Jacko had no idea where this obsession with marriage came from. He’d never been a marrying kind of guy. SEAL marriages were rare and usually didn’t last long. One of his teammates had been divorced four times.
Jacko had been in his thirties and employed at ASI before he’d even seen a happy marriage. Two of them, in fact. ASI’s bosses—John Huntington, aka “Midnight Man”, and Douglas Kowalski, aka “the Senior”—were both very happily married. The few married couples Jacko had seen growing up back in Cross, Texas had been shit unhappy. Most marriages there’d been toxic, some so dysfunctional the bad vibes were almost visible. The marriages he’d seen had been fueled by lust, alcohol and rage, the same things breaking the couple apart.
His own mom hadn’t married. She’d been toxic enough for two people, though.
Marriage hadn’t even been a blip on his horizon until Lauren. And now look at him. He was worse than a girl pining for a husband. He pined for a wife. Lauren. It pained him when he introduced her as his girlfriend, because she wasn’t. She was more than that. He’d had plenty of girlfriends—well…mostly fuck buddies, but still—and they were light-years from what Lauren was to him.
He wanted to call her his wife. He wanted everyone in the world to know that she was his and would be until the end of time. He wanted other men to look at her and understand that Back off motherfucker, she’s taken was written in invisible letters on her forehead.
He knew it made him an asshole, but it didn’t change his feelings at all.
He’d asked Lauren to marry him and she was finally going to accept.
Hot damn.
Yeah, they were going to celebrate that tomorrow night, in the best way possible. In bed. For hours.
Blood shot back to his dick, so sudden it almost made him feel dizzy. Massive transfer of blood from big head to little head.
She smiled at him, one of those mysterious smiles only she ever managed to produce. “Sort of a special occasion, yes. You’ll be happy.”
Fuck yeah, he’d be happy.
Well, he’d sort of taken a vow not to jump on her like a wolverine, but he needed something to calm down his hormones. He’d eat his way out of this.
He pulled out Lauren’s chair then sat down and powered his way through the meal. Lauren asked him about the business trip and he told her what he could. The security measures he’d installed were top of the line and top secret, too. They were worthy of a US Embassy. But she didn’t want to know the technical details of bank security. She wanted to know if he’d gotten along with the bank president and the bank employees. He had, to his surprise. He hadn’t punched anyone, not once. His social skills were coming right along, another thing to thank Lauren for.
“So I guess the bank president is going to be grateful to you, if they’ve been robbed nine times in the past year.”
Jacko broke off a chunk of the bread to accompany the omelet. “If they get robbed again, I’ll eat my hat. And if they’re stiffed by one of their own employees, they’ll know who.” He popped the bread in his mouth.
“Wow, I guess they didn’t feed you down Mexico way, did they?” Lauren teased as she started pulling stuff out of the fridge.
“They fed me,” Jacko protested, looking with interest at what she was setting on the table.
“Clearly not enough.”
In the end, he demolished half a Camembert, another half loaf of Isabel’s five-grain bread, a big bowl of tomato salad, half the omelet and a square of frozen eggplant parmesan Lauren nuked in the microwave.
Lauren sat back, watched him and shook her head when he finished. “Guess you’re still a growing boy.”
“I’m grown,” he growled. Oh yeah. He was 240 pounds of pure muscle, and right now he felt very grown up. He could feel every single male hormone in his body.
Okay. It was time. He’d been a good boy. He’d waited, they’d had a nice meal together—though Lauren had stopped eating half an hour ago—but now it was time.
He stood, aware that his groin was at eye level and that his erection was very visible in his sweats. Lauren’s eyes widened as she looked at his crotch and his dick gave a kick in his pants. Her gaze moved up to meet his and as she saw his face, she blushed a fiery red.
Jacko didn’t know many women who could blush, and was surprised that Lauren still could, considering how often they had sex together.
He got it that she hadn’t had that active a sex life before him. She often said that she felt like he’d found her “on” switch. But it also meant that he tried to be careful with her. If she was blushing, that meant he should go slow.
Jacko was raring to go after five days of abstinence, but Lauren didn’t work like that. She needed to get used to him all over again. It had to be one of those go-slow times.
Jacko held out his hands and her eyebrows went up as she put her hands in his. She thought he’d carry her to bed, which he sometimes did. It was his way to get them into the bedroom as fast as possible, though he knew she thought it was romantic.
Not romantic. Practical.
But Jacko could do romance.
He brought her hand to his mouth, watching her eyes as he kissed it. She smiled at him. Oh yeah. He bent to kiss her, just the lightest touch of her lips, and she sighed and closed her eyes. Jacko put his mouth to her ear, kissed it, then whispered, “Come to bed with me?”
She shivered and sighed. “Oh yes, darling.”
If Jacko had followed his own desires, they’d already be on the bed having sex. But this was nice, too. Hearing her sigh, having her smile at him. Yeah.
He left a bedside lamp on in the bedroom. He loved looking at her, watching how her body changed for him.
He tunneled his hands in her hair, holding her head for his kiss. “I missed you so much,” he said when he lifted his head.
Lauren laughed and pressed her hips against his. “Yeah. I can tell.”
“What about you, hmm?” She could feel his massive hard-on. When chicks were turned on, it was harder to tell. “Did you miss me?”
Jacko was suddenly dying to read her body. It was like a book, only better. Her body told him everything he needed to know.
He unzipped her sweat suit top, pulling the zipper down slowly, watching her eyes. She huffed out a little breath when the top opened. But Jacko huffed like a bull when he saw she wasn’t wearing a bra. God. He opened the top, sliding it off her shoulders, and tried to keep his breathing under control. Keeping everything under control—his breathing, his hands, his dick—seemed nearly impossible in moments like these. Like patting his head and rubbing his stomach.
She was just so goddamn beautiful, all that pale, smooth skin, plump breasts, hard little nipples. He rubbed his thumb over the nipples, enjoying feeling her shudder. They were hard as little rocks. “Yeah,” he said, trying to keep the smugness out of his voice, “you missed me.”
Her eyes were half closed. “You touch me a little further down and you’ll see exactly how much I missed you.”
Jacko closed his own eyes. She sometimes blindsided him like that. “Yeah,” he whispered. He ran his hands down her sides, taking the sweatpants and pretty lace panties down her long legs. She stepped out of them and there she was, naked and welcoming.
“Feel me, Jacko.” Lauren shifted so her legs were apart. “Feel how much I want you.”
He ran his hand over her belly and slid it over her mound, feeling the soft ash-colored hairs. Lauren was a natural blonde and her sex was covered in a trim little cloud of light-colored hair. She’d dyed her hair dark before coming to Portland in an effort to disguise herself. She’d been on the run from a psychopath and had done everything in her power to change her look.
She’d asked him lots of times if he wanted her to go back to being a blonde but he liked her exactly the way she was when he’d first met her. That Snow White look—pale skin, dark hair, silver-blue eyes—turned him on so much he didn’t ever want her to change. And that contrast between her dark hair and that light cloud only h
e knew about—that was his own delicious secret.
He gave her a tiny push on the shoulder and she understood, settling back on the bed, spread out for him like a feast.
“Clothes.”
They understood each other perfectly. In a second he was naked, too, dick a thick column jutting out from his belly. Her eyes traveled slowly from his face down his body, and her smile grew when her gaze reached his dick and it gave a kick as new blood rushed down to it.
Lauren laughed.
Jacko reached down with his hand and placed it on her thigh, right next to her sex and she sighed.
He took a moment to study her, this woman who’d completely upended his life. She was so much more beautiful now that she’d put on a little weight. That first night he’d been almost frightened at how fragile she looked naked. Being on the run from a psychopath would do that. He could count her ribs. Lying flat like this, her hipbones had jutted out and her belly had been a hollow. Her bones had felt like bird bones.
Now she was an ivory-skinned goddess.
What did you do with a goddess? Worship her.
He fell to his knees and pulled her legs toward him until they bracketed his chest, her sex right at the edge of the bed like a tempting pearl.
She was glistening, all pink and wet. He traced the rim of her sex with his finger and watched, fascinated, as more moisture welled up and the folds turned deep pink. As he touched her, her head pressed back against the mattress and that long slender neck arched back.
He circled her again. “Did you touch yourself while I was gone?” he asked hoarsely. Because he couldn’t fuck his hand, but maybe she could touch herself. It was all a pale imitation of what they could do when they were together, but it was something.
“No.” She shook her head. There was a slight rasp as her hair slid across the pillow case. “I couldn’t. I was waiting for you.”
“Yeah,” he said. “It’s not the same.”
“Not even close.”
He put his hands on the inside of her thighs. They were dark and rough against her pale soft skin, an erotic contrast. His hands framed her sex, open to him. A temptation he couldn’t resist.
He kissed her there, exactly like he kissed her mouth, tongue deep inside her. He made a noise against her skin, a hungry noise, and he felt her muscles contract against his mouth. This time she made the noise.
“Jacko!” Her hands grabbed his head.
He breathed deeply, taking in her scent. When she was aroused, she smelled like no other woman he’d ever known—sweet and salty and a little like the ocean. He moved even closer, kissing her more deeply, and she clenched around him again. Her thighs started trembling against the palms of his hands and he pulled away, just a little. God, there was nothing more gorgeous. She was wet with her own juices and his mouth, shiny and pink. He brushed his thumb against her clitoris and watched, fascinated, as her tissues closed like a fist then opened again.
She was close.
He licked her, gave her a tiny little bite that made her shake, then shifted up her body and entered her fast, kissing her mouth, feeling her climax against his dick and feeling the climax with his mouth and then he was feeling it all over, in her arms and legs clutching him, in the fast heartbeat against his chest, in the fingers curling into the muscles of his shoulder.
He settled into a driving rhythm but when she whispered, “Welcome home, my darling,” it was like setting off a detonator and all he could do was hold himself tightly against her, inside her, while he exploded.
Jacko never, ever admitted to being tired. But Lauren could tell by the quality of his sleep if he was tired or not. After making love, he’d fallen into a sleep so deep it told her what it had cost him to work so hard and spend so many hours traveling just so he could come home to her sooner.
He loved her.
She smiled at the ceiling as the early morning light slowly filled the room.
Jacko loved her, and soon there would be another person in her life, another love. She hugged the thought to herself, happy beyond words. The kit had told her she was pregnant but she already knew that. Her body told her, told her that she and Jacko had made a human being. A baby, to love and protect. To watch over as he or she grew up. She listened to her heart beating in her chest and wondered whether later, when the baby was fully formed inside her womb, their heartbeats would align.
Loving Jacko was already overwhelming. He filled her life, all the cracks and crevices. He made her whole and happy.
But a child? Oh God, who knew? She felt like she could touch the sky, like she’d been brushed by magic. She’d burst into tears of happiness when she saw the wand turn pink and as she touched her belly, it was like the universe coalesced under her fingertips.
Last night it had taken all her self-discipline not to tell Jacko immediately. She was bursting with the news. She’d wanted to call Isabel and Felicity and Summer right away but it wasn’t fair for them to know before Jacko did.
He was going to be a father. He’d make a wonderful father, just as he’d make a wonderful husband. This was the moment to decide on the wedding as well. Why had she held back? For some reason, she simply couldn’t say the words, couldn’t set a date. She thought maybe it was some superstitious thing—too much happiness all at once, tempting the gods to destroy that happiness. But that wasn’t it.
She’d been waiting. And now the waiting was over. She knew it was exactly the right moment for them to become a family.
She sighed in delight.
“Someone’s happy this morning.”
Lauren turned her head and saw Jacko shaking his head. She grinned at him. He looked a little taken aback. Did she smile so seldom? Well, that was going to change, and soon.
“Yeah. I’m happy. I’m particularly happy that you’re back.”
“Yeah?” The sleepiness disappeared from his voice and that deep, sexy tone he got when he thought of sex took its place. He threw back the covers. “Exactly how happy are you?”
She hadn’t bothered to put pajamas on, and he looked at her naked body with pleasure.
“Why don’t you find out?” When Jacko turned her on, her voice dropped an octave and she sounded like Mae West. She’d never heard that tone coming from her mouth before, but now it seemed like a permanent feature. “You being such an observant man and all.”
The sound that came out of Jacko’s throat sounded like a lion purring. “Oh yeah.”
He placed his broad palm against her throat and slowly drew his hand down the center of her chest until it lay against her belly.
His eyes followed his hand as he spoke. “You know, last night I was thinking how much more beautiful you are now that you’ve put on a few pounds. That first time—you were so thin and fragile. I was afraid I’d break a bone. Now you’re just so…luscious.”
His hand flexed on her belly, opening and closing.
There was no way she could keep this secret a second longer. It was exploding out of her.
“Jacko,” she said seriously, and placed her hand over his. Their hands made such a contrast. Hers pale and half the size of his. His eyes met hers, slightly puzzled at her tone.
“I have put a few pounds on and ordinarily I’d swat you for noticing.” She looked down at herself then back up at him. “But what you’re seeing is not a weight gain. What you’re seeing is my body changing. Because, my darling, I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.”
His hand lifted off her belly, a swift and uncontrollable gesture, like lifting a hand away from a hot surface.
Of all the reactions possible, she hadn’t imagined this one. His face turned blank—utterly and completely blank. As if he’d gone somewhere else and happened to leave his face behind.
She sat up. “Jacko?”
His jaw muscles contracted, as if he were biting back words. “That’s—that’s great, honey.” The words were the right ones, except they were coming out of that stiff, expressionless face.
“Jacko, what’s the
matter?” Lauren reached out to touch his shoulder but he’d already moved away. He rolled off the bed and started pulling on his jeans. “Jacko?” This time she couldn’t keep the trembling out of her voice.
He was pulling on one of his long-sleeved tees then tying his boot laces.
“Gotta go in early, honey.” He leaned down to give her a kiss that was over immediately. “See you tonight. I’ll come home early.”
And in a second he was gone.
It was a good thing Jacko was an excellent driver and that he could drive from home to the office blindfolded, because that was basically what he was doing. No cloth over his eyes, but he still didn’t see anything on the road. He avoided collisions through sheer instinct.
His brain wasn’t working right. He’d simply blanked out. Mind gone. That had never happened to him before, a shock so great he was taken away from himself. Ever under fire, he was in total control of himself, but right now he couldn’t control anything about himself, not even his movements.
He hadn’t seen the intersections, the other drivers or pedestrians. All he could see was Lauren. Pregnant with their child, having their child, dying in childbirth. The child massively deformed, a monster. A murderous monster.
The nightmare repeated itself right in front of his eyes, over and over again. Hi-def, 3D, with a soundtrack.
Rushing a screaming, bleeding Lauren to the hospital, staying by her side until the doctors kicked him out of the operating theater, waiting outside, heart hammering, crazy with terror, the tired surgeon coming out, pulling down his mask, sad eyes telling the truth before his mouth could.
Because, well, any child of his would have tainted blood. Fuck yeah—how could it not? Jacko had no idea who his father was but odds were that good old dad was a junkie, just like his mom. Some drug-crazed loser, passing through town. His mom had never been comfortable with normal people. She was too far gone, lost in the smoky hell of addiction and craziness, to ever be with normal people. There was no helping her, either.
Sheriff Pendleton had tried over and over again, getting her into the few state-sponsored rehab programs, keeping an eye out for Jacko, helping when he could. His mom baited the sheriff, spat at him, called him names.