We had met at the first Up All Night event of the fall semester. "Are you asking me out on an official date that doesn't involve dads or being your fake girlfriend?"
He grinned. "Yeah. This will be kind of like our anniversary."
"We haven't been together all this time."
"But I wanted you the whole time."
He could be just so darn adorable. He made my heart melt.
His eyes danced. He knew he had me. "Some people have a song. This is our thing. We have an event. Pick you about at eight thirty?"
"Yeah," I said.
Chapter Six
Nic caught me in the hall when I returned from work. "See! I told you there was a logical explanation." Nic was insufferable about being right about Logan. "All you had to do was talk to him." Her eyes sparkled. "Must be something in the air—I got asked to Up All Night today, too."
"No? Are you going?"
"Yeah."
The way she said "yeah," I knew the guy was someone special. "This isn't the guy from your English class is it?"
"Kurt. Yeah." Her face lit up. Kurt was some kind of poet or artist or something. She'd been trying to get his attention all semester.
"All right—dish!"
She pulled me into her room to tell me the details. As she talked, I found myself wishing my life were as uncomplicated as Nic's. Wouldn't it be nice to just like a guy with no secrets involved?
Tuesday morning was cold and frosty. There were rumors that it was supposed to snow later. I got up, showered, and dressed with care, making sure I looked extra cute to meet Jason. He saw me in the office all the time. But when I was working, I was generally dressed with the dual purpose of looking professional and impressing Logan as much as possible. This was different. There was something about having an official coffee date with my dad that made me want to impress him. I didn't want to disappoint him. Or have him reject me. I was so insecure about all of it. So I applied my makeup carefully, using all the tricks Mom had taught me, and dressed accordingly—dark-wash jeans with rhinestones on the butt, cute pink sweater, knee-high boots. Frankly, I was as nervous as I was excited.
I bundled up in my cute wool coat and sweet hot-pink hat and left early so I could arrive early and be waiting for him. Eager-looking, maybe. But that was okay. By the time I left, it was already snowing and sticking to the grass and trees.
When I walked into The College Grind, I was still early and too late. Jason waved to me from a table in the corner. "Ellie! Fancy meeting you here." There was a twinkle in his eyes at our inside joke, and he looked only the slightest bit nervous, not upset.
Like father, like daughter. We shared the early gene and were both in the same frame of mind. I was touched he was trying to put me at ease and relieved—after having a couple of days to come to terms with it, he looked like he was dealing with it.
"Hey, boss." I walked over to his table, hopeful we could get off to a good start now. "What are you doing here? Need your morning jolt to make it through the day?"
"Hey, Ellie! Have a seat and let me buy my favorite dispatcher a drink," he said.
I laughed as I took my coat off and hung over the back of the chair. "Careful! Someone might get the wrong idea." I sat and stuffed my gloves in my coat pocket.
"What am I supposed to say?" He looked amused.
"How about: 'Would you like a hot beverage, my treat'? But the 'favorite dispatcher' was a nice touch, even if there are only like five of us to choose from. Still an honor."
He laughed. "Ah, I see. Much better. Much less suggestive." He paused to study me.
It was weird for both of us, this new shift in our relationship going from boss and stranger to father and daughter.
"So, would you like a hot beverage?" he said. "On the boss for being a stellar worker."
I nodded. "The perks of doing a good job." I laughed at my pun. "Grande mocha with whip."
"You got it." He jumped up and ordered while I saved our table.
My dad was buying me a coffee. It was almost impossible for me to really comprehend, surreal.
He returned to wait for the barista to call out our order. "How was your Dad's Weekend?" he asked.
I couldn't tell whether his question was barbed or not. I didn't know him well enough to recognize the subtleties of his personality.
I was certain Jason had heard about Logan punching Schwartz. He'd seen Logan yesterday at work and I was certain Logan would have told him how he got his black eye. Maybe Logan had even called him after it happened. They were that close. But had Logan told him exactly why he'd gotten into the fight? Or that I'd been with him when he'd punched Schwartz? Or that I'd tried to stop him? I knew Logan and Jason talked, but I didn't know how much they talked about Logan's love life and relationship with me, if at all. And suddenly it struck me—I hoped they didn't talk about it at all. It was bad enough thinking Logan might confide personal things to my boss, but to my dad? Can you imagine? I was horrified. I made a note to ask Logan not to talk about me to Jason.
I stared at Jason, trying to hide my thoughts. "It was good," I said, noncommittally. "I had dinner with Logan and his dad Friday night. I went to the game with them on Saturday."
I couldn't read the look in Jason's eyes, but if I had to guess, I would have said it wasn't exactly pleased. He knows everything, I thought.
Before either of us could react, the barista called our order. Jason jumped up to get it before I could.
When he returned to the table and set my drink in front of me, his expression was masked. "Logan's dad is a hard man, a real piece of work."
Since we were in public, it was understood between us that we couldn't say anything confidential that would give me away as his daughter. We had to be subtle and imply things.
"Yeah," I said. "I know."
"What did you think of him?" Jason took a sip of coffee while keeping his gaze level on me over his cup. He had piercing eyes, beautiful eyes. But he was dancing around the main issue.
For just a sec I had the unsettling thought of my mom looking into those eyes and falling in love with them and him. That was crazy—Jason and Mom had a one-night stand that resulted in me. Nothing more, as far as I knew. Someday, when we knew each other better and were on firmer ground, someday when we were alone, I was going to ask him about his relationship with Mom and demand answers. I wanted to know my story. But now was not the time. Now I had to tread cautiously, hoping to build a real relationship with him. Right now that long-ago past wasn't as important as building a future.
"He's just like you say—a hard man and an ass."
"I don't remember calling him an ass."
I smiled at him. "But you wanted to."
He smiled back. It was obvious he didn't like or respect Harlan. We were in complete agreement. Jason took another sip of coffee. His expression turned serious. "How serious are you and Logan?"
Again, I wondered how much Logan had confided in Jason since we met—had he been telling Jason all along how into me he was? How impossible it was for us to be together while Dr. Rogers was my chem prof?
I masked my own expression, trying to keep my true feelings from showing, and went on the offensive rather than answering. I leaned close and whispered so no one else could hear: "Fatherly interest?"
He didn't smile. "Maybe. Maybe it's just my way of getting to know you."
I shrugged. "What has Logan told you?"
"Don't be insecure, Ellie. Don't fish for information out of me or try to throw me off. Whatever Logan has told me is confidential. I can't divulge it. I'm certainly not repeating it to you. You're hedging."
"Is this conversation confidential, too?" I held Jason's gaze.
"Absolutely."
I nodded. "Good to know."
"So?"
I shrugged again. "Not that it's any of your business, but I like him a lot. You know that." It was a non-answer and we both knew it.
Jason sighed. "He has a temper, Ellie. Be careful."
I shook my he
ad. I could not believe this. "You mean because he punched out Schwartz? That's what you're talking about, isn't it?" I grabbed my napkin and balled it in my fist as I leaned toward Jason. "He was defending me. Did he tell you what Schwartz said about my ex-boyfriend sleeping with Mom?"
Jason nodded and set his jaw. "Yes." He looked pained, like he was sorry again for sticking me with a mom like Melissa. And like he couldn't believe the person Mom was or had become since he'd known her. "I'm sorry Melissa hurt you like that. Schwartz was a jerk for throwing it at you. If I'd been there…"
He sighed again. "I admire Logan for defending you. I'm grateful for it. It's what a man should do. But violence is not the answer. Logan should have maintained control and handled it differently. Asked Schwartz to leave. Gotten security. Not taken the first swing in a blind rage."
Jason was definitely different than the rest of Mom's men. All of them would have reacted exactly like Logan—swung first and asked questions later. I suppressed a shudder. Logan isn't like them, I told myself.
"You weren't there," I said, defending Logan.
Jason didn't back down. "I didn't have to be." He paused. "How much do you know about Logan?"
"Everything." I blurted it out like I was defending him, and accidentally giving away how serious I was about him.
"Everything?" Jason raised one eyebrow.
"I know about his career-ending baseball injury, and what happened with Dr. Rogers. And how he was out of control for a while and you saved him."
Jason nodded almost imperceptibly. "I don't know that I saved him."
"Don't be modest. He told me you did. He said without you…"
Jason set his cup down, but kept his hand wrapped around it, still studying me.
I blushed for real now.
He hesitated a second, then looked like he came to a decision about something. "I'd be surprised if you know everything, Ellie."
I didn't answer. I didn't believe him. Of course I knew everything—everything important.
Jason sighed. "Look, Logan is one of my favorite students ever. He has more potential…" He took a deep breath. "He could be a great man someday. I'll do everything I can to help him be the man I know he can be. But right now…"
He paused again, looking tormented or conflicted or something. "I have to say this and it's going to sound bad. I don't mean it to, but as your—" He cut himself off and held his hands out in front of him, palms up, in that gesture that meant "fill in the blank."
"I have to warn you. Logan has issues, serious issues. I don't want to see you get hurt. Either of you."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I simply stared at him. "What are you saying? That I shouldn't see him?" I couldn't keep the anger from my voice.
Jason looked tortured, but resolved. "I realize I don't have the right to say anything. But, yes, it would be better, I think, if you didn't become too attached to him."
I didn't know what to say. This was so unexpected. I was stunned.
Jason grabbed my hand. "See? Remember what I told you about teenagers? I'm messing this up. I care about both of you." He squeezed my hand. "I want the best for each of you. But you and I have a special bond. You're my priority. I have to look out for you and warn and advise you when I can. I haven't been there to do that while you were growing up like I should have been. I'm furious at Melissa for that and trying to deal with it." His eyes got a hard look in them that made me believe him.
"Even though I didn't know about you, I feel guilty as hell for that. I'm trying to do my best now, from here on out.
"What you ultimately do is up to you. I'll be here for you. Either way. Know that."
I looked at him, nodded, and swallowed a lump in my throat. He spoke so forcefully and with such emotion, I knew he meant it. I was upset with him and angry because he was going all dad on me. But touched at the same time because he cared enough about me, however misguidedly, that he was willing to risk our relationship and warn me about Logan. Even if he was dead wrong. I squeezed his hand in return. I let go and reached for my coffee.
"Promise me you'll think about what I said? And proceed cautiously? Don't move too fast or lose your heart too completely?"
It was too late for that. But I nodded anyway, suddenly feeling like I couldn't breathe. My worst fear was coming true—without meaning to, I was driving a wedge between Jason and Logan. And unknowingly, Logan was coming between me and my dad.
Jason looked at me tentatively. "You okay? Are we okay?" His voice was touchingly tender and concerned.
"Yeah," I said. How could I be mad at him?
"I just found you. I don't want to lose you." He gave me a lopsided grin.
"No. Me either." It was so true, I spoke without hesitation. "Promise me something?"
"Yes?"
"That you won't talk to Logan about me. It's not fair to him, or me. He doesn't know he's talking to my…" I trailed off, leaving the blank for him to fill in. "He might tell you things he ordinarily wouldn't tell, you know, my boss."
Jason smiled very slightly. "I can't promise that, Ellie. If he brings you up—"
"Just don't bring it up on your own. And if he veers into personal territory, you veer him right back out of it." I looked at Jason for confirmation. "That's fair."
"All right. You make a good point. I promise."
"And—"
"There's an and, too?" His tone was teasing.
I had to fight not to smile. This was serious. "Promise you won't discourage him from seeing me."
Jason stared at me as he considered my request. "Okay. On one condition."
"What? You get a condition, too?"
He nodded. "Oh, yeah. Fair's fair. You have to trust me and listen if I find it necessary to warn you about him again." He held out his hand like he wanted to shake. "What do you say? Deal?"
I hesitated only a second before shaking his hand. "Deal."
"Good." He glanced at his watch. "I have to run. We don't want to linger so long we start tongues wagging." He smiled. "Can we make this a standing weekly date?"
I smiled back. "Yeah. Sure."
"Great."
"Good. Now before I go, tell me something I don't know about you. I'm dying to know everything."
I smiled. "That's easy—you don't know much."
"Did you just insult my intelligence?"
I shook my head and grinned. "My favorite color is blue." I grabbed my coat from the back of my chair and pulled my gloves from my pocket.
He laughed. "Be prepared with something more personal next week."
When we left, it was snowing even harder. I got a text from Byron telling me he had an actual office now in the chem department administration suite on the third floor, office number 323. He told me to meet him there for our appointment.
During the semester I had sort of bonded with Byron. He was nerdy and awkward, but he knew chemistry and had been a huge help to me in it and with my quest to bake the perfect cobblestone bar. He'd been really sweet to me that time I'd been upset about Logan and had broken down and cried in his old office, a small, partitioned-off space in the back of the chem lab. But none of that made me any more eager to see him.
At our regularly appointed time after chem lab, I made my way to the chem building through an ever-intensifying flurry of snow. The ground was covered with several inches. It showed no thought of slowing. In the chem department offices, the admin pointed me to Byron's new space—a dank little office with a window that once again looked out on the parking garage next door and the garbage dumpsters below, like his old office in the lab had, only from a few floors above. Better view of the garbage. His door was open. I knocked on it anyway.
"Ellie! Come in." Byron was sitting at his desk. His face lit up when he saw me and went blotchy in red patches, like it did when he was nervous or excited. He studied me. "You look gorgeous today."
Damn! Bad planning on my part. I should have taken off my makeup, and even the snow hadn't managed to ruin my hair. I'd fixed up
for my dad, but now Byron was getting the completely wrong idea.
It was warm in his office. As I unbuttoned my coat, I thought again how hard it was for a guy like Byron to be a romantic figure when he blushed so unevenly like that. I felt sorry for him, but there had to be a girl out there for him somewhere. I took a step in and made a show of scanning his tiny, dark office with its cast-off furniture. It looked like it had recently been used for storage. Was that a broom in the corner? I could imagine the other professors complaining about having to give up their storeroom.
"Wow!" I said, trying to sound awed, but really being awed by how crappy it was and how much it smelled like cheap grocery-store-variety cologne. I didn't want to think what that meant.
"Close the door," he said, beaming. "What do you think? I haven't finished moving in yet, obviously."
I shut the door and thought it wasn't obvious at all. His old space in the lab had looked pretty much the same. "I'm sure it will be great when you do."
"Are you impressed?" He popped up and stood behind his desk, trying, I assumed, to look professorial.
"Yeah. Like I said, wow."
He shook his head and came around his desk. "I don't mean the office. I mean—we did it!"
I froze, cold as the snow outside, and my heart nearly stopped. We did it? What did that mean?
I panicked, thinking he'd somehow discovered I'd been part of the group who pranked Dr. Rogers, which had led to Dex discovering her illegal drug lab. Not that anyone besides our group knew Dex had been the one to find it. I couldn't think how Byron could include himself in that, though. Unless he'd realized I'd duped him when I'd gone to his office hours and unlatched his window so the gang could get into the chem building the night of the prank.
I paled. Guilty consciences suck.
Byron put his arm around me. My first instinct should have been to shake his arm off, but I was too stunned to move.
"I got the job and we found away to make sure you get a good grade, maybe even an A. A win for both of us." He smelled like that cheap cologne and an overpowering breath mint. "Now that I'm the professor…" He smiled, creepily staring at me. "It's going to be okay now." He brushed my cheek.