He picked out the white lacy bra and panty set that I thought he’d like, placing them down beside me. He went to the bathroom for a second, then came back out. Strange behaviour, but one I didn’t dwell on too much.
He looked a little confused, then his face changed like he remembered something. “I’ll be right up. I just have to check on something downstairs. You change into that so it will be a nice surprise for me when I return.” He walked over to the bed and caressed my cheek before leaving.
Without a care in the world, I slipped out of my clothes, putting on the new underwear. It fit perfectly. I knew Zac went crazy over my curves and this set them off.
I was waiting on the edge of the bed as five minutes turned into ten. Just when I thought he wasn’t coming back, he stormed through the door with a thunderous bang. I jumped as he raced towards me with one fist clenched. I thought he was going to hit me, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the bathroom.
“Zac, what’s going on?”
He growled at me, let go of my arm, and lifted the toilet seat. His clenched fist hovered over the water, then he unclenched it.
What looked like hundreds of tiny pills steadily dropped into the toilet. At first, it didn’t register, then I recognised what they were.
“No!” I screamed, racing to the toilet.
Zac flushed and I sat on the cold floor, mourning the loss of my pills. All that wasted effort today. All that time and energy to get them, and now they were gone.
“One thing, Livy. One thing I ask of you and you do this behind my back. Why?”
I looked up at his angry face, realising how befitting all this was. Here I was, in my underwear at my master’s feet…just like he always wanted.
“I don’t want to have a baby. Not yet. I’m too young.”
Zac’s face was red. “You’re older than my mother when she had me. Don’t give me that fucking lame excuse, Livy. I told you we were having a baby and you did everything you could to stop me. You went behind my back, Livy. I can’t trust you after this.”
He came rushing forward and I flinched, ready for the blow. Instead, he grabbed my chin, making me yelp.
“You. Are. Mine. Don’t you ever forget that, Livy. You’ve been mine since the day you were fucking born. Don’t ever disobey me again.” He shoved my face away and left me in a heap on the bathroom floor.
I heard the door slam and jumped out of my skin. All that was left to do was curl up into a ball and let the darkness come.
And I welcomed it.
Chapter 22
I’m not sure for how many days I was kept prisoner in my room. When I got my period one morning, I sighed in relief, but then it went and I was still alone. The only company I had was when one of the guards came up to bring me food. Each time, I hoped and prayed it was Ian, but it never was. I felt trapped, more trapped than I’d ever felt in my life.
I prayed for Ian. Prayed that he hadn’t been caught because of me. I wasn’t worth the trouble. I wasn’t worth anything. I was nothing.
I understood that years ago when I lost everyone and everything. I understood it now when the only light in my day was the hope that my master would come and forgive me. He never did, though. Days turned into a week; a week almost turned into two before I heard the sound of my door opening.
I was hoping it was Zac or Ian, but I was disappointed when I saw Craig. He stood at the door, a big smirk on his face.
“The Boss has a surprise for you. He said he wants you to put on that outfit you got for the ‘special occasion’. He said that’s tonight. He also said you were to cover yourself with this.” He threw a white satin dressing gown at me and kept that smirk on his face. “Pity, really. I would have liked to have seen the outfit.” He touched his crotch suggestively, then laughed as he walked out the door.
“Pig!”
I had no time to dwell on what he said because I was excited to finally get out of this stinking room. I didn’t know what Zac had in store for me, but the fact he wanted me to wear my basque only led me to think one thing. He had forgiven me.
I didn’t waste any time getting ready. I got undressed, putting the basque on. I contemplated wearing stockings, then thought I would just leave it as it was. I had shaved everywhere today, so I was ready.
I went into the bathroom, brushed my hair, and put on a little gloss. When I felt I was ready, I looked at myself in the mirror. I was sure Zac would approve.
I raced to put on the satin dressing gown, then turned the handle on the door. It clicked open and I saw Craig was waiting. He looked me up and down with a smirk, then moved away from the wall. “Follow me, princess.”
I did as I was told, deciding to ignore his little jab at me. At the end of the day, I knew he was all mouth.
We walked downstairs. I was surprised when he led me to a door behind the stairs. I hadn’t noticed it there before but, then again, I never looked. He started to walk down a dark stairway and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I hesitated slightly.
“It’s okay, princess. No need to be afraid of the dark.” He smiled, holding out his hand. Reluctantly, I took it. I looked around to see if I could find Ian, but he was nowhere to be found.
I got really scared then. I was starting to wonder if this was all a trap. Maybe Craig wasn’t all mouth and he was leading me into his lair. I was starting to wonder if I should turn and run back upstairs, but something halted me.
“Livy, don’t be scared. Come on down here. I’ve got something to show you.”
My master was calling me, and the sound was suddenly soothing to my skin. Everything came alert inside me and I found myself willingly walking to that voice.
Once I was at the bottom of the stairs, I saw Zac standing outside a door. He smiled sweetly to me and offered me his hand.
“Beautiful, Livy. Just beautiful.”
I grabbed his hand and he pulled me towards the door. He opened it and I saw a bed, but that was it. There was only a bed, the dim light, and a big window or screen on the wall. I couldn’t make out which in the soft light.
I heard the door shut behind me, so I turned. Zac was there, offering a bright smile as he came up behind me. He trailed his fingers lightly from my shoulder down my arm.
“I’ve missed touching you, Livy. You always feel so good.” He moved the strands of hair away from my neck and started lightly kissing me. Very slowly, he unhooked the belt on my dressing gown and pulled it from my shoulders. It fell down to the floor and he stood behind me, trailing both hands down my arms.
“Beautiful,” he whispered in my ear.
He stepped around me, now facing me. He had this glint in his eyes and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Now for your surprise.”
I bit my lip, wondering what on earth it could be. “What is it?”
Zac moved towards the big window/screen and stood there like he was attending a grand opening. I was eagerly waiting to see what it was, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
He flicked a switch and a bright light came flickering on.
I gasped and almost fell to my knees. Instead, I made the biggest mistake I could have made. I ran to the window and banged on it with my fist.
“Kit!”
In that instant, a switch flicked inside of me. What had I been doing? What had I done? Why was I here, letting another man touch me? Why had I been loving every second of it? How could I have done this to him? To us?
A sob caught in my throat, threatening to engulf me. No, please. Not Kit. Not my Kit.
Through the tears, I looked up and saw the anguish in those magical grey-blue eyes of his. I loved those eyes. I loved that man.
Oh god! How could I have ever betrayed our memory like this? How did I get here, staring at the one man I would never be able to touch again?
The sight of him destroyed me. He was chained by the wrists, hanging from a cross. He looked battered and bruised, like he’d been there a while.
“Kit???
?
Zac’s voice broke me out of my trance, immediately alerting me to how grave this situation was. I was standing in an outfit picked out for Zac. He had been touching me in a room where Kit could see everything. Mortified didn’t even begin to express how I felt.
“You know him as Kit now? I thought he was the shadowman. But I always knew him as Agent Christopher Chainey, number twenty-four. The one who tried to blow you and your parents up.” His voice rose an octave as he said this.
“Olivia!” Kit screamed, the tears threatening to fall. “Don’t listen to him. I wasn’t there to place it. When you saw me, I was there to defuse it. I went there to save you all. Please, Olivia. Believe me.” He pulled at his chains and roared out a scream.
I gripped my eyes shut, not knowing what to believe. In my heart, I knew Kit would never betray me. Something was telling me he was telling the truth.
Zac moved forward a little to face me. “There wasn’t any female friend staying at your house, was there, Livy? It was him. You were fucking him, weren’t you?” His face looked so angry and he suddenly moved, backhanding me across my cheek. I fell down to the floor, sobbing at the knowledge I was doomed forever.
I heard Kit scream as I fell, “I’m going to kill you, Zachary Bartholomew!”
Zac composed himself and stared over at Kit in disgust. He was about to say something when the door opened to Kit’s room. We all looked up and Maria stepped in, wearing a tight red dress and matching patent high heels. Her hair was a mass of curls, which almost hid her big gold earrings. She had bright red lipstick on and the biggest smirk on her face.
“Christopher,” she sang. She walked up to him and caressed his chest. “It’s been so long.” Kit flinched at her touch.
I looked up at Zac and saw him smile at Maria, then he turned to me. “Your shadowman and Maria used to go way back.” He turned to Maria. “Didn’t you?”
She nodded, as Kit strained against his chains. She ran her hands all over him and purred, “Yes. Kit and I used to have a lot of fun. He used to do his jobs, then come back to fuck me so hard, I couldn’t walk for a week. He was quite the animal in bed, but I guess you know that.”
I winced at her remark, feeling the jealously rise. She had no right to talk about him like that. With me, it wasn’t like that. With me, it was special. It was real.
But how could I be jealous after everything I’d done? I had no right to lay claim on him when I had been sleeping with another man this whole time.
My mind raced for an explanation, but I had none. Logic told me Kit was the only one, but I had been behaving like the worst girlfriend anyone could ever imagine. Why? I couldn’t understand it.
Zac looked as pleased with Maria’s remark as I did, but she walked over to Kit and kissed him. He didn’t respond, but that didn’t stop her from trying to stick her tongue down his throat.
She pulled back, laughing, and I could see the trace of lipstick all over his mouth. I wanted to look away, I willed myself to look away, but I couldn’t.
She then began rubbing at his crotch, but all Kit did was grunt and pull at his restraints.
“Stop!” I begged, realising how much of a mistake I had made.
Maria stopped, smiling my way before looking over at Zac. He nodded his head and I started panicking.
As soon as she got her permission, she looked back towards Kit. She whispered something in his ear and I watched as his eyes grew wide. Frantic, he pulled at his restraints. “No, Maria. No!” he shouted.
She ignored him, unzipping his trousers and pulling them down past his hips. Kit kept thrashing and cursing at her, but she just ignored him. When she touched his limp cock, I had to look away.
Not a moment later, Zac grabbed my shoulders. “Look at him, Livy. Look.” He shook me until my eyes popped open. What I saw crushed me.
Maria was sucking Kit’s cock as he remained rigid. I could tell he was trying not to let it affect him, but the more she kept on, the more the inevitable happened. When Maria pulled away, I saw how hard Kit was. She smiled at me as she caressed his balls and licked up his shaft.
“Looks like he’s enjoying himself,” Zac whispered in my ear.
“Please stop this, Zac. Please.”
Maria looked at Zac, smiled, and carried on sucking Kit’s cock. I wanted to be sick. In fact, bile started rising in my throat the more Kit grunted, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to enjoy it, but he was.
All I could do was stand there and keep telling myself that he didn’t want this, but the more I thought that, the sicker I became.
Kit pulled at his restraints some more and grunted out some expletives. I gripped my eyes shut. It was too much. All of this was just too much. I felt like I had gone to hell. I was in hell and had to live an eternity with Zac.
“I think he’s close,” Zac whispered.
I snapped my eyes open and saw Kit staring at me. He looked lost. I could see the strain on his face as Maria sped up her pace. He didn’t want to come, but he was going to.
I whimpered out a sob, clutching my heart and shaking uncontrollably. “Please, stop!” I shouted. “Please!”
But Maria wasn’t listening. Just when I was about to scream, Kit roared, his chains clanking as he pulled at them one more time. Soon after, his body went limp as his head fell forward I could tell he was ashamed, but how could I blame him for what happened? It was forced on him. I forced this on him.
Eventually, Maria slowed to a stop, pulled him out of her mouth, and licked her lips. “He tastes just like I remember.” She licked her fingers, pulled Kit’s trousers up, and turned to Zac.
“You did well, Maria. Thank you.”
She nodded with a smile and winked at me as she headed for the door. “You bitch!” I banged on the glass window, desperate to get to her so I could rip her face off. “You fucking bitch!”
Suddenly, Zac grabbed me and I looked at him. “How could you do this? How could you?!” I tried punching him, but all he did was grab my arms.
He stood there, hovering above me. His breathing was harsh as his anger grew. “You haven’t learned a single thing here, have you, Livy?” He pointed to Kit. “That man tried to kill you and your parents. You wanted vengeance and I helped you, but this is how you fucking repay me? By fucking him?!”
I sobbed, knowing I wasn’t going to get away with this. “I’m sorry!” I shouted through my sobs, but I wasn’t sorry. I wasn’t sorry for pursuing him. I wasn’t sorry for finding him. I wasn’t sorry for falling in love with him.
My shadowman.
My Kit.
“Trevor!” Zac shouted, making me jump.
A man appeared with a syringe. I saw the golden liquid inside and knew it was for me. It couldn’t be for anyone else.
I shook my head. “Please, no. Please, Zac, no. I promise I’ll behave. Please. Just let Kit go and I’ll do anything you ask of me. I swear.”
Zac smiled. “Oh, you will, sweet Livy. After the show you’ll put on for him, he’ll never want to look at you again.”
I saw the glint in his eyes. At that moment, I knew exactly what he meant. I screamed, clawed, and kicked, but there were soon two men holding me down on the bed, Zac hovering over me with the needle.
I heard Kit screaming, witnessing me falling apart and not being able to do anything about it. I wanted to go to him and save him, just like he had saved me all those weeks ago.
I felt the prick in my arm and the pain from the liquid being injected into me. I screamed out again, wanting this all to end, but knowing that it was just the beginning.
The minute he pulled the needle out, all of them abruptly left the room and locked the door. I lay there for a moment, staring at the ceiling, until I heard his voice. The man I truly loved.
“I’m so sorry, Olivia.”
He said it so softly, I could barely make out the words. I scooted off the side of the bed and walked up to the window, placing my hand on the glass. The tears fell down as I mourned the loss of my lover, my p
artner, my best friend.
“He’s injected me with–”
“Xanai.”
I looked up at him. “You know it?”
He nodded. “It was discovered in a secret army base in Wiltshire a few years back.”
I nodded. That was exactly what Ian had told me. “Then you understand what’s coming?”
He winced, but nodded again. “I’m so sorry, Olivia. I tried finding you, but they caught me when I went to see Dr. Kemp.”
My eyes widened. “Dr. Kemp?”
He nodded. “After you disappeared, I had a few people checking up on some leads. I knew someone had you and I had a feeling who.”
I gasped. “You knew who I was?”
He shook his head with a small smile. “Not at first, but your nightmares and your secrecy made me want to find out more. I had someone look into it and they managed to find out who you were. I swear to you. I wasn’t there to kill you that night. When you saw me, I had been defusing the bomb. I did plant it, but then I saw you. I knew I couldn’t harm an innocent. At that moment, I decided I didn’t want that life anymore. You changed it all for me, Olivia. You changed the man I was then, and you changed the man I am now. I owe you my life.”
I shook my head, a sob escaping. “No, Kit. You don’t owe me anything. I’m not worthy of you. I’m not worthy of anyone.” I hung my head, feeling the guilt rise.
“Olivia, you’ve had others take over your whole life. No one has ever let you be the beautiful person I know you are.”
I could feel it. The burning. It was just a little tingle, but I knew it was the start. It was only going to get worse.
“I’m not a beautiful person, Kit. You don’t understand what I’ve done.”
I wiped my tears away and stared up at the man I loved. I wanted him so badly now that the burn was creeping up further. I had to look away for my own sanity.
“I know, Olivia, I know. But I also know that none of this is your fault. Please keep telling yourself that. And please keep on telling yourself that nothing in this world can make me change the way I feel about you. Nothing, Olivia. I swear. Please, never stop telling yourself that.”