Have a good day, Rosie. -Patrick
Her apartment was quiet as I left — Lily’s door open and Ellie absent — as was the hall, though my thoughts screamed Rose’s name.
I unlocked my apartment to find West stretched out on the couch, reading. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I said as I closed the door.
That one word was all it took. He looked me over with shock on his face. “What happened?”
My smile somehow stretched wider. “Rose.”
More shock. “Rose?”
I smiled.
West blinked. “How the hell?”
I didn’t want to sit down, didn’t want to stop moving, so I made coffee. The energy working through me was so different from yesterday. Rather than being amped up from wondering what it all meant, I felt certain. Quiet. Now the only question was when I would see her again.
I poured out the old coffee and filled up the pot. “She came home from work yesterday pissed. I mean, really pissed. She was spitting nails at me from the second she walked in the door, told me I couldn’t stay anymore.” I poured the water into the tank as I spoke and re-loaded the filter and grounds, hitting the start button.
“And then?” He sat up and laid his book on the coffee table.
The machine began to sputter as I walked through the kitchen and sat in the armchair. “And then, I went for it. I was just about to kiss her, but she beat me to it.” I shook my head, smirking as I rubbed my jaw. “Then she was taking off my shirt, and then we were in her bed. I swear, I thought she was going to stop me at any moment, but she didn’t.”
He scratched at his beard. “What does it mean?”
I shrugged, shaking my head again. “She says nothing. I’m not sure I believe her. I’m not even sure she believes herself.”
“And for you?” he asked.
“I’ll take what I can get. I don’t know what it means, and I don’t need to know. Not yet. So I’m just going to take it one day at a time.”
West smiled. “I knew if one of you made a move, you’d end up back together.”
“Hey, man. No one says we’re together. I’m not counting on that, not this soon, at least. Who knows. Rose could spend the day freaking out and trip on me again tonight.”
He sat back in his chair and threaded his fingers behind his head. “She won’t.”
I chuckled. “Says you.”
“Yeah, says me. We’ve been watching the two of you for months. Rose can say all she wants that she’s not interested, but that’s a bold-faced lie.”
“Because she doesn’t want to be interested in me. That’s the problem, and that’s exactly why I’m not getting my hopes up, but I feel better than I have in a long, long time. Even if it’s just temporary, I’m riding the wave until the surge is over.”
“Well, if you ask me, it’s been a long time coming. I hope it’s not temporary, this time. I hope this is it for you two.”
I sighed, smiling, imagining it were true for only a moment before I brought myself back down to reality. “It could be sweet.”
Rose
I woke before my alarm went off, rolling over in the dark, though I nestled back into my comforter, not quite ready for the cold world outside my bed just yet. I was more relaxed, more sated than I had been in forever.
My mind groaned into gear and the night came back to me, piece by piece, kiss by kiss. A smile found its way onto my lips.
What are you doing, Rose?
I wasn’t even sure how it had happened. One minute I could have set him on fire, but he’d set me on fire instead.
It had been coming for months, I supposed, an inevitable explosion after being in a pressure cooker with him for all that time. It was exactly what I’d been afraid of when he started staying with me. Now the lines had been crossed, and there was probably no going back.
The only thing that surprised me was how little I regretted it.
I’d been fighting my feelings for him since we’d broken up, and now I was free of it all. Like I’d been drowning, kicking and clawing to get to the surface, but it wasn’t until I let go and sank into his dark arms that I found peace. And that’s exactly how I felt. Peaceful. Like everything was going to be just fine.
I felt more whole than I had since before he’d ended things.
The pain of that memory stirred deep in my chest, reminding me that he was dangerous. Reminding me to keep him away.
When I told him nothing had changed, he said he knew, thus agreeing to keeping things the way they were — I wasn’t his, and we weren’t back together. Outside of the comfort of my room and bed, at least. Those boundaries would keep me safe, the knowledge that it was temporary. That I had some modicum of control.
We’d have to figure things out eventually, but for now, I didn’t want answers. Expectations were what had killed us last time, so maybe the trick was to just not talk about it. Ever, as far as I was concerned, however unrealistic that might have been.
If we kept things simple, maybe he wouldn’t get scared, wouldn’t run. He wouldn’t leave.
I turned on my light and climbed out of bed, heading into the living room in search of caffeine.
Ellie leered at me from the kitchen table with her hair in a red knot on top of her head. “Well, hello there, Rosie. How’d you sleep?” She shoveled a spoon of Froot Loops into her mouth.
She knew. I sighed. “Fine.”
She snorted. “Ha. I bet you did.”
When I reached the coffee pot, I smiled, pulling off the note he’d left for me in neat, uppercase letters, my eyes lingering on his name. Patrick. I’d barely called him that since before we broke up. Calling him Tricky was an easy way to make a concrete distinction from the man I wanted and the one I hated. I hit the brew button and sighed. “Go ahead. Get it out of your system.”
She giggled. “I cannot believe you hooked up with him, Rose!”
“How do you know we hooked up?” I folded my arms across my chest and raised a brow.
Ellie rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. Look at you. You’re freshly fucked if I ever saw it. Anyway, it’s not like we all didn’t see that coming from a mile away.”
Lily burst through the front door with rosy cheeks and twinkling eyes. “Spill it, Rose.”
I shot a look at Ellie, who shrugged. “I texted her.”
“I see that.” I took a seat at the table. “All right. Come on. Let’s talk about it.”
Lily sat down and leaned on the table, absolutely rapt. “Tell me everything.”
I took a deep breath and said, simply, “I slept with Tricky, and it was awesome.”
She blinked at me. “What does it mean? How did you …”
“Well, see, he put his penis in my va—”
Her lips were flat. “I know how it works, Rose. I mean how did you go from barely speaking to having sex?”
I shrugged. “I yelled at him, and he shut me up with his dick.”
Ellie burst out laughing.
Lily rolled her eyes, but she laughed too. “You’re awfully flippant about this, considering.”
“Considering what?”
She shook her head, looking me over. I think she approved, even if she was confused. “Seriously, what has gotten into you?”
Ellie snickered and pulled her knees up to her chest. “I think I know. A little Tricky dicky.”
I snorted. “I wouldn’t call it little, but yeah.”
Lily watched me. “I’m a little concerned about you not taking this seriously. I have to admit, I thought you’d be more freaked out after having sex with Patrick. I mean, Rose. It’s Patrick.”
“Yeah, well.” My smile fell. “I don’t really know what else to do.” I got up and poured my coffee so I didn’t have to look at Lily, pouring her a cup too. “I just had kind of a shitty reentry to dating. I haven’t had sex in a very long time, and I can only resist Tricky for so long, you know? With him staying here …” I spooned sugar in and stirred it around. “I caved, I guess. I was tired of fighting
it. And now, well, I can’t really take it back, can I?” I sat back down and passed hers over before warming my hands on the mug. “So I’m accepting the inevitable. I’ll clean up the mess later.”
“Well, I approve,” Lily said with a small nod of her head and picked up her coffee.
“Really?” I asked, bewildered.
“Maybe this is how you two patch things up.”
I raised an eyebrow. “By not patching it up at all? Ride on the flat tire until the rim is bent? Even I know that’s a bad idea.”
But Lily shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe you just rode over a bumpy patch and the tire’s fine.”
“Ha. Not fucking likely, but that’s a nice thought.” I took a sip of my coffee.
“Seriously. If the two of you would just get out of your own way, you’d be fine.”
I frowned. “That’s not really fair, Lily. You guys love to talk about it like we’re being irrational, but we have reasons for every decision we’ve made. It’s not as simple as you like to pretend it is.”
Her face softened. “No, I know. We just want you two to get back together and be okay. You’re miserable without each other, and it’s not easy to watch. So I’m glad you got naked.”
Ellie nodded as she chewed and swallowed. “I always approve of getting naked.”
I chuckled and took a sip of my coffee. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
She waggled her copper eyebrows.
“So what’s up with Max?” I asked.
She beamed. “He’s just amazing, that’s all.” She lowered her spoon into her bowl and moved it around absently. “A total freak in bed, but sweet and funny too. Plus, Valentino loves him, and he thinks he’s better than everyone.”
The gigantic black cat jumped on the kitchen counter at the mention of his name and pranced across it, one white paw in front of the other, head high like he was telling us exactly what he thought of any rules we might have of him doing otherwise.
“Anyway,” Ellie continued, “I’m going up to see him at the shop today. You guys should come with me.” She took a bite of cereal.
“Are you just going for lunch or what?” I asked.
She shook her head as she swallowed. “No, to get my nipples pierced.”
Lily choked on her coffee, then burst out laughing along with me.
“Oh, my God, El.”
“I don’t get what the big deal is,” she said with a shrug and took another bite.
“It’s not at all,” Lily replied. “It’s just funny that you care so little what other people think.”
“Whatever. Life’s too short to try to meet someone else’s expectations. I have zero secrets, and I like it that way. Take it or leave it, bitches!” she crowed to the universe. “Anyway, you should seriously come with.”
Lily took a sip of her coffee. “I can’t. West and I are going to the library.”
Ellie laughed. “Oooh, hot date. Bang in the erotica aisle for me, would you?”
I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “Don’t dare her. She’ll do it. Besides, they’ve been banging everywhere else, anyway.”
“Hey,” Lily said, mock-hurt. “Not everywhere, just all the time. It’s different.”
“Tell Patrick that.”
Her cheeks flushed when she smiled. “Seems like he’s got his hands full now anyway.”
“Seems that way.” I took a drink coyly and turned to Ellie. “I’ll go with you, El. I have to work at six, though.”
She lit up. “Ooh, you should get yours done too.”
I held up a hand. “Pass.”
“Max said it doesn’t hurt all that bad.”
“I’ll take his word for it.”
Ellie chuckled and picked up her phone. “I’ll let Max know we’re coming. Maybe we can all go get lunch afterward.”
“Sure, if you’re not passed out,” I joked. “If nothing else, we can go get a drink. You might need that more.”
She giggled. “Probably.” Her phone buzzed, and she glanced at the screen. “Max said Tricky looks like he won the lottery.”
“I bet he does,” Lily said.
I smiled. “I can’t deny I’m a catch. Let’s just see if he can hang on to me, this time.”
PINS AND NEEDLES
Rose
I GLANCED OVER ELLIE AS we walked toward Tonic that afternoon in the glorious summer sun. “Nervous?”
She shrugged and pushed her red hair over her shoulder. “Not really. I feel a little … I don’t know, intense?”
We stepped off the curb and crossed the street with a stream of pedestrians. “Adrenaline. I get that before I get a tattoo. But nipple piercing? That’s next level. I’d be crawling out of my skin.”
“I really think you should get yours done too.” She waggled her eyebrows.
“Nah, I’m good.”
“I bet Tricky would love it,” she coaxed hopefully.
I smiled, imagining his reaction if I told him I wanted to do it. “Maybe he would, but I’m admittedly way too much of a pussy to let anyone near my nipples with a fourteen-gauge.”
“But you have tattoos. That’s got to be worse, right?”
I shrugged. “I dunno. It’s different. Like, it just stings. You don’t get stabbed with a gigantic needle, just grazed by a tiny one.”
“Max said just hurts for a second. I bet it’s a long ass second, but still.” She perked up. “Are Tricky’s nipples pierced?”
I wet my lips and pursed them. “Mmhmm.”
“Anything else?”
I smiled down at my shoes as I stepped back onto the sidewalk. “Mmmhmm.”
She giggled. “Tell me it’s his dick, please.”
“It’s his dick, please.”
Ellie squealed. “Oh, my God. I forgot. I’ve always wondered what that’s like.”
“Uh, awesome. Duh.” I rolled my eyes, joking.
She was excited, eyes big and smiling. “He doesn’t have anything crazy though, right? Like a Jacob’s Ladder? I can’t imagine getting one piercing there, never mind like eight. And not just because I don’t have a dick.”
“It’s called a dolphin. Like a Prince Albert but with a longer bar, so it goes from that part under his crown down his shaft like two inches.”
“Fuck.” She shuddered, whether from imagining the pain or thinking about how hot it was, I didn’t know. Maybe both. “Ugh, but I can totally imagine he has that. Does he have a pretty dick?”
I laughed. “God, Ellie.”
“What? I couldn’t see it when you walked in on him in the shower. Trust me, I tried. Anyway, cousins don’t let cousins get down on ugly dick, pierced or not.”
I sighed. “No, it’s basically the supermodel of dicks, just like the rest of him.”
“Does the piercing make it more fun to go down on him?”
“For sure. Like there’s all this stuff to do with it.”
She laughed. “I never got girls who bitch about blow jobs. If you hate giving blow jobs, you’re doing it wrong.”
I raised the roof. “Preach.”
“I mean, I’d figure most guys don’t want to just fuck your bored mouth. Think about it — it’d be the equivalent of a guy who goes down on you and gives it some half-assed, obligatory lick or two before he jams his rod in. The worst! That’s an instant dump situation. You gotta get in there and get weird on it. I mean, not too weird, but you know what I mean. If it feels good for you, it feels good for them.”
“Blow jobs: 101.”
She nodded seriously. “I should teach a class.”
I snickered. “I mean, it’s bad if there’s a hygiene problem. Like, wash your balls, bro. And if you have four-inch pubes, I’m not going to want to go downtown and tour the Chrysler Building. Do a little manscaping. Not too much, because bald dicks are weird too. But a little trim goes a long way.”
“I’m sure it’s the same for guys, though. And our junk is way more offensive than theirs. Sometimes, I even offend myself.”
“It really isn’t fa
ir, is it?”
“Fuck you, nature!” she shouted, and the lady in front of us shot a dirty look at us over her shoulder.
We busted out laughing.
I pulled open the door to Tonic, and we were greeted by the heavy guitar licks of Death From Above 1979. The guy’s voice sounded like sex. On ice cream. Drowning in chocolate.
I’d always loved the shop — it looked dark and old while still modern, with a hint of creep about it. The mirrors were all old and spotted around the edges. There were things like a shadow box displaying small animal skulls, and what looked to be a very old Ouija board hanging on the wall. The waiting area was filled with furniture from the 1800s that had been painted with skulls and butterflies that looked like old wood cuttings. And it always smelled faintly of spices — cardamom and anise, maybe a hint of orange. I don’t know what kind of witchy brew Joel had going on, but he should have bottled and sold it.
Max stood from his booth toward the back, and Ellie giggled and took off, leapt into his arms, and wrapped her legs around his waist. Some serious tongue action ensued, and I shook my head, smiling as I looked to Joel, who was laughing.
“Hey, Rosie.” He stepped out from behind the counter and gave me a hug. “Twice in one week. What’d I do to get so lucky?”
I chuckled and gave him a squeeze. Or at least I tried. He was like a gigantic lumberjack, barrel chest and all. “Hey, Joel.”
Patrick stood, smiling at me as he approached. “Hey.” He stopped close to me, and I looked up at him, momentarily stunned, waiting for him to kiss me.
His eyes darted to my lips, and he wet his own with a small slip of his tongue, looking back at my eyes as he shifted away from me. But he smiled, and that smile told me plenty.
Pretty sure mine matched.
“Hey,” I said.
“Here for Ellie’s piercing?”
“I couldn’t let her do that without some solid moral support. She tried to convince me to do it too, but I draw the line at piercing needles.”