I bit my lip. "Going home with Logan."
Jason frowned. "Walking into the lion's den?"
"Is his family that bad?" I asked.
"Worse, from what I've heard."
"I thought you're supposed to be my support system. Stop trying to scare me."
Jason smiled, but it was sad. "I wish I could have you over for Thanksgiving. I'd like to be able to acknowledge you. It's killing me not to." He paused, looking like he had something to say, but was hesitant and uncertain what my response would be. "I've thought about this constantly this past week—with your blessing, I'd like to tell Lyssa over Thanksgiving break."
My pulse leaped at the thought—my father wanted to acknowledge me. Now. I fought to keep my cool. "Yeah? Lyssa will miraculously be okay with me now? What's changed?"
He looked haggard. "Nothing. And everything. You're my kid. I'm lying to my wife. I hate that. I want us all to be a family. For that to happen, I have to man up.
"A family-oriented holiday that's a time to be thankful is a good time to bring up it up. You'll be out of town, which will give Lyssa a few days to deal with it while you aren't around."
I held his gaze. "You're taking a huge risk. What if she freaks out? What if she demands you fire me? Or never see me again?"
"I won't fire you. I won't cut you out of my life." His face was set, determined, and his tone firm.
I had to believe him. I wanted to believe him. My heart nearly broke. This man who I hardly knew was willing to risk everything to have me as his daughter. I'd missed an entire lifetime with him. I hated my mom for that. I'd been stuck with the parent who didn't want me, all because of her selfishness. And now my life was a complete mess. And even the joy of finding my dad was marred. My mom had a way of scarring me even when she wasn't around.
The stakes were so high. I swallowed hard. "Go ahead. Do it. If you want to."
He smiled. "I do."
"What about Logan?" I wanted to tell him, and yet I didn't want to at the same time.
"I've thought about that," Jason said. He took a deep breath. "I think you should wait until the semester's over. Logan's still emotionally raw and stressed about too many things right now." Jason looked genuinely worried about Logan. "Let's not add to it."
I wondered what Jason knew that I didn't. I had the feeling he was holding something back.
"He needs me right now, too," Jason said. "I don't want him to feel alienated from either of us. Or betrayed." He paused again. "We don't know how Logan will react. I don't want to put either of your jobs in jeopardy, either."
"Logan won't—" I cut myself off. I didn't really know what Logan would do. And that was what scared me. I'd asked for fatherly advice. Jason had seen Logan at his worst. He knew Logan better than I did in that regard. Now I'd have to trust him. Or maybe I was just rationalizing and putting off the inevitable because I was scared. "Okay. It's only a few more weeks. I'll tell him at the end of the semester. Before Christmas."
"Good." Jason looked relieved. More relieved than he should have been.
I swallowed hard. "You wanted to me to tell you something about myself that you don't know—I love Logan. And I can't bear to lose him. I mean, I really love him."
Jason covered my hand with his. "Oh, Ellie." He sighed like he was resigned and sad. "I already knew that."
After chem lab, I reluctantly went to see Byron, carrying a big plate of chocolate-chip cookies according to plan. Dex had promised to show up. If he didn't I was going to make him sorry. I'd gone over and over how I was supposed to act toward Byron after that profession of love. I thought if I acted normal, like it had never happened, maybe it would all go away.
Byron's eyes lit up when I knocked on his door and he saw the plate of cookies wrapped in plastic wrap with an orange bow on top.
"Happy early Thanksgiving!" I said to him as he stood behind his desk and I handed him the cookies.
He took them awkwardly, blushing, which made me uncomfortable all over again. "What's this for?"
"A thank-you for all the help."
"I didn't think you'd come." He sounded almost ridiculously happy as he set the cookies on his desk.
"Why wouldn't I? We're friends, aren't we?" I gave him my innocent look, wondering where Dex was and which method of murdering him would be most painful. "And I still need help in chemistry." I gave Byron my vulnerable, "poor, helpless me" smile. Yes, it was calculated to bring out his manly, protective instincts. I'd been using it all semester. It would be out of place to abandon it now when I was trying to act normal.
"Ellie—"
Just then, with impeccable timing, three guys and a girl from my chem class knocked on the door. "Professor Green? It's not your usual chem hours, but we're desperately in need of help."
I had to hold down my smile. Right then, I could have kissed Dex if he'd been there in person.
"This is a private session," Byron said.
"I don't mind," I said, a little too quickly. I reminded myself to play it cool. "We're all here for chem help. The more the merrier."
Byron looked defeated. "All right. Come in."
Wednesday dawned thick with fog, the kind of fog that doesn't look like it will ever burn off. I had nervously packed and repacked for the weekend with Logan's family. And then I panicked when I realized I should bring some kind of hostess gift. I had no time, and no way, to get to a decent store. In desperation, I made my roommate Bre go with me to the market in the dining hall to help me pick out a gift. After much deliberation and no solution, Tay came in to stock the shelves—she was on duty in the dining hall—and solved the dilemma.
"You said she likes to bake. And Logan says she only uses the best ingredients," Tay said. She grabbed a large jar of honey with a wood honey dipper attached with a ribbon with the university logo. "The university food science department is famous for three things: its ice cream, cheese, and this honey. Everyone needs baking honey for the holiday season."
I took the jar from her. "You are a genius. I'm going to miss you over break."
Tay rolled her eyes. "You're spending the weekend with Logan. You're not even going to think about me. But I am a great salesperson. I should get a bonus." She handed a jar to Bre. "Take one home to your mom. Maybe she'll buy you something nice on Black Friday."
"Good plan!" Bre took it from her.
"When are you heading out?" I asked Tay.
Her plans had been up in the air. She'd had trouble finding a ride that was willing to leave after she got off shift at five. Almost everyone else was taking off early. Jason had given the entire student staff the afternoon off with full pay, saying he could handle any problems that came up. No one was going to be in class anyway. The university was going into holiday shutdown mode.
"Six," she said. "I finally found an RA in Hill Hall that has to stay to close the dorm and has room in his car.
"Yeah," she said without enthusiasm. "He has a ten-year-old Ford Focus and four of us going back with him. I'll be lucky if there's room for my suitcase."
"I thought you had a chance with your grilled-cheese guy?" Bre said.
Tay rolled her eyes. "He left yesterday. Like Nic did."
"Better luck next time." Bre was actually being pretty sympathetic and not throwing the fact she had a boyfriend, and Tay didn't, around like she usually did.
"Yeah, I think I'm genetically doomed to be single."
Tay's supervisor walked by.
Tay sighed. "I'd better get back to work. It's going to be a hellacious day—we're serving crap leftovers. The cook is trying to clean out the refrigerator. Everyone who comes in complains. The only salvation is that the crowds are small and dwindling by the hour." She gave us each a hug. "Have a safe trip. Happy Thanksgiving!" Tay smiled at me. "And keep in touch. I want all the details."
Logan picked me up just after noon. The fog was still thick. As he loaded my bags in his trunk, I noticed his car was empty. "Where are Collin and Zave?"
"They have their own rides."
Logan held up a gift bag. "What's this?"
"A hostess gift for your mom."
He smiled. "You didn't have to do that."
"Of course I did! I want to make a good impression."
He smiled and closed the trunk. "Don't worry—Mom will love you."
"You're awfully certain."
He pulled me into his arms. "Who wouldn't love you, El?" He kissed me in that way that made me want to sigh and pull him into me. That made me want to break down and make love with him, all the way.
I pulled away from him. "If you keep that up, we'll never get out of here."
He grinned.
"What are you doing with Spartacus for the break?" I asked.
"Zave took him home." Logan opened my car door for me.
"Opening my car door—what a gentleman."
"That's what you think now." He got a wolfish look in his eye.
"Hey! Stop trying to turn me on," I said, and kissed him lightly.
It took forever to get out of town. A steady stream of cars was making a mass exodus. The main road out was only one lane each direction. Visibility was poor and the going was slow. It was a five-hour trip to Seattle under normal circumstances. But today it looked like we were in for a marathon trip.
Logan turned on some tunes and rested his hand on my knee while he drove. "I wish you were wearing a skirt. I like the feel of your legs."
I tingled at the thought of his hot hand on my bare skin. "You're bad. Keep your thoughts on the road."
"On the road? Not possible." He laughed.
The fog was so thick the car in front of us was barely visible and the rest of the world was a gray-white cloud. I couldn't even see the road.
"This is going to be a long trip," I said.
"Hey! Are you insulting me?"
"I didn't mean the company!" I laughed and put my hand on his thigh. "I meant there's no view out the window to mark the passing of miles." I hesitated. "Then again, maybe that's a good thing. I'm nervous about meeting your family."
"Why? You've already met Dad. Mom is a pushover compared to him. And you'll like Caleb. Everyone does."
I might have imagined it, but I thought there was a touch of jealousy in his voice when he mentioned his brother. Or maybe it was irritation.
"Okay, I guess I can handle that many people," I said. "I'm fine in small, intimate groups."
He turned and stared at me.
"What?" I frowned.
"Thanksgiving at my house is never just a small, intimate affair. I told you—Mom always throws a big party."
He was right. He had told me. I had forgotten. "What? There will be more people? Like aunts and uncles? Cousins?" I quaked at the thought, but it also made me happy. Logan was going to introduce me to all of his family.
"And friends. Business associates." He turned his attention back to the road and hit the brakes as the string of cars in front of us slowed.
"Wait a minute—how many people are we talking about?"
"Fifty to sixty, depending on the year. Mom loves to entertain. Thanksgiving is her event. She loves being the one to kick off the holiday season."
So much for a small, intimate family dinner. The glow of being invited was beginning to wear off and more fear was setting in. No wonder Harlan had invited me so easily and with so little thought. He hadn't even seen the need to consult his wife. What was one more person to a gathering of that size? I was small. I didn't eat much. No one would even have to notice me. I was still wondering what Harlan's game was. There had to be a reason he'd extended the invitation. I could be lumped under miscellaneous guests and seated out of the way.
Logan shot me another look and shook his head. "Don't look so scared. This is going to be fun."
"Right. I'll keep telling myself that."
We lapsed into silence as Logan concentrated on the road and traffic.
"El?" Logan said at last.
"Yeah?"
"Have you noticed anything different about Jason lately?"
I froze. "What do you mean? Like what?"
"I don't know. He seems tense. Stressed." Logan frowned. "Distant."
I swallowed hard. That was my fault and I knew it. I'd asked Jason not to talk to Logan about me. I imagined that had put a strain in their relationship. I could imagine Jason backing off because he didn't want to hear too much.
"No," I said.
"Huh, that's funny. You two seem close these days." He sounded almost jealous.
It felt like my heart stopped for a second. When it started beating, it thudded way too loudly in my ears. What did Logan suspect?
I fixed my face in to a casual expression, trying to look like I hadn't really thought about it. "Close? Maybe closer than we were now that I've been in the office all semester."
Red headlights flashed in front of us in the fog. Logan hit the brakes again, cursed, and pounded the steering wheel. "Enough of this shit." He leaned next to his window, looked out, and pulled into the oncoming lane.
The fog was still so thick, I couldn't see a thing in the fields next to me. "Logan, no! You can't see." My heart raced.
Logan ignored me and hit the gas like he was angry. We surged forward.
I begged him. "Pull back in."
"Now that's what I like to hear a girl say."
"Logan, stop kidding." I grabbed his arm. "Get back in our lane."
"There's no one coming." He grinned and accelerated until we were going sixty miles an hour past the line of cars crawling along beside us. Five. Ten. Fifteen cars. Twenty.
"Logan! Please."
When he finally slowed and signaled, no one wanted to let us back in. I covered my eyes. Logan laughed and his eyes were lit with excitement.
"Shit!" He became suddenly serious. He veered to the right and wedged his way in as the car behind us laid on their horn.
Seconds later, a semi truck cruised past us the other way, missing us by way too close a margin.
I was shaking. "Do you have a death wish?"
"Maybe."
"Logan!" My mouth fell open.
"Just kidding," he said. "We were completely safe. I could see better than you think. I have good reflexes."
"But no one wanted to let you in."
"I made them, didn't I?" He squeezed my leg. "I'd never put you in danger."
"I think you just did," I said.
"I was showing off for my girl." He spoke playfully.
"I wasn't impressed. Don't do it again."
We fell uncomfortably silent. I couldn't stand the weekend getting off to a bad start. "Kind of hard to play I spy with my little eye in this weather."
Logan looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "I'm sorry, El. You're right. I lost my temper back there and got impatient and took a chance I shouldn't have. I do that sometimes—take risky chances." He smiled at me. "That's why I need you, you ground me. And remind me to use caution when it's important. I wish I'd met you earlier. Before—"
I turned in my seat to stare at him, knowing exactly what he meant. He couldn't know how on target he was. "Yeah, me too." I stroked his cheek. "Me too."
Seven hours later, it was dark, but the fog had burned off. We sped west on I-90 toward Seattle, but stopped short on Mercer Island, meandering down a maze of suburban streets, down a private driveway, and came to a stop in front of a well-lit, gorgeous house on the water.
"Home sweet home." Logan shut off the engine.
I gaped at the house. A house, any house, even a crappy one, that sat on the waterfront on Lake Washington was expensive. This one must have been obscenely pricey.
"Ready?" Logan reached for his door handle.
"No. Will you take me home?"
"I just did." He laughed. "Come on, El. They don't bite." He hopped out of the car.
I reluctantly got out. He grabbed my hand and held it as we walked beneath the stars and the light pollution of the city to the front door. It was quiet and I could hear the lapping of the lake against the docks. But the peaceful sounds did
nothing to quiet my nerves.
Logan squeezed my hand. "Lighten up. It'll be okay." As he reached to slide his key in the door, the door swung open.
A tall, striking, athletic-looking woman opened the door. I recognized her as his mother from her picture in Logan's room. She was smiling happily and proudly.
"Ma!" Logan dropped my hand and grabbed his mother in a bear hug, huddling around her.
"You finally made it. I was getting worried," she was saying as I stood off to the side, forgotten.
Before Logan could speak, he was attacked from behind by a guy I assumed was Caleb. Logan had to release his mother to fend off his brother. But his mom laughed as she watched them wrestle and struggle for supremacy, reprimanding them only when they threatened to knock over a vase on the entry table. "Enough horseplay, boys."
Caleb and Logan finally released each other. I got my first full-on look at Caleb. In person he was more magnetic than in his picture. I still thought Logan was way more attractive than Caleb, but Caleb was hot, too, and just a little bit more—an inch or two taller than Logan. Shoulders that much broader. Features that much more chiseled. And practically reeking with the confidence of a professional athlete.
Harlan stood off to the side, watching his sons and me. His expression was not one of joy like Logan's mom's. In fact, it may have just been me, but I thought he looked angry.
Caleb shot a glance at me and caused a chain reaction. Logan grabbed my hand and squeezed it possessively, pulling me closely next to him away from Caleb. "Everyone—this is Ellie, Elizabeth, Martin. El, you've met Dad. This is my mom—"
"Call me Sue." Her voice was smooth, but—maybe, again, it was my own insecurity—I thought I detected an unenthusiastic, not exactly warm undertone.
Logan didn't seem to notice it. "This is my baby brother Caleb." He seemed determined to one-up his brother.
Caleb was undeterred. He flashed me a smile I was certain never failed to charm girls out of their panties. "Nice to meet you, El."
Logan stiffened and squeezed my hand so tightly I thought it might turn blue. "Ellie."
Caleb ignored Logan. "What is a gorgeous girl like you doing with this guy?"