sincere words and watch as he digests them. His face softens peacefully, and when it does, I take his lips in the most loving kiss I’ve ever given.
Without selfishness.
Without expectations.
Without malicious undertones.
I give him the purest piece of my heart that I have remaining and hand it over in the most honest way I can despite all the evil that surrounds me. In this moment of time that I have with him, I want to love him and give him the best parts of me I can find. I want to feel this—the part of life that’s good, the part of life I never thought I’d feel. I want to give every last bit of what I’m feeling right now to Declan because somehow, in some magical way, he makes life feel like it’s worth living.
A RICH, INTOXICATING fragrance fills my senses as I stir awake. Rolling over in Declan’s bed, I’m alone, aside from the dozens of pure white lotus flowers that are spread over the bed and myself. Containing my smile would be a feat, so I don’t even bother. The heady mixture of fruit, rain, and earth wafts through the room as I take in the beauty of the delicate blooms—Declan’s favorite flower.
Turning my head, I see a folded piece of paper sitting on his nightstand. I reach out and sit up, unfolding the paper to read his hand-written note.
Nina,
I tried to shower you in something that was just as pure and beautiful as you, but I fell short. The lotus was the best I could do, but they don’t even come close to the perfection I see every time I look at you. I know I said we’d spend the day together, but I have to run into the office for a little while. Call me when you wake up. I miss your sweet voice already.
No one could possibly love you more.
-D
The phone is already ringing by the time I finish reading as I wait for him to answer.
“Good morning,” he says.
“When did you do this?”
“Secrets, darling,” he teases, and I can picture his smile now, lines crinkling at the corners of his eyes.
“Keep your secrets then, as long as I continue to benefit,” I joke right back.
“I adore you.”
“When are you coming home?” I ask and his responding growl makes me laugh. “What’s that all about?”
“Fucking makes me hard that you call my place home.”
“You’re bad,” I giggle.
“You have no idea.”
“I think I do.”
“No,” he says and then pauses before he continues, “I don’t think you could ever know how deep you run through me.”
It’s been nearly two weeks since I finally allowed myself to recognize that I love Declan. I spend every moment I can with him, and even with Bennett in the picture, we’ve connected in a way I didn’t think two people ever could.
“Finish up your work and come home. I want you to show me how deep you can run through me.”
“Christ. You’re not helping my dick by saying shit like that. I’m going to be walking around with a semi and blue balls for the rest of the day.”
I laugh, telling him, “Good. Motivation for you to hurry up and get back here.”
“I’ll call you when I leave. I want you naked and on your knees, waiting for me. I’ll let you pick out the belt because I’m going to have my way with you,” he demands in a low voice, causing a delightful ache between my legs.
“I want the one you’re wearing so that every time you look at it today, you’ll think about me naked and on my knees,” I say, flirting with mild laughter.
“Bad girl.”
“I love you.”
“Love you,” he says before we hang up.
I lie back down in the sheets, staring at the flowers and dreading tomorrow when Bennett comes back and I have to go to my other home. I love being here with Declan. For the first time, I feel happy.
Truly happy.
Truth is, I’m confused.
Really confused.
Happy and confused.
I hate what I’ve done here with Declan—lying and manipulating. I want to be honest with him about who I am. I want him to know me, Elizabeth, not Nina. But there’s no way to do that. I’ve set the ball in motion, and I’m not sure how to stop it. I don’t think it can be, but I want it to be. I just want to freeze time, cast a spell and make the past disappear so that I can start fresh with Declan. Give him the real me. But I fucked myself. Life has fucked me—it always has. And now I must forsake the one thing I want to be greedy with because what I want most of all is just more time with him.
I pick up one of the white flowers known for their birth in muddy waters only to grow and bloom into a flawless spread of purity. I wish for a moment that this flower could resemble me. That maybe I could be one of the lucky ones to truly get a new beginning. I’ve never felt as clean as I do with Declan. Not even Pike can clean me the way Declan does. But the reality is, my new beginning will still be filled with rot. Destroying the life of two men—one innocent and one who deserves the destruction—to live a life of retribution. Only that retribution will forever be tainted by the memory of what this will undoubtedly do to Declan.
I brush the soft petals along my lips, close my eyes, and picture my dad. My purity. My salvation. My prince. I wonder if my father sent Declan to me. If this is his gift to me. The good after all the bad. Declan used to scare me. He used to remind me of Carl with his forceful nature, his leather belts, and his affinity for tying me up. But when I started to see beyond that to the core of who he is, he reminds me of my dad. Because I can now look at Declan and see that, he too, is my purity, my salvation, my prince. Even down to the creases in the corners of his eyes when he smiles and the stubble along his face. My dad used to sing to me, and now I have Declan who hums gently into my ear when I
’m scared or sad. The ways he soothes me is reminiscent of the things my father used to do.
I try not to think about having to go back to sharing a bed with Bennett. This whole thing with Declan, and the knowing that I can never truly have him, is just another reason to hate Bennett even more.
Needing to move and distract myself. I gather all the flowers and take them to the kitchen. Grabbing a stack of white bowls from the cabinet, I fill them with water and place the blooms down in them to float aimlessly and scatter the bowls throughout the loft.
Their scent envelops every room by the time I have taken a shower and gotten cleaned up and dressed for the day. I decide to go ahead and call Bennett since it’s after five o’clock there and he should be heading back to his hotel with Baldwin. Our call is the typical, and after we talk for almost an hour, we hang up.
Things are going to get tricky for a while because Bennett informs me that his schedule is about to free up on his travel, meaning he’s going to be home on a more steady basis. The thought of having to leave Declan’s bed to spend the nights with Bennett is depressing. I didn’t know I needed the comfort as much as I do, and Declan gives it to me perfectly and in a way that Pike could never completely fill for me.
Not wanting to dwell on having to leave tomorrow, I busy myself and decide to surprise Declan by attempting to cook for him. I go to the office and start surfing the internet for an easy, burn-proof recipe. His scent is encased within his leather chair, and I can’t fight the sadness that finds my heart as I sit at his desk, in his office, surrounded by everything Declan. I find a pasta dish that seems like something I can manage and quickly print it off so that I can get out of here because I desperately need some fresh air.
I bundle up and make my way to the market. Needing the assistance of one of the workers to find a few of the ingredients, I check my list, and when everything I need is in my basket, I make my purchases and head out.
“Surprised to see you on this side of town,” I hear a familiar voice call out, and when I close the trunk, I’m greeted by Richard’s snide smile. My heart jumps, and being caught off guard ignites a fire up my neck. Thank God for winter and concealing scarves.