I just hoped I could keep us both alive.
Chapter 16
“What are you doing with the window open, Olivia?”
My head snapped up from the book I was reading in our library. I liked it in there because it was peaceful. I could sit there for hours reading, getting lost in the story. It was my escape...until now.
I didn’t have time to answer him before he marched over, looked out the window, and pulled it shut. He turned to me with a harsh look in his eyes. “How many times have I told you not to open the windows in this house? Do you want to let the shadowman in?”
My eyes widened at the mention of my childhood monster. For the last five years, I had feared the shadowman coming in to get me again. I knew why he was in our hotel room. He was sent to kill us. My parents warned me about it after I had been questioned over and over again about what he looked like.
“Don’t do it again!” He marched out. Any calm thoughts I had vanished at the use of my monster’s name. Now all I could do was shake with fear. My body was trembling, making me move towards the door. Suddenly, I didn’t want to be in there anymore.
As I walked out into the hallway, I could hear whispers from the living room.
“Charles, I thought these pills were supposed to make you better. If anything, they’re making you worse.” I saw my mother lift her hand to his forehead. He didn’t look right. In fact, my father didn’t look like he was in control at all. His eyes were wide with fear, and a bead of sweat formed at his brow. I never saw him sweat.
Lately, my father had become increasingly paranoid. He checked each room in the house and every lock on the doors five times before going to bed each night. It was becoming a ritual. I, for one, knew something wasn’t quite right with him. He was always snappy and aloof, but it had increased tenfold recently.
“It’s not the pills, Beatrice. It’s Olivia keeping the fucking windows and doors open. I keep telling her and she won’t listen. We should have sent her to boarding school.”
My eyes pooled with tears at my father’s admission. Deep down, I knew he felt that way about me, but I always hoped that, one day, I could do something, anything, to make him proud of me. I had been studying like crazy for exams, hoping my grades would make him proud of me. Just once.
My mother sighed. “I know, Charles, but you also know that Bartholomew won’t let that happen. He’s obsessed with keeping her here.”
My father shot up out of his seat and paced the room. “I don’t care. As soon as she’s old enough, I want her out. As far as I’m concerned, Bartholomew is welcome to her.”
The next morning, a sound roused me out of my sleep, but it wasn’t my alarm. It sounded like water. In my dazed state, I thought I may have been on a boat. I could have sworn I heard seagulls.
Finally waking, I checked my clock and could see I had another fifteen minutes before my alarm would go off. I turned it off and checked to see if Kit was still lying beside me.
Empty. Nothing but cold sheets. I wondered where he went, then the sound of flushing and running water gave me the answer I was looking for.
The door to the bathroom opened and out stepped Kit, rubbing a towel over his face. All I saw were his eyes as they penetrated me. I smiled, thinking how beautiful he was. He was wearing nothing but his pyjama bottoms, which were hanging loosely around his hips. I couldn’t help but roam my eyes around his taut chest. I stared in wonder as his muscles flexed every time he wiped the towel around his face. I was transfixed.
I stretched out with that silly smile still plastered on my face and watched as he moved the towel.
My smile disappeared, my mouth hanging open. A twinge of pain shot through me and I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Kit saw my panic and raced over to my side, his eyes frantic. “Olivia? Olivia, what’s wrong? What’s the matter?”
I shook my head, determined not to reveal my torture to him. “It’s okay… I’m fine. I just had a bad dream. That’s all.”
Kit looked concerned. “But you were smiling. When I dropped the towel, your face instantly changed. Does shaving my beard off look that bad?”
I smiled and turned to him, trying to calm my panic. He was beautiful. So beautiful. With his face now shown for all to see, I could finally get a glimpse of the man I had been obsessed with for so long.
With a shaky hand, I reached out and touched his smooth skin. His hair was still long, but not a hair remained on his face. It was chiseled, which just added to his masculinity. I could see his scar trailing a faint line across his face.
Everything about him screamed man, and every part of me screamed take me. I couldn’t help it. Despite my initial shock at seeing him, I still couldn’t help but love this man. That thought sealed it for me.
“I’m so sorry. It was just a bit of a shock.”
Kit’s eyes widened. “A bit of a shock? You looked like you had seen a ghost.”
I had. I shook my head with a smile. “No. It’s just me being the normal freak I am. Sorry.”
Kit gripped my hand. “You aren’t a freak. I don’t want to hear you talking like that.”
I gazed into his eyes again, wondering how on earth I managed to get myself here. “You look so young.”
Kit frowned. “You don’t like it?”
I shook my head. “No, I love it. I think you’re sexy, but I think you’ll be even more so when your stubble starts showing.”
Kit raised an eyebrow. “You like stubble, ha?” I smiled, feeling myself blushing. I turned away, but Kit grabbed my cheek. “Don’t be ashamed to admit how you feel, Olivia. I only did it because I thought you would prefer me like this, rather than looking like an old man.”
I shook my head. “You could never look old. You were perfect as you were, but I’m not saying you aren’t now. I like it. In fact, I love it.”
Kit nodded and leaned in to kiss me, but I turned away. “Not before I brush my teeth.”
Kit laughed, but attacked me. “I don’t care.” He planted a soft kiss on my lips, making me hum a little.
“I really should get ready.”
Kit nodded and got off the bed. “Go get a wash and I’ll make you some breakfast.”
With the shock and euphoria still running through my veins, I got up and got myself ready. Once washed and dressed, I went downstairs to the smell of fresh toast.
Kit saw me emerge and smiled warmly. It was amazing how much his smile lit up his face without his hair covering it all.
“Take a seat and I’ll bring you some toast.”
I did as I was told. Kit soon walked in and placed two plates and a tray full of toast down.
“Wow, that’s a lot of toast.”
Kit smiled. “I figured we could both use the energy after yesterday.”
I laughed, hearing my phone alerting me to a text message. I immediately panicked, thinking it was Uncle again.
Frowning, I got up and picked up my phone from the other side of the table.
Hey, beautiful. I hope everything is still okay after the other night. I was kind of hoping you could come into work tomorrow night at six. I need you. xx
I sighed, biting my lip. “Is there something wrong?” Kit asked.
I looked up at him, knowing this wasn’t going to go down well. “It’s something and nothing. Charlie wants me to work tomorrow night.”
Kit immediately stiffened, which I knew was going to happen. I also knew going back to work was inevitable. There was no use putting it off.
“I don’t like you working there with him.” His lips took on a hard line, almost making me flinch.
“I know, Kit, but I don’t have any other choice. He’s my boss and I don’t want to let him down. He’s always been playful.”
Shit. Bad choice of words.
Kit’s back straightened. “Playful? You mean, he is always like that with you? Practically forcing himself on you is playful?”
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. He had never taken i
t that far.”
Kit huffed. “But he had pushed it before? Olivia, you can’t work with someone like that. I don’t like it.”
I sighed, knowing he was right, but frustrated at the fact I was giving in to his jealously. I didn’t like it, but I also wouldn’t like it if the shoe was on the other foot. I think I would go crazy if another woman was throwing herself at Kit.
“I know. I get it. I’ll look for another job, but I at least have to work until he can find someone else.” Kit started to argue, but I put my hand up. “No more, Kit. I can’t just abandon him. No matter what he’s done, he will always be there for me.”
Kit made a growling sound, but didn’t say anything. In fact, the rest of breakfast was eaten in silence. When it was time to go, I kissed him goodbye and made my way out the door, feeling empty inside. I didn’t like leaving him when things were so tense.
As usual, I went about my normal routine, my heart sinking when I got to the steps. There was no sign of Thomas or Marcus today. I looked around. Were they there and I just missed them somehow? When I couldn’t find them, I walked up the stairs, placing the two hot drinks on the table.
When Tony walked in, I smiled. “Hey. I have a spare tea or coffee, if you fancy one.”
Tony smiled, taking the coffee. “Thanks, Olivia.”
“Don’t mention it.” I smiled. Tony winked and walked back into the kitchen. I made my way into the office and placed my coat and bag on the floor. I walked out and collided with Tammy.
“Oh, sorry,” I offered.
“That’s fine,” she said, not even bothering to look up at me.
Shaking my head, I made my way down to the kitchen. I wasn’t feeling right at all. The moment I woke up, everything has been wrong. I could already feel myself falling into that dark hole. With the tension between Kit and I, Thomas and Marcus not being there, and Tammy’s sudden off behaviour, I was feeling depressed as hell.
I knew I needed to shake myself out of it. That was why I was there in the first place. I had to carry on. There was just no other way.
So I picked myself up and carried on getting the trays ready for the dining hall. Once all was ready, Tammy opened the front door and the flood of people came in. I smiled as best I could, showing everyone I was happy. I filled plate after plate, giving me a purpose.
About five minutes in, a man named Jack, a regular, appeared to be hiding a bottle of something in a brown paper bag. Stopping him, I held out my hand. “Jack, you can’t bring that in here. You know the rules. No alcohol.”
Jack scrunched up his little face. “Please don’t take my namesake away. I promise I won’t drink it here.”
I sucked in a breath, trying to calm the sudden urge to reach out and grab it. My nostrils flared. Even though I knew I couldn’t possibly smell it, I somehow could. It invaded my senses, causing my need to take it from him to become even greater.
Trying to calm my breathing, I motioned with my hand for him to give it to me. “I promise to give it back to you after you’ve eaten, but if you’re determined to keep it, you and your little friend need to both leave. Got it?”
Jack mumbled something under his breath, begrudgingly handing it over. Tammy came waltzing by at that moment.
“Tammy, can you cover for just a minute? I need to take this out back.”
She looked at me, then the paper bag, and frowned. Eventually, she nodded, coming over to take the next plate.
I walked away without another word and went to the office. I was gripping the bottle so tightly, I didn’t realise my hands were turning red until they started crying out in protest.
Leaning my head back against the wall by the office door, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I hadn’t had it this bad in months. Sure, I worked in a pub, but I always avoided handling Jack. Charlie knew I didn’t like going near the stuff and he never questioned why.
I thought back to three years ago when I had run out of the stuff. I didn’t want to leave the house, but my need to have another bottle to numb myself was greater. Once I got home and locked myself inside, I immediately opened the bottle and took a swig.
I swallowed now, feeling the burn inside my throat. I remember that as if it were yesterday. Without thinking, I took the bottle out of the bag and noticed it was half full.
Just a little sniff. That was all I needed.
I closed my eyes for a moment and found myself unscrewing the top, the smell hitting me at full force. It called out to me like a beacon. It was shouting from the rooftops. Drink me! Drink me!
I bit my lip, waging a war in my head. A part of me was screaming to put the bottle down; another part was telling me to go ahead…begging me to go ahead…daring me to go ahead.
I brought the bottle up, my mouth opening. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my arm.
With my heart beating wildly, I snapped my head up to find Kit staring at me with more worry than I had ever seen from him. He looked at me, imploring me to make the right choice.
“I’m sorry,” he offered.
Those two words snapped me back to reality. Staring at Kit, my eyes opened wide before I looked at the bottle, realising it was open and I had the top in my other hand. Quickly screwing the top back on and sliding it back in the bag, I placed it on the desk.
“Oh god… What am I doing?” I started shaking violently, wondering how I got myself into this situation. Clarity seemed to form in my head. I’m at a soup kitchen. I’m at work. What in the hell am I thinking?
I felt Kit’s arms tighten around me as I fell into him. “Shh, it’s okay, Olivia. I got you. I’ve always got you.”
My heart was thundering against my chest so hard, it was starting to hurt. “I didn’t mean to... I mean, I wasn’t going to...” What was I saying? I had every intention of drinking from that bottle. There was no point in denying that.
“It was my fault. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head against his chest. “Don’t you dare make excuses for me, Kit. This was one hundred percent me. No one else. Me. I used to blame everyone for my actions, but I now realise that was just a feeble excuse for my own downfalls. This was my doing. It has always been my doing.”
He pulled away and cupped my face in his hands. Immediately, my breathing calmed. “I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad at Charlie. Mad that he made you feel uncomfortable about going back to work. I could never be angry with you.”
I smiled, feeling myself calm a little bit more. “I know. And I’m sorry, too. Please don’t think that every time we have an argument, I’ll immediately turn to that.” I pointed at the bottle and shuddered. “I need to get out of this room.”
Kit nodded, took my hand, and walked out of the office. Tammy was just heading in again as we came out. She gave a stern look at Kit, then saw my hand in his.
“I came looking for you. You said you’d only be a minute.”
I blushed. “Yes, sorry. I just felt a little dizzy.”
Tammy frowned. “Are you okay now?” I nodded and she looked at Kit. “What is he doing back here?”
I got a little flustered, not knowing what to say. What was he doing here? Thankfully, he answered for me.
“I understand there was a little altercation in the dining hall yesterday. I just wanted to make sure Olivia was safe. I won’t bother anyone. I promise. I just want to sit in the hall and make sure no one does anything stupid.”
My heart swelled at the news. If I didn’t think I loved this man before, I certainly knew I did now.
Tammy snorted, bringing me out of my dreamy haze. “I didn’t know we were hiring bodyguards now.” She rolled her eyes like she was disgusted and walked off.
“I better get back out there. Did you really come here for that reason?” He nodded and my urge to kiss him was so great, I pulled him towards me. We stood there kissing for a few seconds then, reluctantly, I pulled away from him.
I was breathless. “Thank you.” I smiled, kissing his mouth tenderly. “I really need to get back. No doubt the queue will be
a mile long.”
And it was. The moment I walked back in, they were all lined up, wondering what in the hell was going on. There were normally two people there at all times, but we had lost someone in the last couple weeks and no one else had volunteered to fill the position.
Kit smiled and walked over to the corner, leaning against the wall, just watching. He was far enough to be out of the way, but not too far away from me.
Service went on for another hour. When all was finished, I sighed and turned to Kit. “Thank you for staying...although you didn’t need to.”
Kit smiled. “Anything for you, Olivia. I think you know that by now.”
I welcomed the light-headedness that Kit brought me. After everything that happened today, I still wasn’t one hundred percent, but it was a start.
Once I gave the bottle back to Jack and everyone had left, I turned to Kit. “I think it’s safe now.”
Kit nodded and pulled me to him. “I need to do something, but I’ll meet you back at the house?” I nodded, wondering what he needed to do. I didn’t ask, but I was still desperate to know.
He leaned down and kissed me, moaning as he pulled away. “I better get going. I’ll see you soon.” Kit winked at me and walked off.
Flabbergasted, I must have stood there with my mouth wide open for at least five minutes. Kit being Kit was one thing, Kit smiling was another, but Kit winking? Oh, my days. I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.
When my legs were steady enough to walk again, I started to clean up. When I looked up, Tony was there, smiling at me in a funny way.
“What?”
He winked. “I saw you.”
I blushed. “Saw what?”
Tony smiled. “You playing tonsil tennis with that guy out there. Who was he anyway?”
I bit my lip and smiled. “His name is Kit.”
Tony laughed. “Why do your eyes glaze over like that when you say his name? You have it bad, don’t you?”
I couldn’t deny it. “Maybe just a little,” I teased.