He sighed. “That’s not true.”
“You told me we shouldn’t do this. You made it really clear that you thought it was a bad idea. What changed your mind?” Her voice wasn’t sultry or seductive. She sounded genuinely curious.
“What difference does it make?” The words came out clipped.
Nina’s mouth thinned. She got off his lap. “You’re right. It doesn’t make any difference. I’m going to get some fresh air.”
Ewan didn’t try to call her back. He leaned into the couch cushions, eyes closed, feeling his arousal dimming. It took a few selfish, self-involved minutes to get himself under control, but then he was up and off the couch and ready to head outside after Nina. Not to stop her, but to be there in case something happened.
The ping from his personal comm gave him pause. When he saw that it was Zulik, he took the call. The doc’s face swam into view, then went fuzzy. Cleared, then blurred again.
“ . . . canceled . . .”
Frustrated, Ewan wanted to shake the device in his hand, not that it would do any good. “What?”
“The weather,” Zulik said. “What’s going on over there?”
“Rain. Storms. Why?” Frowning, Ewan went to the front door to look out the side window. No sign of Nina.
“You haven’t been paying any attention to the outside world at all, have you?”
Ewan looked at the screen. “Not much, no. Why?”
“Three category seven hurricanes, two earthquakes, and a tsunami,” Zulik told him.
No wonder the weather on the island had been so bad. Ewan grimaced. “I didn’t know.”
“I won’t be able to get to you tomorrow, obviously. Even your private airtranspo won’t be allowed to travel through the path of a hurricane, no matter if I could get to where it launches from. Sorry, Donahue.” Zulik paused. “How’s everything with Nina?”
“No problems.” Ewan moved toward the kitchen to look out the back window into the garden.
“Where is she?”
Ewan didn’t look at the screen. No sign of her out back. “She went outside to get some exercise. We’ve been cooped up here for the past couple days.”
“You let her go out there alone?” Zulik demanded.
Ewan shot the other man a dark look. “You don’t ‘let’ Nina Bronson do anything.”
“You’ve been warned, repeatedly, about what could happen—”
“I get it, all right?” Ewan snapped. “We can’t nudge her memories, we can’t simply tell her the truth about what happened, because she might have a catastrophic mental failure. I get it, Zulik! You think I don’t want the best for her? You think I’m not fucking terrified that something’s going to go wrong and I won’t be able to help her?”
“I know you care,” Zulik began, but the screen fuzzed out again. “ . . . Two more enhanced.”
“What?”
“Two more soldiers have died,” Zulik said.
“Suicide?”
That was it. Zulik disappeared. Ewan swiped at the screen, but that’s all there was, static and then darkness. Outside, thunder boomed. He opened the back door to find the rain still hurtling from the sky. A flash of lightning lit everything with the starkness of a photo flash.
Across the garden, he saw her.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
She wouldn’t sleep with him again. That should be easy enough, right? She didn’t have to give in to every impulse she had. She could resist. It was only sex.
Wasn’t it?
Disgruntled with herself for caring so onedamned much and at Ewan for being exactly the sort of dick he’d promised he wasn’t going to be, Nina kept up the pattern of stretches and positions she’d been working on. She didn’t care where she’d learned them or how long she’d known them. This felt like her normal, and she needed that. Desperately.
The rain had already soaked her to the skin, but other than having to push her hair out of her eyes, she didn’t mind. The chill was a relief, something to focus on as her body warmed through the exercises. She breathed. Moved. This wasn’t a cardio workout, but it did work up a sweat.
The ground had turned to sandy, gritty mud. It covered her shoes. They’d be ruined. Nina didn’t care. She had to do this. Working her body was a comfort. The wind, the rain, the cold, didn’t stop her.
Lightning could, though.
When a fresh crack of blue-white light forked the sky, Nina jumped and muttered a low curse at having to go back inside. She wasn’t dumb enough to tempt electrocution. She finished the set she’d been doing and swiped water from her eyes.
Across the garden, she could see the back door standing open. Ewan’s silhouette inside gave her pause. She wasn’t sure she was angry with him. After all, she’d been the one to make sure he understood she was fine with this being a rumpy pumpy sort of weekend and nothing more. She had no business getting bent out of shape when he insinuated that he was in agreement.
What difference did it make, she asked herself, why he’d changed his mind?
“Shit,” Nina said out loud, into the rain. “Shitdamnpissfucktits.”
The curse she and Al had used frequently slipped out of her, and she wanted to laugh because it was ridiculous. All of this. It couldn’t be true.
She loved Ewan Donahue.
How had that happened to her? Love? For what reason?
Because he was kind. Funny. Smart. Generous. Sexy.
Untrustworthy.
Nina took a step toward the house. Lightning again lit the sky, followed by a crash of thunder. The rain came down so hard it slanted sideways, stinging her exposed skin.
She was in love with Ewan Donahue, but who the hell was Al?
* * *
Running.
Nina and Al are running along a path alongside the water. It rushes, leaves caught in the current, bumping along over rocks they use to leap across. Path on the other side, soft and easy on the knees as they push their bodies.
They can talk while they run because even as they exert themselves, they manage each breath. Sweating, hearts thudding, they run and run and run and talk and talk and talk.
And then, there is a gap in the ground and they jump.
Land.
On the other side, they are laughing and running and Al turns to face Nina as she runs backward, all the while they circle each other until again, there is a place to jump and this time the landing is soft as Nina’s ankle twists and she ends up on the ground.
With Al on top of her.
Nina shook her head. The rain had not let up, but the lightning had ceased, at least for the moment. If there was any thunder, she couldn’t hear it over the roar of the ocean all around them and the pounding of the rain against the rocks. She tipped her face to the sky, opening her mouth for a gulp of freezing water.
Who was Al?
A friend, she thought and moved toward the house and Ewan’s shadow. No. More than a friend. A memory of white-blond hair, ice-green eyes. Soft lips. A lean, muscled embrace.
She and Al had been more than friends, at least once, but Nina couldn’t remember more than that. For now, she wanted to get inside, out of the weather. She didn’t want to talk to Ewan and held up her hand as she pushed past him, through the kitchen door.
“No,” she said when he made as though to speak. “Not now.”
* * *
Ewan did not try to get Nina to talk to him. She went upstairs, and in minutes he heard her shower running. She’d been using his for the past couple days, and this return to her own space sent a message louder than the thunder outside.
Before meeting Nina, Ewan hadn’t been the sort of bro to take a lot of responsibility for the fuckups in his relationships. Sure, he’d known he was most of the one at fault. More than one casual girlfriend—and none of them were more than casual—had told him he was hard to get close to. Ewan had believed that love was a construct of emotion, ephemeral and insubstantial. Love was an emotion, and like all emotions, it wasn’t meant to last.
With Nina he’d become a different man, but apologies would only go so far. He also knew enough when to keep his distance. He went back to his personal comm. The video chat function was useless, not enough ’net to carry it, but he’d managed to get a few text messages out to Zulik. The doc hadn’t answered, so Ewan tried Al.
Tell me about the soldiers.
Her answer came within a few minutes. Gonzalez jumped off a bridge. Smith went out a twenty-second-story window.
Any link between the causes? Ewan typed.
All enhanced, came Al’s reply, thick with sarcasm and fury even without him being able to see her expression or hear her tone. Self-termination. Duh.
Ewan didn’t even try to make excuses for anything else this time. It was clear. Each one of the enhanced was being activated. But how? Why? More importantly, how could they stop it before it happened to any of the others?
What’s the feeling with the rest? Are you in contact with them? Is everyone all right? he typed.
Sure, shiny fucking fine. We’re all just sitting around with our thumbs up our asses, waiting to give in to the urge dive off bridges.
Ewan did not take offense to the tone or the words. If he were in Al’s place, he’d be frightened and angry, too. He didn’t text the “I’m sorry” that automatically wanted to come out. He knew his sorry was worth nothing.
A ping from Zulik came in before Ewan could think about what he should reply to Al.
Jordie Dev is awake and talking. Has not been released yet, still in recovery. Looks like his mother found the solution. I examined him myself. He seems sane enough. She’s rallying for his release. Says she won’t allow the others to get it unless he goes free.
“Scratch her and that disloyal son-of-a-bitch,” Ewan cursed aloud and typed out a series of texts to his team, demanding answers and information.
Nobody answered. No signal on the comm. Nothing but a blank screen and an error message. He tossed it onto the counter and paced, running his hands through his hair.
Because Katrinka had used Article 757 to test the programming on her own son, that would count as human trial. That meant her team’s solution was going to be approved, especially if there was an urgency involved, and fuck, with the most recent deaths there sure as the void would be. Even if his team had come up with a way to deactivate that self-termination fuckery, they had not yet been able to test it on people. Katrinka was going to get to them first, but if it worked, did it matter who got the credit or the glory?
She would refuse to let Nina have it, Ewan thought grimly. She would do it out of spite. But that also wouldn’t matter. No matter what Katrinka Dev had said or done, or how hard she fought to keep Nina from accessing the new programming, Ewan would do whatever it took to make sure he got it for her.
No matter what.
* * *
A hot shower. Warm, dry clothes. With all of that, plus a good meal, Nina felt like she’d be back on kilter.
There was no point in stewing over words unspoken. If she couldn’t straight up talk to Ewan, all she was going to do was spin in circles, wondering what he meant or didn’t mean. That would leave her confused and angry and feeling betrayed, and Nina was not interested in wasting any of her time on that.
If he could not tell her what in the universe had happened to her or his part in it, she needed to distance herself from him. That’s what made the most sense. If she could remember words of wisdom from her mama, Nina thought with a choke of emotion, wouldn’t her mother have told her not to sleep with a man she could not trust?
There was also the unsettling knowledge that she’d fallen in love with him. She could tell herself it was lust, that her heart didn’t know what it wanted or what it felt. She could even tell herself she had no idea what love was, but she could not make herself believe it. She didn’t need to have memories to know how it felt to want someone, to feel that connection. To desire. To feel comforted and protected and safe . . .
And there it was. All of it, wrapped up in a single word. There might be a horde of randos bent on finding her and doing nefarious things to her, but since being on the island, Nina had felt nothing but safe.
Nina wasn’t sure she meant to admit to Ewan that she’d fallen in love with him. There could be no point in it. He’d already told her he was in love with someone else; he’d been good and kind to her, but he’d also done some messed up shit that did not bode well for a future together, if she even wanted that, which she could not be sure she did.
She should not have kissed him. Never allowed him to touch her. She should never have let her body overrule her brain, because look, now her heart was the part of her that stood to suffer the most.
Nina pulled on a soft pair of black leggings and a matching, long-sleeved shirt. For months she’d dressed in gauzy dresses and skirts, bright colors. Pretty clothes. If she’d been asked to describe herself, she would have thought automatically of those clothes. The sort of woman who would dress that way. Delicate. Fragile.
She was none of that.
She might not know, exactly, who or what she was, but she knew that much. Looking at the outfit she’d chosen now, Nina felt strong. Confident. Standing on the edge of something she knew in her bones was likely to turn on her, it didn’t matter. She could, she would handle it all, even if it meant a broken heart. It couldn’t be any harder to get over than everything else that had already broken for her.
Tears had threatened her in the shower, but Nina hadn’t given in to them. Instead, she’d stood beneath the hot water and opened herself as best she could to the voice from the past. She had remembered a little more about Al. They’d worked together. Nina didn’t know where or what they’d done, and any attempts at gripping that information had skittered away from her like she was trying to grab an ice cube on a marble countertop. The fleeting glimpses of the romantic relationship from her flashback hadn’t grown any stronger. Nina already knew that she was willing to have buddies with bonus content, so while she and Al certainly might have gone to bed together, that didn’t mean they’d been a couple. Even so, it was a memory, and it might be one Ewan could confirm for her. She was going to ask him.
And she wasn’t going to let him get away with pretending he didn’t know that answer.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
They had to get off the island.
Ewan thumbed away Al’s last message and brought up the news channel with another swipe of the screen. The comm frizzed with static again, but finally provided the information he needed. Zulik had been right about the series of natural disasters. Although emergency crews would be working frantically to deal with the damage and aftermath, it was going to be some time before Ewan’s private airtranspo would be able to make it back to the island. At least a couple days longer than he’d planned.
“Who is Al?” Nina’s curious voice came from the kitchen doorway.
He turned, startled. “What?”
“Al,” she repeated, entering the room. She wore familiar clothes, and he wondered if that meant more memories had returned to her. Her hair, wet, curled around her face. She’d pinned her bangs off her forehead. “I had a friend. Al. Who is it? We worked together, right?”
“Yeah. You worked together.” Ewan scrambled to think of a way to describe Al that wouldn’t mention Nina’s time as a soldier.
“Do you know Al?”
“Yes,” he said. “We’ve met.”
Nina frowned, then lifted her chin to meet his gaze steadily. “She’s not the other woman. The one you’re in love with.”
“No, wow. No way.” Ewan barked out surprised laughter and shook his head before forcing himself to stop laughing.
Nina didn’t seem offended. “I didn’t think so. Did . . . I?”
“Love her?”
She nodded.
Ewan shook his head again, wondering what, exactly had come back to her. He hated the pang of jealousy that stabbed him at the thought of her loving anyone else but him. “No, Nina. I don’t think so. At least, not i
n a long-term romantic way.”
“There are lots of ways to love someone. I do know that. But, Al and I weren’t a couple?”
“No.”
She cleared her throat, seemed about to speak, then pressed her lips together. She knew something was wrong, Ewan thought. She had to. His anxiety was almost palpable to him, and would definitely be noticeable with her enhancements. Even if she wasn’t aware of how to use them, she’d be able to sense everything.
He’d promised her more than once he would never lie to her again, yet here he was, once more determined to keep the truth from her. It ate at him like acid dripping on lace. He hated himself for it.
“I remembered her,” was all Nina said.
Outside, more thunder and lightning. The lights flickered but stayed on. Rain pounded the roof.
Zulik’s warnings echoed in Ewan’s brain.
“The doc won’t be making it here,” he said, too fast. Too sharp. “The airtranspo can’t make it. Bad weather.”
Nina gave him a sharp look. “The doc? Zulik?”
Too late, he realized he had forgotten to tell her he’d asked Zulik to come in case something happened while Aggie and Jerome were gone. “Yeah.”
“What’s he coming here for? It’s not time. Oh, wait. Is he going to test me on those puzzles?” Nina’s arch look said she was kidding, but her tone sounded serious.
“He was just coming to make sure everything was all right.”
“Ah. Of course. Because everything is about making sure I’m shiny fine, isn’t that right? You. Aggie. Jerome. Zulik. All of you, all concerned about making sure that there’s nothing wrong with Nina. Were you going to tell me he was coming to monitor me, or were you hoping I wouldn’t think it was weird?”
“I . . . got distracted,” he said, throwing back her former words.
Nina did not laugh. “How long until the airtranspo can get back here?”
“Not sure,” Ewan admitted. “A few days longer than originally planned. Could be up to a week.”
Quickly, he laid out what had been going on in the world around them. Nina frowned again. Outside, a fresh crash of thunder rumbled. Rain slashed at the windows, and she walked toward the back door to stare out.